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Denny Hatch's Marketing Blog
From:
Denny Hatch -- Direct Mail Expert Denny Hatch -- Direct Mail Expert
For Immediate Release:
Dateline: Philadelphia, PA
Friday, July 17, 2026

 
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38725379730782136192026-07-17T08:43:50.213-04:00Denny Hatch's Marketing BlogDenny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.comBlogger212125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-89660431716250298022025-08-06T17:32:00.037-04:002025-08-26T14:55:15.410-04:00#214 A. I.

 #214 A.I.     15 August 2025

https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/08/a-i.html

 

 Posted by Denny Hatch

 

A.I. Can Make You Rich When You
Master the Art of Stealing Smart.



Why Couldn't This $19.95 Collection Be the Basis 
Of a Million-dollar Direct Marketing A.I. Database?


The 100 Greatest Advertisements was assembled byJulian Watkins in 1949 — and expanded to 113 ads for a second edition in 1959. All are ipso facto wildly successful advertisements. They were notchosen because the author “liked” them or thought they were fun and amusing.Each of these 113 full-page ads has a riveting headline, involving copy and — whereapplicable — has an order mechanism that brought responses and cash into the coffers of the advertisers that paid dearly to run them in myriad major newspapers and magazines. Many of them ranfor years. Here's a prime example:

 


 Click below for a giant enlargement of this ad.

 

Click Here for VicSchwab’s Masterful Copy and
Design That Sold a Million Books Over Three Years.

 
 

As Victor O. Schwab of Schwab &Beatty wrote in the November 1939 issue of Printers'Ink Monthly, "When an advertisement does a noteworthy job all ofus can learn something from it, no matter what it is selling. 
    Mr. Schwab had inmind his ad that sold a million books: How to Win Friends and InfluencePeople. That is, it had sold a million books between December 1936 andNovember 1939. The sales to date aren't terribly important here; any ad thatbrings in cash for a million copies in three years via the couponroute, is one whale of a great ad!
—Julian Lewis Watkins, The 100 Greatest Advertisements 1852-1958


Forget that Dale Carnegie’s book waspublished in 1936. The headline and copy are dynamite for theages. The ad was seen by tens of millions of people in myriad up market newspapers and magazines. The price of the book was $2. (That’s a whopping $46.25 in today’s dollars!) Vic Schwab's ad convinced one million people to fill out the tiny coupon and pay $2.00. (That's $23.1 million in today's dollars.) Publishers Richard L. Simon and M. Lincoln Schuster sold a mind-bending 30 million copies worldwide (Simon & Schuster continues to sell 250,000 copies every year).

 

The Obvious Reason All These Great Advertisements
 Are 
Proven Successful Is Because They Ran for Years.

Their copy platforms worked like gangbusters and made a yummy fortune for the advertisers.
 
                Among the 113 products and services in
         THE 100 GREATEST ADVERTISEMENTS 1852-1958


 
 The majority of these ads pitch products — from Cream of Wheatto Rolls-Royce. Others generate information. E.g., Joint Coffee Trade PublicityCommittee.

 

 “I do not regardadvertising as entertainment or an art form, but as a medium of information.” 
— David Ogilvy, OGILVY ON ADVERTISING. 

About theCoffee Publicity Committee Ad.
“There wasn’t anythingsensational about the words or illustrations and they wouldn’t win any prizes forfine writing or design. The all-important thing, as in all campaigns, andsometime missing these days through lack of digging, was the copy idea. Andthat, as it turned out for the coffee business, was a lulu!” Definitely, a lulu!” 
—Julian Lewis Watkins.
 
                     What Is A.I.?  "Artificial Intelligence."
In my opinion there is nothing artificial about it. The concept and execution is a very real, fascinating, staggeringly brilliant mankind-and-womankind's highest achievement in harnessing encyclopedic information. "A.I." is outrageous mislabeling.


Okay, So What's a Million DollarDirect Marketing A.I. Database?
 
Amassive invaluable anonymous universal swipe file and idea factory for entrepreneurs,corporate executives, directors, board members, advertisers, advertising agencies,direct marketers, creatives, copywriters, consultants, fiction writers, seasonednews reporters and cubs, students, inventors, teachers, editors, businessmajors, government employees, politicians, ad infinitum.
 

  Takeaway to Consider: 
 
 Are Million (and Billion) Dollar 
A.I. Marketing Databases Possible?
 
Ask any of the 36,000 folks who work at Nvidia — the A.I. leviathan — and BTW the largest corporation on the planet. If Nvidia were a separate country it would be the world's sixth richest. No kidding. And... a June poll of over 3,000 Nvidia employees revealed that 76-78% of workers are now millionaires, with approximately 50% having a net worth over $25 million. This extraordinary wealth stems from Nvidia's remarkable stock performance, which has surged by 3,776% since early 2019.
 
:)


 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing. 

METHOD MARKETING
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
You can request a sample
And Read the First 31 Pages FREE.

  ###

  

     

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com9
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-14392995849274036282025-07-21T11:02:00.022-04:002025-07-30T15:51:03.328-04:00#213 Headlines

 #213   Thursday 31 July 2025

 https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/07/213-headlines-dupe-dupe.html

Posted by Denny Hatch 

 

 "The Wickedest of All Sins Is to Run 
An Advertisement Without a Headli
ne."
                                     
 —David Ogilvy  

 

 

This artsy-craftsy, zero-headline ad ran as a full page in Fortune magazine. Because it had no offer, nothing to sell, nothingto entice the reader into reading the copy (the paltry total of 13 words!), no coupon or order mechanism, no address or phone number to askfor more information, it was impossible to come up with the ROI — Return on Investment. 

This is like peeing in blue serge. It makes you feel good and nobody notices.
  
 

 Inthe world of advertising, they are called headlines.
 

• Newspaper journalists call them heds.

• On book covers, special reports, whitepapers, articles, short 
   stories, blogs and press releases they are called titles.

 • On memos and e-mails they are the subject lines.

 • On a direct mail envelope the illustration and text are 
    the teaser.

  Whatever the medium — a headline,title or teaser — it's what 
    your reader sees first.

• "The headline selects the reader." 
    —Directmarketing guru Axel Andersson.

 "Writing headlines is one of the greatest journalist arts."
    —Claude Hopkins 

•  "Headlines, subject lines, teasers andtitles are the hot pants 
     on the hooker." 
    —Bill Jayme

•  "Headlines make ads work. Thebest headlines appeal to 
     people’s self-interest or give news."         
    —John Caples 

•  "Long headlinesthat say something out-pull short headlines 
     that say nothing."
    —John Caples

•  "Remember that every headline has one job. It must stop 
    your prospects with a believable promise." 
    —John Caples 

•  "In TV, it’sthe start of the commercial. In radio, it's the first 
    few words. In a letter, the firstparagraph. Even a telephone 
    call has a headline. Come up with a good headline,and you’re 
    almost sure to have a good ad. But even the greatest writer 
    can’t save an ad with a poor headline. You can’t make an ad 
    pull unless people stop to read your brilliantcopy."
    —John Caples

•  Don'task questions in teasers and headlines that can be
    answered yes or no. This gives control of the communication 
    to your reader." 
    —George Duncan

 

              The Lodestar of the Crown Jewel in My Library,
                             OGILVY ON ADVERTISING:
I do not regard advertising as entertainment or an art form, but as a medium of information. When I write an advertisement, I don't want you to tell me that you find it 'creative.' I want you to find it so interesting that you buy the product. When Aeschines spoke, they said, 'How well he speaks.' But when Demosthenes spoke, they said, 'Let us march against Philip.'


                                   David Ogilvy on Headlines
Theheadline is the ticket on the meat. Use it to flag downreaders who are prospects for the kind of products you are advertising. If you want mothers to read your advertisement, display MOTHERS in yourheadline. And so on. Conversely do not say anything in your headline which is likelyto exclude any readers who might be prospects for your product.

On the average, five times as manypeople read the headline as read the body copy. It follows that if you don’tsell the product in your headline, you have wasted 90% of your money.    

The headlines that work best are those which promise the reader a benefit.


Headline Length. Inheadline tests conducted with cooperation of a big department store, itwas found that headlines of 10 words or longer sold more goods than short headlines. In terms of recall, headlines between 8 and 10 words get the most coupon returns. In the average, long headlines sell more merchandise than short ones — headlines like our: "At 60 miles an hour, the loudest noise in this new Rolls-Royce comes from the electric clock."


News and headlines. Headlines that contain news are sure-fire. Time after time we have found that itpays to inject genuine news into headlines. 

 Simple headlines. Your headline should telegraph whatyou want to say — in simple language. Readers do not stop to decipher themeanings of obscure headlines.

Localize headlines. 
In local advertising, it pays toinclude the name of the city in your headline.


Typography.
The more typographical changes you make inyour headline, the fewer people will read it.


Capital Letters.
Set your headline, and indeed your wholeadvertisement, in upper/lower case. CAPITAL LETTERS ARE MUCH HARDER TO READ, PROBABLYBECAUSE WE LEARN TO READ in lower case. People read all their books, newspapers and magazines in lower case.


Surprinting.
Never deface your illustration by printingyour headline over it. Old-fashioned art directors love doing this, but itreduces the attention value of the advertisement by an average of 19percent.  Newspaper editors never doit. In general, imitate the editors;they form the reading habits of their customers.
 


Blind Headlines.
Some headlines are “blind." They don’t say what the product is, or what it will do for you. They are about20 per cent below average in recall.

Humor. Don't use humor or puns. People don't buy from clowns.

From OGILVY ON ADVERTISING. 
    —David Ogilvy

Three of the Most Powerful (and Successful!) 
Advertising Headlines in the 20th Century!

Note: These three ads appeared in Julian Lewis Watkins' masterpiece: THE 100 GREATEST ADVERTISEMENTS 1852-1958 — WHO WROTE THEM AND WHAT THEY DID.

Allthree ads have order coupons in the lower right corner. No phone numbers. (These were created decades before telemarketing.) No email address. To order a product took work on the buyer's part: you had to fill 
outthe little coupon by hand. Then cut it out of the newspaper or magazine, insert it in an envelope, address the envelope, lick the envelope flap, lick and affix a First Class Stamp and finally go to the post office to mail it.

 

    Below is Perhaps the Most Legendary
    Headline in the History of Advertising. 

 

Thisad ran in myriad newspapers for many years as did many imitations. It was written and designed in 1925 by 25-year-old cub copywriter JohnCaples. He had a 60-year career and went on to become CEO of the advertising agency BBD&O that today has 15,000 employees spread across 289 offices in 81 countries.


As Victor O. Schwab, of Schwab & Beatty wrote in the November 1939 issue of Printers' Ink Monthly, "Whenan advertisement does a noteworthy job all of us can learn something from it, no matter what it is selling. Mr. Schwab had in mind the ad that sold a million books: How to Win Friends and Influence People. Thatis, it had sold a million books between December 1936 and November 1939. The sales to date aren't terribly important here; any ad that brings in cash for a million copies in three years via the coupon route, is one whale of a great ad!"
     —Julian Lewis 
Watkins.

Writtenand designed in 1918 by Maxwell Sackheim who, with Harry Schermann, foundedBook-of-the-Month Club in 1926. This masterpiece ran continuously for 40 years without change, with the exception of slipping a new and bettertestimonial into the copy occasionally.

 Takeaways to Consider.

Theseheadlines were not slapped together as afterthoughts. For master copywriter Claude Hopkins copy was secondary to headlines. He often spent:

 
"... hours on a single headline. Often scores of headlines are discarded before the right one is selected. For the entire return from an ad depends on attracting the right sort of readers. The best of salesmanship has no chance whatever unless we get a hearing.

"The vast difference in headlines is shown by keyed returns... The identical ad run with various headlines differs tremendously in its returns. It is not uncommon for a change in headlines to multiply returns from five or 10 times over."

Hopkins'observation directly relates to all other writing. A poorly written headline, subject line, teaser or title guarantees poor readership.

Considerthe schlub of a corporate executive who spends hours — perhaps days — writing, rewriting and perfecting a career-changing email and then slamsout the first idea for a subject line that pops into his or her head and hits SEND!

Copy wizard John Caples echoes the wisdom of Claude Hopkins on the importance of headlines: 
   
 

•  "What do people see of advertising? Headlines! What do you yourself see of advertising as you glance through a newspaper or magazine? Headlines! What decides whether or not you stop for a moment and look at and advertisement or even read a little of it? The headline!

 •  "Now, I spend hours on headlines—days if necessary. And when I get a good headline, I know that my task is nearly finished. Writing the copy can usually be done in a short time if necessary. And that advertisement will be a good one — that is, if the headline is really a 'stopper.'

  •  "What good is all the painstaking work on copy if the headline isn't right? If the headline doesn't stop people, the copy might as well be written in Greek.

  • "If the headline of an advertisement is poor, the best copywriters in the world can't write copy that will sell goods. On the other hand, if the headline is a good one, it is a relatively simple matter to write the copy."

 

These four prior paragraphs apply to all communications today — 
print, online, TV.

###

 

  

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing. 

METHOD MARKETING
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
You can request a sample
And Read the First 31 Pages FREE.

  ###

 


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com15
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-7364324508868694062025-06-15T10:12:00.039-04:002025-06-20T17:03:08.069-04:00#212 CT Syndrome

https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/06/212-ct-syndrome.html

 

Wednesday, 18 June 2025

 

Posted byDenny Hatch.                

  

       My Revolutionary Way of Coping 
         With Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. 
 

The Illustration Above May Be a World First. 
Nothing Like This Seems to Exist. Anywhere. 

I woke up last month and the first three fingers of my left hand — thumb, index and middle digit — were numb. I assumed blood hadn't circulated... or something.  I exercised and rubbed my fingers and they were okay in 20 minutes. Same thing happened a day later.

Called my wonderful concierge doctor, Gary Dorshimer, and left a message about numb fingers. His assistant called me right back. "That's very probably carpal tunnel syndrome," she said. "Get a wrist splint." 

I Googled "Wrist Splint." Here's a sampling of what comes up. 


 

I bought one of these splints at my local pharmacy and started wearing it.

And also Googled "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome." This Google AI paragraph came up:

Carpal tunnel syndrome (CTS) is a common condition that affects the median nerve in the  wrist. According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS),  the prevalence of CTS is estimated to be:
    — 5%: of the general population [
±15 million in the US].
    — 10-15%: of women between the ages of 40 and 60.
    — 3-5%: of men. 

I wore my boughten wrist splint 24 hours a day (not in the shower). A couple of mornings later I awoke with three very numb fingers. Not painful. Numb! Out of a possible 10, this numbness was an 8 or maybe 9.

Of course, my fingers were numb! They were out there. Not cared for. Wanting attention.  

Health bores me. Many geezers love talking (and talking, talking, talking) about their ill health. (We call that the "organ recital.") Doctors' appointments are a kind of hobby and time killer — a welcome activity that breaks up their boring day. I am fascinated by doctors, but don't like to bother them. They are busy as hell, often under great pressure... on call 24 hours... it must be a checkered life.

As a committed direct marketer, I did some basic research on carpel tunnel syndrome and discovered two fierce marketer foes: the"Wrist Splints" crowd vs. the "Squeeze Balls" crowd.


 

Nowhere on the Web did I find an illustration of a hand in a wrist splint holding a squeeze ball. The Obvious Logic:
The wrist splint seems to be designed to help line up the median nerve in the wrist. The squeeze ball works the fingers. Ergo: maybe I should wear the wrist splint and hold a squeeze ball for finger relief. I tried combining the two.

Obvious Problem:
A squeeze ball will roll out of your splinted hand the minute you drop off to sleep. Duh. For that reason I ordered the little blue rubber 
Fanwer Finger Exerciser Squeeze Ball ($14.99 Amazon Prime) at the far right in the illustration above. It has 4 finger holes and lotsa little rubber spikes to keep the blood moving in my fingers, even when I'm asleep. And it shouldn't fall off when I'm asleep.

I Caved.
If I spent the rest of my life in a wrist splint and clutching a spiky blue rubber thingy, I would come off as a world class weirdo nut. What's worse, half the new people I meet would see this thing and ask, "What's that?" Whereupon I'm in yet another dreary discussion of carpal tunnel syndrome. 

I called Dr. Dorshimer's office to arrange for Carpal Tunnel surgery and was scheduled for three weeks. I met with Andrew Sobel, M.D. in a Penn Medicine facility a few blocks from our apartment. Young, personable, smarter than a whip and terribly nice, he explained what would happen and gave me a date and time.

I had had the same surgery 25 years ago on my right wrist; it was a quick outpatient procedure by a good guy. As I recall, he did it right in his office. No anesthesia. I don't think I went to a hospital. In the words of my favorite author, Patrick O'Brian, "As easy as kiss my hand." 

In the two weeks prior to this upcoming operation I wore the wrist splint and blue rubber doohickey with finger slots and spikes for 24 hours a day (excluding showers).

During that two week period I had one brief teensy numbness in my thumb. Period. Other than that, this revolutionary combo of splint & squeezer worked just fine for me.

The 30-or-so-minute operation took place in a modern Penn Medicine operating facility with myriad nurses, helpers and other procedures with other patients. It went off without a hitch. Minimal discomfort. Was sent home with several pages of To-Do Post-Op stuff.

The Cost.
We're insured, so I don't expect a bill. (Thank you, thank you, Mr. Late President LBJ, for Medicare! I pray Medicare won't be canceled by the current administration or some bizarre  Muskrat.) I asked Google the cost of CTS surgery and Google's A.I. replied:
The cost of carpal tunnel surgery can vary widely, but generally ranges from $1,550 to  $10,273, depending on factors like insurance coverage, location, and the type of procedure. Without insurance, the cost can be significantly higher, potentially reaching $6,928 per hand, 
according to CarpalRx. 

Final Note: I have no skin in this game. No guarantees. No sales pitch. No money on the table. No theft of copyright threats. This free blog post is my story. Hope it helps. I prowled the Web and found no product like this — no illustration like the one at the top of this blog post of my wrist splint coupled with a Squeeze Ball. If you are waiting for surgery — or haven't decided on surgery — this blog post might be helpful. Or not.

I thought the makers of wrist splints and squeeze balls might be interested and could make some money on this product and maybe want to give it a test. I Googled a bunch of the manufacturers of these various products and found the names of some executives and marketing folks, but nary a single email address. My guess: the direct marketing world is so befouled with scammers and scumbags — whose specialties are thievery and mischief that no reputable marketers want have their email names and addresses available to bad guys and bad gals. (Example: in the past month we were getting 40-50 telemarketing calls per day!  We disconnected our land line of 89 years. If you want to get in touch with me — say maybe you'd like to subscribe to this free blog, criticize my logic or give me hell — email me at: dennyhatch@gmail.com).


-30- 

 Word Count: 1098 

   

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing. 

METHOD MARKETING
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
You can request a sample
And Read the First 31 Pages FREE.

  ###

 

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com2
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-31778777570818118262025-05-18T14:19:00.037-04:002025-05-30T07:28:46.206-04:00211 Bosh/Bash Ad

  # 211 Blog, Wednesday 21 May 2025.

https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/05/212-boshbash-ad.html 

 
Posted by Denny Hatch 


The Most Expensive Advertisement
In the History of the World.

This Creepy-Crawly Cringe-Worthy 2025 Super Bowl TV Ad
Cost a Mind-Blowing $17 Million for 60 Seconds of Air Time!



URGENT NOTE: After you have clicked on the link below to see this nutsy-Fagan unbelievably gross and grotesque TV Spot, here's how to get back to my blog commentary:
 

Go to the very top left of your screen and  look for these two arrows....

              
                      Click on the Back Arrow at Left. 
               You'll be instantly returned to my blog post.
              
 
HERE'S THE LINK TO THE $17 MILLION 60-SECOND AD:

 
     Additional Note: If you want to view this Macho Mishegaas
        one or more times, you can click on the
Right Arrow at the
        top left and you'll recapture the video. In this mode, 
        the two arrows act as a toggle switch. 

         Thank you! —DH

 = = = = = = 
 

Super Bowl ads can be drop-deadfascinating. To reach the audience of 126 million viewers on Sunday, 9 February 2025, the base price for advertisers was $16million for 60 seconds of air time — plus an estimated $1 million paid to the ad agencyand performing "talent" for creating and producing the actual spot/commercial. Total tally: $17 million for those 60 seconds when you ducked into the john.

The list of advertisers was announced a week before the game. I downloaded 42 advertisers andlinks to their actual ads which I alphabetized. Booking.com was first. I clicked on the link, watched a gaggle of ugly, noisy Muppet puppets (includingMiss Piggy) and jotted down some notes. 

 The second ad was the above from Bosch USA. It was (and is) unbelievably gross — and the subject of this serious blog post.

 

The Eight Inviolable Rules of Advertising

Compiled by Denny Hatch Over 60 Years.

 

Rule #1: “Theonly purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitableaccording to its actual sales.” 

—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising

 

Rule #2: “Yourjob is to sell, not entertain.” 

—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator/designer of theBrookstone catalog

 

Rule #3: “If itdoesn’t sell, it’s not creative.” 

—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the1930s

 

Rule #4: “Everytime we get creative we lose money.” 

—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club

 

Rule #5: “Bewareof humor in advertising. People don’t buy from clowns.”
—David Ogilvy

 

Rule #6: The 7emotional hot buttons that make people buy:
Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger –Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery 

—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Denny Hatch

 

Rule#7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, yourcompany or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s In It For Me?’” 

—BobHacker

 

Rule #7a: "Always listen to W-I-I FM."

Direct Marketing Old Saw

 

Rule #8: “Always makeit easy to order.”  

Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises

 



Meet 56-year-old Aussie Adman David Droga. He started as
a fledgling copywriter at the giant FCB  (Foot, Cone & Belding) with 120 offices in 80 countries with 8,000 employees.

In 1996, he moved to Singapore to become Executive CreativeDirector of Saatchi & Saatchi Singapore and Regional CreativeDirector of Saatchi Asia. Droga was promoted to Executive CreativeDirector of Saatchi & Saatchi London in 1999. In2002, Advertising Age awardedDroga the World's Top Creative Director.

      “Saatchi & Saatchi London won Global Agency of the Year at the CannesInternational Advertising and both Advertising Age and Adweek named SaatchiAgency of the Year. In 2000, Publicis Groupe acquired Saatchi and in 2004, Drogawas promoted to Worldwide Chief Creative Officer of the Publicis Network, whichtook him to New York City in 2005.

Droga founded his own agency, Droga5 in 2006. Thename Droga5 comes from the number-coded laundry tag his mother sewed on hisclothes to help differentiate his clothes from his brothers at boardingschool." —Wikipedia

 


About Denny Hatch's Marketing Blog.

Asco-founder, co-publisher with my extraordinary wife, Peggy, and as editor ofthe newsletter, WHO'S MAILING WHAT! one of our earliest subscribers wasa true direct mail marketing wizard (and lovely guy) the late Malcolm Decker.He once said to me:


"There are two rules — two rules  only — in DirectMarketing:        
'Rule #1: Test Everything. Rule #2: See Rule #1.' "

 

It'sclear to me that David Droga is not — and never was — a classicallytrained marketer. With no reply mechanism, it is impossible for a viewerto contact the advertiser and order product. You want it, you buy it retail? Ergo, no way to measure ROI — Return on Investment. With no ROI, ain't no way to measure the success or failure of an ad. These Super Bowl ads make tons of money for the networks and advertising agencies. Alas, the corporations and their stockholders ponying up cash for these seven-figure entertainment extravaganzas take huge monetary losses. Theyget their jollies off by amusing their friends, families, colleagues, competitors and getting media coverage. I'm reminded of the caption of acartoon where two giant railroad engines in Sweden crashed head-on into each other at full speed. One onlooker said quietly to his companion, "Dat been one helluva way to run a railroad."  

  

Droga's CV

The Wikipedia entry on David Droga (above) highlights  immediate acceptance into thesmarty-pants glitterati and creativity of Mad. Ave.'s Saatchi &Saatchi, Publicis Groupe, Cannes International Advertising Festival, AdvertisingAge, Adweek. In other words, fugedabout thedrudge work and arithmetic of testing — "allowablecost-per-order," "affordable CPM" and"cost-of-goods-sold." Leave the nuts-'n'-bolts and antiquated"rules" such as testing to the old-timer wonks — Max Sackheim, JohnCaples, Harry Scherman, Vic Schwab, John Stevenson, Fred Briesmeister,Bruce  Barton, Stan Rapp, Tom Collins, Lester Wunderman, Elsworth Howell,Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Bill Bernbach, Maxwell Dane and David Ogilvy toname a few.

ABizarre Takeaway to Consider

Iwatched this thing over and over trying to get inside David Droga’s head. Whatthe hell was he thinking? Suddenly the final frames popped into my head.

 

 

I hadnever heard of Bosch. This $17 million dollar TV ad wasn’t selling anything. Rathermaybe it was bent on making “Bosch” into a kind of weird homonym for “bash.” Peoplein the ad (and watching at home) are bashed all over the place —physically and emotionally.

 

David Droga Came up with the Homophone/Word-play "Bosch" as "Bash!"

             "Brand Recognition?"
               No! I'd call it "Brand Wreckognition
!"


I invite you to have a look at David Droga's weird Manifesto.

 

https://droga5.com

 

 

 P.S. From Denny:
I received some terrific comments on the blog from readers. Skip the pitch for my "Masterpiece" below and go directly to the end of this post.
    You'll find some nifty correspondence. You are invited to contribute to the discussion. Than you. —DH

 ###

 

  

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing. 

METHOD MARKETING
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
You can request a sample
And Read the First 31 Pages FREE.

  ###









Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com16
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-71920374468655527512025-05-05T12:21:00.033-04:002025-05-16T12:23:19.163-04:00#210 iPromote email


 #210 Blog Post.   Wednesday, 7 May 2025 

https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/05/210-ipromote-email.html

 

Posted by Denny Hatch 


Meet Joe Parker of iPromote AI Digital Advertising.
His Email Pitch to Me Contains Five Copy Blunders.


 
Backstory:
In early March a total stranger, Joe Parker, sent me a short email touting
a "digital advertising program." I skimmed it and curious, I sent him a
four-word reply: "Whatcha got in mind?" Below is his follow up email.
      (Can you identify the 5 email copy blunders?)

From: <jparker@ipromote.com>
Subject: Re: You're a tough nut to crack!
Date:
March 28, 2025, at 12:40:44 PM EDT
To: Denny Hatch  <dennyhatch@yahoo.com>


I’m not sure if it’s relevant, but,iPromote is a comprehensive digital advertising
platform designed to simplify and automate online advertising for SMBs.
Leveraging advanced machine learningand AI, the platform enables rapid
ad creation and distribution across multipledigital channels, including search,
display, OTT/CTV, social, mobile, andunique channels like Yelp review ads.
Currently running over 30,000 campaignsfor more than 2,500 advertisers,
iPromote empowers resellers to sell digitaladvertising efficiently and at scale
through its innovative Demand SidePlatform.

The platform’s technology removes traditional advertising barriers, allowing
businesses to create, target, and launch sophisticated ad campaigns in minutes
with minimal effort. By partnering with large SMB-facing organizations,iPromote
offers a white-label solution that enables partners to manage theirown pricing
and drive high margins while delivering cost-effective, targetedadvertising
solutions directly on major web platforms.

 

Are you doing anything for advertisingright now?

 

(Word Count: 145)

                        Joe Parker's Five Email Blunders.

Blunder #1: The Hostile Unfriendly Salutation.
Subject: “Re: You’rea tough nut to crack!

My thoughts:
Huh? Have I ever heard of this guy? I queried my
Dropbox and subscriber list for "Joe Parker" and came up 0/0
everywhere. This total stranger's very first words accused me
of being an uppity son of a bitch. I stayed around to see what
made him tick.

Blunder #2: His Textbook-stupid, self-deprecating Lede:
“I’mnot sure it’s relevant, but...”
Joe Parker is confessing he has no idea who I am, what I do or if
his product will benefit me in any way. Hisbusiness model appears
to be throwing AI excrement against the wall to see if any of it
sticks. My immediate thought: “If youdon’t know whether you’re
relevant to my needs or wants, you’re bloody wasting my time."


Blunder #3: Gobbledygook AI Message.
His message: a confusing-as-all-helllecture about an
indecipherable product or service filled with concepts and
high-techie shorthand way above my pay grade: e.g., online
advertising for SMBs. Leveragingadvanced machine learning
and AI, the platform enables rapid ad creation anddistribution
across multiple digital channels, including search, display,OTT/CTV,
social, mobile, and unique channels like Yelp review ads....
yada,yada, yada.” 
Huh?


Blunder #4. It's Total Ego trip by Joe Parker All about Himself.
JoeParker listed a litany of features way above my pay grade without
explaining a single benefit to me.


Blunder#5: No offer.
Ergo, No reason torespond.

Bob Hacker’s Inviolable Direct Marketing Dictum.
“The prospect doesn’t give a damnabout you, your product or your
service. All that matters is: WHAT’S IN IT FORME?”

(AKA: “Always listen to W-I-I–FM.”)

The Exquisite Lede Paragraphs of Three Direct 
Mail Letters That Worked Like Gangbusters!
They grabbed readers by the throat and they kept reading... and
reading... and reading... until they ordered. And boy-oh-boy, did
they order! These letters — and the copywriters — are legendary!


#1. Ed McLean's Involving Copy Wizardry for Newsweek.
Below arethe first four paragraphs of copywriter Ed McLean’s 1959
Newsweek subscriptionoffer. It was mailed for 17 straight years,
outperformed many dozens oftests against it and brought in millions
of dollars in subscription revenue.  

 


  

 

 

Dear Reader,

      If the list upon which I foundyour name is
any indication, this is not the first -- nor will
it be the last –subscription letter you receive.
Quite frankly, your education and income setyou
apart from the general population and make you a
highly-rated prospect foreverything from magazines
to mutual funds.

 

    You’ve undoubtedly 'heard everything' by now
in the
way of promises and premiums. I won't try to
top any of them.

  

   Nor will I insult your intelligence.

 

   If you subscribe to Newsweek, you won't get rich
quick.  You won't bowl over friends and business
associates
with clever remarksand sage comments after
your first copy
of Newsweek arrives. (Yourconversation
will benefit from a
better understanding of theevents
and forces of our era,
but that's all. Wit and wisdom
are gifts..
.

 
 
                     One Possible Secret for McLean's Success: 
The number of times "you" and "your" were used — more than 20
times on the first page alone. McLean's letter was so successful it
changed the second banana, Newsweek, into a powerful competitor
of Henry Luce's cash cow, TIME.

 
#2. Bill Bonner's Irresistible Lede for His
   Newsletter Idea, International Living.
 
               
 
 

 
 
    In 1977 Bill Bonner was a rail-thin, six-foot-two,30-year-old
    advertising copywriter who underwent threecatastrophic
failures
    that left him $70,000 in debt.
 

    Bonner sent this"dry test" letter to rented lists of homeowners 
    tosee if anyone would be turned on by International Living and
    respond. His product — International Living — was entirely fiction
    and existed inside Bonner's head. Bonner's letter was300%
    profitable on day one of returns. Wow!
 


    Bill immediatelyborrowed start-up capital, published the newsletter,
    and mailed that veryletter for the next 23 years. 

 

    Today Bill Bonner’s non-existent newsletter business — 44 years
    later — is called The Agora. It’s a mighty conglomerate of 36 global
    entrepreneurial publishing companies in 15 countries around the
    world
withrevenues of over $1 billion a year!

 

=  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

    

The Most Successful Advertisement
In the History of the World. No Kidding.

 




Click on the Blue Headlines Below for the Complete Letters.

