Finding lasting love may be one of the most important goals in your life, yet it’s also one you’re often expected to figure out on your own. But what if it isn’t working? What if you’re still no closer to finding your happily-ever-after? While it’s easy for me to say that working with a certified coach is the logical next step, that doesn’t mean it’s an easy decision for singles to make. How can you confidently know whether or not a dating coach is worth it?

Some time ago, I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in at least 15 years. She’s an attractive, friendly, smart woman now in her 50s, yet for some reason, after all this time, she’s still single and never married. 

She jokingly said to me, “I should have worked with you years ago!” 

We talked for a while; it was bittersweet, and then we went our separate ways. But this interaction got me thinking: what kept her from asking for help? Why did she wait so long?

And what keeps other singles from working with a professional? What are their biggest concerns when it comes to hiring a dating coach?

I’ve been doing this for more than 20 years now, and it’s a question I keep asking clients and potential clients: what made you hesitant to work with a dating coach?  

1. What will people think if they find out I’m using a Dating Coach?

Too often, many singles feel embarrassed to ask for help. After all, finding love is just supposed to happen, right? The perfect meet-cute leads to the perfect relationship.

At least, that’s what happens in all the romantic movies and novels. That’s what you hear in all the stories that your happily married friends and family members tell.  

And I can empathize. I know exactly how hard it can be to struggle with not finding success at something you’ve believed should be completely within your control. 

But the reality is, there are so many areas of our lives where we look to professionals for guidance. Because no one can be an expert at everything. 

Are you wanting to become healthier? Invest in a personal trainer or a nutritionist. 

You want to show up more polished in your business? Maybe you hire a speech therapist or an image consultant. 

Having a hard time answering your kid’s math questions? Hire a tutor! 

Even the stigma surrounding emotional and mental health has almost completely gone away here in the U.S. People talk about their therapists, counselors, and life coaches all the time these days. 

So when it comes to seeking relationship advice in order to have a romantic, solid, connected relationship, it just makes sense to seek help from experts who are trained and have a proven track record. 

There is no shame in consulting an expert! 

For me, it was absolutely worth it to work with a dating coach after my divorce. I was in my late 30s, stuck on the dating merry-go-round, and frustrated with the men that I was choosing. 

In my case, I needed some “tweaking” to my approach and to be challenged on my limiting beliefs. As a result, I started attracting better, more marriage-minded men, eventually meeting my now-husband!  (And we just celebrated our 24th anniversary!) 

2. How expensive is it to work with a dating coach; is it worth the investment?

There are so many things we spend money on that don’t provide lasting benefits. I see people who really want to be in a relationship spend their money on lavish trips, expensive cosmetic treatments, or even just the daily luxuries like specialty coffees and fancy lunches.

It’s even estimated that Americans waste $1.3 billion on gym memberships that they never use! 

So much money is spent on things that don’t sustain, yet when you ask people what they want most in life, true and lasting love is always at the top of their list. 

What if instead of spending money on trivial things, you invested in yourself by working with someone who can help you finally find the loving, committed relationship you’ve always wanted?

Is it cheap? No, nor should it be. But a good dating coach has a variety of coaching packages to meet the diverse needs of their clients. 

Personally, I offer workshops, group coaching, and a few different private coaching packages. Some clients need only a few tweaks to their process, while others are best benefited by more accountability or personalized life coaching. It all depends on the needs of the individual client. 

My clients feel more confident about their life choices and have tools to help them stay focused on what really matters to them.  And it usually has a positive impact on their whole life. 

Whether working with a dating coach is worthwhile or not comes down to whether you’re willing to invest in yourself for your future happiness. 

3. How much time will it take to work with a dating coach? How soon before I see results?

Most of my clients are busy, successful people who understand you only get out of something what you are willing to put into it. 

If you’re going to work with a dating and relationship coach, you have to be willing to put aside a few hours a week for the actual coaching time, the self-reflection and homework, as well as to actually get out and start dating.  

Does this sound like a lot? If so, you might want to ask yourself if you even have time for dating? A healthy, loving relationship doesn’t develop in the margins of life. No one wants a partner who makes them feel second best. I believe that what you spend your time on is where you’ll have the greatest chance for achievement. 

Any goal in life, whether professional, academic, recreational, or romantic, takes time, attention, and practice!

As for how long it will take? What I’ve seen in my clients is that the more they prioritize the process and stay accountable to the coaching and their dating plan, the quicker they see results. Many of my successfully coupled clients found love in under 6 months! 

Working with a dating coach is only truly worth it if you are willing to invest the time to put into practice all that you are learning. 

4. I don’t know where to start? What kind of professional do I need?

There are a lot of choices out there with regards to dating services. The most common question I hear regarding this is “What is the difference between a dating and relationship coach and a matchmaker?”

What does a dating and relationship coach do? 

Basically, a good dating and relationship coach helps clarify what you truly want and need in a healthy relationship, create a dating plan that fits your lifestyle and personality, develop the skills and confidence to show up better both in person and online, and learn how to build a healthy relationship when you meet Mr/s Right.

I take a whole-life approach with my clients. Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by what came before them, and they affect every part of your life moving forward. So the first step to help my clients prepare for love is to take the time to understand their stories and lifestyles.

 We then work together to address limiting beliefs, dating habits that have stalled their progress, or areas of their lives that aren’t yet aligned with the relationship they want. 

What does a matchmaker do? 

A Matchmaker or a matchmaking service is primarily employed to take an assessment of the client, get an idea of what kind of person they’re looking for, and then provide them with candidates from within their client database. They may help their clients with advice on presentation and dating etiquette, but that’s usually where they end. 

Unfortunately, they’re rarely able to take the time to go deeper with their clients, to understand or coach them through their dating hurdles, nor provide them the skills to better qualify a potential match on their own. 

In other words, matchmakers simply give you the fish. They don’t teach you how to catch the fish, determine which ones are safe to eat, or how to cook them.  

After over 20 years in this work, I only had a handful of clients (And I have coached hundreds of clients!) who met their partners through a matchmaker.  Over 80% of my successfully coupled clients met their partners through online dating AFTER I helped them with their profiles. What do you think I’d recommend first? 

Matchmaking tends to be more expensive as well, costing anywhere from two to eight times the investment of my private 6-month Diamond coaching package. I can’t tell you how many of my clients regretted spending money on matchmaking.   

On occasion, I have recommended a matchmaker for those clients who fit within their narrow, specific profile. But that’s usually after they’ve gone through coaching and have done the work to get very clear about the person they want to meet and improve their dating skills.   

So, is a dating coach worth the investment? I think so. 

And not just because I am one! I found my husband because of the work I did with my dating coach. Now I have the family I always dreamed of, and bonus, I found a career helping other singles find their happily-ever-afters. Hundreds of them!

Your story may not be exactly like mine, but it doesn’t have to be like my friend’s either.  

I wish I could have worked with her 10 years ago. She would probably be married with a child instead of still reluctantly going to singles events. Now, in her 50’s, her options have changed, and having a family naturally is out of the question. She’s a lovely person, so she might be very happy as a step-parent or grandparent. But those choices are no longer hers. 

Timing matters. 

Ask yourself, “What relationship situation do I want to be in a year from now?” and “What action am I willing to take to achieve my goals?” And last, “What is holding me back from getting the help I need and deserve?”

If you want to see if Dating and Relationship Coaching is the right fit for you, let’s have a conversation about that. But before you hire a dating coach, even me, make sure you know what to look for and what questions to ask to make sure they’re worth your time. 

And when you’re ready, schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me, and let’s discuss your next step for finding love. My clients tell me, “It was totally worth it!”

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.