Once upon a Halloween, you considered getting back out there. You planned on downloading a new dating app, attending a singles holiday party, or saying yes to your aunt’s sister’s friend’s blind date offer. But instead of excitement, you find yourself reluctant, anxious, and maybe even terrified! Why? Because sometimes the scariest part of the season isn’t the haunted houses or creepy movie previews. The scariest part for you may be dating itself. Are you scared to date?

Dating can be like trick-or-treating. You go out, excited and ready to impress, but you don’t really know what’s behind each door.  Will the experience be sweet or one big scare?  

If you find yourself afraid to date, you’re not alone.  No, you may actually be carrying around some dating Gremlins that are weighing you down, convincing you that dating isn’t worth the effort. But if you’ve been dreaming of lasting love, you can’t let the gremlins win. 

Let’s discuss 6 common Dating Gremlins and some tricks to overcome their spooky influence when you’re scared to date.

1. The “Rejection” Gremlin

This Gremlin is quite ugly! It’s the one that anticipates the worst possible scenario for you and convinces you that the only possible outcome is rejection. It’s steeped in futility. You think to yourself, “He won’t like me, so why should I try?” or, “I’m only going to get rejected, so why bother?” This gremlin keeps you from trying new things and meeting new people.

Trick: If you find yourself scared to date because you don’t want to deal with rejection, it’s time to reframe the narrative. The dating process is just that, a process. And part of the process is “filtering”. You aren’t looking for just anyone, but THE ONE. And so is your date. You don’t want every date to fall in love with you. If you find yourself on a date that isn’t clicking, remind yourself that they just aren’t the one. You aren’t rejecting each other; you are filtering them out of your life so you can find your true love.

2. The “Who Would Want Me” Gremlin

This is a sister to the Rejection Gremlin. You don’t feel deserving of love and feel that perhaps you are not meant to have love and the coupled life you envision for yourself. This Goblin makes you feel unlovable.

Trick: Realize everyone is lovable and worth being loved. Positive self-talk is an important part of overcoming this gremlin, so it might be time to make a list. Yes, it may sound cliché, but positive self-affirmations work. So take some time to write out all the good things that exist about you. And don’t give up this exercise until you have 20 items on your list. Maybe you start off small, like, “ I have nice hair”, “I have unique hobbies”, “I am great at xyz…”.

The world is full of uniquely beautiful people who can and will love you. But you have to believe you are one of them first! 

3. The “This Can’t Work” Goblin

Have you convinced yourself that nothing can go right for you? Since things always go wrong, nothing ever can, why bother getting emotionally invested? So you hold yourself back, or you sabotage the relationship and leave first. That way you won’t get hurt.

Trick: First, realize that absolutes like always and never are “never” accurate! Perspective is everything when it comes to success, whether that’s in life or love. What if you planned to succeed, rather than planning to fail? Trick your brain by writing out 3 positive outcomes. Start with simple positives like: “The date will be fun”, or “We’ll find we connected on similar interests and values”, or “I’m funny and make people laugh”.

On a deeper level, ask yourself, is this fear based on your past or your present?  Have you just been in a rut, and it’s got your perspective skewed, or are you struggling with past hurts?  Past hurts might take a more focused approach to move beyond them.

4. The “I Should Not Trust You” Gremlin

Mistrust is a major relationship killer. It’s difficult to put your faith in someone else, especially if you are scared to date! And like the This Can’t Work Gremlin, whenever you do trust someone, you tend to be disappointed, so you don’t allow yourself to put your faith in anyone. 

Trick: You need to begin rebuilding your faith in yourself and others, so start small. First, look for green flags like honesty, consistency, and open communication. Second, take your time. Don’t reveal every vulnerability right away. You need to have some boundaries when dating, especially while you are still getting to know someone. 

Finally, be open about your core relationship values and life goals. These expectations shouldn’t be secrets that you hope this person will fulfill someday. These make up the bar by which you measure whether someone is even compatible with you. If you are hoping to find love and be married in 2-3 years, share that early. If that’s not what they want, move on before you trust them to meet that expectation.

5. The “I Shouldn’t Have to Do This” Gremlin

Dating seems like a sentence for you. You’d rather be spending your time doing something more productive with your time. Your friends and family members seem to have found their spouses with little or no effort. Why do you need to be working so hard at this? And you don’t feel comfortable showing up at singles events announcing to the world that you’re single. 

Trick: Reality check: while some people seem to have found their person quickly and easily, that’s not the case for MOST people. And again, you don’t want just anyone; you want the right one. And oftentimes that takes planning and prioritization, but it doesn’t have to be a chore. 

Try gamifying each date or event with playful goals or missions. Think of fun stuff that keeps you engaged and also builds connections, like “Make my date laugh out loud” or “Make 3 people smile”, “Start 1 new conversation with someone” or “See how long I can get my date talking about a particular subject”. 

6. The “All the Good Guys/Gals Have Been Taken” Goblin

Are you burdened by the fear that there are no good dating options left for you? That all the good ones are taken? This scarcity mindset is a false perspective that keeps you from seeing the good qualities in people and real possibilities for finding true love.

Trick: It might be time to check your surroundings and see if this negative perspective is coming from outside yourself. Often, others around you may be instilling their worries or pressure, draining your hope and confidence. You may need to distance yourself from any negative Nellys. 

Then look around you and notice how many people you know who found their forever love outside of their 30s, many in their 40s, 50s, or later. Sometimes it takes people a while to truly understand themselves, so they can show up confidently & authentically when dating. How about you? Are you showing the world your true identity, or are you still masking your unique qualities to fit some social narrative? The more honest you are about who you are, the more likely you’ll attract compatible partners.

Even if you’re scared to date, the gremlins don’t have to win!

You may never fully eliminate the gremlins in your life, but you can minimize their lies and maneuver around them. Overcoming your fear of dating is all about changing your perspective and embracing perseverance. My recommendation is to try to keep a positive outlook, don’t assume the worst, and take action to deal with your fears.

If you truly want to have real, lasting love in your life, you can’t avoid dating. The longer you remain scared to date, the longer you delay finding your perfect someone. 

If you need further help with your fears or in creating an effective dating plan, reach out. I host training events, group coaching, and even one-on-one coaching. I’m sure I have the perfect plan to help you gain confidence and finally find true and lasting love. Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ and let’s set up a time to talk.

If you’re scared to date but still want lasting love, discover how ready you are with my FREE “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate” Quiz! Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/quiz/ today!

Scared To Date FAQs

1. Why am I scared to date?
   Fear often comes from past hurt or self-doubt. Naming what worries you can help you take small, confident steps forward.
2. How do I deal with rejection?
   See dating as filtering, not failing. Every “no” helps you move closer to someone who’s truly right for you.
3. What if I don’t feel lovable?
   Start building confidence by identifying your strengths. When you recognize your value, others can too.
4. How can I learn to trust again?
   Go slowly. Look for honesty, consistency, and open communication before sharing deeper parts of yourself.
5. Why do I assume dating won’t work out for me?
   Negative past experiences can make you expect the worst. Shift your focus to what could go right and stay open to new possibilities.
6. Why does dating feel like a chore?
   It may feel like work if you’re focusing only on the end result. Shift to curiosity and connection to make the process more enjoyable.
7. Are all the good singles really taken?
   Not at all. Plenty of great people find love later in life, especially when they date intentionally and authentically.