   

 #1: Ed McLean's Newsweek Letter (Mailed for 17 Years.)
    https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/05/156-blog-post-mclean-letter.html
  
                

 #2: Bill Bonner's Letter for International Living
     
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/16S8lGX0_1DaVg3jbO0EcpfgPrgxFj2Lb/view


  #3: Martin Conroy's Wall Street Journal Letter:
    "The Most Successful Advertisement in World History."

     http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/01/37-most-successful-advertisement-in.html  

     

                                                    Takeaways to Consider

             Elmer "Sizzle Wheeler's Wisdom: “The first 100 words are more
            important than the next ten thousand words."

            —Direct mail consultants and printers will work hard to convince you to
              spend big bucks to invest in elegant, expensive-as-the-dickens
              sophisticated computerization so all your direct mail efforts will look
              like personally typed letters and envelopes.

            —All three of the above letters that brought huge revenue were
               printed en masse. The salutation on all three of these letters was
               mass printed... 
"Dear Reader."
              

 

Mal Decker's Inviolable Rules for Successful Direct Marketing:
Rule #1: Test everything.
Rule #2: See Rule #1.
 
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.]

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing.

                                     
Method Marketing by Denny Hatch
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
The first 31 pages Free.
| on Amazon 


Click Here for Your Free Sample from Amazon
No Risk, No Cost, No Obligation.

 

###

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com5
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-45571991445256915362025-03-25T18:04:00.015-04:002025-03-27T05:57:40.491-04:00#209 The Obama Bomb

 #209 Blog Post.   Tuesday 25 March 2025

Posted by Denny Hatch 


https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/03/209-obama-bomb-dupe-dupe.html

The Obama Bomb:
How It's Changing the World.


The Origin of the Obama Bomb: Trump's
Spreading the Bogus "Birther" Brouhaha.
 
Foryears Donald Trump mischievously pounded into voters' heads that BarackObama  was born in Kenya — not in the U.S. — and therefore ineligible to be president in violation of the 14th Amendment of the Constitution. Worse, he might even be a dreaded Muslim. A sampling of the Donald's "birther" rhetoric:
 
"He[Obama] doesn't have a birth certificate, or if he does, there's something on that certificate that is very bad for him. Now, somebody told me - and I have no idea if this is bad for him or not, but perhaps it would be - that where it says 'religion,' it might have 'Muslim.' Andif you're a Muslim, you don't change your religion, by the way."
—Donald Trump, The Laura Ingraham Show, March 30, 2011.
 
 
Barack Plays Hardball.
PresidentObama's extraordinary retribution for the birther fraud was a grossassault on Trump's fragile ego. Obama planned his revenge to take place at the White House black-tie Correspondents' Dinner at the Washington, D.C. Hilton, 30 April 2011. There Obama — and his victim — were surrounded on all sides by 2,500+ members of the nation's glitterati in politics, showbiz and the media...plus 6 million viewers on  national television. This was the very universe Trump was (and is) desperate to impress and gain respect from. Instead of respect, Obama gleefully made Trump the goat of the evening in a night of boffo laffs at Trump's expense.
 
 
 
       URGENT NOTE: At the end of the Obama Bomb video, here's
        how to get back into the blog text. Go to the very
        top left of this screen and look for the two arrows.
        CLICK ON THE ABOVE LEFT ARROW.
        Thank you.

 
A Personal Aside.
 "Themost essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shockproof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it."
—Ernest Hemingway 
 
Ihope you agree with me the Correspondents' Dinner was a hoot. The audience went nuts with delight and laughter, as we did at home. 

Atthe same time, the red flag of my built-in s**t detector started waving furiously in my head. I went to bed and woke up with an eerie sixth sense of coming mayhem. I was spooked and later proven spot on. Barack'sentertainment so riled Donald Trump he angrily threw his hat into the presidential ring. And by golly he became the 45th and 47th president.
 
A Sampling of Donald Trump's Post
Obama Bomb Oh-so-dark Oratory.

Trump: "I am your retribution," Trump said to crowds of his supporters throughout the campaign."
The Guardian, March 4, 2023.
 
Trump: "Iwill appoint a real special prosecutor to go after the most corrupt president in the history of the United States of America, Joe Biden and the entire Biden family."
—The New York Times, January 19, 2025
 
Trump: "This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy (U.S. Army four-star General Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff) whoturned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States, and act so egregious that in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH!"
—Mark Wilson, Newsweek, September 22, 2023

Trump: "Ina completely illegal, psychotic order, the deeply conflicted, biased and incompetent Acting Justice Juan Merchan had completely disrespected the United States Supreme Court, and its historic Decision on Immunity. But even without Immunity this illegitimate case is nothing but a RiggedHoax. Merchan, who is a radical partisan, wrote an opinion that is knowingly unlawful, goes against our Constitution, and, if allowed to stand, would be the end of the Presidency as we know it."
—Truth Social, @realDonaldTrump, December 17, 2024

Nuff said here, Okay? —DH
 
What's Going on Inside President Trump's Head?
A Frenzied Crusade to Become a Dictator... or King?
 
 
 Illustration by Tim O'Brien for TIME.
 
 CLICK BELOW
                                         —Michael Tomasky, The New Republic
                                                       February 4. 2025.

 Trump's Love of Dictators
Trump: (On Kim Jong Un) "We fell in love over beautiful letters."
—John Bacon, USA TODAY, 30 Sept. 2018
 
Trump: "Let me just say about world leaders, Viktor Orbán, one of the most respected men, they call him a strong man. He's a tough person. Smart prime minister of Hungary.
—Ryan Cooper, The American Prospect, 30 Sept. 2018.

 
Trump: "Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping and Viktor Orbán were at the top of their game whether you like it or not."
—Praveena Somasundram and Frances Vinall, The Washington Post, 24 May 2024.
 

Trump: "I love you. You got to get out and vote. In four years you don't have to vote again. We'll have it fixed so good, you're not going to have to vote."
Maggie Astor, The New York Times, 30 July 2024.
 
Trump: "CONGESTION PRICING IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!" 
Winnie Hu and Stefanos Chen, The New York Times, 20 Feb. 2025

NOTE: Boldface above is mine. —DH

 A Terrifying Scenario
 Ouronce-beloved country is in the deepest distress headed by two wannabe dictators-in-chief — Donald Trump and Elon Musk. They will no doubt be operating in cahoots with their sycophantic cadre of presidential-pardoned January 6th rioters. Plus an avalanche of additional thugs and mutineers will be hellbent on generating cripplinginternational tariffs, putting governments and citizens out of work, pocketing their paychecks, ignoring murders,suicides, perpetual poverty, starvation, plagues, pandemics, deaths and the penurious scrapping of all healthcare research and universal medical care for the washed and unwashed.
 
And it all started with the Obama Bomb. Who'd a thunk it.
 
A supreme leader's motto:  "It's good to be the king." —Mel Brooks
 
 
 # # #

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.]

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing.

                                     
Method Marketing by Denny Hatch
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Click for a Sample; read the first 31 pages FREE.
No Risk, No Cost, No Obligation.

 

### 








Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com6
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-3571027356873610542025-03-05T08:15:00.004-05:002025-03-05T08:59:15.129-05:00#208 drs. w/o borders

#208 Blog Post   Wednesday 5 March, 2025

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/03/208-drs-wo-borders.html

 

Nothing Grabs Attention Like The Surprise of an Envelope in the Mail Containing a Giant Free Gift!

              

 

Last week the above 6”x9” US Mail envelopelanded in my letter box. It was squishy and plump. Folded inside was a massive15-inch-square bright nylon DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS tote bag—big and sturdyenough to carry a dozen cans of beer plus lots of additional groceries.

 

Everything about the mailing is warm,decent and fun. Lugging my groceries home through the streets of Philly fromWhole Foods in this attention-getting tote bag makes me feel good. I amreminding passers-by that an independent, non-government-funded organization istaking loving care of desperately needy, victimized adults and children in theworld’s most inhospitable and dangerous regions. And I'm invited to help make it happen.

 

        A textbook perfect direct mail fundraisingpackage!

“Your first hundred words are moreimportant than the next ten thousand words,” said the legendary salesman, Elmer“Sizzle” Wheeler. 

 

Here’s the lede — the first 100 words of the Doctors WithoutBorders’ magnificent two-page letter:

 


 

The first sentence of the letter is adrop-dead stopper that immediately gets inside your head:

“If you had mere moments to flee yourhome after a disaster, bringing only what fits in this tote bag, what would youchoose?”

 

You’re instantly interrupted andthinking about your possessions, your safety, your family, what's really important to you.

 

Remember Bob Hacker’s seven “Key CopyDrivers” — the seven emotional hot buttons guaranteed to make people act. Sixof the seven are in these first 100 words!

 

1.  Fear: that something gawd-awful couldhappen to us.

2.  Greed: n/a.

3.  Guilt: horrid events are destroying innocentpeople’s lives the world over. I should do something to help!

4.   Anger: Dictatorsand tyrants all over the world are creating mayhem, torture and deaths.

5.   Exclusivity: I’mso lucky. These horrors are wounding and killing others.

6.   Salvation: Thankgoodness. I’m safe from all this evil!

7.   Flattery: One of the firstthings you see in the letterhead above: Awarded the 1999 Nobel Peace Prize. Wow! Imagine getting letter and free gift and request from this revered, worldrenowned organization!

      

In short: The first 100 words of thisletter cover six of the seven emotional hot buttons that make people act.

 

If you are a direct marketer, you’d bewise to hire this copywriter!

 

STOP! THINK! Could youcreate this powerful attention-getting Doctors Without Borders message using teensy-weensy emails from asad-sack wee inbox below? No way, Jose. Tactile direct mail with its heft,size, design and color you physically hold in your hands cannot beinstantly zapped into oblivion like mouse type on your computer, iPad oriPhone.

 

 

Gosh, I how miss my old outdoor mailbox crammed with brilliantly written letters, self-mailers, postcards, catalogsand bright, exciting design with spectacular offers. 

 

 

Most of all Peggy and I miss the conversations, conventions, gatherings, expos, intimate interaction and constant contact with the great direct marketers — the legends, innovators, worker bees and yes, the enthusiastic tyros — all of us thrilled to be in the fascinating, fun, world of what the legendary Stan Rapp called "Intimate advertising."

 

Our iconic little newsletter, WHO'S MAILING WHAT! started in our heads, survived a dry test, was published and lasted 30+ years.  We loved it — as did our readers.

 

Could WHO’S EMAILING WHAT! makeit in today’s media mix?

 

Nah.

 

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Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com4
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-38465620312796519082025-02-05T05:08:00.004-05:002025-02-05T09:13:48.772-05:00#206 Book Covers

 

 

#206 Blog Post   Wednesday, 5 February 2025

Posted by Denny Hatch

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2025/02/206-book-covers.html

 

 

You Can Judge a Book Designer by the Cover.  


On average The New York Times reviews 1300 books a year.
Below: the Times' Critic's Choice for Best Book Cover of 2024
.

                      Title: Alphabetical Diaries
                      Author: Sheila Heti
                      Publisher: Farrar, Straus & Giroux
                      Cover Design: Na Kim
                    
Cover Design: Success or Failure? Catastrophe!!!
                      Published: 2024
                      Hard Cover: $27.00

By: Matt Dorfman, designer, illustrator and an art director of The New York Times Book Review since 2015.
"Thiscover is both an instruction manual for how to read a book and an audacious language experiment. Interlocking the author's name with her title in the style of a word search, the design demonstrates how the cover's behavior rhymes with the author's alphabetical project by singling out an "A," "B" and "C" with pops of a different color. And thetype choice clearly signals that this is an experiment we're meant to have fun with. It's easy for such distinct tasks to conflict on the faceof a book. It's Hard to harmonize them this playfully. —Matt Dorfman

 
Matt Dorfman saying "This cover is both an instruction manual for how to read a book and an audacious language experiment..." is preposterous!
Thecover is the publisher's formal announcement to the world that this newbook really exists. The coveris the most important advertisement for the book itself. It will be seen in bookstores and libraries. It will appear in allads, promotional brochures, press releases, book reviews, newspaper feature stories, author's bios and catalogs in print and online. In short, the cover is how people recognize this new book for all time. Not a treatise on how to read it!

Four Hard and Fast Rules for Successful Book Cover Design.

Rule #1: Title and author's name must stand out and be immediately easy to read.

Rule #2: Title is the most important element on the cover.  It identifies the book, making it unique, special and standing apart from the other 189 million books in print.

Rule #3: Occasionally the author's name may be larger than the title. Ifthe writer is a show-biz celebrity, politician, best-selling author — aname that is instantly recognized and would be a huge sales hook... yeah, give this star top billing on the cover and title page.

Rule #4: No Limits. Thecover is the main salesman for the life of the book. It can feature exciting colors, jarring type fonts and gripping illustrations to give aflavor of the goodies that await readers. Anything goes, so long as the title and author are obvious and easy to read.

Okay, why is this Times' winning cover design a colossal flop? Shoppersare busy people. In this book cover the title and author are totally hidden somewhere in a smarty-pants designer's word salad. What's the name of the book? Who wrote this thing? Designer Na Kim is trying to forceme to drop everything and spend precious time solving the puzzle of the title. I ain't got the time. In short... this #1 New York Times' Best Book Cover 2024 is strange as hell and an instant deal killer.

 

Another Terrible Runner-up Cover from the Dozen
Chosen by the Times as Best Book Covers of 2024.



                        Title: Body in the Library/Memoir of a Diagnosis
                        Author: Graham Caveny
                        Publisher: Bahamut Media Ltd. (UK)
                       Cover Design: David Pearson
                        Published: 2024
                        Paperback: $18.25

By: Matt Dorfmann, "Ifit weren't for the oblique clue in the subtitle, you would have no ideathat cancer is the driving agent of this memoir. In all other respects,the design smartly widens its aperture, using one of mankind's cohabitants in the natural world — a swan — to hit an existential note about anticipating the end of a life and how one might (literally in theswan's case) bow out with grace. —Matt Dorfman


A Truly Bizarre, Difficult-to-read Cover Design. 
At the very top left-hand corner is author's name in strange, very small and difficult-to-read cartoonish script font.

Meanwhileacross the very bottom of the cover is the title/subtitle in the this same teennsy difficult-to-read cartoonish script .


Title/sub-title are separated by the orange bill at the end of the massive wrap-around neck of a swan that seems to be to be in extremis. 
 
 

Compare These Weird-o 2024 Designs with the
Most Successful Book Cover in Modern History!



                   Title: GONE WITH THE WIND
                   Published: 1936
                   Author: Margaret Mitchell
                   Publisher: Macmillan
                   Jacket Design: Alas, couldn't find anywhere.
                   Hardcover: $3.00


 Design Wizardry.



Betweenthe giant title and author's name is this glorious little painting — a charming scene of the pre-Civil War Old South, giving the reader a hint of the wondrous story to come.
 

"YourFirst 100 Words Are More Important Than the Next Ten Thousand."
Elmer"Sizzle" Wheeler (1903-1968)
ElmerWheeler, author of nine books on public speaking and how to sell, was famous for saying, “Don’t sellthe steak, sell the 'sizzle'.” Hereare the first hundred and eighteen words of Gone With The Wind, the greatest best seller since The Bible. No kidding.

 

SCARLETT O’HARA WAS NOTBEAUTIFUL, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarletontwins were. In her face were too sharply blended the delicate features of hermother, a Coast aristocrat of French descent, and the heavy ones of her floridIrish father. But it was an arresting face, pointed of chin, square of jaw. Hereyes were pale green without a touch of hazel, starred with bristly blacklashes and slightly tilted at the ends. Above them, her thick black browsslanted upward, cutting a startling oblique line in her magnolia-whiteskin—that skin so prized by Southern women and so carefully guarded withbonnets, veils and mittens against hot Georgia suns.

 

The year was 1936, smack in the middle of the Great Depression (1929-1941).
Everything about Gone With The Wind washuge... starting with the book jacket design. The giant title on the cover is easily readable in the distance across a large bookstore, library shelf or private salon. It's also perfectly readable in a very small snapshot with the author holding it. Also when reduced to smallest size for a catalog illustration or promotional montage, this tiny book cover is still very readable and jumps out at you!

Metro-Goldwyn Mayer bought the movie rights for $50,000 ($1.1 million today), the most money ever paid for a debut novel.

The1939 blockbuster film runs a riveting four hours and twenty-five minutes. Directed by Victor Fleming, it stars Clark Gable, Vivian Leigh,Olivia de Havilland, LeslieHoward and Butterfly McQueen (first black performer to win an Oscar). GWTW won a whopping 10 gold Academy Award statues in 1940. 
 
 Only One Petite Element Was Involved
In This Otherwise Gargantuan Saga
 

 
 
MargaretMitchell (1900-1949) stood 4' 11" barefoot. At age 26 she broke her ankle. To deal with the boredom of confinement in her Georgia home she began writing a Civil War-era novel. Three years later Peggy Mitchell hit the jackpot like no other American writer before or since. Her first and only published novel ran a massive 1037 pages, sold 1.4 million copies the first year. She won the 1937 National Book Award and Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. The $3.00 retail price in 1937 was the equivalent of $65.75 in today's dollars. (A prohibitive price in mid-Depression when average taxable income was $890 per year for wage earners.)
 
Ninetyyears later, total worldwide sales of GWTW was 30+ million books in 40+languages in 38 countries. Together with international film and TV box office revenues, the Grand Total is an estimated mind- blowing worldwidegross of $4.3 billion. At her passing Mitchell's personal net worth was anestimated $20 million in 1949. That's $250+ million in 2024 dollars.

Now think of it. The very first public appearance of this literary masterpiece was the splendid powerhouse book cover that suddenly appeared in bookstores, libraries, book clubs, and in publicity photos of the author. 
 
P.S. Thispast end-December 2024 Peggy and I took a three-week Viking cruise around South America. With long days and nights at sea I read Gone With the Wind on my Kindle — all breathtaking 1037 pages. My one-sentence review: "GWTW is the most brilliant, gripping reading experience in my 89 years on this planet. I look very forward to again streaming the 4+ hours film in our living room. My cost will be $3.99. Amazing!"
 
P.P.S. Margaret Mitchell was intrigued by — and did serious scientific research into — the sexuality of women. Deep into GWTW is her vivid description of what may be the greatest orgiastic encounter in the history of literature as Scarlett and Rhett go at it. If you have false teeth, be prepared to swallow them!
 
P.P.P.S. Here's Your Link to the Original Times' Account of
          The Critic's Choice for the Best 12 Book Covers of 2024.
 
###










Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com4
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-77522239490571199762024-12-11T04:37:00.014-05:002025-03-17T15:54:02.464-04:00#205 Onlne Book Club

 

#205 Blog Post     11 December 2024

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/12/205-onlne-book-club.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

 

If You're Writing a Book, Here’s the Inside Skinny 

On Getting a Low-cost, Professional Book Review 

That Will Be Seen by 5 Million+ Guaranteed Readers!

 

 

Who Can Turn Your 80,000 Words Into a Best Seller?
Marvelous Dedicated Readers a.k.a. Book Reviewers!

 

 




Back the 1960s – 1980s you couldalways find book reviews every day in several thousand daily, weekly and monthly U.S.newspapers and magazines. Many of these have long gone bankrupt and out ofbusiness.

 

Amajority of today’s publications don’t feature book reviews at all even though roughly2 million traditionally published and self-published books come onto the marketin America every year.

 

Inshort, book reviews these days are scarcer than hen’s teeth.

 

Virginia Kirkus.

In1933 Virginia Kirkus— with a background as an English teacher, McCall’s Magazine editor, andfounder of Harper Brothers’ children’s fiction department — launched the iconicKirkus Reviews.  She reignedsupreme (along with The New York Times) for 90 years.

 

Basic Cost for a Kirkus Book Review

Todaythe twice-a-month Kirkus Reviews has 15,000 subscribers who pay $179 ayear for reviews of roughly 10,000 books a year. Basic charge to an author orpublisher for a 250-word Kirkus review is $450. (A 500-word review is $599.) Noguarantee of a good review.

 

Scott Hughes.

Over a decade ago Scott Hughes founded the Free Online Book Club (now with a reported 5million+ members!). 

    

ScottWrites: 

OnlineBookClub.org is a free site for readers that hasbeen around for over 10 years, before smartphones even!

Wehave a ton of awesome features for book lovers and a massive community ofactive members from all over the world.

 

Someof our most popular features include:

Exclusive, original reviews by ourprofessional review team -Find the gems out of the millions of books published each year alone.

Our free web app Bookshelves - Bookshelves enables you toeasily store, track, and share lists of books you have read and want to read.

Our Book & Reading Forums - No longer do you need toschedule a specific book club meeting time in your busy schedule. At any timeyou want, you can instantly discuss any book you have read with other peoplewho read the same book. This is a free fun super-social group of hundreds ofthousands of welcoming people. 

Itis all free for readers. We are not a book store, and we do not sellbooks. We are a free online community for readers with all sorts of awesomefree features and free tools for book lovers. In terms of going to book storeslike Amazon to get books, our own freeBook of the Day tool notifiesyou when well-rated books go on temporary free promotions. So signup easily and completely free now.—Scott Hughes

 

Basic Cost for an OBC Review: $148

Ifan author or publisher wants a book reviewed by Online Book Club, the currentminimum cost to reach Scott’s five million+ members (with no limit on the numberof words) is: Level 1 Review - $148. (Includes 1 week featured status and entryinto Book of the Year Contest). Scott offers a slew of opportunities to spend additionalmoney promoting a book.

 

The Extraordinary Tale of the OnlineBook Club’s Surprise

Rave Review of a 70-year-old Novel byDenny Hatch!

Quickbackgrounder: In the1970s I was deep into my career in direct marketing. In spare time — to get myhead out of my work — I wrote three outrageous novels that were published, optionedfor Hollywood films and later reprinted as mass market paperbacks. My favoriteand most fun was The Stork. It was optioned by Universal.

 

My wonderful agent,Marvin Moss, called to tell me The Stork — hot off my typewriter — hadbeen optioned for three months for $5,000 by Universal Pictures. I wascatapulted into Seventh Heaven. It got better! 






 

Directed by John Avildsen! Wow! Thistotally unknown young director became an instant filmdom legend by winning the1977 Academy Award as Best Director for his very first movie: ROCKY.Avildsen had brought ROCKY infor just under $1 million and it generated $225 million in world box officesales. He was hot, hot, HOT! Alas, theoption on The Stork lapsed and no film was made. (The options foe the other two published novels also lapsed. No movie ever made it into a film.) The Stork was sold to Jove fora mass market paperback and got some dandy reviews. Whereupon Marvin Moss diedyoung. I was doing very well in marketing and never had a literary agent again.Here’s the Kirkus review:

 

 

Kirkus Reviews

February 15, 1977


Hatch, Denison

THE STORK

Morrow $8.95

4/4/ LC: 76-46420

SBN: 688-03160-9

TimSmith is called “The Stork” because of his leggy, bony, storky mien, but thenickname takes on new meaning when Tim leaves his father’s cattle stud-farmempire and applies his unrivaled breeding know-how to humans, a computerizedsperm bank for the best in artificial insemination. Unfortunately, even withthe prestige of his reluctant partner’s name (Bink Roosevelt, supposedly an FDRgrandson) and the expertise and dollars of Dr. Resnikow (Central Park South’stop gynecologist), Tim’s operation is a flop. So, to stimulate business, Timand Bink and Doc resolve to fill their “creamatorium” with a “Who’s Who ofAmerican sperm” — an easy proposition once Tim meets Tony Wilde (as in Oscar),top honcho at S.A.D.D.O.G.  S.A.D.D.O.G?Sons and Daughters descended of the Great. Soon all those ne’er-do-well scions are hooked up to the ACCU-JACmachine—encouraged by screenings of Marilyn Chambers and Linda Lovelace—andTim’s menu promises everything from a third-generation Hemingway ($37,000) to asixteenth-generation Hans Holbein the Elder ($12,000). Business booms, butBink’s ethics, a muckraking reporter (“This story’s going to do for me whatWatergate did for Woodward and Bernstein!), hints of forged genealogies, andone slight error (a Southern senator’s wife gets an Adam Clayton Powell)precipitate a sticky Day of Judgment. When he isn’t regressing from thesophomoric to the freshmantic (“seed money,” “notary pubic,” “El Seed”), Hatchunreels this fantasia with approximated the right mix of slapstick, word-play,and documentary mock-seriousness. He also decorates the doings with so manyau-courrancies that The Stork is already dated (Clay Felker plays animportant role as New York Magazine editor), so this is not one for theages, or even next year, but, for the moment and for those uninterested indoing vaguely real things, The Stork makes for a lively enough delivery.

 (Wordcount: 298) 

 

NoteFrom Denny Hatch:

In2022 I re-read The Stork published in 1973. I found it to be a giggleand wondered if this 70-year-old warhorse could have a second life. Was itstill funny? Relevant? Would it resonate with today’s film buffs and videostreamers if it became a movie?

 

Iwas very, very dubious it would fly today. But worth a shot for $148. I emailedit to Online Book Club and ordered a review.

 

Review of The Stork

Post by Ruth Omonegho » 28 Oct 2022, 07:12

[Following is an officialOnlineBookClub.org review of "The Stork" by Denny Hatch.]

_______________________________

3 out of 4stars

––––––––––––––––––––––––––

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Thesedays, there are cases of IVF where couples that can’t generally conceivebecause of an anomaly in the husband are given a chance to be parents. Somepeople donate their sperm for this purpose, but few genuinely take this as aregular means of generating revenue for themselves. However, if you, as atroubled parent, were offered the sperm of a descendant of a famous person, letus say, Michael Jackson, what would you do? How much would you pay to have thebaby of Michael Jackson’s descendant?

The Stork: A Comedy About Breeding People is the story of Tim Smith (TheStork), who, after helping his father in the business of selling sperm of bullsall over the world, decides to start a life of his own and takes his friend,Balthus Roosevelt (Bink), along to New York. During their brief stay in Spain,they meet a medical student who donates sperm for a living. After a briefdiscussion, Tim is motivated to start an artificial insemination business,leveraging the expertise of Dr Resnikow, who provides the facility and fundingfor their business (Delees Corporation). Starting up becomes so rough that theyalmost go bankrupt. To save their business, they must go the extra mile tosurpass their competitors. What do they do? How do they manage to get through?Grab this copy of the comedy and enjoy.

Right off the bat, I need to commend the expertise of Denny Hatch. This book isan old book that the author decided to bring back to life. It was oncescheduled to go on screen, but unfortunately, it didn’t materialize. This bookwould have made an excellent and hilarious movie. If, by chance, you arereading this and have the capacity to make the author's dream come to life byconnecting him with someone who can produce this book into a movie, feel freeto connect with him. I forgot to mention that a true-life event inspired thestory.

At first, I got confused at the beginning because I couldn’t place what or whoGlen Muir was. However, as I read on and realized what Glen was, I flowed intothe whole realm and enjoyed every bit of it. The author's descriptive powerbrought every page of the book to life. I couldn't get lost because it was sovivid. The characters are well developed so that you know the background of allthe key characters and can easily identify with them.

My favorite is Balthus Roosevelt. Even though the business is promising, hismoral standard still stands. However, he has gone so deep that it has becomedifficult for him to pull out. Even at that, he tried his best to stand by thetruth. Mike O'Shea, the Irishman, seems to be my funniest character. Hisintroduction brings a lot of comic relief to the whole plot. ‘You phonybastard’ is a phrase that makes him stand out from the rest of the characters.I was skeptical about him initially, and my skepticism was eventuallyjustified.

One of the lessons that stood out for me is that just because your father orgrandfather is famous does not mean you can be as successful if you do not putin the effort. In fact, their fame, many times, causes a burden for theiroffspring. Another is, do not be gullible. Move back and run when you are toldsomething too good to be true. How on earth can anyone believe that JesusChrist has a descendant? As I said earlier, the author did a great job withthis book.

There is nothing to dislike about this book. However, I found more than tenerrors while reading, so I will rate this book 3 out of 4 stars. Iimplore the author to edit this book one more time.

I recommend this book to lovers of comedy and those who want to learn one ortwo things regarding artificial insemination. I wish the author well on hismission to get a producer for this book. I would love to see it on the screenone day.


The Stork
View:
on Bookshelves | on Amazon

3 out of 4stars

==============================

 

Note from Denny Hatch:The wonderful reviewer, RuthOmondgho, was spot on in terms skewering me for my typos and errors. Ipublished it on Amazon Kindle in a hurry for one reason only — to preserve it forposterity. I did not flyspeck it. My bad. I am ashamed. I was lucky to havebeen penalized only one star. 


 An Aside: Scott Hughes’ Extraordinary Ironclad RulesGoverning His Online Book Club Reviews:
• Reviewers can sayanything they want. No guarantees of a good review. A reviewer that does notlike book can say so and award zero stars.

 

• However... and this is a HUGE HOWEVER...  (In decades ofinteraction with the publishing industry I have never heard of thisrevolutionary policy.) Before an OBC review can be published, the reviewer mustprove to the author’s complete satisfaction that the entire book was readfrom start to finish. 

 

Takeaways to Consider  

Comparing the two reviews of the same book:

The Kirkus review is literate, witty, hands-offand fun — the work of a highly competent professional.

 

My opinion: the OLBC review is more intimate — a reader's personalexperience with the off-the-wall plot and reaction to some wildly improbable characters. 

 

My opinion: both Kirkus and OLBC management got their full money's worth from theirworld-class, caring reviewers.

 

 Scott Hughes' has issued this unspoken invitation toOBC members try book reviewing: You areinvited to add your name to the roster of some of the world's mostdistinguished and renowned literary celebrities who sometimesreviewed books and made a difference in the lives of readers, authors, editors,movie moguls and actors. Among them:

 

T.S. Eliot | Ray Bradbury | John F. Kennedy | Tennessee Williams
Toni Morrison | Nora Ephron | John Kenneth Galbraith | Bill Gates
Stephen King | Joan Didion | Susan Sontag | Dorothy Parker
James Baldwin | Edgar Allan Poe | Joyce Carol Oates | John Updike

 

Scott is perpetually on the hunt for new book reviewers. He writes:

• Get Paid to Review Books, Completely Free.
How it works: You are given a selection of online booksto choose. The books are free for you in exchange for a review. After yourfirst approved review, you will be eligible to get paid for the reviews too. 

 

• There is never any cost to you. This is completely free to you,the reviewer. You do not have to say you loved the book if you didn't.You are being paid for an honest, quick review, not a positive review. Mostpayouts currently range between $5-$60 per review.

 

You Are Invited to Have a Look at My Blog Post of Several Years Ago on How to Create a Best-seller — GUARANTEED!  —DH

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2018/10/28-secrets-of-blitzkrieg-prpublicity.html


###

 

 A Riveting Rave Review of Denny Hatch's Masterpiece.

By Oluchi Samuel
10 December 2024

An official OnlineBookClub.org review of Method Marketing by Denny Hatch.]

               5 out of 5 Stars

Tomake a lot of profit, business owners need to understand and employ marketing. As the name implies, Method Marketing by Denny Hatch is a book that educates readers on method marketing. The author also shares the stories of some people who employed method marketing.

Marketingis the business of acquiring customers and continually thrilling them. Method marketing, on the other hand, is the ability to get inside the heads and under the skin of the people you are marketing your product to. Direct mail is the largest advertising medium, and it is the medium alot of method marketers build their businesses on. The author shared the stories of some marketers with huge businesses. These marketers wereFather Bruce Ritter, Martin Edelston, John Peterman, Bill Bonner, Bob Shnayerson, Curt Strohacker, David Oreck, and William Kennedy. They owned businesses like The Boardroom, J. Peterman Company, Agora Publishing, The Eastwood Company, The Oreck Corporation, and Western Monetary Consultants. He shared their stories, how they started their businesses, and he also dropped points for marketers to pick up from their experiences.

