Friday, January 14, 2011

Sure, it's great to be charismatic. But have you ever considered the side-effects? Obviously, people may become envious or resentful of your magnetism and your success; so you may need to learn how to defuse jealousy

But in addition, even well-meaning people may feel alienated; as you are seen increasingly as a "star", they may find it hard to relate to you. I call this "the superman effect." If Superman didn't have the foibles of Clark Kent to humanize him, he would be much less likable. Two ways to counter this: first, you can show vulnerability. Of course, you'll need to be selective in choosing with whom, and in which context, to do this.

Another, and perhaps safer way, is to make them feel that they have an impact on you. This is, in fact, a Clinton classic. During his tenure in the white house, he was known to go around asking everyone from his chef to his janitor for advice on foreign policy; listen intently; and in subsequent conversations, would refer back to the opinions they'd proffered.

Is there anything that they did, or said; or the example they set; that has had an impact on you, your business, your life? How are you different now? What is it that you do, or say differently because of them? How is your life, your behavior different? In which ways are you a different person now because of them? This will make them feel that they've had a hand in "making" you, thus have a responsibility for you, thus for your success.

When you show people how they've impacted you, they feel that they've in a sense made you; therefore they feel responsibility for your success. They've transferred part of themselves into you; therefore you must succeed.