You have it all together – education, career, income, a fair amount of indulged wanderlust under your belt. Everything in your life is falling predictably into place…except…you still have to find your perfect match. If you could only find that missing piece, your life would be complete.

Perhaps you’ve never been married, and you still have a fresh perspective on forever love.

Or perhaps you’re divorced and looking for a new partner in your life who will cherish you.

Bottom line, you’ve waited this long and you’re not going to settle.

But how do you find your perfect match when you don’t see anyone worthwhile?

Many of my clients begin coaching with me because they have this dilemma.

“I’m not meeting anyone I’m interested in dating.” Or “All I meet are people who aren’t on the same level.”

When I hear things like this, several thoughts come up.

There is no such thing as a perfect match. And yet, there is someone who is perfect for you! 

Finding true love isn’t about finding perfection. It’s about recognizing someone to whom you’re attracted and with whom you share a life vision, core values, and goals.

What I see are people evaluating potential matches on the wrong criteria.

What truly matters? 

Does it matter that someone has achieved the same level as you professionally? Or has a graduate degree like you do?

If your answer is yes, perhaps what you’re really seeking are specific qualities, not achievements. Someone who has ambition, a strong work and education ethic, and an ability to communicate at a similar intelligence level.

But what about core ingredients like integrity, respect, compassion, healthy relationship skills, and a desire for a committed partnership? Are you overlooking these when filtering for other specifics on your list?

Exactly how are you deciding to swipe left or right? How are you evaluating someone as being a good fit? There is a thought process behind your choices, even if you aren’t paying attention to it.

Do you ever stop to question if you’re actually missing out on a great potential partner?

And are you willing to give a nice person a chance? 

S/he may be different than you imagined – shorter, less (or more) educated, from a different part of the country.

However, most likely the person you connect with will share many important views on life and will want what you do.

If you’re struggling to find “the one,” perhaps the problem isn’t “out there.” 

Perhaps it’s time to look inward and ask, “Is it me who needs to be more open so I can find my perfect match?”

I have female clients, for example, who meet great guys but hesitate because these great guys are also single dads. 

However, in every case, it has turned out to be a blessing and not the detriment my clients originally thought it was.

Would you be willing to change some aspect of your life or move to another city/state/country for the right person? 

Would you consider broadening your age range or dating someone outside your race or religion?

These are the kinds of evaluating conversations every single should have when considering dating options and a dating strategy.

There are no right or wrong answers – just enlightening answers that can help shape your search and its outcome.

Dating outside your religion, for example, may sound accepting and inclusive. But it may also create problems for living out your individual faith practices and raising children with religious structure.

And education may be important to you because you know what your college years did to open up your life. You may need someone who can at least relate to that experience and communicate from a perspective of “higher education.”

The point is, only you can decide what really matters for you in terms of a relationship.

But you also have the responsibility – to yourself and to your dream of love – to dig deep for your real motives and needs.

I’m not advocating that you forget about your life goals and deal-breakers. These are the types of things you should stand your ground for. And I’m all for that!

Just how important is that spark? 

Many people make chemistry their make-it-or-break-it litmus test. 

Do you need to have a bonfire? Or could you be happy with a smoldering fire that can build into a lasting flame – something that’s more substantial over time?

I’m not recommending you lower your standards; however, I do recommend you widen your net of opportunities. 

While they may get spoken of interchangeably, standards and expectations are not the same thing. And lowering your standards is not the same as shifting your expectations.

So give a nice person a chance!

Ladies, a man can grow on you over time as you get to know him on a deeper level.

And men, as much as you may be of the I’m-either-attracted-or-I’m-not mindset, you too have to examine your criteria. 

If you expect women to put aside their pre-qualifiers in order to give you a fair chance, you need to do the same. Double-standards don’t build healthy, forever relationships.

When you’re struggling to find your perfect match, you may make you think love is elusive for you.

However, my clients who don’t give up do eventually find their perfect matches. And many times all it takes is a couple of tweaks in their dating approach to make all the difference.

So, are you being too picky? Or are you missing something in your search for true love? 

Let’s define your perfect partner without giving up the important stuff.

If you need help in refining your dating approach or deciding if your current relationship is “the one,” then let’s talk. 

Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ to schedule a Meet Your Mate This Year Strategy Session and begin this proven process to gain a clear view of what’s really going on for you on the dating front.

Remember, time is precious and waits for no one. If you’re ready to find true love, the best time to start your serious search is now. And you don’t have to go it alone! I’m here to support you through this journey.