This is a wonderful book with lots of great lessons in marketing. I loved that the author shared some successful marketers' experiences. He used these stories to educate us. He discussed how they started their businesses and some of the mistakes they made along the way. These real-life stories made me understand his lessons quite well. I appreciated them. Readers who are planning on venturing into these businesses could learn a great deal from these stories. The author also exposed me to some businesses I hadn't heard ofbefore, like The Teaching Company, Agora Publishing, Quest/77, and The Oreck Company.

Copywriting is a business venture I have been meaning to start. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity to read this book. The author showed the significance of copywriting and also shared tips on how to write a great copy. It gave me insights and taught me howgood a copy should be written. The story of the First Bank of Troy was one of the stories I loved. The president of the bank, Frank O. Brock, operated a customer-friendly business. He paid personal attention to allhis customers. He would go over lists of customers and call or give personal notes to them at least once a month. As a novice in marketing, Iappreciated the appendix the author added at the end of the book. It saved me a lot of trips to the dictionary.

For all these reasons, I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.It is an amazing book that all marketers should read. There was absolutely nothing to dislike. I found one error, showing that it was professionally edited. I recommend it to marketers and people planning on venturing into marketing, as it contains a lot of tips to flourish inmarketing.


                                            ******
Method Marketing
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Try a Sample and Read the First 31 Pages Free!




 



 

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com0
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-9830839171373338142024-09-25T05:06:00.009-04:002025-09-24T12:02:08.389-04:00#204 First 100 Words

 

#204 BlogPost          Wednesday 25 September 2024

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/09/204-first-100-words.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

 

"YourFirst 100 Words Are More Important
Thanthe Next Ten Thousand."
                    —Elmer "Sizzle" Wheeler

 

 

Above isthe lede of a “dry test” 8-page direct mail letter that was sent in 1978.   It offered a one-year subscription to a newsletter — InternationalLiving.  The newsletter did not exist.

Itwas the brainstormof fledgling marketing genius, Bill Bonner — a rail-thin, six-foot-two 30-year-old advertising copywriter — right after he underwent three catastrophic failures that left him $70,000 in debt.

 

Bonner sent this "dry test" letter to a rented list of several thousand homeowners to see ifanyone would read it and respond. His letter — entirely fiction — was 300% profitable on day one ofreturns. Wow!

 

Billimmediately borrowed start-up capital, published the newsletter, and mailedthat very letter for the next 23 years.

 

Today BillBonner’s wee newsletter business — 44 years later — is called The Agora (theagora.com). It’s a mighty conglomerateof 36 global entrepreneurial companies in 15 countries around the world withrevenues of over $1 billion a year! 

 

            Bill Bonner at one of his two French chateaus, Chateau d'Ouzilly,
               
down the road from David Ogilvy's Chateau de Toffou.
             
                        

The Power of Those First 100 Words.

 Takea moment to go back and look at wizardry of Bill Bonner’s first hundredwords. They paint a picture of you — “Dear Reader” — waking up in a lush lifestyle enjoyed only by the very, very rich.

 

• In those first 100 words,“you” or “your” is used seven times.

  

Your maid is bringing you your breakfast in bed while out your window  overlooking the ocean your gardener is busy pruning your lemon, cherry and fig trees and amid the splendor of your gardenias, hibiscus and hollyhocks.


• And what's more, you can easily afford it, Bonner promises.


• Bill'sletter is all about YOU, the reader. Absolutely nothing about Bill.


• Nowhere tobe found: the words “I,” “me,” “my,” “we” or “our.”

 

I inviteyou to download (free) Bill Bonner's legendary letter for
your swipe file. Not only is it the 8-page document that launched his $1 billion a year corporate empire, it's fascinating to read!

What's more, it couldchange how you communicate with strangers. And maybe even change your life andhow you do business!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16S8lGX0_1DaVg3jbO0EcpfgPrgxFj2Lb/view?usp=sharing


Takeaways to Consider:
Seven Proven Tips for Writers.

•“Short words! Short sentences!” Short paragraphs!”
—Andrew J. Byrne

 

•“Tests have shown that a sentence of eight words is very easy to read; of 11words, easy; of 14 words, fairly easy; of 17 words, standard; of 21 words,fairly difficult; of 25 words, difficult; of 29 or more words, very difficult;so this sentence with 54 words, counting numbers, is ranked impossible.”
—Virginia-Pilot

 

•The 7 Key Copy Drivers — emotional hot buttons that make people act:
Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger –Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery
—Axel Andersson. Bob Hacker

 

•“If your copy isn’t dripping with one or more of these copy drivers, tear it upand start over.”
—Bob Hacker

 

•The 13 most powerful and evocative words in the English language are:
 You -  Save - Money- Guarantee - Love – Results -?Proven–
 Safety - Easy – New - Health -Discovery – Free
—Goodman Ace

 

"Avoid gray walls of type."
—David Ogilvy


“Type smaller than 9-point is difficult for most people to read.”  
 —David Ogilvy

*    *    *    *    *   


               # # #

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com7
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-43620842119161962812024-05-15T05:44:00.010-04:002024-06-01T09:32:47.893-04:00#203 Stu AdAge



#203 Blog Post - Wednesday, 15 May 2024

Posted by Denny Hatch

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/05/203-stu-adage.html

How a Cartoonist Morphed into a
Grand Master of Direct Marketing
.

 

Stu Heinecke's love of cartoons started very early. When he was ten years old Stu and his brothers sneaked Playboys out of their father's dresser drawer. Of course, they read the articles... and looked at the beautiful women.

"But I was also fascinated by the cartoons," Stu said. "Every issue had a full-page cartoon by Gahan Wilson and Eldon Dedini, and later they became part of my direct marketing agency. Same with Leo Cullum, who introduced me to The New Yorker cartoon editor at the time, Lee Lorenz. Lee then introduced me to essentially the rest of the primary cartoonists in the magazine including Bob Mankoff, who eventually became the cartoon editor himself, Arnie Levin, Donald Reilly, Sam Gross and many more.

"I pulled all of them into my fledgling marketing group and presented their work as our portfolio of cartoonists. I was making them money and working with them on a lot of campaigns, so naturally, when I came to the city, we'd hang out. What I didn't realize till many years later is that this was one giant mentorship program for me. My own cartooning improved to the point of becoming one of the WSJ cartoonists."


Stu's cartoons are amusing. But they seldom reached the laff-out-loud, thigh-slapping heights of say, The New Yorker's legendary Chas Addams and Peter Arno.

       Stu Heinecke on Using Cartoons in Direct Marketing.
"The 'experts' used to say humor doesn't work in direct marketing. Man, were they wrong.

     "At the center of our work are personalized cartoons. Why? Readership surveys have long shown cartoons to be the best-read and remembered part of magazines and newspapers. Similarly, when one of our pieces shows up in a stack of mail, it also stands out above the rest.

     "In fact, the effect can be quite magical. Our pieces are often treated as keepsakes, finding their way onto refrigerator doors and office walls, where they can serve as a constant reminder of your offer and brand. In business-to-business settings where most promotional mail quickly gets screened away, our pieces achieve surprisingly high penetration (assistants don't tend to throw away cartoons about their bosses).

     "But none of this makes a difference unless it translates into successful tests, controls and campaign. And has it ever."

      How Did Stu Choose Cartoonists for His Marketing Group?
"I went for the ones whose work I knew from two magazines, especially The New Yorker. I learned an important lesson very early — work with the very best people in a given field. It pays off in ways that you can never imagine till you do it. I had the best cartoonists in the world in my stable, on exclusive contracts for direct mail. No one else could get to them. No one else could compete, even though they tried quite often."

    In 1992 Stu Hit the Jackpot with Textbook Perfection!
The client was Advertising Age, aristocrat of advertising/marketing business magazines. Founded in 1930 it publishes 18 issues a year and reaches 54,000+ print subscribers and two million plus monthly digital users.

Here's Stu's direct mail envelope featuring a drawing by The New Yorker senior cartoonist, Leo Cullum.

"The only purpose of the carrier envelope, other than keeping its contents from spilling onto the street, is to get itself opened."
—Herschell Gordon Lewis, Legendary Freelance Copywriter.

         Quickie Rule on What Makes Successful Marketing Copy:
The seven Key Copy Drivers (emotional hot buttons that cause people to take immediate action) are:
Fear — Greed — Guilt — Anger — Exclusivity — Salvation — Flattery.

"If your copy isn't dripping with one or more of these hot buttons, tear it up and start over." —Bob Hacker, Direct Marketing Guru, Seattle, Washington

Note the 14 words of the caption of Leo Cullum's cartoon on the above envelope. You'll find two of the seven Hot Buttons: exclusaivity and a ton of flattery.

                   Hot Button #1: "Exclusivity"
Everybody loves to see their name in print. An envelope addressed to "John Q. Sample" by name is guaranteed to generate exponentially more readers than one addressed to "Occupant" or "Currant Resident." John Sample's name appears twice on this envelope. This envelope is conclusively exclusive for John Q. Sample.

       Hot Button #2: "Flattery" (in the cartoon caption)
"We need someone with vision, creativity and great marketing instincts... someone like John Q. Sample."

      As an Example of Marketing Wizardry by Stu Heinecke
        Turned His Envelope into a Marvelous Premium.
• A premium is Free Gift to sweeten the deal for the buyer.

• "A premium is a bribe to say 'Yes' now."  —Dick Benson

• Do the arithmetic. Make sure your return on investment in a premium gift justifies the additional expense. The Leo Cullum personalized cartoon costs peanuts to produce and mail.

The First 4 Paragraphs ofStu's Three-page Sales Letter
Where He Leads with His Irresistible Freepremium.

 


 

Paragraph 1 — Outrageous, Delicious Flattery
    
The Publisher of Advertising Age asked me to make a very special subscription offer to a small, select group of advertising and marketing professionals. Your name was submitted to me as one who qualifies.

Paragraph 2 — Exclusivity, Greed.
    
So ... here it is — a private invitation to subscribe to Advertising Age at the best discount I can offer — a savings of $40 off the cover price. And, if you send in your subscription order by September 4, 1990, you will also receive an 8 X 10, suitable-for-framing gallery print of the cartoon above, personalized with your name.

Paragraph 3 — Exclusivity, Greed.
     This limited edition cartoon by famous New Yorker cartoonist Leo Cullum will be personalized with your name, and mailed to you absolutely free and with our compliments.

Paragraph 4 — Salvation.
    
This opportunity to subscribe to Advertising Age at such a low rate is being offered to you Mr. Sample, because we are sure that you will benefit from....

                                     For the Record.
When Peggy and I were publishing the newsletter, WHO'S MAILING WHAT! this AdAge mailingfirst arrived in our massive Archive around 1990 and continued coming month-after-month for seven straight years. It was obviously hugely successful and, above all, profitable! This amazing direct mail effort is one of the 1,600+ "Grand Controls" that were mailed for three or more consecutive years during the three decades we collected direct mail samples.

 Quickie Note on the Use of Premiums.

 

"This goes back to the old adage of 'spending money to make money.' Make sure your return on investment justifies the additional expense. Do not simply insert or offer premiums because you think it is clever strategy.' —Dan Cappel

Leo Cullum's personalized cartoon cost peanuts to print in black-and-white and mailed to each new subscriber for who pays for the frame to display it. This ego-stroking goodie had a high perceived value and cost maybe a dollar apiece with shipping.

The above personalized ceramic mug from an earlier AdAge promotion is a much bigger deal. Each mug requires an individual printing and production job. My guess: printing a different name on each white blank mug, firing it in a kiln at 2200° degrees, waiting for it to cool – plus highly protective packaging, addressing and postage would run up the cost to maybe $7—$10 (or more) per new subscriber, puts a serious dent in your allowable cost-per-order. Print periodicals generally don't begin to break even or start turning a profit until the second or third year (if ever). ;-)

  

Stu's Signature Book


                     Click Here for Amazon                         


 Stu and His Team Have Created 50+ Controls (so far)
For Publishers, Non-publishers and Fund Raisers.



A Bunch More.

A Preview of Peripatetic Stu's Current Passion:
"Weed Strategy" and "Contact Marketing"

Click Below for Details on Amazon

GET THE MEETING!

HOW TO GET A MEETING WITH ANYONE

HOW TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS LIKE A WEED

P.S. Stu is a fascinating, fun guy with a treasure trove of Direct Marketing Information — know-how ideas, copy and design experience.  Loves working with people to help expand their businesses. Give him a shout at https://stuheinecke.com

                                                   ###

 Word Count: 1332


 


292pp     6" x 9"
Hardcover:     $39.95
Paperback:     $29.95
ebook/Kindle: $19.95

Amazon

 https://www.amazon.com/Method-Marketing-Denison-Hatch/dp/1648372767/ref=sr_1_9?keywords=method+marketing&qid=1681898276&sr=8-9

Barnes & Noble

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/method-marketing-denison-hatch/1100485178?ean=9781648372766

 

At age 15, Denny Hatch—as a lowly apprentice—wrote his first news release for a Connecticut summer theater. To his astonishment it ran verbatim in The Middletown Press.He was instantly hooked on writing. After a two-year stint in the U.S. Army (1958-60), Denny had nine jobs in his first 12 years in business. He was fired from five of them and went on to save two businesses and start three others. One of his businesses—WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletterand archive service founded in 1984—revolutionized the science of how to measure the success of competitors’ direct mail. In the past 55 yearshe has been a book club director, magazine publisher, advertising copywriter/designer, editor, journalist and marketing consultant. He is the author of four published novels and seven books on business and marketing.

CONTACT
dennyhatch@gmail.com


Note to Readers:  Denny Hatch's Marketing Blog is FREE.
No Cost. No Risk. No Obligation. Cancel Any Time. Learn. Enjoy.

May I send you an alert when each new blog is posted? Ifso, kindly give me the okay by send
ing your First Name, Last Name and email to 
dennyhatch@gmail.com. I guarantee your personal information will not be shared with anyone at any time for any reason. The blog is afree service. No cost. No risk. No obligation. Cancel any time. I look forward to being in touch!

IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE POSTING A COMMENT… EMAIL ME! I'LL HELP!
Googleowns Blogspot.com and this Comment Section. If you do not have a Googleaccount — or if you find it too damn complicated — contact me directly and Iwill happily post your comment. Thank you and do keep in touch. dennyhatch@yahoo.com


Invitation to Marketers and Direct Marketers: 
Guest Blog Posts Are Welcome. 
If you have a marketing story to tell, case history, concept to propose or a memoir, give a shout. I’ll get right back to you. I am: 
dennyhatch@gmail.com
215-644-9526 (rings on my desk). 

You Are Invited to Join the Discussion.
Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com3
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-68953939950327025112024-04-03T07:51:00.009-04:002024-06-05T15:45:50.719-04:00#202 Neptune Lttr

#202 Blog Post  —  Wednesday,  3 April 2024

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/04/202-neptune-lttr.html

Posted by Denny Hatch 

 

     The Tale of This Eerie Dreary Letter and
      How It Morphed into a Barrel of Boffo Laffs!


 

                Dear Margaret:

 

             For over 50 years Neptune Cremation Service and its affiliateshave 
               been recognized as the largest and most trusted cremation provider in
                theUnited States. We provide simple cremation at an affordable price
               without any of the unnecessary services many people don't want.

 

               We want to makesure that we are reaching you, so if you want to
               know more about the benefits of cremation please complete the
               information below and we will deliver to you the latest version of our
               cremation answer book.
 


                        

 

       

         

 

       (Detach and Mail)
       -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


        [End of entire 86-word anonymous sales letter to Peggy
        on cheap blank white printer paperwith no letterhead nor
        sender's name. Corporate address Milmont Park in
        Pennsylvania (the state where we live) is buried on
        backside of little letter.
Company web address (above right)
        for some strange reason will land you Happy Valley, 
        Oregon. No Sender's Signature at letter's close. Mailed in
        a handsome hand-typed vellum envelope with a Business
        Reply Envelope (BRE). No brochure. Nuttin' else.]

 

Okay. I had a lede for a quirky new blogpost. Where to next?

 

Over the years I’ve written a gazillionarticles, columns, checklists, blog posts plus delivered lectures that added to my proventechniques, rules and how-to’s for creating powerful letters, emails and adcopy. The idea of doing another of these tedious suckers bored the hell out of me — and also most likely you,the reader.


Plus... I’m 88. Cremation ain't a subject Ilike to think about.  :)


Then It Hit Me — I Remembered The Rolls-Royceof Burials!

Many years ago somebody came up with the wacky scheme that you or your deceased loved one might like sleeping in acasket with music playing forever and ever. Am I nuts? Did I remember the idea correctly?

 

I Googled “coffins play music for eternity” and BINGO!

 

Uppopped a slew of merchants and craftsmen selling $20,000 to $30,000 coffins with interior Surround Sound Music. Included are the highest-tech grave markers with solar panels that enable the living to change the music from any place on earth or in space forever. Below is the first of multiple entries:


About 5,530,000 results (0.39 seconds)

CLICK BELOW.

Music To Die For(ever) In Your Casket With Surround Sound ...

https://kingfm.com/music-to-die-forever-in-your-casket-with-surround-sound-video/

Then Click on the Red-and-white
YouTube Arrow on the Casket.





  

 101.9 KING FM - LandonProduction
 Sep 5, 2013

 

 

 

 

Click on the Red-and-white YouTube Arrow on the Casket.

Watch This Dude for the Funniest, Wildest,
Strangest Video Sales Pitch You'll Ever See!

Iconfess. I find this performance such a hoot I'm not sure this is a legit website offering Surround Sound Coffins for sale.  Or is it an elaborate YouTube put-on?

 

Sellinga product or service on online or TV requires a world-class copywriter/pitchman. Have fun and learn from my two all time favorites.

              Billy Mays                               Ron Popeil

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2020/02/85-americas-two-greatest-tv-pitchmen.html

Takeaways to Consider

• "It’s not the cough that carries you off – it’s the coffinthey carry you
off in."
RobertLeland Taylor

 

Other memorable quotes by Robert Leland Taylor”

• "My air bag went off this morning. I told her to shut thehell up."

 

• "I may not agree with your position, but I will defend to thedeath your right to concede."

 

• "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like aduck, you’re probably in the wrong bathroom."

 

• "Just humor me, okay"


###

Word Count: 618

 

 

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com1
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-69421889153242456112024-03-20T07:29:00.005-04:002024-06-05T15:45:12.652-04:00#201 E-Trade TV Ad

 

#201Blogpost             Wednesday, 20 March 2024

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/03/210-e-trade-tv-ad.html

Postedby Denny Hatch
(WithMany Thanks to Robert Hacker)

 

The Goofiest 30-Second Brokerage Spot in
 TV History Perpetrated by a Trendy Agency.

 


E*TRADE PicklebabiesSuper Bowl Ad 2024. Click Below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjLr4bdLPIs

 

Founded in 1991 by William A. Porterand Bernard A. Newcomb, E*TRADE enables investors to go online anywhere onearth at any time and trade. Two decades later E*TRADE has 5.2 million accountholders, each with an average account value of $70,000+ and a total of morethan $360 billion in retail client assets.  

 

On October 2, 2020, E*TRADE joinedforces with the Morgan Stanley behemoth with 16 million clients and clientassets of $6.3 Trillion.

 

What the Kids SaidAbout E*TRADE in 30 Seconds.

TheScript.

RED KID:     So this isPickleball?

BLUE KID:    It’s basically forbabies, but for adults.

RED KID:     It should becalled Wiffle tennis.

BLUE KID:    Pickle!

RED KID:     Yeah, aw!

BLUE KID:    Whoo!

RED KID:     These guysare intense.

BLUE KID:    We got nothing toworry about. With E*TRADE
                    from Morgan Stanley, we’re ready for whatever
                     getsserved up.

ADULT:         Dude, you gotta work on your trash talk.

RED KID:      I’d rather work on saving for retirement.

BLUE KID:    Or college, sinceyou like to get schooled.

RED KID:      That’sa pretty good burn, right? Got him.

BLUE KID:     Good GameThanks for coming to our clinic. The
                     firstone’s free.

 


 

“GET IN THE GAME... ?????”


Excuse me, a family’s life savings and financial future ain’t a kiddy game.

 

Memoriesof 30 Years Ago.

 As editor and publisher of TargetMarketing magazine for 7 years, I was constantly on the road visitingadvertisers and exhibiting (and/or speaking at) direct marketing gatherings.

 

At a big expo, Idistinctly remember one oh-so-young marketing guy at the podium proclaiming: “Neverforget our main business as direct marketers is satisfying customer’sneeds.”

 

 The two-word instant reaction in my head: THAT'S BULLSH**.

 

    Scheduled as thenext speaker at the session, I ad-libbed new opening remarks: “Contrary to thewords of the distinguished previous speaker, we are not in the businessof satisfying needs. I need toilet paper. I need gas forthe car. I need Jockey underwear. I want a Jaguar.”

 

    I had wanted aJaguar ever since my boyhood friend Tony Hayes turned 18 and his parents gave hima 1952 XK120. Yum, yum.


It's doubtful we could afford a Jaguaron our modest income at the time. But the Jaguar folks never came up with anupbeat, informative ad campaign that touted all the reasons why a Jag wouldenhance our existence and be well worth the investment if we were lucky enoughto get our hands on one. 

 

In remembering Tony’s glorious XK120 some 60years later I finally came up with a unique selling proposition (USP) for thiscranky marketing blog/electronic newsletter:

“Directmarketing is the science and art
of creating wants and changing behavior.”

 

Backto the Present.  Let’s Start with theWest Coast Agency That Played Holy Moly Mayhem with E*TRADE’s $9 Million Smackers.

 

I Googled E*TRADE's wackadoodle agency.

 



 Below is the very first image in theE*TRADE agency’s slide show welcoming you into their eerie weirdo world.

 

https://www.72andsunny.com

Yep. Above is the first image you see.My three-letter word in reaction:

 

"Huh?"

 

Wherethe Agency's Dilettantes and Management Blew It.

1.   This Super Bowl spot has nothing to dowith brokerage,
   finance or the benefits of using E*TRADE. It was all about
   pickleball.

 

2.   The pickleball ad has no offer,no call-to-action — not even the    suggestion to open an E*TRADEaccount and how to do it.

 

3.   No way to measure the ad’s success or failure in termsof
  Return on Investment (ROI).

 

Hacker's Wizardry

 I contacted thesavviest marker I ever knew — longtime friend, mentor and guru, legendarynow retired) Seattle marketing genius Robert Hacker. I asked Bob about theE*TRADE campaign and the outrageous cost — $7 million for a 30-second oh-so cutesy-poogag ad. It’s core achievement: extraordinary trompe l’oeil lip synching withadult comments by these ‘Picklebabies.” The campaign was most likely created by ahotshot, hip agency. (My take: 72andSunnyis far moreinterested in agency publicity and winning awards rather than advertisements that bring in money and customers for their clients).

 


Retired Bob Hacker successfully engaging in hisfavorite hobby.
Second favorite hobby: creating magnificent wooden salad bowls)

 

Bob’sImmediate Reply:

Can only share myexperience. I started out as an advertising guy, both on the agency and clientside.  It was fun, gotta say, but it was bereft of meaning. Advertising is all about “how cool can you be?”  Since the 50’s or 60’s ithas never been about client ROI.  It’s always about “cool”.  Can Iget recognized as “cool”?  Can I win an award?  Can I get a free tripto Cannes?   Can I work for an agency or client that does “coolerstuff” than I’m doing now?  It’s always about “me”, never the clientand/or their business needs.  So I left the fey cult of cutie pie for theworld of ROI.  Loved it!  No more “how cool am I” award shows, justROI.  If you beat the ROI target, you’re a hero, miss it, you’re azero.  Love that world.  Could never go back to the cutie pieworld.  Do I really care what creative peers think of me?  Hellno!  I cared about how much money my clients made with my help.  Youcan argue about what’s cooler, there’s no argument about doubling a client’sprofit.  Love that world.

To that end, if yourun an Excel spreadsheet modeling a Super Bowl commercial, Can’t imagine itwould pencil…unless you are totally invested in how your creative team feelsabout their work.

 

 So, Now Let’s Do Some Math for 

 A Typical Package Goods Product.


 Advertising cost in a typical Fortune 500 isusually 2-4% of
    sales. Let’s assume 3% for this exercise.

 

 Super Bowl commercial is about$7,000,000. 

 

 Production and agency fees would be another$2,000,000 
    for atotal of $9,000,000.

 

 To hit the 3% cost-per-sale figure, thespot would have to
    generate ($9,000,000/.03) = $300,000,000.

 

 That’s the bet.  That’s the way a directmarketing agency
    wouldpresent it.  A general agency never does the calculation. 
    If they did, they’d neverget to run the spot.

    

 Why do direct marketers and general agencypeople behave
    sodifferently?  To a general agency, the client has a budget
    for them to spend.  A direct marketer hasfunds to invest.

 

 And they always work hard to avoid making abad bet.

 

 Different assumptions would drive a differentmodel. Use
    your own, see if you would still make the bet.


Takeawaysto Consider:

 

The Ten InviolableRules of Advertising

Compiled by DennyHatch Over 60 Years. 

 

Rule #1: “The only purpose of advertisingis to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitable according to its actualsales.” 

—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising

 

Rule #2: “Your job is to sell, notentertain.” 

—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator of theBrookstone catalog

 

Rule#3: “If it doesn’t sell,it’s not creative.” 

—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the1930s

 

Rule#4: “Every time we getcreative we lose money.” 

—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club

 

Rule#5: Beware of humor inadvertising. People don’t buy from clowns.” —David Ogilvy

 

Rule #6: The 7 emotional hot buttons thatmake people buy: Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger – Exclusivity – Salvation –Flattery 

—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, DennyHatch 

 

Rule #7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn aboutyou, your company or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it forme?’” 

—Bob Hacker

 

Rule #8: Always listen toW-I-I FM.  

Direct Marketing Old Saw

 

Rule #9: “Always make it easyto order.”  

Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises

 

Rule #10. "Awards are like hemorrhoids.Sooner or later every asshole gets one."

—Charlotte Rampling/Francois Ozon. "Swimming Pool."

 

###

 

Word Count: 1320

 


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com1
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-91135264275597364602024-02-28T06:57:00.021-05:002024-06-05T15:44:44.236-04:00#200 Super Bowl Ads

#200 Blog Post - Wednesday, 28 February 2024

 

Posted by Denny Hatch


 

 

How 59 Major Advertisers Lost a Total of

Over $900 Million on Super Bowl TV Ads.

 

 

The Nine Inviolable Rules of Advertising

Compiled by Denny Hatch Over 60 Years.

 

Rule #1: “Theonly purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitableaccording to its actual sales.” 

—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising

 

Rule #2: “Yourjob is to sell, not entertain.” 

—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator of theBrookstone catalog

 

Rule #3: “If itdoesn’t sell, it’s not creative.” 

—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the1930s

 

Rule #4: “Everytime we get creative we lose money.” 

—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club

 

Rule #5: “Bewareof humor in advertising. People don’t buy from clowns.” —David Ogilvy

 

Rule #6: The 7emotional hot buttons that make people buy: Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger –Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery 

—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Denny Hatch

 

Rule#7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, yourcompany or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it for me?’” 

—BobHacker

 

Rule #8: Always listen to W-I-I FM.  

Direct Marketing Old Saw

 

Rule #9: “Always makeit easy to order.”  

Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises

 

Regarding the LedeIllustration.

 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjLr4bdLPIs

 

“A pair of lifelikebabies play pickleball with a pair of obnoxious adults in need of schooling.One of the few ads whose humor has anything resembling a bite.”

—Mike Hale, New York Times Television Critic

 

 What Was E-Trade Thinking?

 

TheE-Trade corporate officers who authorized the spending of $7,000,000.00plus God only knows how much additional production dough) for the 30-second Super Bowl ads sure-as-hell got their money's worthof exposure. They reached an estimated 127.3 million viewers.

 

Yeah, but... How many ofthis vast audience were convinced and comforted that the folks at E-Tradeshould be trusted with the financial future of their family’s retirementand the kids’ college expenses? When you Google E-Trade, here’s what comes up:

 

 


Could the aboveoh-so-cutesy-poo Picklebabies @$7-million for a 30-second gag ad persuade Peggyand me to switch our modest lifetime savings from Fidelity to E-Trade?

 

Not bloody likely.

 

In other words, what wasE-Trade’s ROI?

 

Zero. Zip. Nada. Niente. Nuttin. 

 

 

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/11/arts/television/super-bowl-commercials-ads-best-worst.html

 

Mike Hale, The New York Times Television Critic.  

Feb.11, 2024. Updated Feb.12, 2024, 11:27 a.m. ET

 

In the spirit of “Who actually watches the game?,” here is ourranking of Sunday night’s Super Bowl commercials, from best to worst.

 

Ground rules: Only ads shown on the national CBS broadcastduring the game were eligible. Not included are some non-commercial (religious,political, social advocacy) spots and most movie trailers and promos fortelevision and streaming broadcasts.

 

NOTE by DH:  Many of these ads run longer than 30 seconds — thus costing tons more than $7 million. Plus all production costs, corporate and agency salaries, expenses, expense accounts, etc., etc.

 

The Bestof the Bunch
These are the ones we’ll remember for at least a day or two.

BMW

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfB-glrgn5o

 

Christopher Walken makesfun of people making fun of Christopher Walken, with a cameo performance by theSuper Bowl halftime star Usher. As always, he walks the walk.

 

Mountain Dew

   

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAdDi6G74mc

 

Aubrey Plazaflat-affects her way through life with the help of a carbonated citrusbeverage. Plaza is reliably droll, and there’s a late “Parks and Recreation”homage


Squarespace

 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp5v3-3Hc-E

 

Aliens (a theme in this year’s ads) come to earth and can’t getour attention until they figure out how to get on the internet. It ishandsomely directed by Martin Scorsese (working with the “Barbie”cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto), though it’s not at all clear what’s beingadvertised.

 

Lindt

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ghDxSkEERE

 

A chocolate ball bops around the world to the tune of PerryComo’s “Round and Round.” Shiny, bouncy candy.

 

‘A Quiet Place: Day One’

 


https://mashable.com/video/a-quiet-place-day-one-super-bowl-ad

 

Lupita Nyong’o faces an alien invasion in a prequel film to JohnKrasinski’s “A Quiet Place.” The clear winner among the movie trailers.

 

 

Google

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uK83PRg0Rk

 

A man with low vision records his life in sharp photographsusing a new feature of the Google Pixel. Touching story with a predictable buteffective big finish.

 

Dunkin’

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOwR9TIeXTs

 

A blustery Ben Affleck tries to impress an unimpressed JenniferLopez while an embarrassed Matt Damon and enthusiastic Tom Brady look on.Pleasant buzz of star power.

 

poppi

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZin7yVU_1c


Attractive young peoplein grainy, retro split-screen video try to convince us of the healthy nature ofthe sodas sold by this Austin, Texas-based beverage company. Visually fizzy.

 

National Football League

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7glIC7OaIro


A youngster imagines playing American football as he runsthrough a crowded Ghanaian market accompanied by N.F.L. players, then emergesinto an N.F.L. international training program and encounters the former NewYork Giant Osi Umenyiora. Better ground game than the Chiefs or 49ers.

 

BetMGM

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=betmgm+super+bowl+commercial+

 

Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady, and only Tom Brady, is notallowed to use the sports betting service because he has already won too much.Vaughn-to-Brady is a winning combination.

 

We interrupt this blog post to bring you a sample of 

what you can expect in the "Also Ran" Categories.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEdk5JzXMs0

 

ThePerfectly Fine
These get an A for effort and aB- for execution.

TurboTax

The “Abbott Elementary” star Quinta Brunson tells us (twice) todo our taxes. Brunson is so darn likable that it seems like a good idea.

NYX Cosmetics

Cardi B raps about lip gloss; an accompanying comedy bit aboutmen using Duck Plump to plump something other than their lips was availableonline but not shown on CBS. The timidity was disappointing but Cardi B isnever not funny.

