Online dating can feel overwhelming when you’re caught between too many choices and the fear of making a mistake. You might worry about passing up “the one,” or waste months giving attention to someone who doesn’t share your goals or values. These struggles are more common than you might realize and are exactly why having a good online dating strategy matters. With the right plan, you can cut through indecision, stop self-sabotage, and focus on candidates who have real long-term potential.

When Marilyn came to me, she had just begun online dating with a dating site where they give you several matches per day. She was a very attractive woman in her late 40s who suddenly found herself dealing with over 20 seemingly “qualified” matches.

Some might think this is a great problem to have. Choices! But Marilyn had a very full life with a demanding job, family responsibilities, and fulfilling community work. She was ready to prioritize dating to some degree, but she was drowning in overabundance! 

To further complicate the process, she felt she had to respond to everyone who matched up with her. Being the nice person that she is, it was hard for her to say no and possibly miss out on someone special. What if she passed on her actual perfect mate? But then she further worried that if she fell in love too quickly, she might end up feeling committed to a terrible match! She couldn’t commit, and she couldn’t let go. Marilyn was in dating paralysis!

Let’s face it, she walked into this dating scenario with no intentional strategy and no dating plan. 

And that’s when coaching came to the rescue!

You don’t know what you don’t know, and this was the case for Marilyn. Through coaching, I helped her to get very clear about her relationship values and life goals, and understand the importance of having a vision of your ideal partner, including your must-haves and deal breakers.  

Next, she needed a strategy for online dating. She clearly didn’t need help getting matches. And she already had a great online dating profile that communicated that she was dating to marry. 

No, what she needed was to make some decisions! So to help her prioritize out of dating paralysis, I suggested she institute an online dating strategy to rate her matches: A, B, or C.  

The ABC’s Online Dating Strategy 

The ABC strategy is simply a way to categorize your dating candidates based on their compatibility with your relationship criteria.   

“A” Candidates are very good matches. 

These candidates share your relationship values, have similar life goals, and meet nearly all the must-haves/deal-breakers. This is someone to pursue and see if what looks great on paper is great in person as well! Let’s not forget attraction too.  

In Marilyn’s case, she wanted a partner with similar life goals, a job she could respect, and someone who lived within a 25-mile radius. 

“A” candidates should be considered high priority. Put yourself out there and connect! Who knows, your next great first date could be your last first date!

“B” Candidates are those who meet most of the criteria.

These matches may hit 75% of what you are looking for, but fall off in one or two important areas. Maybe it’s the distance, or a life goal that isn’t shared. On the surface, it’s not ideal, but not necessarily problematic either.  “B” candidates may improve as you get to know them better.  And their pictures may not be doing them justice.  So here it’s giving a nice person a chance.  With “B” candidates, you may take your time before you meet them in person.

“C” Candidates meet little to no criteria.

Maybe you found each other physically attractive. Or there was something in their profile that piqued your interest. Maybe they seem like a really nice (safe) person. But if they don’t seem to actually match up with your list, they are probably better left for someone else. Move on from their profile & politely end any correspondence with them. You shouldn’t be wasting their time, or yours. 

I could see that Marilyn needed permission to nix the “C’s”.  I told her to let go of them, thus opening her up for some new, better-potential matches.  

Being brought up as a lady, she was hesitant to make the first move. “Isn’t the guy the one to initiate?” she asked. 

But times have changed, and given how online dating is set up, it’s more than ok for either person to reach out. I did warn her, however, that the guy would need to respond in a timely fashion and then take the initiative. A worthwhile “A” candidate will prioritize the potential of this new connection as well.   That person may have missed you! 

I had a 60 something woman reach out to someone who interested her.  He responded well to her outreach, and now they are an exclusive couple.  

Online dating doesn’t have to be a confusing maze of “what ifs” and second-guessing. 

When you apply the ABC strategy, you bring clarity and confidence into the process. Instead of wasting energy on bad matches or drowning in too many options, you’ll know exactly who deserves your time and attention. That’s the kind of intentional dating that leads to real, lasting love.

If you’re ready to date with focus and purpose, I’d love to help you create a healthy dating strategy that works for you- both online and in person opportunities. Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ and let’s get started today. 

How do you know if you are truly “ready” for a true love partner?
Take my NEW “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate? Quiz” to discover if you have the skills and knowledge you need to take advantage of a love connection that presents itself to you!