Thursday, June 26, 2025
Online dating success doesn’t just happen by chance. It begins with your profile! Before someone sends a message or swipes right, they’re taking in what your pictures and words are saying about you. That profile is your first impression, and like it or not, people make snap judgments based on what they see and read. It can either open the door to a great connection or keep the right people away without you ever knowing it. That’s why a strong, honest, and appealing profile is foundational to your dating journey.
If you’re motivated to find a serious relationship, then your profile needs to work for you, not against you. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does need to reflect who you are and the kind of person you’re looking to meet. You don’t want to attract someone interested in dating just anyone. You want to attract someone who’s right for you.
Because with millions of people dating online, there are a lot of messy profiles out there. Having a great one will help you stand out amidst the masses of vague bios and unreliable photos.
When coaching, I always advise my clients that online dating needs to be part of their total dating strategy. It’s simply the most effective and efficient method of meeting new people with similar relationship values and life goals. With my one-on-one clients, I even go so far as to review their profiles, and in doing so, I see the same mistakes being made time and time again.
So to help you find greater online dating success, here is my list of the top 5 online dating profile mistakes and how to fix them:
1. Using poor-quality or outdated photos
It’s amazing how often I see poorly taken pictures in online profiles. You don’t need to have Glamour Shots, just something attractive to show your best features. A smile goes a long way! And make sure your photos are recent or within the past year at least. You should have at least one full-body photo. This image should show you doing something that you enjoy, giving people a window into your life, and creating natural conversation starters.
Avoid these photo mistakes:
- Car, bathroom, or bed selfies
- Wearing sunglasses in every pic. People want to see your eyes.
- Cropping out someone else (we can still see the arm on your shoulder- perhaps your ex?).
- Group photos where it’s unclear which person you are in the photo.
- Photos that show the same thing over and over again, like only posing with your pets, or only shots of you exercising. Show yourself in a variety of poses, activities, and clothing options.
If you really want to go the extra mile, I suggest using a professional online dating photographer. They know exactly what kind of photos work and for online dating success, and will help you present the best you.
2. Coming across as too rigid or intense
While I am a huge believer in being upfront about what you are looking for and clearly communicating what you need in a relationship, you want to be diplomatic in how you say it. I read too many profiles that say things like: “He must be such and such” or “She should do such and such”. They come across as too demanding and controlling.
A more approachable way to word it might sound like: “It would be great if…” or “I would prefer…”. Think of your profile as an invitation, not a checklist. By softening up your tone, you will be more attractive to the right people. And honestly, people who are serious about dating want to feel like they’re meeting someone kind and approachable, not interviewing for a job.
3. Setting your distance filter too small
Often, online dating profiles ask for a distance limit. How far away can a potential match be before they are too far away for you to consider them? I’ve seen people put 20 miles as their distance limit. But what if Mr. Right lives 100 miles away? That’s less than a 2-hour drive and easily doable for weekend dates. The wider your distance search is, the greater the number of potential candidates. You can always weed it down from there.
I have many married clients who found online dating success because they kept the range wide. My client Ken even found his wife in New Zealand during COVID! If they can make long-distance online dating work during COVID, then it can work for anyone!
And dating flexibility is especially important for singles over 40. Maybe you’re not ready to move tomorrow for someone new just yet, but being open to someone who lives farther away could lead to amazing things. If you want a big love, you may need to think a little bigger when it comes to location. One of my 60-something female clients met her now husband in Alexandria, Virginia, when he was visiting as a diplomat from Australia. She’s now enjoying life with him in Australia.
4. Not clearly stating your relationship goals
I think it’s amazing how many people are scared to put their relationship goals in their profiles. Most people looking for love are looking for eventual commitment, so why wouldn’t you just say that? I even advise that you communicate that you desire marriage and kids if that’s what you are looking for. By saying you are looking for “ friends”, “companions”, “just dating”, etc., you are attracting people who have different relationship goals from you. And frankly, it’s actually deceptive.
Being honest from the start saves time and heartache. Don’t worry about scaring people off. The ones who are looking for the same thing will be relieved to see someone who’s clear. Online dating success means being direct, but kind, about your relationship goals. If you want marriage or a long-term commitment, say that proudly. It’s not too much. It’s just being true to yourself.
5. Sloppy writing, editing, and careless grammar
Yes, in this text-based world, we are all guilty of this! But your dating profile is not the place for it. It’s best to write in full sentences and to check your grammar. Good writing says, “I’m showing up and I care.” It lets someone know you’ve put in the effort and that you are serious about finding someone special. If writing isn’t your thing, ask a trusted friend to review it and run spell-check to catch mistakes
Your profile is your story, not just a list of facts. When you describe an interest, ask yourself the question, “So what?”. Then answer that, and explain what you love about it. For example, instead of “I like to travel,” say “I loved hiking through Glacier National Park last summer—being surrounded by that kind of beauty reset my soul.” See the difference? It creates a connection.
By paying attention to these 5 common mistakes and polishing your online dating profile, you will find greater online dating success.
And by online dating success, I mean finding the right one for you! With all my clients, I emphasize the importance of clarifying their relationship values and life goals, making sure they shine in their dating profiles. By clearly knowing what you value in a partner and what your goals are for a relationship, you become more confident in your ability to choose the right people. This was the game changer for all of my clients who have been successful in meeting someone online.
FYI, During the past 20 years, over 80% of my successfully coupled clients have met their true love through an online dating site. All my clients come to me frustrated with online dating or doubtful that they will attract the right person. Yet, lo and behold, many have met their ideal partner online!
If you haven’t yet found online dating success, maybe it’s time to pull out your profile and take a fresh look. Your profile should be a reflection of your best, most genuine self. When it is, you’ll not only attract more responses, you’ll attract better quality responses. And that’s what online dating success is all about: not just more attention, but the right kind of attention.