Apartments.com

Aliens come to earth and, naturally, need an apartment.Simple-minded but any scenario benefits from the presence of Jeff Goldblum.

Etsy

America realizes it needs to give France a gift in return forthe Statue of Liberty, uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. Sounds cute, andit is.

Kia

Dad of the year uses his Kia EV9 to light a pop-up ice rink so ayoung figure skater can perform for her ailing grandfather. (Or at least that’swhat it looks like.) High-horsepower tear-jerker.

Coors

The Coors Light train roars across the country to salvage anawkward big-game party. Forward momentum and an amusing five-second LL Cool Jcameo.

Volkswagen

The American dream as lived by an immigrant named the Beetle,from 1949 to the present, set to “I Am … I Said.” Herbie goes to Ellis Island.

Doritos

A pair of abuelas named Dina and Mita go into avenger mode whena young guy grabs the last bag of Dinamita chips. Comic action with a briefappearance by Jenna Ortega.

Verizon

Beyoncé, with the help of Tony Hale (in “Veep” mode), tries tobreak the internet as a saxophonist, cyborg, Barbie, astronaut and Botus.Sorry, BeyHive, but self-referential does not equal super.

Microsoft

Everyday people contemplate the differences that the CopilotA.I. assistant could make in their lives. Evocative and (intentionally?) alittle eerie.

SToK Cold Brew

Anthony Hopkins lampoonshis own gravitas to sell cold brew coffee as well as promote the Wrexham soccerclub. Sir Anthony is in good form but his 2016 spot for TurboTax wasfunnier.

 

 

Inoffensive but Forgettable
They tried. Nobody got hurt.

T-Mobile
Pluto TV
‘IF’
State Farm

Nerds
Budweiser

Salomon

Dove

 

 

Try Again
Had some talent involved but theresult sailed wide right.

Booking.com
Starry
CeraVe
‘N.F.L.Sunday Ticket’
Michelob Ultra
Popeyes
Bass Pro Shops
Mighty Patch
 
Pringles
Hellmann’s
Veozah
Uber Eats
Snapchat

 

TheFlagrant Missteps

Famous people and millions of dollars that

together can’t quite amount to mediocrity.

 

M&M’s

CrowdStrike

Pfizer

Bud Light

e.l.f. Cosmetics

Miller Lite

Homes.com

Kawasaki

Sketchers

Reese’s

 

The Worst of the Bunch

It takes real effort to be this bad.

 

Oreo

Paramount+

Temu

BodyArmor

Toyota

Drumstick

FanDuel

 



Takeaway to Consider

Super Bowl Commercials 2024 — @ $7 million popfor 30 seconds of air time (plus production costs and salaries all around) and zero ROI — was a roughly a billion dollar ego trip for Mad.Ave. creative directors and their dumb-ass clients.

 

 

###

 

Word Count: 1358

 

 

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com8
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-83707676738500455502024-01-31T05:55:00.045-05:002026-02-01T12:51:16.735-05:00#199 Ike Memoir

#199 Blog Post             

        1 January 2024 

 

Posted by Denny Hatch  

 

 

 https://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/01/199-ike-memoir_31.html

 


 

How Americans and the World Were 

Introduced to This Unknown Soldier.


 




      NOTE: My father, Alden Hatch (1898-1975),was a historian who wrote 40+ books that included the very first biography ofthe virtually unknown general pictured above. The book was published in 1944when the Battle of the Bulge was raging in the Ardennes. General Ike wasa roaring success —great reviews, best seller in retail stores, chosen by bookclubs and received wide publicity and press coverage. 

Ingoing through Alden’s papers we stumbled upon an intimate memoir he secretlywrote in his spare time during his later years. It is the riveting account ofhow my father became the world’s foremost authority on Dwight D. Eisenhower, anewly minted four star general who had been an obscure temporary colonel inFebruary 1941 that virtually nobody (outside the U.S. Army and Pentagon) hadever heard of. In the next two years — thanks to his brilliant work in the WarPlans Division, sunny, lightning quick mind and upbeat personality, Ike went ona dizzying ride of lightning promotions that took him from temporary-colonel tofour-star general in just two years to become the most powerful military commander in the history of the world.

 

ADaunting Challenge for a Biographer Whose
Suddenly-famous Subject Appeared Out of Nowhere.

 

In1941, Dwight David Eisenhower was one of roughly 14,000 officers in the U.S.Army — veritable ciphers with zero coverage in the national media (aside fromthe legends: Generals Douglas MacArthur and George C. Marshall). No Internet,no Wikipedia, no encyclopedia entries, no mentions in the press. What's more,Eisenhower's whereabouts was a closely guarded secret. Hatch had to start fromscratch.

Hereis Alden’s story first hand — how he quickly unearthed Ike’s family and friends— his mother and brothers in Kansas, classmates in grade school and highschool, the girls he dated, fellow cadets at West Point and officers and menwho served with him between the wars and in Washington in the early WWII years. In 1952 my father was commissioned to update General Ike tobecome the Republican National Committee’s official presidential campaignbiography.

Enjoy!

 

 

A PERSONAL REMINISCENCE

 

By Alden Hatch

 

Late in December 1943, the White House announced that theCommander-in-Chief of the Allied Armies in Europe would be General Dwight D. Eisenhower.Having just finished Young Wilkie, Iwas eagerly looking for a new subject. One night at a dinner party at the RiverClub in New York someone, whose name I have ungratefully forgotten, suggestedIke. That was it!

If he gained a great victory, he would be the hero ofAmerica; if defeated, he would be a villain. Either way people would read abouthim.

On January 2, 1944, I rushed in to see my agent, AnneWatkins. She offered the idea to Harcourt-Brace, who turned it down. Atelephone call to Henry Holt and Company brought a favorable reaction and anappointment for that afternoon.

"Go over to the public library and make yourself anexpert on Ike," Anne Watkins said.

There was extraordinarily little about Eisenhower in thelibrary. Although he had commanded the invasion of North Africa, the SicilianCampaign and the landings at Salerno in Italy, there were only a few magazinearticles, most of them erroneous.

Crammed with misinformation I presented myself at Holt andtalked as though I had been studying Ike's career for years. The result was animmediate contract.

Straightway I telephoned Mrs. Eisenhower in Washington.

Neither I nor anyone else knew that Ike was on a super-secrettrip to the United States to confer with President Roosevelt and The CombinedChiefs of Staff. With surprisingly little difficulty I reached Mrs. Eisenhower whoknew no better than to agree to talk with me in San Antonio where she was goingafter Ike went back to England. She also suggested that I get in touch withIke's oldest brother, Arthur, who was regarded as the head of the family.

I called him immediately in Kansas City and he also agreed tosee me late in January. The truth is that the Eisenhowers were so unused to theways of publicity that, instead of making a careful inquiry about my bonafides, they thought they had to see anybody who wanted to write about theirsuddenly famous general.

At that point I had an inspiration on which much of thesuccess of the book eventually hinged. I remembered that Victor White—awell-known artist who was a close and dear friend of mine—had a brother Tim,who lived in Kansas City.

I called Victor and asked him to come over to my house. ThereI explained the situation and said, "I would very much like to see ArthurEisenhower, not in the formal surroundings of an office, but in someone's homewhere a friendly atmosphere prevails. Will you call Tim and get him to ask theEisenhowers to meet Ruth and me at his house for a drink?"

"Of course," Victor said. "I'll call himtonight."

"No. Call him from here. I don't want you to pay for thecall."

Victor telephoned his brother. The Tim Whites weremagnificent. They offered to have a little dinner party for the Eisenhowers andourselves. Not until later did I realize how much this meant to me. ArthurEisenhower, as Executive Vice President of the Commerce Bank of Kansas City,had a leading position in the business community. But, despite his wife'ssocial ambitions, they had never cracked the inner circle of Kansas Citysociety.

The Tim Whites—she had been Miss Peppard, heiress of thePeppard Seed Company—were just that. So when the Eisenhowers received aninvitation to dine with the Whites for the first time, Louise Eisenhower realizedher dream. My stock hit a new high before I ever got there.

Ruth and I—along with our eight-year-old son, Denny—went toChicago on the Twentieth Century and from there to Kansas City on the SantaFe’s Chief.

As our train pulled into Kansas City, the eastbound Chiefrolled up. Off stepped Jean Harlow, looking even prettier and more sexy than inher pictures. It made us feel our luck she was running good, as ErnestHemingway would say.

The omens did not lie. The next day we met Arthur Eisenhower inhis office. He was prepared to like us, and he did. Ruth was at her mostcharming and her Texas accent made everyone feel easy.

 Arthur did not lookthe least bit like his famous brother. He was a typical mid-western banker,with a strong, hard face, iron-gray hair and eyes that could be either steelyor warmly welcoming. He gave a lunch for us at the leading men's club, for whichhe had imported especially from Abilene the Eisenhower boys’ favorite meal,mush-‘n’-puddin.’ It consisted of a sort of scrapple made by grinding up theless edible parts of a hog (including its entrails), rendering it down in a bigiron pot and pouring the resultant greasy stew over fried cornmeal mush. It wasdelicious, but sheer murder. After lunch Ruth and I took to our beds.

Denny was to go alone on the Katy's [Missouri-Kansas-TexasRailroad] crack train, the Bluebonnet, to visit Ruth's Uncle Harry and AuntMamie Friedman in Fort Worth. When the time came to take him to the stationRuth was engaged in throwing up mush-‘n’-puddin'. I was already rid of mine soI saw my little son off on his first adventurous trip alone.

When we boarded the train, I handed the porter ten dollarswith careful instructions as to how to care for my precious infant. Then Dennyand I sat talking uneasily as people do prior to parting. Finally Denny said, "Hadn'tyou better go now?"

I took his advice and got off, wondering if he would be lonelyand homesick. As I walked down the platform, I peered anxiously into Denny'scar to see if he had burst into tears. He was reading a book!

Denny had a fine trip. He picked up some GIs on leave andadvanced his education considerably. The moment he reached Fort Worth he askedhis Texas relations, "Have you read The Yellow River by I. P.Freely?"

The puritanical Friedmans telephoned us that they dared nottake Denny to see his grandparents until he cleaned up his language. He never did.

The dinner at the White's was an enormous success. Timdispensed the charm of an Irish gentleman and Mrs. White was the kind ofhostess who made you feel at home the moment you stepped into her beautifulhouse. Before the evening was over, we all felt as though we had known eachother forever. Louise Eisenhower was quite clearly in orbit; and the next day,Arthur telephoned his brothers and Mamie saying, "The Hatches are realgood people. Be nice to them."

That day, in an incipient blizzard, we started for Abilene ina rented car. Weather reports were dubious, roads were icy, black cloudsdropped snow flurries. Driving through the vast, flat, frozen fields I worriedabout the possibility of being caught in heavy snow. "They don't haveblizzards this far south, do they?" Ruth said.

"Are you crazy? I answered, “This is the country where aguy starts for his barn to milk the cows and they dig his corpses out two weekslater.”

But the blizzard veered off and we reached Abilene aboutfive-thirty. Knowing that Kansas was dry I had loaded the car with liquor.

At the hotel we ordered set-ups. Hardly had the first lovelyswallow of bourbon eased our jangled nerves when the phone rang. It was CharlesM. Harger (1863-1955), owner and editor-in-chief of the Abilene Reflector-Chronicle and our key man inAbilene. It was he who had first recognized the quality of young Ike Eisenhowerand arranged for him to take the competitive examinations for West Point, whichwas the first step toward SHAEF [Supreme Headquarters, Allied Expeditionary Force].Mr. Harger said, "Mr. Hatch, I'm downstairs. How about meeting me in thedining room for dinner?"

Stricken, I looked at my just-tasted drink. In a dry state maybepeople were prohibitionists. If I offended Harger I was in big trouble; on theother hand I needed that drink.

"Why yes, Mr. Harger. But--uh--Mr. Harger--uh, we werejust having a little--uh--drink. Would you by any chance care to join us?"

"I'll be right up," said Charley Harger.

Two hours later we staggered down to the dining room, verymerry indeed.

In Abilene we were again transported back to that lost,never-was America. We went to the little wooden house on the wrong side of thetracks where the Eisenhower boys had grown up in hardscrabble poverty, leavenedby fun, sports and religion.

Ike's mother was still living there wearing her long,full-skirted dresses and frilly white cotton mobcap. The Eisenhowers were RiverBrethren, a Quaker-like sect. Mrs. Ida Eisenhower's aged mind faded in and outlike a worn-out radio, but she could remember every prank her boys had everplayed on her and each other. At her best, her brain crackled with the sparkthat had taken her through college in a time when few farm women even finishedhigh school.

We also talked with the gray-haired "boys" who hadplayed with Ike on his high school football and baseball teams, as well as thegirls he had courted by the Smoky Hill River. They all looked much older thanhe did. There seems to be a beneficent chemistry in success. We went to thecreamery where Ike's father had been engineer of the ice-making machinery at$1,900 a year. Ike, himself, had been night fireman, studying his lessons andcatching catnaps through the long nights of keeping up steam under the fifteen-foot-highboilers and checking the ornate and intricate stationary steam engine with itshuge, cast iron flywheel and tall cylinder. It was still functioning as it hadsince 1890.

And in the railroad yards steam locomotives belched columnsof white smoke into the frosty air as they had when Ike was a boy and, indeed,long before that when Abilene was the end of steel rails and cowboys drove thebig-horn herds up from Texas along the Chisholm Trail. Everything was stillthere as it had always been, though such things are not there now—nor anywhere.

Then we drove via Fort Riley, the once-great cavalry post, toManhattan, Kansas to call on Milton Eisenhower, who was President o£ KansasState College of Agriculture and Applied Science. By contrast it seemed a muchmore sophisticated milieu. Milton and his pretty wife, Helen, were equally warmand welcoming.

From Manhattan we went back to Kansas City, and on to FortWorth via Denison, Texas where Ike was born. We did not stop there but we couldsee his rambling, dilapidated birth-house from the train windows. From FortWorth we went to San Antonio to meet Mamie.

I had told Ruth's uncle Sam Lard that we must have a suitableroom in which to entertain Mrs. Eisenhower whom, I had been told, was shy aboutdining in public while Ike was away. He did it Texas style, getting us thePresidential Suite at the St. Anthony Hotel. I was slightly stunned by the finde siècle magnificence of purple silk draperies, fancy Grand Rapidsfurniture and genuine crystal chandeliers. I wasted twenty minutes worryingabout the price until I found it was only seventeen dollars a day, which eventhen was the cost of a double bedroom in a good New York hotel.

Much relieved I said to Ruth that this is pretty classy and weought to give a party. “Only we don't know anybody in San Antonio."

Ruth said, "Wait until Aunt Mary gets here."

Aunt Mary breezed in about an hour later having driven 750miles from Houston in the middle of gas rationing. (If you owned afifty-thousand acre ranch you had plenty of gas.) Mary stumped along the corridorwith her gold-headed cane to the suite. Ruth mentioned my remark.

"So you want to give a party?" Mary said andplumped down at the telephone. About twenty minutes later twenty exuberantTexans arrived. All the men but one brought bottles of Johnny Walker BlackLabel; the maverick brought twelve-year old bourbon!

About one o'clock we left the party still going strong in oursitting room and went to bed. When I got up the next morning, I found eight ofthem having breakfast with me. The party lasted for three days, moving aboutSan Antonio to different private houses and back to our suite, with briefinterruptions when we went to interview people.

First on our list was Mamie Eisenhower who was staying atFort Sam Houston. Although the temperature was seventy-two that afternoon, Maryinsisted that Ruth wear her magnificent mink coat so she would be properlydressed for such an important occasion. It was really wasted sweat becauseMamie was so friendly and unpretentious that before we left Ruth told her thestory of the coat. Mamie was also much prettier than her pictures, with deepblue eyes under dark lashes and exquisitely delicate skin. Her famous bangswere the subject of a brief comment. "All the newspaper people wonder whyI wear them," she said. Sweeping them back to reveal an abnormally highforehead she asked, "What would you do if you were half-bald?"

We loved Mamie at first sight. She had an apartment in abuilding directly across a green lawn from the red brick Bachelor Officer'sQuarters. It was on that very lawn she had met Ike nearly thirty years before.

After a perfectly delightful and most enlighteninghour-and-a-half, we went on to have drinks with some Texas friends of VictorWhite named Brown—first name imperishably forgotten.

Quite a contrast. The Browns’ money was so new you couldalmost smell the oil, and they were correspondingly pretentious. Their brandnew, block-long house was Humble Classic, redeemed by a fine mural Victor hadpainted in the vast dining room. Its formal garden contained a hundred and threevarieties of camellias. Before we ever met the Browns a little old femalerelative was deputized to show us the gardens. "The war has madeeverything so difficult," she sighed. "Before it we had thirteengardeners. Now we have only six, not counting the head gardener, of course."

Mrs. Brown turned out to be a fragile southern belle. Brownwas a handsome, rugged Texan dressed in British tweeds by Neiman-Marcus. Thetemperature was still seventy degrees. Other tycoons and their wives dropped infor cocktails, which were very good and strong. The conversation wasgolden—black gold that is. We tried to hold our end up but we were clearlyoutclassed. Just at the end I had a shock. I stepped into the coat closet toget my hat and turned pale as I saw six identical mink coats hanging there—howwould Ruth ever know which was hers? But she was equal to it. She found onewith the initia1s M.P.L. that she hoped stood for Mary Pottishman Lard. When wegot home, she said to Mary, "I hope this is yours."

"If it ain’t," Mary said gaily, "it's probablya better one if you got it at the Browns."

The following evening we adjourned the party while Mamie cameto dinner escorted by Ike's West Point roommate, Colonel P. A. Hodgson Thischarming gentleman was in uniform but so crippled by arthritis that he couldonly hold a desk job at Fort Sam. The dinner was excellent. The talk was allabout the Army and West Point and I tried to take notes and eat at the sametime. The happy serenity was only interrupted by occasional telephone callsfrom our party that had been adjourned to the downstairs dining rooms. Ruthwould whisper, "No, they haven't gone yet."

To our great delight Mamie stayed until ten-thirty—very lateby Army custom. The moment she left—the party re-assembled in our suite andwent on and on.

On our last night in San Antonio Mamie's sister,"Mike,"(Mrs. George Gordon Moore) gave a buffet supper party for usin her parent's winter home. Mr. and Mrs. Dowd had not yet arrived. It was a big,classically beautiful wooden house, far more spacious than the Dowd's officialresidence in Denver.

And it was the kind of party at which Mamie shone most brightly.

She never enjoyed big functions, but among old friends in aninformal atmosphere she sparkled with such effervescent gaiety that everyone presentcaught her mood. Mike Moore was a good and thoughtful hostess but lacked hersister's brilliance. Was this the chemistry of success? Or perhaps success wasdue to chemistry.

We gathered up Denny in Fort Worth; thence I went alone toWashington where Mamie had opened all doors. I interviewed everyone from UnderSecretary of War, John J. McCloy and Major General William J. (Wild Bill) Donovanto former soldier servants who had been with the Eisenhowers in Panama, thePhilippines and at various Army posts. Then home to start writing.

That was a happy book to write. Ike's whole life had, intruth, been so simple, honest and idealistic that there were few, if any,problems of what to put in and what to leave out for fear of injuring hisreputation or downgrading his prestige as Supreme Commander. This would notordinarily be a question for an honest biographer, but in the midst of a war itwould have been unpatriotic almost to the point of treason to make injuriousstatements about a man in Eisenhower's position. Fortunately my conscience waseasy; there were no shadows in the General's past.

 Ike's idealism at thistime was founded on two apparently contradictory things. First was the religioustraining of his parents who, belonging as they did to the Plain People, weremorally opposed to war. Second was the code that had been drummed into him atWest Point and which he had whole-heartedly accepted. It can be summed up inthe motto of the Military Academy: Duty, Honor, Country. Eisenhower managed tohold to the best of both codes.

He lived a soldier's life, lived it to the hilt in the senseof training himself to his full capacity in that ungentle art so that he mightbe prepared to serve his country to the best of his ability. And yet ...

I have written about a number of military men and, in thecourse of my research, talked to hundreds of career soldiers.

All of them said they hated war, usually adding, "becauseI know an ordinary man spends his entire life preparing himself for aprofession never to practice it, he is inevitably frustrated.

Even the great and gentle General Robert E. Lee watching fromthe heights at Fredericksburg as the Union Army deployed in all its glory onthe plains beneath, said, "It is well that war is so terrible else wewould grow to love it too well."

Or as Monsieur Beaucaire put it in Booth Tarkington's play ofthe same name, "All zat practice and not one leetle fight.”

For example, who can forget George C. Scott as General GeorgeS. Patton surveying the wreckage and death of a terrible battle and exclaiming,“Compared to war, all other forms of human endeavorshrink to insignificance. God help me, I do love it so!”

But Eisenhower was not an ordinary general. Of them all he wasthe only career soldier who convinced me that, in all truth, he hated war.

In practice his rare humaneness militated against hisprofessional competence; and twice cost his country dear.

The first time was at the Falaise Pocket in the early stagesof the liberation of France. Two German Panzer armies were almost trappedbetween the First United States Army and Patton's Third Army, hooking aroundtheir flank from the west. Eisenhower's plan was that the Third Army shouldmeet General Bernard Montgomery's British and Canadian Armies west of Falaiseto close the ring. It became evident that due to unexpected resistance andMontgomery's procrastination, the Canadians would not reach Falaise in time,whereas Patton was rolling merrily ahead. In his memoir, Crusade in Europe, Eisenhower never blamed Montgomery. As he put itto me, "We had no time to warn the British forward units of any change ofplan. To allow Patton to go on and close the gap might have meant Allied Armiesshooting at each other. For this reason Bradley and I decided halt Patton nearArgentan according to plan.”

The result was that the German Panzer Armies slipped throughthe gap between the British and Americans and lived to fight again. They werethe mainstay of Hitler's final ferocious thrust at the Battle of the Bulge. AsEisenhower recounted in Crusade in Europe,this cost 77,000 American casualties and came within sight of capturing themain Allied supply port of Antwerp.

The second and more disastrous result of Eisenhower's humanitarianattitude again hinged on his horror of Allied troops shooting at each other. InJanuary 1945, as the Battle of the Bulge was ending in an Allied victory, Ikeinitiated conversation with the Russian General Staff to arrange a line wherethe American and Russian armies would meet and halt. The line of the Elbe Riverwas chosen and Ike communicated this decision to President Roosevelt at Yalta.Roosevelt has often been blamed for the unfortunate result. Eisenhower'sexplanation of it to me in 1948 was, "At the time, I was 250 miles fromBerlin and on the other side of the Rhine. The Russians were only about 50miles from Berlin. How could I possibly know we might be able to get therefirst?” He asked me rhetorically.

True enough. But Eisenhower did not have to begin those talkswith the Russians right then. He confessed to me that he had an almostpathological fear of allied armies accidentally firing upon each other. If hehad taken Berlin, as Winston Churchill wished him to, history might have beenfar different.

However,in General Eisenhower's defense, it must be pointed out that at the PotsdamConference in July 1945, he strenuously, even violently, objected to theagreement which placed the border of the Russian zone on a line from Lubecksouthward to Eisenach and on to the Austrian border. This forced the Americantroops to retire 150 miles to the westfrom their standstill line. Thatnonsense was the work of Roosevelt and Truman.

During the spring of 1944, I made several trips to Washingtonto see Mrs. Eisenhower and meet people in high places who could contributeinformation about Ike. At that time Mamie had an apartment at the Wardman ParkHotel, and she would get me a room close by. Since she had a kitchen and amaid, she thoughtfully invited me to breakfast every morning. She also gave oneof her delightful buffet suppers to which came a whole flood of generals, manyof them wearing the big silver star of the General Staff. As good whiskey and goodfood warmed them, they talked pretty freely, though they did not disclose anymilitary secrets.

One thing I learned though was the Staff's intense dislike ofGeneral Douglas MacArthur. When his name was mentioned, I heard one general askanother, "What brand of makeup is he using this year?"

On one of these trips to Washington, late in May, I began tofeel quite ill, but kept on going. Then one morning I discovered irrefutable proofof the nature of my illness—I had mumps. I hastily telephoned Mamie to ask ifshe had ever had the disease.

"No," she said. "Not that I know of."

I was horrified. I retreated to New York, where I telephonedAndré de Saint Phalle, who had recently had mumps at the age of forty."What has it done to you?" I asked.

With a smile in his voice, André said, "For your comfortI can tell you that it has not in the least interfered with my enjoyment or mypotency"—a fact which his lovely wife, Jacqueline soon confirmed by givingbirth to their fifth child. Though this eased my self-concern, I was terriblyworried about Mamie. I waited out the 14-21 days of the incubation period inmiserable anticipation of the news that she had caught the disease. Luck waswith us; she did not catch it. If she had, she would have been in the worst stageon June 6, 1944, which was not only D Day for Ike's invasion of France, butalso the day their son, John, was graduated from the Military Academy.

What a dog that would have made me!

I had met John Eisenhower on a trip to West Point in March todo research at the Academy. He was a tall, good-looking young man whose onlyambition was to become a good soldier. Like most sons of great men, he was tobe frustrated by his father's fame. No commanding general would let Johnanywhere near the front lines for fear he might be captured and held hostage.He hoped that when his father retired, he could have a military career of hisown.

Not so. Near the end of the Korean War John was ordered tojoin a regiment there. His father was President-elect of the United States.When General Matthew Ridgeway, commanding our forces in Korea heard that Johnwas coming he groaned, "Why have they done this to me?"

My book, General Ike,was published early in August 1944 just as the Allied Armies made the greatbreakthrough that culminated in the liberation of France. Inevitably it was agreat success. The People's Book Club bought it in November for distributionthe following June, provided it was brought it up to date.

Soon after the contract was signed the Battle of the Bulgebegan. The American lines had been broken by a massive, last-ditch, super-secretbuild-up of German Panzer tanks, infantry and materiel.

Rumors of utter disaster were flying around New York;Eisenhower's reputation hit an all-time low. The Book Club tried to back out ofour contract. In their offices I felt as popular as a hyena at an Africanpicnic.

The situation, though perilous, was fortunately not as bad asthe rumors foretold. However, the Bulge did represent a failure, not ofcommand, but certainly of intelligence. How the Germans could have concentratedsuch a vast military force in the Ardennes without Eisenhower's knowledge isonly partly explained by the atrocious weather that prevented aerialreconnaissance. A first rate espionage system operating behind enemy lines couldhave prevented much of the grief. Despite the American public's present ratherdisdainful attitude toward the CIA and our military intelligence systems, thelesson of this costly omission would seem to justify their existence, in peaceas well as war.

The final victory in Europe of course raised Eisenhower to aheight of popularity probably never equaled by any other American General. However,it was not only victory, but also his personality that made the people love himso much. For he was more than a successful general. He was the embodiment ofthe ideal American—simple, friendly, brave, idealistic—a good man who seemed tohave come uncorrupted by modern cynicism out of America's innocent past.

At that time Eisenhower was, indeed, surprisingly naive.

Though he had great military expertise he was almost totallyignorant of economics and politics. He had never had any money of his own andrelied entirely on Mamie to manage the family finances; and his incognizance ofthe national economy was even more profound. As to politics: until World War IIit was an article of faith among Americans that the Army should take no part incivilian government. Career soldiers could not even vote until after World WarI. The Military Academy inculcated this tenet into its graduates and Cadet Eisenhoweraccepted it so completely that he never voted until after his retirement asChief of Staff in 1948.

Not only that, but virtually nothing was taught at West Pointabout foreign policy, which was to be left to the wisdom of civilianstatesmen—theirs but to do and die as ordered.

This is the reason American generals, including Ike, hadlittle conception of the political implications of their strategic decisions. Theyfelt that their job was to win the war as efficiently and expeditiously aspossible without regard for the after consequences. That was why they could notunderstand Winston Churchill's farsighted effort to channel the Allied drivethrough Eastern Europe to prevent a Russian takeover, and his anxiety to havethe Allies take Berlin. And that is why the President of the United Statesfrequently got poor advice from his generals.

Later Eisenhower was to become much more sophisticated insuch matters, for unlike many military men, he had an open mind and thecapacity to keep on learning. The Eisenhower of the 1950s would not have madethe same decisions as the Supreme Commander of the forties.

As to his professional ability he was a good general but notan inspired one. MacArthur was a far more brilliant strategist, as were some ofthe men who served under Eisenhower. In private, though not in his books,Eisenhower stated that he relied heavily on General Omar Bradley's advice onstrategy and tactics. On one occasion he said to me, "I only overruled Bradleyon one occasion and that was probably a mistake."

"When was that?" I asked.

"When I took the airlift of supplies away from Patton toallocate the planes to Montgomery for the parachute drop in his attack onArnhem in September 1944."

It was more than "probably" a mistake. All three Alliedairborne divisions were used, being dropped in a north-south line fromEindhoven near the Belgian border to Arnhem on the other side of the Rhine.They were, in order, the American 101st, the 82nd Airborneand the British 1st Airborne. Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands,then in command of the Dutch Underground, told me many years later thatunfortunately Montgomery refused the intelligence reports. As a result, the 1stBritish Airborne was dropped beyond Arnhem right in the middle of aconcentration of two divisions of crack German troops. In addition, Montgomerywas, as usual, behind schedule in bringing up the ground forces to theirsupport. The British 1st Airborne was literally cut to pieces. Outof about 8,000 British paratroopers, only 2,400 fought their way back tosafety.

This offensive did gain some valuable ground for the Alliesand put them in a favorable position to take the great port of Antwerp. However,this much could have been accomplished with far fewer troops, less transportand fewer casualties. The Battle of Arnhem must be described a great opportunitylost and a bloody defeat.

Though Eisenhower was admittedly not as brilliant as some, hewas probably the only general in either the American or British militaryestablishments who could have united the vast conglomerate armies andsuccessfully exercised Supreme Command in the European Theater. One shudders tothink of the shambles that the brilliant but temperamental MacArthur, thedashing and equally tempestuous George S. Patton or even comparativelyphlegmatic Bradley would have made of British-American Relations. It is notimprobable that if feisty Field Martial Bernard Montgomery had been in SupremeCommand, the British and the Americans might have ended up shooting at eachother.

Eisenhower's goodwill, his modesty, his stability, hisintegrity and his willingness to see the other fellow's point of view, andabove all, his genuine, irresistible friendliness, welded a weird and disparatecollection of men from six nations into a winning team. If he was not an inspiredgeneral, he was an inspiring leader. The troops of all nations loved him.

Perhaps Ike’s greatest personal triumph was keeping the friendshipof Montgomery. Both Patton and Bradley hated the little British Field Marshal, asdid members of Montgomery's own service. Many an Englishman said to me at thetime, “I don't see how Ike manages to get along so well with Monty. It's amiracle!”

Nor was Montgomery especially considerate of Eisenhower. Morethan once he said things and did things that caused Ike great distress. And hewas frequently openly contemptuous of the Supreme Commander's strategic thinking.Yet many years later, when Eisenhower relinquished command of the NATO forces inFrance to run for President of the United States, Montgomery, making thefarewell speech, burst into tears and could not finish his tribute.

When Ike returned to America for his triumphal tour in June1945, I was already at work on my life of President Roosevelt who had died onApril 13th. I carefully arranged my schedule so as to be in Washington on theday of Ike's return. As usual, I stayed at the Wardman Park and secured a roomdirectly over the entrance Ike would use. Mamie, with the discipline of asoldier's wife, had put herself entirely in the hands of the Pentagon Committeeon arrangements. However, the day before her husband’s return, she confided inme that she was upsetbecause she had been allotted no seats in the reviewing stand on PennsylvaniaAvenue. She was, of course, to meet Ike at the airport but she wanted a fewseats for some of the Army wives who had stood by her through the long, lonelyyears.

"Why don't you call up the President or GeneralMarshall?" I asked.

