Wanting love and being ready for love are not necessarily the same thing. 

I see it over and over again with singles searching for lasting love. They start excited to find their Mr(s) Right, but eventually become so frustrated with dating that they nearly give up. 

Marilyn was in this situation. She was an attractive, successful woman in her mid-50s. She knew there must be someone out there for her. But date after date, she kept meeting men who were not right for her.

“Life was a dating carousel; I didn’t know whether I was attracting the wrong person or if they were finding me, but either way, it was expensive.”  

And dizzying. When she came to coaching, she was confused, exhausted, and at her wits’ end.

Why was this beautiful, smart woman having such a hard time finding her person? 

For the same reason that many of my clients’ dating efforts don’t initially work. She hadn’t taken the time beforehand to truly prepare herself for dating or finding love.

When a new client comes to me, the first step in my Motivated To Marry® Coaching Methodology is to help the client Prepare for Love. 

What does it mean to prepare for love?

With any major goal, there are steps you have to take to achieve it. The first step is making sure you’re ready,  and it’s no different with dating and love.  

If you’re looking to run a marathon, and you’re not a runner, you wouldn’t just go out one day and start running 26.2 miles. 

No, first you would look at your equipment, your lifestyle, your schedule. Then you’d start putting together the necessary things to begin running, like running gear and decent shoes, time in your schedule for training and practice, and a plan to work your way up from nothing to 26.2 miles.

Dating is similar. To prepare a client for finding love, I start by taking a whole-life approach. We look at your lifestyle, relationship history and patterns, life goals and relationship values, and so, so much more. 

Thankfully, getting ready for true love doesn’t take nearly as long as preparing for a marathon. But if you skip this step, dating may continue to feel like a marathon!

Preparing for love and having a dating strategy are not the same.  

I am a huge advocate for strategic dating and having a plan. But for a plan to be successful, you have to be clear on what you want and what may be standing in your way. 

Leadership gurus often talk about “knowing your why” and understanding your win criteria. The same is true in dating. 

Do you have a clear vision of your ideal partner? Do you understand what dating roadblocks have held you back in the past? What is your dating end-goal? Can you articulate what is most important to you in a partner and what is unacceptable? Do you actually have time for a relationship?

This process takes some honesty and reflection, effort and accountability. But the work is worth it.  

Before you start looking for Mr(s) Right, ask yourself these questions:

Are You Emotionally Ready or Open for Love?

Gwen was an attractive single mother in her 40s, recovering from a traumatic divorce, when she reached out to me. She had been going through therapy and realized she still very much wanted love. But she was terrified to go after it.

For many singles like Gwen, therapy is an important step. But after that, there may still be work to do. 

Not only did Gwen have to get over her fear and questions of self-worth before she began dating again, but she also needed to address how those insecurities might affect her ability to make good dating decisions.  

Many singles fall into repetitive dating patterns precisely because they haven’t addressed the complexities of this question. 

What gremlins might be keeping you from finding your perfect person? Are you still wrestling with loss, self-worth, betrayal, fear, limiting beliefs, discouragement, scarcity mindset, etc?  

Are you prepared to be ready and open to lasting love?

Do you have room for a relationship in your life?

A romantic relationship isn’t something that you can compartmentalize. 

Whether you’re looking to be married or for a life partner, you’re committing to being involved in each other’s everything. 

However, many singles’ lives are so full and busy that there is no room for someone else. They’re simply too busy for a relationship. 

Yet, not all busyness is created equal. There are some priorities that have to be honored, like children, family, maybe even a career. Other commitments can be moved around or set aside for a time. 

What about you? Is there time in your schedule to date, to fall in love, to build a relationship, to build a life? 

Are you willing to possibly sacrifice a promotion, put a hobby on the shelf, or share a responsibility to create space for someone else?  

Are you prepared to let love into your whole world? Or is there only room in the margins?

Do you know who you’re looking for and what really matters?

So many singles confuse chemistry for compatibility. This mistake is one of the biggest time wasters for those looking for lasting love. 

You meet someone and are immediately attracted to them. The feeling seems to be mutual, so you begin going out, and it seems great, at first. 

But before too long, you realize you have no mutual interests, you have completely different values, and you don’t have the same long-term relationship goals. You finally break up after months or even years, only to start the search all over again. 

This was Karen’s situation when she came to me.

Karen was hoping to learn how to get her boyfriend of two years to commit. Through coaching she realized that he would never really step up to the plate. 

Marriage was not on his mind. He was happy with the status quo, and he got what he wanted from the relationship: a date for the weekends and intimacy, with no strings attached.

And this could have gone on for years! So she courageously left that relationship in search of what she truly wanted.  

In order to prepare for love, we went back to the basics. I helped her get crystal clear on her core relationship values, her life goals, and her vision of her ideal partner. 

We discussed her must-haves, nice-to-haves, deal breakers, and how to ask for what she wanted in a relationship

We reviewed what kind of life she wanted to have, where, and the type of man she could see herself living that life with. 

When we were done, she knew exactly how to identify the right match, and how to present herself both in-person and online, so she was getting interest from the right kind of men for her. 

Once she got back out there, she met her now husband in less than six months!  

Preparing for love helps you date differently

When you’ve conquered your gremlins, made room for love, and gotten clear on who you’re looking for, you’ll date with more confidence, discernment, and purpose. 

And creating a dating strategy that works for you and what you’re looking for becomes much easier, both in planning and execution. This will make dating simpler and save you time in the long run. 

After over 20 years of coaching singles, I have found that many of my clients have met their Mr(s) Right within three to six months of dating!

What about you? Are you truly prepared to have real and lasting love? 

If you’re looking at your current dating situation and realizing something isn’t working, maybe it’s time to connect. 

Schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me, and let’s discuss how the Motivated to Marry® Coaching program can get you prepared for love. 

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.