"Oh, I couldn't do that," she said. "Ikewouldn't like me to interfere with the arrangements."

That morning I was to interview Assistant Secretary of StateWilliam Phillips for the Roosevelt book. I already knew him well enough to tellhim about Mamie's predicament.

"That's outrageous," Mr. Phillips said.

"I know it isn't your bailiwick," I said. "ButI thought you might know somebody over at the Pentagon who could fix Mamie up.Only for God's sake don't say I told you."

"You bet I do," Phillips said. "I'll call McCloy."

When I saw Mamie that afternoon she said, "You know Ineedn't have worried about those seats. Secretary McCloy called up and said hewas sending me eight seats right opposite the White House."

"That's great, Mamie," I said. "I thought thingswould work out alright."

I had no desire for a seat on Pennsylvania Avenue to see Ikewhiz by, but I did want to meet him. Mamie said she would call me if there werea chance in their tight schedule.

The next morning I awoke and turned on the radio to hear thatIke was due to land in five minutes. I rushed to the windows on an off-chance,and sure enough, I saw President Truman’s DC4, “The Sacred Cow” with a fighterescort, heading for Andrews Field.

That afternoon I asked a few very special friends tococktails to watch Ike arrive at the Wardman Park. They came running. We had agood, if brief, look at him. He seemed so young with his hair still gold, hisbright sea-blue eyes and ruddy complexion.

After that we sat around drinking. I was not a good host. I waslistening for that telephone too intently. Finally it rang and I leaped. It wasMamie saying, "We are just leaving for the White House dinner. Meet us inthe lobby."

Abandoning my guests with a muttered apology, I rusheddownstairs. An elevator door opened and there was Ike with Mamie, shyly proud,on his arm. She steered him over to me and said, "This is Alden Hatch whowrote the book about you."

The famous Eisenhower grin struck me with all its warmth. Ikeshook hands and said, "Happy to know you, Mr. Hatch. You did a goodjob."

I muttered. "I hope so. Great honor, Sir.”

It was all over in thirty seconds, but I had met General Ike.

Our friendship with the Eisenhowers grew warmer during thelate forties. When General Eisenhower succeeded General George C. Marshall asChief of Staff he, of course, moved into Quarters One at Fort Myer just outsideof Washington. In 1947, I was commissioned to write a series of articles for Liberty Magazine on each of thePresidential possibilities for 1948—Truman, Dewey, Stassen, Vandenberg, Taft,J. Strom Thurmond and Henry Wallace. This took me to Washington right at the beginning of the Greek Crisis.Great Britain had abruptly announced that it could no longer afford to support theGreek Government in its battle against the Communist rebels who were beingsupplied by the U.S.S.R. with money and arms. If nothing were done to fill thevacuum, Greece would certainly fall into the Communist sphere.

A tremendous debate immediately began between those whobelieved that the United States must forsake its traditional peacetime policyof neutrality in Europe to save Greece, and the neo-isolationists headed bySenator Robert A. Taft.

Only two days after the news became public Ruth and I wereinvited to have cocktails with the Eisenhowers at Quarters One. We arrived atabout six o'clock to find the Eisenhowers alone. Ike's legendary attendant,Master Sergeant John A. Moaney, brought drinks and for a few moments we chattedinconsequentially. Then I said, "General, what do you think should be doneabout the Greek situation?"

That was all Ike needed. He launched into a brilliantexposition of the situation in the Mediterranean that lasted for three hours.Every fifteen minutes one of the servants would bring in fresh drinks. Ruth andMamie and I quit after the third round, but Ike kept on talking and drinking—hemust have had at least eight strong Scotch and sodas. They affected neither theprecision of his speech nor the lucidity of his mind.

I could only guess as to why General Eisenhower took me socompletely into his confidence and why he bothered to give me such a detailedbriefing on his ideas about the policy the United States should adopt vis-a-visRussia. I think it was partly because he knew I was sympathetic to his thoughtand loyal to him personally; and that I was in a position to publicize histheories. Also, he may have been clarifying his own thinking before anintelligent audience. I did little but scribble furiously in my notebook andask an occasional question.

It was then I realized that Ike had come a long way in his graspof international politics from the days when military considerations had beenhis guiding principle.

When I got back home to Cedarhurst, Long Island, I temporarilyshelved the articles on the candidates and began one on Eisenhower's reactionto the Greek Crisis. It was wasted effort. A few days later President Trumanmade his famous address to a joint session of Congress in which he outlined theTruman Doctrine of containment of Communism which has been the basic foreignpolicy of the United States ever since. That speech was, in effect, a rewordingof Eisenhower's exposition to me. In fact many of the General's phrases foundtheir way into it: “the bastion of the Free World in the Eastern Mediterraneanwithout which Turkey and the Dardanelles would be outflanked”; "thenecessity of checking Communism everywhere lest the whole world be lost by thegradual erosion”; “the domino effect on the shattered and wavering countries ofWestern Europe, such as Italy” if Greece were then allowed to fall.

Perhaps Eisenhower was simply expressing ideas he had heardin the frantic councils of state; but I do not think so. At that time he wasvery close to President Truman and, as Chief of Staff was the president’s principalmilitary adviser. I believe that he was the main originator of the TrumanDoctrine and that I was present at the dress rehearsal of his exposition of itto the President, with whom he conferred the day after my visit to Fort Myer.

I note that in my account of that, for me, thrilling evening,I describe Eisenhower as drinking a good deal. Yet he was never accused ofover-indulgence in alcohol nor should he have been. Those Scotch and sodasseemed only to stimulate his mind.

On the other hand, ever since the campaign of 1952, there hasbeen a widespread underground rumor that Mamie was an alcoholic. It is time toset the record straight.

The truth is that until Ike's first attack of gastroenteritisin 1950, when he tapered off drinking and gave up smoking on his doctor'sorders, Ike drank a great deal more than Mamie. While he was consuming Scotchand sodas before and after dinner, she would only have consumed at most two oldfashioneds before dinner.

And what old fashioneds! Sergeant Moaney, who had been withIke since he was a Lieutenant Colonel, would fix them for her exactly as shewanted. He put in the most awful mess of garbage I have ever seen—an ounce anda half of very good bourbon drowned in grenadine, slicesof orange and other fruit, a dash of Angostura bittersand heaven knows what else. The resultant mixture was a sweet, syrupyconcoction that nobody, but nobody, could have drunk more than two of withoutgetting sick.

Therumors about Mamie were started by the Democrats during the '52 campaign. Thebasis for them was the fact that she had a difficulty with her inner ear, whichoccasionally made her lose balance and stagger, particularly if she happened tobe on a little height, such as a dais or the head of a flight of stairs.

Irecall that James Wechsler ofthe New York Evening Post onceattacked me on the subject of Mamie's drinking at a party at the EustaceSeligmans. "I know it's true,” he said, “because I was standing at thehead of the stairs leading to the ballroom of the Mayflower Hotel when she and Ike came by. She staggered and Ike took herarm and said, “Do you think you can make it, Mamie?'"

"You see," Wechsler said triumphantly. "I havefirsthand knowledge."

Of course I saw. And I explained to Wechsler how completelynatural it was for Ike to solicitously ask if she could make that steep flightof stairs. And, of course, Wechsler did not believe me because he did not wantto.

I will say now, what I said to him: I have been with Mamie inall sorts of circumstances, at big parties and small gatherings of intimatefriends; sometimes alone, except for my wife or Ike; sometimes at celebrationsor less-happy occasions; in my own house and hers and her father's house; butnever, no matter how convivial the groups, have I ever seen Mamie drink morethan her two hideous cocktails before dinner.

 While on the subjectof rumors concerning the Eisenhowers, I must touch on the subject of Kay Summersby—Ike'sBritish driver during World War II. The scuttlebutt had him sleeping with her allthe way from Algiers to Berlin. Of this I have no firsthand knowledge. Onlyonce did I hear her name mentioned in the Eisenhower house. That was when Ikewas briefly president of Columbia University. Mamie said to Ruth, "Summersby'sbook came out today."

We dropped the subject like a hot potato.

The whole business was completely out of key with what I knewof Ike's character, but in wartime you can never be sure how men will act.

Both my wives have told me that I am incurably naive about suchthings and perhaps I am. Kay was an attractive girl, a tall, slim brunette witha nice sense of humor, plenty of courage and a crackerjack bridge player, aswas Ike. Certainly Ike enjoyed her company. And the aura of his fame and theagony of his spirit at times, were quite enough to make any girl fall in love withhim. In the camaraderie of long, weary hours of driving over hideous roadsthrough horrible weather and of perils shared, they may have become moreintimate. Or they may not. 

It would seem that after the war Kay was not inclined todeny the rumors whether true or not. The editor of Somersby’s memoir, EisenhowerWas My Boss, told me that she once laughingly suggested that her book becalled, My Three Years Under Eisenhower.

The attitude of the Army was expressed by a General Blimp,whom I interviewed at the Pentagon on another subject. When Summersby's namewas mentioned, he snorted, "That girl! She ought to have slept with him,been honored by it and kept her damned her mouth shut!"

Obviously General Blimp—I have honestly forgotten his realname—believed the rumors. However, Army officers are notorious gossips, asinclined to believe the worst as any suburban housewife. Personally I cannotdeny the rumor as categorically as I can the story ofMamie's drinking, but I consider it too dubious for credence.

Oneof our happiest times with the Eisenhowers was I was commissioned to write aseries of articles for Liberty magazine about all the candidates forpresident in the 1948 election — Truman, Dewey, Vandenberg, Stassen, Taft, whenMamie invited Ruth, Denny and me to visit them at Quarters One in the spring of1947. Denny, was of course, in school and having some trouble with his studies.When I told his headmaster that I was taking my son out of school for threedays to visit General and Mrs. Eisenhower, Tony Barber protested that it wouldset him in his studies and endanger his passing. Rather rudely I'm afraid, but Iknew Tony well enough to say it with a smile, "Tony, Denny will learn moreand get more inspiration in three days with General Eisenhower than in threemonths of school."

Iwas quite right. Denny had breakfasted every morning alone with Ike—it was tooearly for Mamie or Ruth and myself. He would be full of his talk with theGeneral, who had the happy gift of communicating with people of any age. Theupshot was that Denny scored much highermarks in his examinations than anyone expected.

One night during our stay, the Eisenhowers had to go to aformal function, so Ruth and I went to the movie theater on the post. As theywere using their regular driver, Sergeant Dry, Ike assigned Sergeant Moaney todrive us. Not wanting to keep Moaney up we insisted, against his will, that he notcall for us after the show. When the movie was over, we rather regretted ourconsideration because the whole fort looked black and empty and there was noplace to telephone for a cab. However, I saw a sergeant in a jeep andasked him for a lift. When he asked where we were going, I said, "QuartersOne.” That was one occasion when I literally saw a man's eyes bug out.

When we got home, we found General Walter Bedell Smith beingentertained by Denny. Smith had just arrived from Russia where he was our ambassadorand was to be our fellow houseguest. “Beetle” Smith had been Ike's Chief ofStaff, and, perhaps, his most intimate friend in SHAEF. He was a thin, gray manwho looked inadequate in his civilian clothes—a deceptive appearance, for hehad a brilliant mind and a Prussian attitude toward discipline. He was aloyal and devoted friend and his staff work played a major, if little known, partin the great Allied victories.

The Eisenhowers soon returned from their party. When we toldMamie how we had, gotten home from the movies she was horrified. "You shouldnot have done that," she said sharply. "Now it will be all over thepost that we don't take proper care of our guests."

Moral: an Army post is a very small town where even the Chiefof Staff's wife worries about what the neighbors think.

The following day Lord and Lady Halifax came to tea. I hadfollowed the career of Edward Wood, 1st Earl of Halifax and greatlyadmired the diplomatic dexterity and humane wisdom he had displayed in three terriblydifficult posts—Viceroy of India, British Foreign Secretary in 1939 andwartime British Ambassador to the United States. Meeting him was no letdown. Heseemed to me the very acme of a British aristocrat. That is a dirty wordin these days, but when exemplified in a man like Halifax, a great public servantwho worked hard and skillfully, not just for his class and the Empire (anotherdirty word) but for all the people of Britain, “aristocrat” takes on the Greekmeaning of the word—one of the best.

Halifax was tall and very thin. He had beautifully modeled featuresand a merry eye. He had been born with an atrophied left arm and no left hand.His artificial hand was encased in a gray glove that was formed with the fingersloosely closed so there was a space between them and the thumb into which he stuckhis long cigarette holder when he wanted his other hand free.

Lady Halifax is less vivid in my memory, a sweet, gray-hairedEnglish lady.

After we had chatted for a few moments an elaborate teaservice was brought in, followed by trays of thin bread-and-butter sandwiches,English crumpets and little cakes.

Ike said, "Would you rather have a drink, Edward?”

"To tell the truth ... " Lord Halifax began, whenMamie interrupted him.

"No you don't. I worked all afternoon getting up thesort of tea Ike said you used to have in England. You'll take tea! Then you can have a drink..."

"Tea, of course," laughed Halifax.

We all had tea, followed by drinks with good talk throughout.

In the summer of 1947, John Eisenhower's engagement wasannounced to Barbara Thompson, the daughter of Colonel Percy Thompson who, likeJohn, was with our occupation forces in Vienna. Soon afterward Mamie telephonedRuth, who had started a dress shop in Cedarhurst, saying that Barbara was cominghome alone on a transport and would Ruth take her under her wing and get hersome good-looking clothes so that she would be properly equipped to meet theirfriends in Washington.

On the appointed day I drove to Fort Hamilton in Brooklyn topick up Barbara. She turned out to be very pretty and sweet.

An Army brat, she was wise in the ways of the service and incrediblyinnocent of the world outside. As we drove along the Belt Parkway towardCedarhurst, Barbara said, “Mr. Hatch, will you tell me what I'm gettinginto?"

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, when the ship got to quarantine, all those reporterscame aboard, taking pictures and asking questions. I thought John was justanother Army officer, but I guess I was wrong."

"You sure were," I said. "Before you get throughyou may find you're married to the son of the President of the United States."

Barbara and John were married in Fort Monroe at Old PointComfort, Virginia, where her father was then stationed.  We were asked to the wedding,but in a fit of misguided economy, I didn’t go. I have always regretted it.

The young Eisenhowers somehow managed to retain theirengaging innocence for many years. In the winter of 1950 they came out toCedarhurst with Ike, who was then President of Columbia University.

John and Barbara got me aside and said, "We've neverbeen to a New York nightclub, and we thought of going to one tonight. Someonesuggested the Latin Quarter. Is that good?"

I told him that it was an excellent choice. John asked,"Is it very expensive?"

I said, "Well, rather. How much did you plan to spend?"

John answered, "I've got twenty-five dollars."

I said, "Oh, dear." Then I called across the room."General Ike, these kids want to go to a nightclub. How about giving themfifty bucks so they can do it right?"

Ike grinned and said, "Alden, why do you put the bee onme?" But he handed over the fifty dollars.

I had no compunction because Ike had just sold Crusade in Europe to Doubleday for$650,000 [$6.6 million today]. A deal had been arranged with the Bureau ofInternal Revenue that since his book was supposedly a one-shot deal, the resultof all his lifetime experience, the money would be regarded as capital gains.Ike was the only person who ever got away with that.

On another occasion John and I were discussing this. Johnsaid, “I don’t altogether like it.”

“Why not?”

"The responsibility of someday inheriting all that moneyworries me.”

Very gently I said, "John, it just ain't that muchmoney.

In 1947, General Eisenhower had gone as far as he could go inhis profession. He wanted to retire as Chief of Staff in 1948, partly as he saidto me, "So Brad (General Omar Bradley) can have a crack at it.”

At the same time he was too young to lapse into desuetude."I do not feel that I am about to stumble over my beard,” he said to me.

Where to go from there? Of course several of the great corporationshad offered him a huge salary to become their CEO, but that did not comportwith his idea of integrity. "I don't want to use the fame I gained servingmy country for personal profit," he said to me. Nor did he want to enterpolitics.

At Potsdam in 1945, President Truman had told him that if hewanted to run for President in 1948, he would back him. Ike had beenflabbergasted and laughed it off. He was very conscious of the fact that theAmerican people listened when he spoke because they believed he had no selfish orpartisan object. To run for office would destroy their confidence in hisimpartiality.

There were times when Ike talked of a cottage in theCarolinas and books to write; but he felt impelled by a sense of obligation tothe men and women who had served and sacrificed under him to take a more activerole and to use his utmost powers to achieve the peace for which they hadfought and died. He wanted a position that would give him a platform from whichhe could speak and be heard. From 1946 on, he was searching for the right job.

 

PREXY EISENHOWER

The Trustees of Columbia University had been looking for aPresident for two years. Frank Fackenthal, the acting President, was a finescholar and a good administrator, but the trustees felt they needed a man withnational prestige to replace retired President Nicholas Murray Butler; and amore genial character to raise the huge sums necessary to keep the universitygoing. They interviewed a number of possible candidates, none of whom seemedjust right. After one of these negative interviews, six of the trustees wereriding downtown in one limousine discussing the problem, when Thomas J. Watson,the austere head of International Business Machines suddenly said, "Whatabout Ike?”

Columbia trustee Thomas Parkinson told me that every man inthe car agreed it would be great… "If we can get him."

When Eisenhower received an invitation to meet with two ofthe Columbia Trustees, Watson and Parkinson, to discuss an important matter, hethought they were after his brother Milton for the presidency. So did Milton.

The meeting took place in the Thayer Hotel at West Point.When the trustees offered Ike the presidency he was literally astounded. Hesaid, "You don't want me," He said, "Go to see the Eisenhowerwith brains!"

More seriously he continued, "The President of Columbiashould be a scholar of renown; one who knows his way around

"We have many fine scholars on the campus," Watsonsaid. "We are seeking a leader."

So it was Ike they wanted. The more Eisenhower thought aboutit the better he liked the idea. Though he recognized the difficulties in hislack of scholarship and training he said to me—and many others—"You knowhow much I want to work for the peace of the world and to influence young people.I think Columbia is a place where I can make my ideas known without engaging inpartisan politics."

However, he left it up to Mamie to decide, saying, "Upto now our orders have always come from above and we had no choice. You havealways gone along. This time you have to decide."

Mamie told me she did not want to go to Columbia. Sherealized that it would mean more of the fishbowl publicity-haunted life shehated. In addition she dreaded living in New York; the crowds, the noise, thepressures, quite literally frightened her. But she could see that Ike wasenthusiastic about the job, and she believed it would be good for him. So shesaid, "I think you ought to take it.”

There was one other slight hitch. The President of Columbiawas required to be an Episcopalian (Anglican) by the original charter of King'sCollege. Ike was not of that persuasion. Though he was essentially religious, hewas not wedded to any particular sect any more than he was to any politicalparty. He said, “I am not about to join a church just to get a job.”

The requirement was dropped.

The announcement that General Eisenhower had accepted thepresidency of Columbia caused bewilderment and anguish among New York intellectuals.

I happened to be in town that day seeing editors and lunchingwith journalists. Knowing I was a friend of the General, they asked me why hehad been chosen and why he had accepted it. I said, "I don't know, butI'll find out.

I telephoned Walter Davenport of Collier’s magazine and asked him if he would like me to interviewGeneral Eisenhower on his new job. Davenport jumped at it. Then I called Ike atQuarters One and told him about the confusion in New York and suggested that I writeabout his thinking on the matter for Collier’s. He thought it was a good idea andasked me to come to Washington.

Once again, he completely opened his heart to me, giving methe basis of a splendid article. However, that did not answer the question ofwhy Columbia had chosen him. To find that out I interviewed two of the trustees—ThomasParkinson, President of The Equitable Life Assurance Society and MarcellusHartley Dodge, President of Remington Arms. We met at Mr. Parkinson's spaciousDirector's Room. The three of us sat at the big mahogany director's table. Itwas hardly the sort of place I prefer for an interview, but it went off well.Parkinson was a round, jovial man whose geniality concealed a steel-trap mindand excessive caution. Marcy Dodge was small, thin and wiry and one of thefinest, most courteous gentlemen I ever met. Throughout the interview Parkinsontook the lead, telling me exactly what he wanted me to know, no more, no less.

Toward the end Dodge hesitantly suggested that they mightlike to see the article, before it was published. Parkinson vetoed that."We don't want to assume any responsibility for what Mr. Hatchwrites," he said.

The morning that I finished the article and was about to deliverit to Collier’s, Mr. Dodge called meup in Cedarhurst.

Very embarrassed he said, "Tom Parkinson didn't want meto do this, but I would like very much to see the article. There are somethings about the situation at Columbia you have not been told, and you might inadvertentlymake things more difficult for General Eisenhower."

I told Mr. Dodge that I had promised the article to Davenportby three-thirty that afternoon, but that if we could meet for lunch orsomething I would show it to him.

You could fairly hear the wheels revolving in his head as he weighedthe necessity of breaking some important luncheon date. Then he said, "Allright. Meet me at the Empire Club in the Empire State Building. I'll get aprivate dining room so we can talk. But please, never tell Parkinson."

"I won't," I promised.

The Empire Club was very handsome and tycoonish, with finelypaneled rooms, thick carpets, discreet servants and superb views of New YorkCity. Mr. Dodge escorted Ruth and me to a private dining room where two liveriedwaiters were in constant attendance. We had drinks and an excellent lunch.

Then the waiters were shooed out, and Dodge read the articlemaking a few notes. After that he said, "What you don't realize is thatthe Columbia faculty are somewhat upset by our appointing the General. Fackenthalwas their man—one of them who had come up through the ranks, as it were. Also,they have the usual intellectual prejudice against the military. Fackenthal isvery disappointed and so are they."

“What can I do about that?”

"You can put in some nice things about Fackenthal"Dodge said. "It may make it easier for Ike."

We worked out a couple of paragraphs, which I wrote as aninsert.

Walter Davenport was delighted with the article, but he saidit was too long. "What are you going to cut?" I asked.

"For one thing, that stuff about Fackenthal."

"Please don't do that," I said, and explained why.

Walterimmediately agreed to cut something else. Everyone wanted to help Ike in thosedays—except the faculty of Columbia. Though, at Ike's request, I had been verycareful to say nothing about the growing sentiment in both major politicalparties to nominate Eisenhower for President in 1948, Collier’s published my piece as the feature story. The portrait ofIke on the cover had a ghostly White House as background.

GeneralEisenhower retired as Chief of Staff in February 1948. He took two months off.Though Mamie had encouraged him to accept the Presidency of Columbia, Ike knewthat she wanted to live in New York about as much as she wanted to live onDevil's Island. To make things easier for her he bought her the finest car hecould obtain, a Chrysler Imperial limousine. When he told her about it Mamiesaid, "What a beautiful present!"

Ikelooked a little embarrassed. "There is a slight hitch," he said."I put my lifetime savings into it, but that wasn't quite enough. Can youlend me a thousand dollars, Mamie?"

Afive-star general is never retired. Eisenhower still drew his full pay and wasentitled to two Army aides.  

InApril the Eisenhowers started for New York in the Chrysler driven by SergeantLeonard Dry. As they maneuvered through theheavy traffic on old Route 1, Ike said, "Well, Mamie, we're driving to NewYork in our capital.”

This was only temporarily true. During his two month vacationEisenhower had written Crusade in Europe. It was a stupendous feat to haveproduced a book of nearly six hundred pages in six weeks. True he had the helpof several Doubleday editors, four secretaries to whom he dictated alternatelylike Napoleon—and several aides running around checking facts. Nevertheless, theeditors have told me that he dictated every word of it himself and rememberedthe location of almost every army unit—American and German—that he mentioned.The aides and editors, checking through the huge mass of military documents,for the most part merely confirmed the General's recollections. From a writer'spoint of view, that was an even more remarkable tour de force than thecampaigns themselves.

The Eisenhowers moved into the President's House at Columbiain April 1948. Superficially everything was great, but beneath the surface themajority of the faculty were out to get him, and eventually they did.

Almost immediately Ruth and I were invited to have dinnerwith the Eisenhowers. On that occasion I extended to the General an invitationfrom George Purves of the Wyandanch Club to go trout fishing. Ike accepted andthe expedition was arranged for the second Monday in May when presumably fewmembers would be present.

Wyandanch was a sportsmen's club at St. James, Long Island.It owned hundreds of acres of fields for shooting, and clear swift trout streams,which were kept fully stocked. I was not a member of the club. It wasfar too expensive—the dues were three or four thousand dollars a year. Inaddition, I was one of the world's worst fishermen, being too impatient andunlucky to boot. I could sit in a boat in the Gulfstream surrounded by fishingcruisers hauling in sailfish as fast as they could. Not only would I not catcha fish, but nobody in my boat would get so much as a nibble.

As we planned the expedition to Wyandanch, only clubpresident Newbold Herrick, George Purves, the General and me would be present.But Monday, May 10th turned out to be the first beautiful day of theseason—full summer in the fresh glory of May. The General fished in the morningand caught nothing. When we went in to lunch a dozen members were present,lured out by the lovely weather. Their double-takes on being introduced to theGeneral were great fun to watch.

After lunch George and Newbold conferred with the oldest guideabout where Ike should fish. They rigged his pole and selected the fly with thegreatest care. I rigged my own pole.

We all drove to the head of the number one stream—freshly stocked.Ike started out with the guide. George and Newbold followed. They knew they didnot have a chance of catching anything after the General had roiled the waters;they just wanted to watch him fish.

As a boy of four I contracted tuberculosis of the boneresulting in a shriveled left leg. I have used crutches all my life. Standingforlornly on the bank I shouted, "What am I supposed to do, George? Ican't walk down that stream on crutches."

Very off-hand George said, "Throw a line into that lakeover there. You might catch something."

         There wasnothing else to do, so I followed his advice. On my second cast, Bang! I hookeda beauty. But I was in a spot. I couldn't handle the rod, landing net andcrutches all at once. Playing the fish I moved close to the edge of the lakeand deliberately fell down. Then I grabbed the net and got him. Twice more intwenty minutes I went through this performance. Then I went back to the clubwith two big trout and a small-mouth bass. An hour later General Ike and partyturned up with one tiny trout just over the legal limit. It was my one fishingtriumph.

From the club I took the General back to my house, Somerleas,where Ruth and Mamie joined us. As we sat talking and drinking in that superbevening the world was at its very best.

At one point the subject of flying came up and Ike mentioned thathe earned a pilot’s license. He said casually, “You know what I really love todo? Take a Piper Cub up high, take my hands and feet off the controls and seewhat the damned thing will do.

“My God, Mamie!” Ruth shrieked. “Did you hear that?”

Mamie shrugged.

The general looking out over the salt marshes, all green andgold between strips of deep blue water, paid Somerleas its finest compliment.“I could sit here forever," said Ike.

Eisenhower's Presidency of Columbia was subject to many interruptions.The first was political. After sixteen years of Democratic rule the Republicansdesperately needed a winner.

Back in January, Senator Charles W. Tobey and Mr. Leonard V.Finder, Publisher of the Manchester Evening-Leaderhad entered Eisenhower’s name in the New Hampshire presidential primary. Ike wastempted. He was bone-weary, anxious for a comparatively peaceful life; and heknew the rather dismal history of generals in the White House.

On the other hand was his genuine feeling of obligation tothe American people and the knowledge that as President he could exerttremendous influence on the shape of the future. Let us not rule out ambition,which every American boy of his era must have felt at one time or another to bePresident.

In the end he wrote a Shermanesque refusal to Finder saying,"It is my conviction that the necessary and wise subordination of themilitary to civil power will be best sustained … when lifelong professionalsoldiers, in the absence of some obvious and overriding reason, abstain fromseeking high political office … Nothing in the international or domesticsituation especially qualifies (me) for the most important office in the world.

"In any event, my decision to remove myself completelyfrom the political scene is definite and positive … I could not accept the nominationeven under the remote circumstance that it were tendered me."

In private Eisenhower said, "I see no reason why Ishould allow the Republicans to use me as a catspaw to regain the presidency."

Commenting on this, John said to me, "Of course, Fatherhas no false modesty."

So much for the Republicans. They went off happilypoliticking at their National Convention, in which the leading candidates ofthe liberal and internationalist wing were Governor Thomas E. Dewey of NewYork, Senator Arthur H. Vandenberg of Michigan and former Governor Harold Stassenof Minnesota. The conservative, neo-isolationist front-runners were Senator Taftand Speaker of the House, Joseph W. Martin.

The Democrats were desperate. President Harry S. Truman wasat his nadir of popularity. The party chieftains knew he could not win. In their frantic search for a candidateoutstanding and popular enough to take the nomination away from a President inoffice they approached Eisenhower, who, true to his West Point training, hadnever voted or joined a political party, though all his instincts, based on hisyouth in Republican Kansas, and his natural conservatism made him at heart aRepublican. However, to everyone's surprise, Eisenhower did not repeat the flatdenial he had given the Republicans; he said nothing.

After a bitter battle at the Republican Convention late in June,Governor Dewey was nominated. He looked like a sure winner unless Ike acceptedthe Democratic Offer. Rumors flew.

In June Parent'sMagazine asked me to write a brief biography of General Eisenhower's firstgrandson, David, who was three months old. I got permission to do so from theEisenhowers who asked us to lunch on the Fourth of July so we could photographthe baby.

 



 As Ruth and I drovethrough 125th Street, my eye caught a bright red headline: IKE WILL ACCEPT. We stoppedand bought the paper.

When we reached the Eisenhower's house we found an unexpectedvisitor—George Allen, who was President Truman's round, merry court jester andpolitical fixer—and hatchet man.

It soon became evident that Allen had come on a mission fromthe President to plead with Ike to make another positive denial that he wouldaccept the Democratic nomination.

Of course our newspaper was just what Allen needed to clinchhis argument. We all sat in the Eisenhower’s little upstairs sitting room whileAllen read it aloud, mouthing the phrases with unctuous emphasis. According tosome obscure Democratic Congressman, Ike had definitely promised to run ifnominated. The General got madder and madder. His face became turkey-wattle redand he snorted violently at each innuendo. "I never saw that fellow in mylife," he said. "He came to my office, but never got past the receptionist."

"All the same, you've got to say something," Allen argued. "Otherwise the Convention mightnominate you by acclamation.

Then what would you do?"

"I'm sure going to look like a darn fool," Ikemuttered, "twice refusing a crown that wasn't offered to me even once."

Nevertheless, the following morning the newspapers carriedIke's unequivocal statement that under no circumstances would he accept theDemocratic nomination.

The next time I saw Eisenhower I said to him, "You knewthe way things were going that you would have to speak out. Why did you wait solong?"

Very slowly Ike said, "I waited to see if theRepublicans would nominate someone acceptable."

"Do you mean that if Taft or Joe Martin had been nominated…?"

"I'd have done something," Ike snapped.

I took that to mean that if a neo-isolationist had been nominatedEisenhower might have made himself available to the Democrats. Though, as Ihave said, his inclinations were definitely Republican, they had not yet beenfixed in the mold of partisanship to the extent that, as he phrased it, hewould be willing to see "all the things I have worked for go down thedrain" rather then turn Democrat.

Later that summer of 1948, I wrote an article for Harper’s magazine called "The Men AroundDewey." It was based on the fact that I, like almost everyone else in bothparties, believed that Truman did not stand a chance. Without exactly saying soI wrote about the men who would hold the different cabinet positions underDewey. In the course of it I interviewed a dozen probable appointees to theCabinet and kitchen cabinet advisers.

I had been told to handle it very tactfully, not everimplying that they had 'already been chosen. When I talked with John Foster DullesI followed the technique of saying, "Now, Mr. Dulles, if you should beoffered Secretary of State what would be your attitude toward such and such?"

After a few such questions Mr. Dulles twinkled at me andsaid, "Mr. Hatch, is there any doubt in your mind that if Dewey is elected,I will be Secretary of State?"

"NO, SIR!" I replied.

All the men around Dewey seemed to me to be qualified, withone exception. When I asked, "Who is his adviser on militarymatters?" the answer was, "General Drum."

General Hugh Drum, the Commander of the National Guard inGovernor Dewey’s state of New York. Drum was the type of soldier who, in the AtomicAge, was still fighting World War I or possibly the Battle of Waterloo. GeneralEisenhower, who was taking more and more interest in politics, asked me to givehim my opinion of Dewey's principal advisers. I mentioned a number of themfavorably and then said, "His military adviser is General Drum."

"That's a help," Ike growled.

A few days later I interviewed Roger W. Straus who was veryclose to Dewey. Again I brought up the question of the candidate's militaryadviser and Straus said it was Drum.

“Mr. Straus," I said," will you tell me why theGovernor is content with a second-rater when one of the greatest generals in theworld is sitting on his doorstep?"

Straus' eyes flew wide open. "Eisenhower!" heexclaimed. "Do you think Ike would consent to talk with theGovernor?"

"I cannot speak for General Eisenhower," I said."But knowing him as well as I do, I cannot imagine his refusing to givethe man who will probably be our next President, the benefit of his militaryknowledge."

When I saw Governor Dewey, I asked him about military advice.Smiling his little pussycat smile he said, "Mr. Hatch, within the next fewdays you will read an announcement that, I think, will please you very much."

About a week later it was announced that General Eisenhower hadgone to Pawling, New York to brief Governor Dewey on the military stance of theUnited States.

Meanwhile, my brief interview with the Governor had somewhatdisenchanted me. In the course of it I asked a set question.

"How do you account for the extraordinary loyalty of themen around you? Dulles and Brownell who are neglecting fine law practices toserve you—[Judge Charles D.] Breitel and [Former Editor of Business Week] Elliot Bell,who could command salaries many times what New York State is paying them.”

Touching his silky mustache the Governor replied, "Perhapsit is because I treat my associates, not as lackeys, but as my friends andequals."

I went stiff with shock. All I could think was, "You condescend to treat John Foster Dulles,a far greater and nobler man, as an equal!"

I must confess I trifled with truth in the Harper's article. After considerablesoul-searching I omitted Dewey's remark. I did so because, in spite of his arrogance,I then believed that Dewey, with his brilliant counselors and excellentadministrative ability, would make a better President than Truman. If publishedit, I thought, it might kill his chances.

The American people, God bless their acuity, caught onanyhow! On October 11, 1948, the night before Eisenhower's official installationas President of Columbia, there was a white tie reception in the rotunda of theLow Memorial Library. However the brilliant the minds of the academic communitymay be, they don't know how to give a party. This was the usual, sort of thingwith women in frumpy evening dresses and eminent scholars in ill-fitting, hiredtailcoats, uneasily sipping loathsome punch and nibbling dried up sandwicheswhile they exchanged banalities or stared silently at one another.

The scene in General Eisenhower's private office just off therotunda was quite different. All his brothers were there, along with forty ormore of his intimate friends—generals, bankers, writers, politicians and even oneor two professors were packed into that small room drinking excellent scotchand talking fast and furiously. There I learned how little hope even PresidentTruman's closest friends had for his election. George Allen, downing his umpteenthscotch and soda, said, "I sure am going to enjoy Ike's inauguration tomorrow,for I think it’s the last one I'll be going to for a long time."

How wrong can you be?

The next day we sat among 10,000 people on rows of chairsthat filled the campus square solidly to watch Eisenhower installed asPresident of Columbia. Dark clouds flew overhead on a swift cold wind. Collegepresidents and distinguished academicians from all over the world trooped in twoby two in the academic procession, wearing the medieval robes and rainbow hoodsof the fabled universities from Oxford and Cambridge, Heidelberg, Salamanca,the Sorbonne and Rome to those from China (not yet red), India, all the FarEast and South America; they had gathered to welcome the neophyte to their sacredgroves.

There were the usual speeches followed by the presentation ofthe golden key office. Then Eisenhower made a really touching orationproclaiming his belief in the doctrine of academic freedom, and his own faithin the American free enterprise system to which he owed so much.

When he had finished, the procession reformed, now inbright-omened sunshine. First came the macebearer properly stern, then the newPresident trying to look equally solemn, but his gold-tasseled mortarboard wastilted just a bit like an overseas cap and the wide grin would break out. AsGeneral Eisenhower reached the bottom of the steps ten thousand people rose totheir feet in spontaneous homage. Pacing slowly the macebearer passed thefront-row seats where Mamie was sitting.

Suddenly Ike skipped out of line over to Mamie and whisperedsomething that made her laugh. Then he skipped agilely back again, and theprocession moved forward like a long black dragon with multicolored scales onits back.

Of course every reporter rushed up to Mamie to ask what Ikehad said to her. "It was private," she replied.

Eisenhower later told me what he had said was, "Don't youever stand up because of me, Mamie!"

Most of Eisenhower's high hopes and idealistic plans for greataccomplishments at Columbia came to nothing—frustrated by the enmity of the faculty,his frequent and necessary absences, and by his own unfamiliarity with anenvironment to which he never had time to grow accustomed.

The few things he did accomplish were good—The Citizen's EducationProject for which he procured a grant of $450,000 from the Carnegie Corporationthat sent men and women specially trained at Teachers’ College to give coursesin citizenship and in all phases of government to Americans; the Institute of Warand Peace; the National Manpower Council and the School of International Affairs.He was proudest of all for his part in founding the American Assembly, aprivately financed program of conferences in which representatives of Industry,Labor, the Professions, both politicalparties and the government regularly met at Arden House— the beautiful mansionin the Ramapo Hills presented to Columbia by Averell Harriman—to discuss themajor problems that confront America.

Despite these very real accomplishments, Ike's Presidency ofColumbia cannot be considered successful from the University's point of view.In fact, when Ike was on leave from Columbia to run for President in 1952, MarcyDodge telephoned me and said,

"The trustees do not want Eisenhower back if he loses.If we made an announcement to that effect, do you think it would have an adverseeffect on his campaign?"

I replied, "It could be disastrous. Please holdeverything until the election. Then if he loses you can work something out."

Dear Marcy kept the trustees muzzled. The question never cameup, of course, because Ike won.

When Eisenhower first accepted the invitation to become Presidentof Columbia he had said to the trustees, "I shall belong to the Army aslong as I am above ground. On that basis I accept the honor you wish to conferon me."

The first time the Army called him was due to the bitterstruggle over unification of the Armed Services into a single department undera Secretary of Defense. The Army favored this eminently sensible arrangement, theAir Force was willing, but the Navy, fearing to lose their favored position asthe senior service and other special perquisites, fought it bitterly. Evenafter the bill had passed Congress and the Department of Defense had been setup under Secretary James Forrestal, a most far-seeing and honorable man,admirals sabotaged it in every way they could think of. So sulfurous was the infightingthat it drove overworked Secretary Forrestal literally insane. On May 22, 1949,he jumped out of a 16th-floor window of Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Forrestal was replaced by Louis B. Johnson whose pinchpenny policy and lack of even a rudimentaryknowledge of military matters left the United States almost defenseless just asthe Korean War loomed. Under these conditions the three services fought evenmore bitterly among themselves over the inadequate appropriations granted theDefense Department.

In August or early September 1949, Eisenhower went briefly toWashington and succeeded in arranging a truce—a gentlemen's agreement as to thetestimony to be given by the Chiefs of Staff before the House Military AffairsCommittee on proposed changes in the Defense Department. Late in September I wasdining alone, with the Eisenhowers at Columbia when Sgt. Moaney brought a telephoneto the table and said, "General [Alfred M.] Gruenther wishes to speak tothe General."

Ike said, "Hello, Al. What happened at thehearing?" As he listened his face grew stern. Then a red flush spread overit and his eyes popped with anger. "No!" he snorted. "I can'tbelieve it! … Really? … Why? … Did he say that? … The son of a bitch has goneback on everything he promised … Impossible … That's completely irresponsible!… A damn lie! … What are we going to do, Al?"

At this point Ike's face was crimson. He was so enraged thathe did not care what he said—normally he never swore before Mamie.

To spare him later embarrassment, I suggested to Mamie thatwe have coffee in the library. It was a silent session, for neither of us couldthink of anything to say.

In about half an hour Ike joined us still steaming. "Thosesons of bitches have reneged on everything they promised," he stormed."Things are in an awful mess. I cannot believe men can be so small, sonarrow-minded … so selfish!

Then very solemnly he said, "I'd like to resign from theArmy and say what I really think—for once."

That was the measure of Eisenhower's desperation. Of coursehe did not resign. Instead he obeyed President Truman's plea that he come to Washingtonand try to mediate the Battle of the Pentagon that, naturally, had becomepublic property.

It was the most unpleasant assignment he ever undertook. Thevindictive bickering and senseless fury of the opposing admirals and generals,backed by their partisans in the Congress, were incredible to a man of Eisenhower'spatriotic and fair-minded nature. Controlling his outrage he somehow managed towork out a compromise between the contending forces. None of them liked it, butusing his full powers of persuasion and his enormous prestige with the Americanpeople as a club, he brought them to a semblance of reason and saved theDefense Department from a chaotic collapse. Agreement was reached in the nickof time; the Korean War was only five months away. Though it is forgotten now,this was one of Eisenhower's most signal services to his country. No man butIke could have done it.

However it took a frightful toll of him. Sixteen-hour days ofmeetings and negotiations were followed by sleepless nights of tossing and turningas the rage he had bottled up all day burst forth in private and sent bile boilingthrough his system. Mamie described those nights to me, and told how, even insnatches of sleep, he would cry out against the men who were putting their selfishpartisan motives before the safety of their country.

When it was all over, in January 1950, Ike had that first·violent attack of gastro-enteritis. He was in Walter Reed Hospital for severalweeks. When next I saw Ike, the change was unhappily evident. He was thinnerand much of his bounce was gone. So were some of his optimism and his geniality.He no longer roared out his hearty laughter, nor could he seem to relaxcompletely. There was always a sense of restlessness. He was more guarded evenamong friends. Though not yet old, he was no longer young.

He had been a chain smoker—reportedly four packs a day duringthe war. Now on Dr. Howard Snyder's orders he had quit the habit. I saidto him, "Do you think you'll ever take up smoking again, General?"

"I don't know," said Ike, "but I know darn wellthat I'll never give it up again!"

 

AN ASIDE

There was a complete change in my own life in 1949. Ruth fellin love with a mutual friend and asked me to give her a divorce. At herinsistence I went to Las Vegas in June. While there I had the good fortune tomeet a lovely young lady who was touring the west with her mother. AllenePomeroy (Squeaky) Gaty and I were married in September 1950. 

 

PRESIDENT EISENHOWER

During the last months of Eisenhower's tenure at Columbia thepressures on him to run for President began to build up again. The Liberal wingof the Republican Party had been discredited by Dewey's surprising defeat.Senator Taft, heading the Conservative element, was the odds-on favorite to winthe nomination in 1952. The Liberals knew that their only chance was to induceIke to run.

There was no question now as to which party Eisenhowerfavored. Though he still said that if either of the great parties spontaneouslydrafted a man it would be difficult to refuse, he privately added, "Icannot imagine running as a Democrat."

Eisenhowerhad deliberately learned a lot about economics. As was his way, he went to thetop for his information—which to him meant the great New York bankers and industrialleaders with whom he was in constant contact. They taught him pre-Keynesianfiscal theories which he took as gospel. This made him rigidlyultra-conservative in his thinking about financial matters though he remainedcomparatively liberal in his attitude toward labor, education and most otherthings. Nor did his anxiety to promote American cooperation in world affairschange. Though his economic orthodoxy worried me, foreign policy seemed muchmore vital, and I reckoned that if he became Presidentthe realities of government finance would soon change his attitude about economics—whichit did.

Ever since 1947, except for a few months in 1948, I had beengently needling Ike to enter politics whenever the opportunity arose, for Ibelieved that, with his breadth of vision, his humanity, and the leverage ofthe trust which people had in him—not only Americans, but also people all overthe world—he great would make a great President.

As early as September 1949, I brought Eisenhower a messagefrom former Governor Morley Griswold of Nevada who said, "Tell Ike that ifhe will run for the Republican nomination in 1952, I guarantee to deliver tohim the following states: Washington, Oregon, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Nevadaand possibly California.”

I remember a small dinner party at Columbia in the spring of1950 at which Eisenhower's aide, Lt. Col. Craig Cannon and Major Robert Schulzwere present. Seizing the opportunity, which the conversation had presented, Isounded off on Eisenhower's patriotic duty to make himself available to theRepublicans—the argument that always touched him most.

We all left rather early, as we knew Ike still retained thearmy habit of rising with roosters. In the elevator Cannon said, "Come onback to my apartment for a drink, Alden. I want to have a serious talk withyou."

When we got there, Cannon and Schulz, both utterly devoted totheir general, attacked me for urging Ike to enter politics. Cannon said veryearnestly, "Please layoff this President thing, Alden. Ike is so sensitiveabout his honor; he is completely honest and is so proud of the trust peoplehave in him, that the ordinary political mudslinging, which is just part of thegame to professional politicians, will kill him."

"I think you underrate Ike," I answered. "He'stougher than you think. Otherwise he could not have borne the strain of thegreat and perilous command decisions he had to make, decisions that inevitablycost the lives of thousands of young men for whom he felt a deep personalresponsibility."

"That's different," Cannon said. When he chose an Armycareer, he accepted such things as inevitable. Though he agonized over them, hewas psychologically prepared for them. He did his best; left nothing undonethat could ensure victory and left the rest in the hands of God. Though thingswent badly in a few cases—damn few as we all know—everyone knew he had done hisbest and there was never a question of his complete integrity. But in politicshis integrity will be constantly questioned. I dread the effect on him. Youdon't know him as well as we do."

Equally earnestly I said, "Craig, I agree you are more intimatewith Ike than I, but perhaps for that very reason my judgment may be betterthan yours. I think he can take it. There is a risk, I admit, but though I loveand revere him I want him to take that risk because I feel that his becomingPresident is so important for America and for the whole damned world."

There it was. Though we talked in circles for two hours ormore, neither of us yielded. As it turned out, it did not matter much, becauseevents soon removed Eisenhower from whatever small influence I—or CraigCannon—had upon him.

With the formation of the North Atlantic Treaty OrganizationPresident Truman named Ike Supreme Commander of the nascent NATO forces. He wasthe obvious choice, the one man all thejealous, mutually suspicious partners in the alliance trusted, the one man who mightbe able to put it together and make it work.

  Ike answered thePresidential summons with a heavy heart, well knowing the immense difficultiesof this new task. Yet had he not done it before? Many of his friends both inthe Armed Services and civilian life begged him not to take the post. They saidthat attempting to build a conglomerate military force made up of bits and piecesfrom so many nations with different arms, different habits and oppositenational objectives, without the cohesive pressure of actual war, was a hopelesstask that might dim his bright fame. They said he was a fool to try. There wasanother reason that nobody mentioned because it would have only made him moreadamant.

Little as Mamie had liked Columbia, she dreaded this moveeven more. But she did not hesitate either. As soon as word came fromWashington she began packing. There was an immense amount to be done. All theEisenhowers’ personal possessions had to be separated from the Columbiafurnishings and either sent to storage or to Europe.

One day I asked her, "Why go to all this trouble? Youcould leave the stuff here. The General is only on leave from Columbia; andyou'll be coming back when this assignment is over."

In a completely matter of fact tone Mamie mentioned the thingeveryone had avoided. "Sure we'll come back if we can," she said,"but even in Western Europe there are about twenty million Communists and everyone of them will be out to get Ike. You just can't be sure."

Ike was perfectly aware of all these things but he never hada moment's hesitation about accepting the Supreme Command. It was a thing hehad to do.

General Eisenhower's success in NATO is a matter of historyto which I can add no new information. Nor had I anything to do with hiseventual decision to run for the Republican nomination for President in 1952. Iwas only an onlooker during his campaign for the nomination and watched theneck-and-neck finish between him and Taft on television. But the moment Ike wasnominated I decided to get into the campaign, perhaps write a piece about the Men Around Eisenhower as I had forDewey—not that it had done him much good.

After their convention the Republicans rested while theDemocrats nominated Governor Adlai Stevenson of Illinois—the best man they couldhave picked.

When the Democratic Convention ended, I telephoned James C.Hagerty, Eisenhower's press secretary, and told him that I would like to cometo Denver and do some writing that might help Ike. Jim Hagerty said, "Comeon. We’ll fix you up."

Squeaky and I arrived at the Brown Palace Hotel in Denverlate one evening in July. The hotel looked like an enormous wedge of chocolatecake standing on a triangular lot in the middle of the city. It was builtaround a central well ten stories high with balconies running around it onevery floor. Republican headquarters were a gopher's warren of rooms on themezzanine and second floor. The Eisenhowers had the Presidential suite on thetop floor, though when they slept at all it was usually in the Douds’ house onLafayette Street where Mamie had grown up.

I went to the desk to register but no room had been reservedfor us. Desperately I called Jim Hagerty who said, "There's been a littledifficulty. Come on up and see me."

Even that early in the campaign Jim looked haggard. Hegreeted us—we were old friends—and explained that the governor of some statehad arrived unexpectedly and he had to give him our room. "I've got you ina hotel down the street," Jim said. "I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. Governors come first."

Then Jim wearily wiped his brow and said, "I've neverbeen in a campaign like this one. Usually the candidate doesn't get downstairsuntil about ten o'clock. Yesterday morning I got to my office bright and earlyat eight-thirty and everybody said 'Where have you been? The General's beenasking for you since seven-thirty.’"

Next to handing Ike ninety-two of New York's ninety-six votesat the convention, Governor Dewey's greatest gift to the candidate was JimHagerty. Jim was a great old newspaperman who had been Dewey's press secretaryfor many years. There was nothing he did not know about politics and handlingthe press, with whom he was very popular. 

 


Ike's campaign for the nomination had been a disasterpresided over by incompetent amateurs until Dewey and Nassau County ExecutiveRussell Sprague had taken things in hand and sent Hagerty to him about threeweeks before the convention. I am positive that without Dewey's efficiency,Sprague's influence and Hagerty's expertise, Ike could never have beaten SenatorTaft's beautifully organized, professionally manned machine, even though Ikewas far more popular.

Squeaky and I went to the fleabag where Hagerty had stashedus. We are both night birds to whom the dawn is something that happens while wesleep, but we saw we would have to alter our habits in Denver. We did this bykeeping one of our watches on Eastern Daylight Time. Thus, when we had to, getup at seven we could fool ourselves into feeling that it was really ten.

Jim Hagerty was right; that was the strangest campaign ever.The first day we that were there Republican Headquarters was in a state ofchaotic confusion. Usually a presidential candidate comes to the campaign froma political base such as senator or governor. He has an organization in beingwhich forms the nucleus of his campaign machinery. Ike had nothing of the sort.

Even his pre-convention organization was a jerry-built affairmanned by dedicated neophytes. The exception was, of course, the staff work Deweyhad provided. But except for Hagerty, even this disappeared after theconvention.

In addition the Taft people had to be fitted in and givenjobs commensurate with their dignity. That first day no one knew anything,including Ike. From his luxurious suite upstairs he presided over the chaosbelow rather like a constitutional monarch who has just acceded to the throneand is not yet sure of his proper function. All Ike did was to ratify decisionsmade by other people, and to arbitrate differences of opinion, producing harmonythrough compromises between zealous and opinionated subordinates, a thing hecould do supremely well. But he did not and could not have been expected tocontribute a great deal in the way of organizing the campaign.

But if headquarters was short on political machinery, it washigh on morale. Ike had called the campaign a crusade and that was truly thespirit of it. Everyone believed that they were engaged in a great andsignificant endeavor to give America a new direction and a high purpose throughthe election of General Eisenhower. People who pompously call politics a dirtybusiness should have been there to see a large group of Americans workingselflessly and tirelessly eighteen hours a day for an idealistic purpose. Itmatters not at all whether the endeavor was in the end worth all the sweat andsacrifice. The point is they were driving themselves to the point of collapsefor something they believed in.

The Taft people, who had fought so bitterly against Ike inthe convention, were caught up in it and were just as dedicated as the originalIkeites. Even the paid secretaries were working sixteen hours a day—eight formoney and eight for Ike.

With that kind of effort the thing had to work. It wasthrilling to watch the machinery evolve and cohere. As we rambled through thatgopher colony day after day it happened before our eyes. One day you would finda bit of organization beginning to function in one set of rooms—one area—and anotherquite separately working somewhere else. A day or so later the two would havemeshed and be working smoothly together. On the third day other parts of this fledglingpolitical machine would appear and be joined to thelarger mass.

Ofcourse, there were at least ten crises a day to be met and overcome. Anypolitical campaign is a series of desperate crises. That is part of the fun andthrills that, together with the underlying serious purpose and the tremendousstakes of a chance to make history and, perhaps, form the world nearer to theheart's desire, make politics the greatest gameof all. But I must admit there were more crises in Ike's campaign then most.

However, though it may sound wildly helter-skelter, therewere by now some real old pros at work. Besides Jim Hagerty, two of the bestwere original Ikeites, Arthur Vandenberg, Jr., son of the late great senatorfrom Michigan, who had served his apprenticeship on his father's staff, and GovernorSherman Adams, the little, gray Yankee trader from New Hampshire. Though Adamswas later forced to resign because of some nonsense about vicuña jackets and hotel bills paid for by a somewhat unsavorybusiness friend, I consider him an honest man. Not for a moment do I believethat these minor gifts ever influenced him to make a decision contrary to thebest interests of his country, his state or his party. Nor was it cupidity onhis part; for he was too well off to need such cumshaw; rather it was just the customof his era to accept such things as tokens of old friendship and the normalperquisites of power. This is merely an opinion, based on knowing the man. ButI can definitely state that Sherman Adams by his canniness in politics, hiscool, unflappable handling of crises and his shrewd assessment of people and whatthey had to offer, together with his remarkable administrative ability, was enormouslyhelpful in getting Eisenhower elected.

The Taft people from the mid-western states were the greatesttechnicians at the Brown Palace. Had Dewey paid them due heed, he would havebeen elected President of the United States in 1941. But he succeeded in alienatingthem, less by his ideology than by his arrogant manner and his neglect of them,based on his certainty that since he was the Republican candidate, they had nowhereelse to go and could be taken for granted. Many of these gentlemen in recountingtheir political experiences to me said, "I have ridden every RepublicanCampaign train since 1920 (or 1916 or 1928) except one."

That one was always Dewey's second train.

Nor were the gifted amateurs to be overlooked. Once the oldpros got things in hand, these freelancers played a vital role in voicing theidealistic aspects of the campaign. Among them were Kevin McCann, an old friendof Eisenhower's who was President of Defiance College; Stanley High, on leavefrom the Reader's Digest to write speechesfor the candidate; Tom Stevens, who became Ike's appointment secretary; MaryLord, who considered herself a pro, but really belonged in the amateur category;Walter Williams and entrepreneur-investor and Stanley Rumbough, who was marriedto Dina Merrill. All were sparkplugs of the non-partisan, youth-oriented citizensfor Eisenhower.

Others included Manufacturer’s Trust chairman Gabriel Hauge,whose outsized head housed a massive brain; he was a Master of Economics andbadly needed. I place Senator Henry Cabot Lodge of Massachusetts among thegifted amateurs because Lodge was a sort of American Earl of Rosebery, capableof functioning brilliantly in many spheres of public service from politics todiplomacy to war and so financially and socially secure that he did not have toworry. Lodge never acquired the professional's total immersion in politics. Withhis tall elegance, his blue-eyed, curly-haired good looks, and his mesmerizingcharm, he was a great help to Ike, and devoted himself so completely to thepresidential campaign that he neglected to keep his home fires burning, losinghis seat in the Senate to John F. Kennedy.

Another character in the amateur category was Joe AlexMorris, formerly of Collier’s, whohad the unlikely and infinitely complex job of arranging transportation foreverybody from anywhere to everywhere. Arthur E. Summerfield, who became PostmasterGeneral, must be put down as a pro. He had devoted a good deal of time to politicsand was national committeeman from Michigan, but he had never held an electiveoffice. Stout, strong and cool, he was a good balance wheel as head of the RepublicanNational Committee.

There were many more eminent men and women who, at greatsacrifice to themselves devoted all their time and energy to electing Ike.

The press corps, while supposed to impartially record facts,was in the main, very friendly and helpful to the general. With the best will inthe world it is almost impossible to write completely objectively about men withdynamic personalities who represent definite political ideas. If you like themand believe in them, that colors your reporting and vice versa. Many of thegreat newspapermen covering Ike's campaign were completely beguiled by him.This was hardly an unfair advantage as even more journalists took the part ofAdlai Stevenson, who, because of his liberal views, quick wit and highintelligence quotient, was the darling of the intellectuals.

One of Eisenhower's most effective friends in the press wasBeverly Smith, head of the Washington Bureau of the powerful Saturday Evening Post. Bev made nopretense of objectivity. He was given an office of his own in the EisenhowerHeadquarters. It was a triangular room in the prow of the flatiron-shaped BrownPalace with dark gothic paneling. From it he campaigned and wrote on Ike'sbehalf in a most effective manner.

An example of Bev's method came when I told him that DefianceCollege president Kevin McCann had refused to let me interview him.

"He's just shy," Smith said. He called McCann andinvited him up to his office. Though it was only eleven o'clock in the morning,he insisted that McCann try his special drink—a combination of bourbon andmaple syrup served in a glass as big as a compote. Before McCann was half throughit, he was chattering like a chipmunk, quoting in ringing tones General AnthonyWayne's famous challenge at Point Defiance: "From here I can defy theBritish, the Indians and all the devils in hell!" This was followed by asplendid uninhibited interview.

On that same morning the medical missionary-to-China-turnedCongressman, Walter Judd, dropped Bev's office. His seamed and pitted face andslightly tilted eyes gave him a gnomish look, while his mind struck sparks.When the conversation turned to foreign policy I remarked, "Though I hateto say it in this company, I think Dean Acheson is a damn good Secretary ofState.

To my amazement all those Republicans agreed with me—strictlynot for publication.

Besides being the strongest Ikeite of all the newspaperpeople there, Bev Smith was the gentlest gentleman in the press corps.

But many other wise and acute journalists were at the BrownPalace.

The press had a two-room suite on the mezzanine. One room wassupplied with an enormously long table on which stood twenty or more typewritersand batteries of telephones ready for action. The other was furnished like adrawing room with a small bar in one corner. There we spent the pleasantest hourof the day. At six o'clock all the flurry and pressure suddenly ceased as thepoliticians, many of whom kept farmer's hours, stopped work for dinner.

In the blessed interval while they ate, we drank and talked.And talked! One by one the big by-liners strolled in, ordered a drink, sankinto an easy chair and let down their hair. Nothing said in that room wasquotable, so, in a phrase not yet invented, they told it like it was. BillLawrence of The New York Times wasthere along with the top men of the three wire services, and people fromReuters and the great English newspapers who always seemed a little bemused bythe moirés of American politics (and were kindly set right by men who reallyknew the score). Of course Jim Hagerty was very much present setting up drinksand then telling tales out of school he would not have dared to anywhere else.

Right in the middle of our stay in Denver Eisenhower went offto make a speech in Los Angeles, which was written up as a great success, but accordingto reports in the pressrooms was a great flop. The advance work was sloppy,arrangements fouled up, resulting in a half-filled stadium. In addition, thewell-known truth is that Ike was not much of an orator. With his habit of numberinghis points One, Two, Three, Four, he always sounded like a general briefing hisstaff on a proposed operation. He improved, of course with practice, but whatreally got across and won the people was his completely transparent sincerity.If he did not say it well, everyone knew that he meant what he said, which wasa great relief for a change.

Despite all the enthusiasm in Denver, I often wondered howIke would ever win; but he seemed to have no doubts. When we went up to talk withhim, the Olympian calm of the top floor was a soothing contrast to the chaos onthe mezzanine.

Mamie, too, was quite her old self, chattering about hergrandchildren—there were three of them now—and paying no apparent heed topolitics. When she entertained the big name politicos, either in the long,flower-filled drawing room of the Presidential suite or, preferably sittinginformally on the steps of the Doud house on Lafayette street, she continued totalk about the grandchildren, without realizing that this was very good politicsindeed. Mamie's approach to the campaign was typically simplistic. Her solutionfor all the ills of the world was to elect Ike President, and she felt certainthe American people would agree.

My own doubts were based partly on the confusion below stairsand partly on the nature of Eisenhower's cohorts. Stanley High mentioned thataspect of the campaign. Squeaky, who was drawing caricatures of the people I interviewed, said to him, "It's awfullyhard to make distinctive pictures of the people around Ike. They all seem tohave snub noses and blue eyes."

"You've put your finger on one of our major problems,"High said. "This is an All-American, white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestantoutfit. There are only a couple of Jews and one Negro girl secretary. She getsphotographed so much she hasn't time to do any work.

"Why we hardly even have any Catholics,” High went on.“Tom and Jim Hagerty have good Irish names, but damned if they aren’t North ofIreland Protestants. We've got to do something about it."

Things were done about it later, but not to any great extent.

When Squeaky and I got back to Cedarhurst I made myselfavailable to the different Republican committees as a speaker. Eisenhower wasusing my up-dated General Ike as the campaign biography, so I came in handy.The format was for me to precede the main speaker with a twenty-minute talkabout Ike's boyhood and youth, interlaced with the best anecdotes. Then the bigshot, whoever he was, would follow with a political speech.

Once I had an hour-and-a-half debate over the air withCroswell Bowen of the New Yorker, anavid supporter of Adlai Stevenson. We sat at a long table with our host/commentator,radio news analyst George Hamilton Combs, at its head. Cros Bowen had spent daysin the New York Public Library preparing himself. His accumulated data coveredhis entire side of the table. All I had was a few notes written on filingcards. His impressive array of cards frightened me a little. But not to worry.Each time a subject came up Cros would dive into his research while I chatteredon. When I saw he had found what he was looking for I would quickly change thesubject. It was mean of me—but effective.

My strategy was not to attack Stevenson—who, I thought, was afine man, but to keep talking about Eisenhower. Bowen kept attacking Ike. That suitedme well. No matter what was said, I just kept Eisenhower's name going out overthose airwaves to millions of people—Eisenhower! Eisenhower! Eisenhower!

After it was over Bowen said to me, "I'm surprised youdidn't attack me about Stevenson's death wish. I was prepared for that."

"What death wish for Pete's sake?"

"You know," Bowen said. "For instance, whenAdlai was first asked about running for President he said, ‘I'd rather be shot'.That's a clear psychological indication of a death wish."

"Not to me," I answered. It's just an expression. Iuse it all the time."

That I think is an excellent example of the over intellectualizationof Stevenson's campaign. Most Americans don't think any more about death wishesthan I do.

My other big moment, not really very big, was when JohnFoster Dulles asked me to be his stooge in his television debate with AverellHarriman on foreign policy. The format was to have a moderator, Cecil Brown—aassociate of Edward R. Murrow at CBS—with a panel consisting of the foreigneditors of Time and Newsweek. In addition, two other panelistsappointed by each of the principals to ask the questions rehearsed questions.The debate was carried by The Daily NewsTV station WPIX, so we all met in Walter Annenberg's office. We arrived more orless in reverse pecking order—stooges first, then the foreign editors, followedby Mrs. Harriman. John Foster Dulles drifted in quietly and was introduced allaround, shaking hands with everyone. Then he and I withdrew to a corner todiscuss strategy.

The last to arrive was Averell Harriman. Make no mistake, Iconsider Mr. Harriman a dedicated man who has served his country well and farbeyond—at least fifteen years beyond—the call of duty. But he was not at hisbest that night. Precariously close to airtime—about seven minutes—there was a trampof feet in the hallway. The door flew open and Harriman marched in surroundedby a group of yes men or bodyguards, like a gangster visiting a fellow capo. Heacknowledged introductions with an unsmiling jerk of his head. Whereupon principals,panelists and stooges hurried into the studio.

To my thinking, Dulles won the debate without question, andwithout much help from me—I only had time for two questions. His easy mannerand complete command of every phase of foreign affairs contrasted with his opponent'sstiff, slightly condescending style and phony smile, which Harriman onlyflashed when the camera swung on him. When it was over, we all ran for anelevator.

For that was the night of Richard M. Nixon's exculpatoryspeech, scheduled immediately after our broadcast, and Mr. Annenberg had heldan elevator to take us back to his office to hear it.

Of all the crises of Ike's crisis-plagued campaign the Nixonone was the worst. The Democrats had suddenly publicized the fact that a group ofbusinessmen had financed Nixon's political expenses to the extent of about$18,000. I could not see that it was so bad, for I knew that all the time he wasPresident of Princeton and Governor of New Jersey right up to the moment he waselected President of the United States, Woodrow Wilson had received a gift of$25,000 a year from a group of millionaires who believed in his ideals. No onehad questioned Wilson's integrity and it seemed hardly fitting for theDemocrats to make a row about Nixon. However, the news created a public outcry thatalmost forced Nixon to resign.

If one had to listen to that speech, and one did, Mr. Annenberg'sbig office was the place. It was filled with comfortable sofas and easy chairs,and there was a bar manned by two waiters who kept our glasses filled.

Admittedly, Mr. Nixon made a rather lachrymose speech, thoughit served its purpose. Considering that half the people in the room wereRepublicans I thought Harriman's behavior rather rude.

Each time Nixon shed a tear of self-pity Harriman snortedloudly, and when Nixon made that pathetic gambit about his dog, Freckles,

Harriman grumped, "Corn! Pure corn!"

So it was, but I thought some riposte was due from our sideso I said, "He learned it from Franklin Roosevelt and Fala, didn't he?"

I was referring to Roosevelt’s aside that brought hugeguffaws from his audience at his 1944 after-dinner speech to the InternationalBrotherhood of Teamsters, Chauffeurs, Warehousemen and Helpers of America:

 

These Republican leaders have not beencontent with attacks on me, or my wife, or on my sons. No, not content withthat, they now include my little dog, Fala. Well, of course, I don't resentattacks, and my family doesn't resent attacks, but Fala does resent them. Youknow, Fala is Scotch, and being a Scottie, as soon as he learned that theRepublican fiction writers in Congress and out had concocted a story that I hadleft him behind on the Aleutian Islands and had sent a destroyer back to findhim - at a cost to the taxpayers of two or three, or eight or twenty million dollars.Fala’s Scotch soul was furious. He has not been the same dog since. I amaccustomed to hearing malicious falsehoods about myself - such as that old,worm-eaten chestnut that I have represented myself as indispensable. But Ithink I have a right to resent—to object to—libelous statements about my dog

 

I don't think Mr. Harriman ever liked me after that; but Istubbornly continue to admire his devotion to the service of his country.

Election night was a time of triumph. We needed no computersto forecast the trend. I walked into a private election night party at eighto'clock and immediately asked why the television was not on.

"It's too early to hear anything," my host said."The polls haven't even closed in New York.”

"Too early!” I brayed. “Why Ike's already elected."

Then told him that the polls had closed at seven o'clock inConnecticut, and by 7:45 the radio said that Eisenhower had carried Bridgeport.

"If he carried labor-dominated, socialist, Bridgeport,it's in the bag," I said. We went on from there.

Another time of triumphwas Ike's inaugural. Never before or since have I beheld such a scene of pure,high-hearted gaiety. Washington was like a country fair that day. Everyone worea smile, and the delays caused by the great, jostling crowds were accepted in aspirit of good-natured courtesy. There was little or no crowing over thevanquished. Rather it was a genuine consensus that after the long bitter yearsof war and uncertain peace, America was once more on the road to the Arcadia ofall our dreams. Even the Democrats looked happy.

Ike began his inaugural address with the beautiful littleprayer that he had written that morning on a piece of hotel stationery.

 

My friends, before I begin the expression of those thoughtsthat I deem appropriate to this moment, would you permit me the privilege ofuttering a little private prayer of my own. And I ask that you bow yourheads: 

 

Almighty God, as we standhere at this moment my future associates in the Executive branch of Governmentjoin me in beseeching that Thou will make full and complete our dedication tothe service of the people in this throng, and their fellow citizenseverywhere. 

Give us, we pray, the powerto discern clearly right from wrong, and allow all our words and actions to begoverned thereby, and by the laws of this land. Especially we pray that ourconcern shall be for all the people regardless of station, race or calling. 

May cooperation bepermitted and be the mutual aim of those who, under the concepts of our Constitution,hold to differing political faiths; so that all may work for the good of ourbeloved country and Thy glory. Amen.

 

Nothing could have expressed more perfectly the mood of thatenchanted hour. That it all turned out to be an illusion detracted nothing fromour genuine exaltation.

From Washington Squeaky and I drove on to Florida for a muchneeded vacation. While we were there Bill Buckley, the head of Henry Holt andCompany (no relation to Bill Buckley the smart aleck columnist) telephoned me."We want a book about Mamie," he said.

"You're out of your cotton-picking mind," I toldhim. "Mamie's never done anything but be a good wife to the General. Whatcan I write about that?"

“You can fake it," Bill said. "We think it wouldsell and we want it. Stop at the White House on your way north and see if Mamiewill cooperate.”

Theirs but to do and not die of hunger. I arranged an appointmentwith Mamie and we tore northward, only to find when we reached Washington that sheand Ike had unexpectedly left town for a brief vacation.

It took me some time to arrange another appointment—the WhiteHouse protocol had already closed in. However I finally got one for eleveno'clock on a certain morning in April. Mamie received Squeaky, Denny and mesitting up in bed in the big southwest bed- room where Abraham Lincoln had slept.Not the fabled Lincoln room where the Emancipation Proclamation was signed.)It had been done over for Mamie in her favorite colors—pink and green. She waswearing a furbelowed, pink bed jacket with a blue ribbon in her hair thatreflected the color of her eyes. She looked very pretty.

We chatted of old times and her new situation. It was evidentthat Mamie did not like being First Lady but was going to set her teeth and gothrough with it. At one point she' said, "What's it like outside? I'mgoing out to lunch and I never can tell what to wear in this air-conditioned tomb."

I had broached the subject of the book without anything morethan a vague discussion. As we were leaving, I said, "Mamie, I've got toknow. Will you cooperate with me on the book about you?"

Mamie said, "Sure, sure."

Because Denny was with us, she told her secretary, Mary JaneMcCaffree, to give us the private tour of the White House. We started on thesecond floor poking into all the bedrooms and the bathrooms, each of which hadthe seal of some state except Ike's, which had the Presidential seal. Mrs.McCaffree was fascinated; she kept saying, "Let's see which state this onebelongs to." She explained, "I haven't had time to see this house myself.I don't know much about it."

That was the truth; though I had never been all through theWhite House before, I knew more about it then than she did.

When we got to the main floor, we picked up a young usher; hewas just learning the spiel but was helpful. In the East Room, he pointed outthe white and gold piano and said, "President Truman used to have twopianos here. I don't know what happened to the other one."

In the basement, he opened a door saying, "This is thelibrary." But no one could have reached the bookshelves. The entire roomwas filled by Harry Truman's huge black piano. Some years later it was finallyshipped to Independence, Missouri.

That afternoon we went to tea with our old friend AliceRoosevelt Longworth, daughter of President Theodore Roosevelt. After greetingus she asked, "How are things down at the White House?"

"They seemed a bit confused," I answered.

"Poor dears," said Mrs. Longworth. "They don'tknow what's hit them yet."

Once more we traveled to Denver. This time we had a fine roomon an upper floor of the Park Lane Hotel, from which we had a superb view ofthe entire frontal range of the Rockies from Pike's Peak, fifty miles or more tothe south and to its northern mountains. It rose abruptly from the slopingplain like a jagged, white-capped breaker, petrified as it crested.

At nine o'clock the next morning Governor Dan Thornton'ssecretary telephoned to say he was unexpectedly called out of town but could seeus if we came to his office immediately. We made it by ten o'clock from a zerostart. The Governor of Colorado was an extremely handsome, delightfully genialwesterner with just a touch of eastern polish. He had been one of Ike's staunchestbackers in the convention and was devoted to him and Mamie.

As I sat down, I explained that we had a date with Mrs. Doudat eleven o'clock. The governor said he would see to it that we made it. Thenhe gave us a brisk interview with many amusing anecdotes about the campaign.But all the time he kept his eye on the clock. "You mustn't be late forMrs. Doud," he said.

"She's not busy," I answered. "A few minuteswouldn't matter."

"Yes, it would," he said. It was plain that Mrs. D. had him buffaloed.

The governor finished his final story at 10:55. "Nowrun," he said. "I'll have a car waiting to take you to theDouds."

So we arrived at Lafayette Street in, gubernatorial splendor.Mrs. Doud was waiting for us at the top of the short flight of concrete stepsthat led up from the sidewalk to the terrace on which the house was perched. AsI shook hands, she pointed at the departing limousine and asked," How didyou rate that, Alden?"

"We've just been interviewing Governor Thornton," Ianswered.

"Humph," said Mrs. Doud. "What does he knowabout us? He's a Johnny-come-lately."

It seemed to me a rather cavalier way to refer to a man whohad played a vital part in her son-in-law's election; but then Mrs. Doud wasnot noted for her tact. In fact she and a small coterie of friends consideredthemselves the only socially acceptable people in Denver.         

Long, long ago when Mamie had become engaged to SecondLieutenant Dwight D. Eisenhower, they had all been horrified at Mamie "throwingherself away" on a young man with "such a queer name"—and an armyofficer, at that! Only the Douds, who had come to love Ike, as everyone did whoknew him well, had stood up for him. However, they had not convinced theirfriends. At the wedding, as Mamie and Ike drove off in the Douds’ PackardTwin-six, one dowager said sadly, "There goes Mamie, and she could havemarried anybody in Denver!"

The Douds were originally from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. John Doudhad made his pile in meatpacking and retired at the early age of thirty-six. Theyhad come to Denver in 1906 and bought the house at 150 Lafayette Street whereMrs. Doud still lived.

Solid and substantial are the adjectives for it—certainly notbeautiful. Add comfortable and there it was—dark wainscoting and heavy oakfurniture in the hall, a front parlor with a little tiled fireplace around whichwere grouped mahogany and rosewood chairs, each with its small, petit-pointfootstool; family photographs and miniatures crowded the mantel and littletables were in cabinets and on shelves; there were lace curtains at all thewindows. There was also a dining room with a round mahogany table and a buffet,bearing the massive Doud silver, and cabinets full of sparkling cut glass.Downstairs in the basement was what Mrs. Doud called "The WreckRoom." Its central feature was a ponderous pool table—all four of the Doudgirls played good pool as did Mr. Doud, who was affectionately known to thefamily as Pooh-Bah, because he ran everything like the character in Gilbert andSullivan’s The Mikado. The Wreck Roomalso had a fireplace, a green baize poker table, the little upright piano withwhich the Douds had started housekeeping, and an early wax-cylinder phonographwith a flower-shaped horn.

When I saw the house, it was exactly the same as it had beenwhen Mamie and her three sisters were little girls. Once the furniture wasplaced Mr. Doud would not allow a single piece to be moved. "When I comehome some dark night," he said, "I want to know exactly whereeverything is and not go stumbling around."

 After his death in1951, Mrs. Doud kept it that way. When she was showing us around, she suddenlysaid, rather crossly, "That table does not belong here!" And moved itback to the place it had occupied for nearly fifty years.

We got a lot more material than I had hoped for in Denver,wonderful period stuff like the Douds’ furniture. Through her old-time friendswe got to understand Mamie very well. She had been truly beautiful by anystandard with her vivid blue eyes, high coloring and delicate skin; dainty,too, as girls of her era were supposed to be. Yet she managed to adjust to thevicissitudes of army life—government barracks-like houses or palm-thatchedinsect-ridden shanties in the tropics; constant uprootings with abruptchanges of friends, food and water; never knowing how long she would be anywhere.Until they bought the farm in Gettysburg the Eisenhowers always lived in otherpeople's houses—those usually belonging to the United States Government.

It was rather rugged for a girl brought up like Mamie, theacknowledged belle and spoiled beauty of a small western city as Denver wasthen. That she adjusted triumphantly showed the quality of her love for Ike aswell as a hardy constitution.

Yet Mamie always considered herself delicate; was in fact hypochondriac.By the time I knew her, if she sneezed twice, she thought she had flu and ifshe coughed, it was developing into pneumonia. She took to her bed at the dropof a thermometer.

After talking with people in Denver we were much more sympatheticto Mamie's harmless little foibles. Two of her sisters had died in their teensof quite different causes (heart trouble and kidney infection). The Douds werea very close family and these two tragedies were a great sorrow to Mamie; andthey convinced her that she, too, was destined to die young. It was quite understandable.

We returned to Cedarhurst to write the book for which Squeakydid charming little line drawings. I was quite right about the book requiring alot of padding, but this consisted of brief excursions into the pleasant past manypeople like to read about.

I was totally wrong about the sale of the book. I deliveredthe manuscript to my agent, Margot Johnson, in January 1954, and started todrive to Florida. As Squeaky and I walked into the house where we were to spendthe night in Washington, the maid said, "Mr. Hatch, the White House hasbeen trying to reach you. The message is please calling Mrs. McCaffree." Igrabbed a telephone and was put through quickly. Mrs. McCaffree said, "AMr. Gould, who seems to represent one of the women's magazines—McCall’s or Women's Home Companion or something like that—has been callingus."

"It's the Ladies'Home Journal," I corrected her, thinking in horror of Bruce Gould'sreaction if he had heard her mixing up his sacred magazine with those others. "Well,anyway, he seems to be going to serialize the book and we would like to talkabout it with you tomorrow at eleven," said Mrs. McCaffree.

"I'll be there," I said.

That's how I heard that I had broken into the rich lode ofthe Journal. Even as visions of dollarsdanced in my head, I was distressed that Mamie did not have better publicrelations advice. Jim Hagerty had things well in hand in the West Wing but theEast Wing was clearly still an amateur show.

The Journal bought RedCarpet For Mamie. The title was a reference to the red carpet Mrs. Doudalways stretched down the terrace steps.

The book had an excellent sale both in hard cover andpaperback. All of which shows that my publisher was smarter than I, a pleasantbut seldom thing.

After doing Mamie I did not see the Eisenhowers again whilethey were in the White House. There was no further opportunity to help Ike, andI have always made a point of not asking to see busy men unless there was avery good reason. In addition, the ranks of official protectors had closedaround him, and Ike, the good soldier still, made no such efforts to break outof the prison of protocol, as did Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson.

While they were in the White House most of the entertainingthe Eisenhowers did was strictly business, and Mamie hated every minute of it.Thus my view of Ike's Presidency was not privileged and personal, as had been myexperience of his life between his return from the war and his election. I hadno more inside information than any television viewer, and less than some.

What I did have, however, was knowledge of his mentalprocesses, his ideals and prejudices and his personal quirks gained duringthose years of intimacy. Once having been involved and deeply committed to him,I remained so and therefore followed his every move with intense interest andwaning hope.

Though Eisenhower's domestic policies were much moreconservative than many people wished, under his guidance African Americans mademore progress than they had in all the generations since Reconstruction (thoughthey have made a great deal more since). Though Senator Joseph R. McCarthy andhis ultraconservative cohorts ran wild for a couple of years, Ike loyally supportedhis people in their middle-road course and in the end, McCarthyism wasabolished with the assistance of the United States Senate. And, thoughEisenhower is reported to have said that appointing Earl Warren as ChiefJustice o£ the Supreme Court was "the stupidest thing I ever did," heloyally implemented the decisions of that Court, when necessary, with troops asin Arkansas.

When viewed from the chaotic sixties the Eisenhower yearsseem downright halcyon, though they did not look that way then.

Ike kept things on a fairly even keel, and most of thedisappointments we suffered were due to the very qualities that made him thebeloved figure he was.

Great Presidents have always used the powers of thePresidency to the full, and even overstepped them. Thomas Jefferson, the greatproponent of States Rights and opponent of a strong executive, concluded theLouisiana Purchase with no legal right to do so, but the moral imperative ofthe clear advantage to his country.

Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson and FranklinRoosevelt all went beyond a strict construction of the Constitution.

Eisenhower was so completely dedicated to the principles ofdemocracy and so conscious of being a military man in the White House that heidealistically refused to employ some of the powers that were legitimately his.Thus he missed many opportunities to implement his own views and bowed toofrequently to the wishes of Congress, the advice of his Cabinet and personal staff.This gave an appearance of drift to a nation that was crying out for leadership.

At the same time that Eisenhower was limiting thepresidential powers because of his self-conscious concern over his militarybackground, he reorganized his personal advisory group like an army staff. Itwas divided into sections each under a chief or head man and each responsible fora different area of activity such as legal, foreign affairs, minority races,economics, liaison with Congress, etc. etc. Sherman Adams was Chief of Staffresponsible for coordination, which was not too well carried out. Almosteverything that Ike read was predigested for him so he generally saw what hisstaff wished and got very few outside opinions except from the columnists heliked, such as Arthur Krock (NewYork Times) and David Lawrence (NewYork Herald Tribune and New York Sun). The lines of command ran straightand clear; and going outside of channels was frowned upon. This set- upinsulated Eisenhower from contact with grass roots opinion.

In addition, he followed his theory of command, which was toassign specific tasks to his field commanders (Cabinet.) As long as theirperformance appeared to be satisfactory, he was loth to interfere with theirtactics, reserving to himself major policy or strategic decisions. This wasparticularly true of his relationship with Secretary of State, John Foster Dulles,to whom he gave an almost completely free hand in the conduct of foreignaffairs. All the great Presidents have been their own secretaries of state, aresponsibility with which they are specifically charged by the Constitution.

In the field of foreign affairs Eisenhower's worst blooperwas due to one of his finest qualities, his integrity. When our U2 spy planewas shot down in Russia just before the President was to hold a summit meetingwith Nikita Khrushchev in Paris there was an unholy row. Allen Dulles, head ofthe CIA, went to the President offering to take full responsibility andsuggesting that Ike fire him. There is also reason to suppose that Khrushchev,who seemed to want to negotiate our differences seriously, would have been willingto accept this rather flimsy explanation.

But Ike would not have it. He insisted, according to the codeof military honor, that he, the Commander-in-Chief, would take full responsibility.As a result, Khrushchev was forced by enraged Russian public opinion and thehard-liners in the Politburo to turn the Paris meeting into a shambles.

In this case Eisenhower carried integrity too far. When thepeace of the world is at stake a diplomatic lie is the duty of a statesman.

After General Eisenhower left the Presidency, our friendlyrelations were resumed. I talked with him several times in Gettysburgconcerning books I was writing such as PrinceBernhard of the Netherlands, Pope JohnXXIII and The Mountbattens. Heremained as warm, humane and inspiring as he had always been. His conduct as anelder statesman was irreproachable.

Oddly enough Ike's finest speech was the last one he evermade. Only hours before his final fatal series of heart attacks, from the room inWalter Reed Hospital that he never left, he addressed the Republican NationalConvention in Miami.

Through the dust and disorder, the fake enthusiasm,self-serving politics and the boring banalities of that gathering, his clearhonest speech that showed all his shining beliefs still intact, came like thesoutheast trade wind off the gulf stream blowing the smog away.

 

News media tell us dailyof the scourge of inflation, crippling interest rates, rising production coststhat damage our world trade, a recently deteriorating currency, successive Federalbudgets of increasing and stupendous size, and a rapidly mounting national debt.These are only part of the scene.

         I suggest we should be more concerned with the evil spirit manifestedin so many corners of the land. Violence is desolating our cities with causeseither inadequately understood or ineffectively combated, major crimes are at ashocking level and the nation is suffering because of embittered race relations.Millions of poor are dispirited or resentful due to promises unkept and miseryuneased. Many of our youth are rebellious, somehow disillusioned, but without remediesclose to their hearts or acceptable to their minds. With all this our peopleare out of patience.

         Let us not waste time this year searching out someone toblame, even though some seem more disposed to concede rather than to stand firmlyfor America’s good, seeking short range political advantage instead of lesspopular, more lasting solutions. They are the ones more willing to extol thePromised Land than to knuckle down and work for it.

         To these and other problems this Republican convention must findadequate answers. They must be generous in meeting the nation’s need withcommon sense plans couched in terms that provide hope to all and assureeffectiveness, real progress, national solvency and a universal respect for lawand order. Moreover, all Republicans must accept your plans and programs as apersonal pledge of honor, and not merely as flytrap to catch an unwary voter.

         So—whatever the judgment of this convention as to nominees,let us stand behind our standard bearers and enthusiastically seek out themillions of independents and discerning Democrats who can feel our sincerity,and the good sense of our proposals, and when the chips are down will againvote with us.

         Thus we shall carry our story across the land until every citizenof every city, village and farmstead recognizes that the entire Republicaneffort is dedicated to his good. Thus America, newly inspired spiritually andmaterially, will again begin climbing the mountain of true progress.

         And one thing more—I am not a candidate.

         Thank you and Godspeed in your great work.

 

In those last public words of General Eisenhower we heard theauthentic voice of America. He was dead seven months later

       Copyright ? 2024 Denison (Denny) Hatch. All rights reserved.

 

 

###

 

Was Ike Really the FifthGreatest U.S. President?

 



Since 2000, C-SPAN cable network, hasassembled a team of 142 “academic  advisors— historians, advisors and other professional observers of the presidency — 1 (“noteffective”) to 10 (“very effective”) scale to rate each president on 10qualities of presidential leadership: Public Persuasion, Crisis Leadership,Economic Management, Moral Authority, International Relations, Administrativeskills, Relations with Congress, Vision/Setting an Agenda, Pursued EqualJustice of all and Performance following each change in administrations.

     As you can see Ike Eisenhower looks betterand better — starting with 9th place in 2000 and moving up the lineto the lofty 5th place where he resides currently.

     Methodology:  

     https://www.c-span.org/presidentsurvey2021/?page=methodology

    

About Alden Hatch

(1898-1975)

 




AldenHatch’s grandfather was Alfrederic Smith Hatch, a Wall Street financier andtwice president of the New York Stock Exchange. By raising millions of dollarsfor the Union cause in the Civil War, A.S. Hatch invented what became themodern war bond. Alden’s father was Frederick H. Hatch, also a Wall Streetfinancier.

         At age four, Hatch’s parents rented asummer house on Long Island with a resident cow. “Fresh milk for the boys!” hismother cried with delight. Alas, it was a tubercular cow and young Aldencontracted tuberculosis of the bone. The result: 23 operations and apermanently shriveled left leg. He used crutches all his life.

         Because of his ill health, he wasmostly home schooled.  He was a graduateof the Horace Mann School in New York and the University of Chicago Extensionand Blackstone Institute.

         A voracious reader all his life, earlyon he developed a love of history—particularly politics and military action.His greatest regret was never going to the U.S. Naval Academy and becoming anadmiral. He was the author numerous magazine articles and more than forty booksincluding:

 

General Ike

Red Carpet for Mamie (MamieEisenhower)

Young Ike

General in Spurs (GeneralGeorge S. Patton)

Franklin D. Roosevelt

The History of American Express

Remington Arms in American History

Ambassador Extraordinary (Claire BootheLuce)

The Circus Kings (withHenry Ringling North)

The De Gaulle Nobody Knows (Charlesde Gaulle)

Crown of Glory (PopePius XII)

A Man Called John (PopeJohn XXIII)

Apostle on the Move (Pope PaulVI)

At Home in the UniverseBuckminster Fuller)

The Wadsworths of the Genesee

Glenn Curtiss: Pioneer of Naval Aviation

The Mountbattens

The Byrds of Virginia

The Lodges of Massachusetts

Gaming Lady (fiction)

 

 

                               Alden Hatch's "Thank You" list for 
                                       help in researching GENERAL IKE.

 

 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

 

ANAMAZING NUMBER of people are willingto give with reckless generosity of their time and effort to assist in theresearch for a biography.  They do itfrom no selfish motive, but either from affection for the subject or from agenuine desire to add to the sum of human knowledge.  Never in my considerable experience have Ireceived such unstinted co-operation as I did in preparing this book on GeneralEisenhower. The reason is that his friends love him so very much.

It is my invariable to seek out mysubject’s enemies as well as those who praise him.  This usually is not difficult—in fact, hisenemies come to me bursting with angry comments, all of which help to draw abalanced picture.  But on this occasion Ihad no luck in that direction.  As far asintensive investigation can show, General Ike hasn’t got an enemy outside theAxis.

To those who helped me gather thismaterial, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks. I am particularly grateful to Mamie Eisenhower and to Milton Eisenhower,both of  whom read every word of thetext, not in a spirit of censorship but simply in the interests of accuracy.
        Others who rendered great assistance to mewere: Mrs. Ida Stover Eisenhower, Arthur and Louise Eisenhower,  Lieutenant John S. D. Eisenhower, U.S.A.,  Charles M. Harger,  Orin Snyder,  J.F. (Six) MacDonnell,  Amon G. Carter,  Paul Royer,  Commander E. E. (Swede) Hazlett, Jr., U.S.N. Ret., Mrs. Gladys Harding Brooks, Mrs.Cecile Curry Gans,  "Joner" Callahan,  J.W. Howe,  William Kitterell, Fletcher Pratt,  Major General Francis B. Wilby, U.S.A.,  Brigadier General George Honen, U.S.A., MajorSheridan Biays, A.U.S., Major General A. D. Surles, U.S.A., Assistant Secretaryof War, John J. McCloy. Mrs. John Gunther, Mrs. Omar N. Bradley, Colonel MeadeWildrick, U.S.A., Weldon Jones, Presidente Sergio Osmena of the PhilippineCommonwealth, Vice Admiral Raymond A. Fenard, Chief of the French NavalMission, Colonel Charles Gayley, U.S.A., Major James Stack, U.S.A., Lt. Colonel W. J. Morton, U.S.A.,Colonel Paul Alfred Hodgson, U.S.A., Mr. and Mrs. John Doud, Mr. and Mrs. TimWhite, Colonel Francis M. Fitts, Colonel Robert Schow, U.S.A., Mrs. HarryButcher and General Dwight D. Eisenhower, U.S.A. 
 —Alden Hatch


 

FINAL NOTE:   Ifyou are a book publisher — or know a book publisher — or literary agent — I own these properties. I havelong believed this unique memoir could be:

1. Published on its own as a short book and/or a long magazine piece.

 

2. Be the Foreword of a new edition of Alden's original1952 biography, GENERAL IKE, (the Republican National Committee’s 1952 Official Presidential Campaign Biography published by Henry Holt.). This unique combination would be the be thelargest compendium of Eisenhower's life from birth up to hisinauguration as President. If interested, contact me. Thank you. 
    —DH

            Denny Hatch

            200 West WashingtonSquare 

            Apt 3007

            Philadelphia, PA19106

            Cellphone:267-243-5972

            dennyhatch@gmail.com 

 

 


 

###


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com3
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-52289463625331325182024-01-02T07:46:00.019-05:002024-10-07T10:56:23.546-04:00#198 The Stork

 

 #198 The Stork - Tuesday, 2 January 2024

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/01/198-stork_2.html


Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Gloomiest News Cycles SinceWW2. A Remedy? Lotsa Laffs Guaranteed! R.S.V.P.

 



TheStork got lotsa laffs 46 years ago. Given the ongoing horrors and uncertaintiesin the current news cycles — state, national and world — fueled by the greedy media horny for ratings, I believe it may be a propitioustime to revive this ribald hoot.

 

The Dazzling News.
Forty-sixyears ago I wrote this totally wackadoodle novel in my spare time. It waspublished by William Morrow and immediately sold to the mov
ies. That was thelaunch of my thrilling three-month roller coaster ride! 

 



When mywonderful agent, Marvin Moss, called to tell me The Stork — hot off mytypewriter — had been sold to the movies I was catapulted into Seventh Heaven.It got better!


John Avildsen! Wow! Thistotally unknown young director had become an instant filmdom legend by winning the1977 Academy Award as Best Director for his very first movie: ROCKY. Avildsenbrought ROCKY in for just under $1 million and it generated $225 millionin world box office sales.

 

Book Critics Liked The Stork! 
Here’s the Very First of Many Reviews:

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
January 31, 1977


THE STORK
Denison Hatch. Morrow, $8.95
ISBN 0-688-03160-9

"In his mid-30’s, TimSmith gets fed up with the family business of breeding prize bulls and sets outon his own—in the field of human breeding. By luck, Tim chances on a society whose members are all “Descended fromthe Great”—from Napoleon to Oscar Wilde—and he starts selling noble ancestorsto childless couples through his frozen sperm bank. It’s a foolproof  “scientific” operation, with compatibility ofsperm confirmed by computer and insemination performed by the best gynecologists,and soon Tim and his partners are millionaires. Then the bubble bursts when theyoverreach themselves to enlist a supposed descendant of Jesus Christ as a spermdonor, when a mix-up of semen gives a bigoted impotent Senator a black son, anda Rockefeller last will and testament up for probate draws scores of hitherto unknownheirs. Hatch mixes fictional with real-life people indiscriminately in hisbreezy and entertaining story. One dictionary definition of “ribald” is “possessingrough convivial wit.” That’s Hatch for you. Some readers will find this a riot;others will not.
Universal has bought the film rights,  [April 4]"


Here’s my absolute favorite review by Ben Marble in the L.A. Times:

"Whensomeone named Denny Hatch writes a spoof called “The Stork (A Novel AboutBreeding),” the reader is entitled to know eggsactly what’s going on. Briefly,this: Tim Smith is 30ish, fed up with playing cupid at his father’sAberdeen-Angus stud farm and eager for a little pocket money—his tax-wise,curmudgeonly sire has all his possessions listed in the name of the farm, andalthough Tim drives a car any oil sheikh would admire, he rarely has much morethan parking-meter change in his Bill Blass suit. He decides to split, to makeit on his own as a consultant on human artificial insemination using aknowledge of genetics gained down on the farm.

"It’s abummer. All across the country gynecologists are content with the contributionsmade by their anonymous donors—mostly medical students in need of a fewdollars—and unanimously turn him down. Tim’s sophisticated computer datingsystem is designed to produce the perfectly matched-up zygote. The wholeprogram is bailed out by an opportune arrival—one Mike O’Shea, leprechaun-of-all-trades, who hits upon the supreme finishing touch to Tim’s human matingscheme: promising parents that their artificially induced offspring will bearthe genes of distinguished ancestors.

"O’Shea,that elegant elf who claims to know everyone who’s anybody, is to supply thedonors of pedigreed seed. Authenticity and effectiveness of the donations areguaranteed to each recipient. Theservice is confidential—only the parents know their little darling is abyproduct—several generations removed, of Napoleon (even Josephine)—andanonymity of recipients is stringently maintained.

"Withthe aid of a gynecologist who supplies professional respectability and plentyof persuasion, whose efforts are abetted by a field sales force that alsofunctions as an acquisitions team, Tim and Mike thrive mightily. The cash rollsin by the tens of millions. Can anything go wrong? Of course it can—everythingcan, and will. The pace quickens nicely at this point, and the resolution ofthe book’s many threads into one outrageous, coincidence-supported spermatic tterdämmerung isone of the thigh-slappingest scenes I have read in years. It is also grossbeyond words. But by this time the reader has either become toughened to theauthor’s raunchiness or put the book down, period.

"Afterall, a story whose central theme involves the onanism of various quadrupeds andbipeds can hardly maintain the tone of Little Women. So let us forgive theauthor his sins (after all, he’s probably willing to forgive us our sins—anybodywho’d have his dustcover picture taken with a parakeet on his head is in noposition to cast any first stones) and lean back for some hearty laughs. Thestory is certainly original and even though easy to find Comstockian faultwith, it has some wondrously funny scenes."
—End Ben Marble Review

 

The BadNews: The Stork Disappeared Without a Trace.
Forstarters the sale of The Stork to Universal Pictures was not a sale. It was asmall down payment (a.k.a. an option). It was low four figures (less 15% to myagent) which gave the fledgling Turman-Foster Company 60 days to come up with acontract and some serious investment money to get this project in the works. Otherprojects came up and Turman-Foster abandoned The Stork.

In addition,I was working my tail off as a mail order book club director and copywriter forBetter Homes & Gardens and Macmillan Publishers. I did not dare quit myfull-time jobs in Manhattan, because I needed the dough. My career came first.Alas, The Stork never flew.

In 2016 I rereadThe Stork and, yeah, it had a barrel of laffs. I self-published The Stork as ane-book on Amazon Kindle. It cost me nothing to have it preserved for sale toany and all. And thither it sat for six years.

Fast Forward to Tuesday, July 19,2022.
A Wake-up Call for DH from The New York Post


Elon Musk’s dad, 76, ready to donate sperm to 'high-class’ women: ‘Whynot?’
“Brace yourselves — a newgeneration of Elon Musks may soon be on the horizon.
     “TheTesla boss’s father, Errol Musk, has been asked to donate his sperm toseveral South American women — just days after he confirmed that he squired a secret second love child with his own stepdaughter.
    
“The lusty patriarch, 76, says his seed is currently coveted by acompany in Colombia because it contains the same genius genes that made theworld’s richest man...”

https://nypost.com/2022/07/19/elon-musks-dad-76-ready-to-donate-sperm-to-high-class-women-why-not/#
—AndrewCourt, The New York Post, July 19, 2022

 

HolySmoke! A Cockamamie Story Right Out of The Stork! 
Ithought there might be life in the old girl yet. But... Would 21stcentury American readers relate to this nutty 46-year-old story? I decided to investin some cheap publicity to see if The Stork would resonate with a newgeneration of readers a half century later.

 

Here’s a Current2022) Review of the Stork From the Online Book Club.
TheOnline Book Club is devoted entirely to e-books. It is huge – alleged to have fivemillion active members! E-mail a copy of your published e-book plus $90 andyou’ll get a review. I’ve sent in four books (including the current “MethodMarketing”), to see what happens. Absolutely no promise or guarantee of a goodreview. In the immortal words of Mark Twain: "You pays your money and youtakes you chances!”

What would amodern reviewer say about a 46-year-old war horse on the subject of artificialinsemination in people? Would The Stork fly?

OfficialReview from Online Book Club
28 OCT 2022, 07:12
By Ruth Omonegho

https://forums.onlinebookclub.org/viewtopic.php?t=260471&p=2061608

"Thesedays, there are cases of IVF [in vitro fertilization] where couples that can’tgenerally conceive because of an anomaly in the husband are given a chance tobe parents. Some people donate their sperm for this purpose, but few genuinelytake this as a regular means of generating revenue for themselves. However, ifyou, as a troubled parent, were offered the sperm of a descendant of a famousperson, let us say, Michael Jackson, what would you do? How much would you payto have the baby of Michael Jackson’s descendant?

 

"TheStork: A Comedy About Breeding People is the story of Tim Smith (TheStork), who, after helping his father in the business of selling sperm of bullsall over the world, decides to start a life of his own and takes his friend,Balthus Roosevelt (Bink), along to New York. During their brief stay in Spain,they meet a medical student who donates sperm for a living. After a briefdiscussion, Tim is motivated to start an artificial insemination business,leveraging the expertise of Dr Resnikow, who provides the facility and fundingfor their business (Delees Corporation). Starting up becomes so rough that theyalmost go bankrupt. To save their business, they must go the extra mile tosurpass their competitors. What do they do? How do they manage to get through?Grab this copy of the comedy and enjoy. 

 

"Rightoff the bat, I need to commend the expertise of Denny Hatch. This book is anold book that the author decided to bring back to life. It was once scheduledto go on screen, but unfortunately, it didn’t materialize. This book would havemade an excellent and hilarious movie. If, by chance, you are reading this andhave the capacity to make the author's dream come to life by connecting himwith someone who can produce this book into a movie, feel free to connect withhim. I forgot to mention that a true-life event inspired the story.

 

"Atfirst, I got confused at the beginning because I couldn’t place what or whoGlen Muir was. However, as I read on and realized what Glen was, I flowed intothe whole realm and enjoyed every bit of it. The author's descriptive powerbrought every page of the book to life. I couldn't get lost because it was so vivid.The characters are well developed so that you know the background of all thekey characters and can easily identify with them. 

 

"Myfavorite is Balthus Roosevelt. Even though the business is promising, his moralstandard still stands. However, he has gone so deep that it has becomedifficult for him to pull out. Even at that, he tried his best to stand by thetruth. Mike O'Shea, the Irish man, seems to be my funniest character. Hisintroduction brings a lot of comic relief to the whole plot. ‘You phonybastard’ is a phrase that makes him stand out from the rest of the characters.I was skeptical about him initially, and my skepticism was eventuallyjustified.

 

"Oneof the lessons that stood out for me is that just because your father orgrandfather is famous does not mean you can be as successful if you do not putin the effort. In fact, their fame, many times, causes a burden for theiroffspring. Another is, do not be gullible. Move back and run when you are toldsomething too good to be true. How on earth can anyone believe that JesusChrist has a descendant? As I said earlier, the author did a great job withthis book.

 

"Thereis nothing to dislike about this book. However, I found more than ten errorswhile reading, so I will rate this book 3 out of 4 stars. I implore theauthor to edit this book one more time.

 

"Irecommend this book to lovers of comedy and those who want to learn one or twothings regarding artificial insemination. I wish the author well on his missionto get a producer for this book. I would love to see it on the screen oneday." — Ruth Omonegho

 

Interested?Kindly Start Here.

Click below to receive a FREE SAMPLE of The Stork fromAmazon — the first 5 chapters (11,000+ words). No risk. No obligation.

 

https://www.amazon.com/STORK-Comedy-About-Breeding-People-ebook/dp/B01GIQM96C/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1E7FGARDD1JWB&keywords=the+stork+denny+hatch+book&qid=1702583470&sprefix=THE+STORK+den%2Caps%2C123&sr=8-1&asin=B01GIQM96C&revisionId=e1ab946c&format=1&depth=1

 

If you are amused — and further intrigued by this oddballoffer — you are invited to order the Kindle edition. Your total upfrontinvestment to learn everything I know about this unusual property: $9.99.

 

P.S. If you forward this blog post to friends, family and/or colleagues — and itresults in a deal — you’re in for a handsome piece of the action.

 
Two Additional Reviews from 1977

 

Kirkus Reviews

February 15, 1977

Hatch, Denison

THE STORK

Morrow $8.95

4/4 LC: 76-46420

ISBN: 688-03160-9

 "Tim Smith is called “The Stork” because of hisleggy, bony, storky mien, but the nickname takes on new meaning when Tim leaveshis father’s cattle stud-farm empire and applies his unrivaled breedingknow-how to humans: a computerized sperm bank for the best in artificialinsemination. Unfortunately, even with the prestige of his reluctant partner’sname (Bink Roosevelt, supposedly an FDR grandson) and the expertise and dollarsof Dr. Resnikow (Central Park South’s top gynecologist), Tim’s operation is aflop. So, to stimulate business, Tim and Bink and Doc resolve to fill their “creamatorium”with a “Who’s Who of American sperm”—an easy proposition once Tim meets Tony Wildeas in Oscar), top honcho at S.A.D.D.O.G.  S.A.D.D.O.G.? Sons and Daughters Descended ofthe Great. Soon all those ne’er-do-well scionsare hooked up to the ACCU-JAC machine—encouraged by screenings of Marilyn Chambersand Linda Lovelace—and Tim’s menu promises everything from a third-generationHemingway ($37,000) to a sixteenth-generation Hans Holbein the Elder ($12,000).Business booms, but Bink’s ethics, a muckraking reporter (“This story is goingto do for me what Watergate did for Woodward and Bernstein!”), hints of forgedgenealogies, and one slight error (a Southern senator’s wife gets an AdamClayton Powell instead of a John Wesley Powell) precipitate a sticky, Day ofJudgment,” “notary pubic,” “El Seed”), Hatch unreels this fantasia withapproximately the right mix of slapstick, word-plan and documentary mock-seriousness.He also decorates the doings with so-many irreverent au-courancies that TheStork is already dated (Clay Felker plays an important role as New YorkMagazine editor), so this is not one for the ages, or even next year, but,for the moment and for all those interested in real people doing vaguely realthings, The Stork makes a lively enough delivery."

 



 

 

 

LIBRARY JOURNAL
Richard Moses, Oakville P.L., Ontario Canada


"Fed up to his elbows with bulls, Tim Smith leaves the family stock breeding businessto apply his considerable knowledge and skill to humankind. Artificialinsemination is the name of the game; the demand is terrific, the moneyabundant, particularly after a gaggle of “famous descendants” agreed to donatethe required seed. The climax (sorry) comes when at one and the same time thelineage of Jesus Christ is “traced,” the gaggle turns out phony (tough the1000children therefrom produced have turned out splendidly—power of suggestion?),and the company beats a hasty retreat. Interesting points raised about human v.cattle breeding (the latter makes far more sense); overall, quite a provocativepremise is advanced. The text is larded with atrocious puns and far-fetchedheadings, but it all makes for enjoyable if sophisticated reading."

###

 


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com1
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-82317827236906667652023-11-28T06:33:00.007-05:002024-06-05T15:37:52.210-04:00#197 Gibraltar


 Blog Post #197 - Tuesday, November 28, 2023                         

 Posted by Denny Hatch 

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/11/197-gibraltar.html

 

How Dozens of Splendid YouTube Travel Adventures Kept Me Sane, Safe and Happy In the Bleak Years of COVID-19. 


  A Brief Backgrounder. Remember January30, 2020?

COVID-19 Arrived that week. The ferociouspandemic began killing people in the tens of thousands. (Total tally worldwideso far: 6.9 million dead.) Peggy and I — devout travelers — went cold turkey on all trips and reluctantlyhunkered down. Three years later we booked a cruise on the Great Lakes.

 

Saved from SeriousDepression
And Cabin Fever by Steve Marsh.

Haveyou ever come across the chap in photoabove? Steve Marsh is one of a kind — a fun, funny low key Scotsman, exuberantdocent, world-class photographer and superb film editor. His unique businessmodel is escorting his flock of armchair followers on splendid impromptuYouTube adventures around Scotland, the British Isles, Northern Europe andthe USA — (Amtrak, Mystic, Connecticut and a splendid quickie tour of Seattle!) On my 55" LG screen Steve's photography is professional cinema quality.He has gifted me with glorious videos and memories of trips I never would havetaken in real life.

 

                                        “Impromptu” YouTube Adventures?
      
“Done without being planned, organized, or rehearsed.” 
                                                       —OxfordDictionary

 

Steve picks a destination,researches the history, the photo ops and directions for getting there and back— by road, rail, bus, air (jets to puddle jumpers), funky ferries, cruiseships and, oh yes, long walks (his favorite form of transportation). 

 

Whereupon he invites hisfollowersto join him as he heads out. Sometimes he’s been there. Sometimes not. Youhaven’t a clue what the hell is coming next. Neither does Steve. Maybe terribleweather closes in or sudden cancellations knock his schedule galley-west.Whatever happens, Steve deals with it. And always he is fun, funny and afolksy conversationalist who ad libs totally unscripted commentary in adelightful Scottish accent.

 

Above all, whenever Steve Marsh is in mylife, the kalaidoscope of terrible news disappears: the mass shootings, wars,world hunger, whining and lying politicians, the plight and desperation ofragtag refugees, hurricanes, floods, vaccine deniers and the daily diet of nastynattering nabobs dominating the news and social media. 

 

Of theMany Journeys with Steve I
Especially Loved His Tour of Gibraltar!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxKvlbfERs4&t=20s  

In50 years of worldtravels I’ve flown over Gib a number of times, passed by it on cruise ships,we even spent a couple of hours there on a quickie stopover while driving throughSpain. But I never spent quality time there. What’s more, as a lifelonganglophile and history nut I read all the Horatio Hornblower and PatrickO’BrianAubrey-Maturin novels about the British Navy in the Napoleonic Wars whereGibraltar figured heavily in the action. The teensy 2.6 square miles ofGibraltar is the U.K.'s only footprint on the Continent and a linchpin of the U.K.'s foreign real estate since this outpost was ceded to Britain in 1713.

 

Under Steve Marsh’senthusiastic and energetic editing we flew into Gibraltar International Airport.Its main runway doubles as the dangerous and bizarre main highway across the island.Fifteen times a day lines of pedestrians and vehicles are halted so planes ofall stripes and sizes can land and take off. It's nuts!

 

Ifyou join Steve's tour of Gibraltar, you'llstart to climb the 1,398 feet to the top of this supercolossal half-British/half- Spanish Rock. Aseries of magnificent views of harbors, ships and Spain in the distance unfoldas you go higher. Steve — totally winded and wiped — gives up and splurges for the cable car ride on the remainder of the way to the top.  (We all earned it! After all we huffed and puffed walking up hundreds of steps!)

 

Along the way we met some of the island's 300 wild BarbaryApes heavily protected by the authorities."

 



“Legend says if the monkeys disappear fromGibraltar so will the British. This is why during the Second WorldWar, with the numbers dwindling, Winston Churchill sent to North Africa forreplacements. Churchill's plan worked, and the colony thrives to this day.” —Google

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxKvlbfERs4&t=20s

 

I’dLike to Share with You Another 

Marvelous YouTube Expedition

 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2SUC4IMH4g&t=20s

 

At some point Steve Marsh connected with Alicja, his upbeat and captivating assistant and travel companion who matches him stride-for-stride in his walking marathons. They sometimes log in an exhausting 20 miles a day or more and finish up smiling and exhilarated! In the very north of coastal Scotland you will be dazzled by the massive rock caves and prehistoric rock formations unlike anything I have seen before.

 

 

Enjoy!

Takeaways to Consider:
The 11 Unbeatable Joys of YouTube Travel 

(1) No packing and unpacking. 


(2) No gawdawful crowds and long waiting lines in airportsand tourist hot spots.

 

(3) Magnificent still photographs and video footage youcan download for your memory collections and send to friends, associates andfamily. 


(4) No lugging cameras around or fumbling for the iPhone and time wasted positioning yourself for “justthe right shot" and right spot.

 

(5) Knowledgeable upbeat, fun, friendly andinformation-packed narration — while you're there — filled with humor, history and insidestories about the great sites of the world that make you an expert. 

 

(6) No drivers, guides, cabin crew or wait staff hanging around hoping for tips. 


(7) You never leave the comforts of your home.

 

(8) No four- and five-digitbank-breaking costs for transportation, entrance fees, meals, drinks and lodging.

.

(9) Nodebilitating jet lag and sleep pattern screw-ups when you get home. 

 

(10) You see the worldABSOLUTELY FREE. 


(11) And you can return and repeat as often as you like!

 

###


Word count: 818
 

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com1
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-5129535421978630582023-10-25T07:09:00.004-04:002024-06-05T15:37:31.377-04:00#196 Political Polls

#196 Blogpost – Wednesday 25 October 2023

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/10/196-political-polls.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

Direct Marketers vs. Political Pollsters:

Why We Are a Lot Savvier Than They Are.

 

Nate Silver, fivethirtyeight.com,America’s Most Trusted Pollster.
       Chart Right Published: 7:05 P.M. Election Eve, 7 November 20016.

  

Nate Silver madehis bones as a statistician and baseball analyst who allegedly once made$400,000 over a three-year period playing online poker. Founder andeditor-in-chief of the polling organization fivethirtyeight.com, Silver was named oneof the world’s 100 Most Influential people by Time after hesuccessfully predicted the outcomes in forty-nine of the fifty states inthe 2008 election. Subsequently his forecasting system predicted theoutcomes of the 2012 and 2020 presidential elections with a high degree ofaccuracy.

 

Nate Silver Blew It BigTime in 2016 When He Predicted
Hillary Clinton would Cream Donald Trump 71% to 28%.

Being a political junkiefor over 50 years, like the majority of Americans I was stunned everybody gotit all so very wrong.

 

Same Thing 76 YearsAgo in the 1948 Election.



—Photo:W. Eugene Smith. LIFE Magazine.


Quick Backstory of This Extraordinary Photo— One of
The Most Famous Journalistic Gaffes in American History.

In the summer of the 1948 electionPresident Harry Truman had a sad-sack 36% approval rating. Throughout thesummer the Gallup and Roper polls declared Truman’s opponent, Thomas E. Dewey,was an absolute shoo-in guaranteed to win the election. In the last two monthsof the campaign Truman virtually disappeared from public view. He was on awhistle-stop trip on a private train where he could be seen and talk in persondirectly to the American people from the back of his train. Some real early mornings he'd be in his pajamas, robe and slippers and talk to a handful of voters. At the huge Iowa State Fair in September he roared over the public address system to mesmerize an audience of 72,000. In those final twomonths of the campaign Truman crisscrossed the country over 31,000 miles andmade 352 speeches. All media coverage was local. The pollsters never caught theshifts in public opinion. Robert R. McCormick, owner of the Chicago Tribuneinsisted on being first to announce Truman’s defeat starting with the earliestedition of paper.

 

What triggered this blog post are somecurrent projections about the 2024 elections coming up twelve months hence.

  

The Total Incompetence of College Student Pollsters

May Show Up Yet Again on the Same Error-Strewn Path.

  

 

 This Marquette Law Students’ poll of “690 Likely Voters” is  a teensy-weensymicroscopic sample out of a humongous universe of 168.42 million Registered American Voters.Preposterous!

What’s more, Theabove illustration is a large slide with full color photographs, bigheadlines and a small muddy caption at bottom. It was shown for a few seconds fullsized on network and local TV news programs along with a bunch of otherpollsters’ projections.

 

These samplenumbers are disguised in the small line at bottom printed in blurry medium bluemouse type printed over a light blue background. It is guaranteed to beoverlooked by virtually all TV viewers. I missed it clean and noticed it onlyafter I photographed the slide for this blog post. The numbers:

About Amorphous Political Polls vs. the
Hard Data of Direct Marketers’ Tests

Political pollstersare mining the mushy world of “Who would you vote for if the election were heldtoday?” The answer is in the slippery world of emotions, of “if” and “how do you feelright now?”

When launching a new product, service orfinancial opportunity direct marketers rent lists of buyers or subscribers or members ofanalogous products and services. Or we advertise in media our potential buyersread and view.

 

Below is the order card for INTERNATIONALLIVING, a publication that did not exist. After three failures and $70,000in debt, young copywriter Bill Bonner sent out a “dry test” mailing with a powerful8-page letter describing how you can retire overseas in luxury for a fractionof what it would cost in the U.S. The dry test mailing pulled 300% of breakevenand Bonner was in business. Today he is owner of The Agora, a billion-dollarpublishing empire out of Baltimore, Maryland.

This offer was the real deal — NOT a weak and wifty, “ifthis newsletter existed do you think you might buy it?” This was offering a solid commitment from Bonner to the recipient urging a change in behavior that will be very beneficial. (And not change his mind tomorrow.)

 



 

We start with a series of small tests.Then follow up with medium size confirming tests. We track results every stepof the way.

 

An Example of Some Basic Direct Marketing Arithmetic.
I got into directmail marketing in the 1970s, the formula was primitive and simple. The minimumtest was 5,000 names. Way back then the average response to a direct mailcampaign was 2%. A two percent response from 5,000 names is 100 orders — theabsolute minimum cell size of paying customers just large enough to be statisticallydependable.

 

Direct marketing brings immediate resultsthat you can take to the bank — literally. The success or failure is measuredprecisely by test results and money, promised or sent. If a test bombed, yousweetened the offer or tested different pricing until you got it right.

 

In 1984 Peggy and I started the monthly WHO’SMAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive service. It was a publicationthat existed in our heads only. We did a “dry test” offering this mythical publication.We rented 5,000 names from Pete Hoke’s Direct Marketing magazine and5,000 from Adrian Courtenay’s DM NEWS for a total of 10,000 names. Ouroffer: 

Take the first issue FREE and the nexttwelve issues for $99. Cancel any time and receive a full refund no questionsasked. No risk. We got 452 responses and became publishers.

 

In Political Polling, No Interim Results.

Unlike direct marketers, politicalpollsters have to wait till the very end of the campaign when the polls closeand the votes are all in and counted before they know for sure whether they arechamps or chumps. 

 

 

These are the AmateurCollegiate Political Pollsters Who Are
Poaching
In the Worlds of Fox News, CNN and FiveThirtyeight

Emerson College, Boston, MA

Iowa State Civiq (News Service), Ames, IA

Marquette College Law School, Milwaukee, WI

Quinnipiac University, Hamden, Ct

Winthrop University, Rock Hill, SC

 

My personal opinion these minor collegesand universities are in the political polling business for publicity and publicrelations. Any coverage in state and national media (e.g., the Marquette LawSchool poll shown in this post) may well be noticed by wealthy alumni who takepride seeing their beloved alma mater in the forefront of the news. Maybethey'll increase their giving. Plus it gets minor colleges' names out toprospective students interested in political science.

 

Here's another cheapsy-weepsy political pollI photographed off the TV.


NOTE: “Among 868 Registered Voters.”

 

Takeaways toConsider

• Any time I see a national or statepolitical poll, I now look for the size of the sample it was based on.

 ###

Word count: 1117

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com0
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-1800905277971440352023-09-19T05:53:00.011-04:002023-09-20T08:36:51.884-04:00#195 Rolex

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/09/195-rolex_19.html

 

 #195 Blog Post - Tuesday,19 September 2023

 Posted by DennyHatch

 

TheUltimate Challenge for a Copywriter:
Inventing a Reason to Buy a $41,990 Rolex.



(NOTE: At the end of thisblog post you're invited attend the Phillips Auction of Paul Newman's $17.8Million Rolex on YouTube. It's a hoot!)

Personal Backgrounder: For many years I have owned twoserviceable/disposable wristwatches. Both are Casio F-91W models that cost mearound $14.00 each. They are light, thin and unobtrusive. They keep accuratetime, have plastic rubber-like wrist bands and are easy to set and reset. Theyhave a tiny alarm that (very) quietly beeps twice on the hour. Why two watches?When a long-lived battery dies or I lose one of these cheap Casios, I have aspare. Whereupon I immediately buy a replacement, so I always have aback-up. 

• Do I hankerto have a Rolex? Uh-uh. All I want is the time of day, date and time. Mycheap-o $14 Casio F-91W is more accurate than any five-figure Rolex. Nokidding.

                  From Their Respective Websites
             
Rolex:  Accuracy:  +/- 2-1/2 seconds per day.
              Casio
:   Accuracy: +/-  15-20 secondper month.

 

BTW: What Determines Wristwatch Prices?  "Complications!"
"Watches are complicated. No, seriously, some watches are literallycomplicated. To the unversed: this is a little horological joke. In the watchworld, the term “complication” refers to any function other than basictimekeeping. An alarm, a second time zone, or even just a date, are allcomplications."
—Jennifer Algoo, Visuals Director, Harper’s BAZAAR

 

WhatTriggered This Unusual Blog Post: Tennis, Carlos & Rolex.
A couple of years ago, Peggy and I stumbled on the tennis wizardry of CarlosAlcaraz, the young (then age 18, now 20) Spanish phenom. We have closelyfollowed him ever since; we seldom miss a match. Carlitos (as his devoted fanscall him) is the master of high drama, accuracy and trickery. He has two drop-deadspecialties that stun his opponents and fans:

• His feather-softdink or drop shot that suddenly ends a fierce long rally.

• Theamazing "tweener," where he chases down a lob over his head to thefar end of the court and blindly hits the ball backward between his legs with apinpoint accurate return lob followed by a wild whoop of the crowd and theannouncers. (You can see a YouTube Alcaraz "tweener" at the end ofthis blog post.)

 

Above all — winningor losing — is the joy, explosive energy and infectious delight Alcarazexhibits every moment he is on the court. He loves his opponents. He loves the crowd and the crowdsadore him. This pastJuly he won the 2023 Wimbledon Grand Slam and is currently ranked #1 or #2 inthe world, seesawing back and forth with Serbia'sNovak Djokovic. We started following him on the Tennis Channel and ESPNand have become incurable groupies.  

 

The RolexConnection.
Alongwith our fascination with Alcaraz, this marketing junkie — a.k.a. Denny Hatch — has become intriguedby the dominance of Rolex watches in the tennis world. E.g., on ATPAssociation of Tennis Professionals) championship court scoreboards across the globe, plusmyriad photos of top tennis professionals wearing a Rolex watch.
 

 

Carlos Alcaraz Can Potentially Earn $8 Million per Year with
His Rolex Deal Following in the Footstepsof Roger Federer.

 

“The ‘Swiss Maestro’ Roger Federer,who is regarded as one of the most decorated brand ambassadors for Rolex signedhis first 10-year $15 million deal with the Swiss watchmaking company in 2006and was ultimately upgraded with a whopping $8 million annual deal in 2016.

“In January 2022 CarlosAlcaraz was signed by Rolex and joined the likes of Roger Federerand Jack Sinner. What thismeans for the Spaniard is that if he can keep up his impressive performance andelevate his career statistics, Rolex might potentially renew and offer him adeal even sweeter than Roger’s.
—Aarav Singh Gill, Sportsmanor.com

A Quickie History of Rolex.
"Originally founded in 1905 in London by 24-year-old Hans Wilsdorf and hisbrother-in-law Alfred Davis, Rolex was first known as Wilsdorf & Davis.They originally imported movements, housed them in British cases, and sold themto jewelers. Through this, the pair saw the potential
for developing their ownbrand. In 1908 this was realized when Wilsdorf secured the nameRolex."  —thewatchbox.com.

Since founding, Rolex hasacquired more than 500 different patents and the company's 2000employee/watchmakers produce 8 types of classic watches for men — mostly byhand — as well as ladies’ watches. Prices run from $3,000 to (Daytona Oyster Reference6263) $227,481.

 RolexIs the Main Sponsor of World Tennis.
"Rolex andtennis first came together when the brand partnered with the WimbledonChampionships in 1978 when tennis was experiencing a powerful transformation.The brand gradually forged links with all of the sport’s elite competitions.Rolex now partners the four Grand Slam tournaments, all the major Associationof Tennis Professionals (ATP) events in the men’s and women’s game and theleading international team contests."  —Rolex.com

In addition to tennis, Rolex has become a preeminent force in the sponsorship of other high-profile sportingevents and individual athletes. The result is an avalanche of worldwide awareness of Rolex in print media, online and TV. Among them:


• Motor Sports: Rolex Daytona 24; Le Mans 24 Hours; FIA World Endurance;In addition, according to Forbes, Rolex pays an annual $50 million fee to Formula1 in order for their logo to be plastered on cars, advertising boardsat motor race tracks and drivers' outerwear.

• Automotive Classic Events: Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion; Pebble Beach Concoursd’Elegance®; Goodwood Revival.

• Yachting: Rolex partners some of the top crewed offshore races. The brand is associated with numerous annual and biannualcoastal regattas all over the world. It is Official Timepiece for two suchchampionships that are at the cutting edge of nautical technology: SailGP,featuring the planet’s fastest catamarans, and the 52 SUPER SERIES forhigh-performance TP52 monohulls. Rolex also partners prestigious offshoreraces, such as the Rolex Fastnet Race, the Rolex Sydney Hobart Yacht Race andthe Rolex Middle Sea Race.

• Golf: Rolex partnerswith the R&A (Royal and Ancient) held at St. Andrews and the USGAMasters Tournament at Augusta in April; the PGA Championship in May; U.S. Open inJune; British Open in July. Plus Rolex support extends to all five Majors in women’s golf.

  OlympicEquestrian events: show jumping, dressage, other events.

 

Like theladies and gent above, you’d like to show off your $60,000 Rolex. More to thepoint Rolex desperately wants you to show it off. It’s gorgeous... famous... aconversation starter. Alas it’s on your wrist and often buried under yourjacket sleeve and/or shirt cuff. Rolex realizes they have a problem andprovides guidance on the website.

The Official Way to Show off Your Rolex

 

Rosser Reeves (1910-1984)

Chairman, Ted BatesAdvertising Agency

 

 

  Rosser Reeves Conceived the "UniqueSelling Proposition."

– Each admust make a proposition: “Buy this product and you get these benefits."

– The proposition must beunique: something that your competitors do not, cannot or will not offer.

– The proposition mustsell: it must be something prospects really want; it pulls them over to yourproduct

 

MemorableUSPs—Unique Selling Propositions.

“99 and 44/100% pure.” —Ivory SoapProcter & Gamble, 1892)

“The skin you love to touch.” —WoodburySoap (J. Walter Thompson Co. 1911)

“When it rains it pours.” —Morton SaltN.W. Ayer & Son, 1912)

“We’ll leave the light on for you.” —Motel6 (Richards Group 1988)

“Bags Fly Free.” —Southwest AirlinesGSD&M, 2010)

 

About Rolexand Its Non-Existent USP.
•More than a dozen up-up-up-market watch companies manufacture spectaculartimepieces — all with myriad unique complications that sell for five- and sixfigures. Among them: Cartier - Hermès - Van Cleef & Arpels – Panerai –Grand Seiko – Patek Phillipe - Tag Heuer.  

 

• All areexquisite masterpieces of the watchmaker’s art — beautifully crafted, manybejeweled (especially women’s models), with seemingly infinite choices of"complications."

 

• However, comparedto Rolex — with its 120-year history and vast worldwide recognition — other watchmakerscome across as boutique operations, even though they produce fine products andare profitable.
In short, Rolex is king!

 

 

As a Result, Rolex Has Never Had a Unique Selling Proposition.
Quite simply no single watch model — or Rolex family of watches —stands out above all others in the luxury timepiece industry.  All watches are alike. They are the same wee size, tell accurate timeand have myriad complications.

 

What separates Rolex from the pack are the extraordinary headliners — show biz legends, sports heroes, corporate tycoons, investors, scientists, explorers, adventurers, gamblers, jet setters, and assorted risk takers.

 

Every time Rolex owners JoeSchlub or Jane Lunchbox peek at their Rolex to see what time it is, they get asecret — almost guilty — stab of pleasure and pride of membership in theelite circle of world renowned celebrities rich-rich men and women on therecord and in the media as Rolex owners. 

 

A Partial Who's Who of Rolex Celebs and High Achievers Past & Current Seen and Photographed Wearing a Rolex:

AlessandraAmbrosio, Jennifer Aniston, Cardi B, David Beckham, Victoria Beckham, James Bond,Bono, Bjorn Borg, Warren Buffet, Sandra Bullock, James Cameron, Sir Malcolm Campbell, FidelCastro, Jacques Chirac, Winston Churchill, Eric Clapton, Daniel Craig, Tom Cruise,Ellen DeGeneres, Clint Eastwood, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Chris Evert, Roger Federer, Chiara Ferragni, GeraldFord, Jennifer Garner, Ina Garten, Mercedes Gleitz, Ernesto Che Guevara, RobertDowny, Jr., Muammar Gaddafi, Ryan Gosling, Rachel Green, Kevin Hart, Sir Edmund Hillary, Paris Hilton, PopeJohn-Paul II, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, John F. Kennedygifted by Marilyn Monroe), Jean-Claude Killy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lydia Ko, Kyle Kuzma, Bernhard Langer, AdamLevine, J-Lo, Brooks Koepka, Phil Mickelson, Madonna, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Neymar, Jack Nicklaus, Anna Nordqvist, Tenzing Norgay, Barack Obama,Arnold Palmer, Roger Penske, Jacques Piccard, Brad Pitt, Gary Player, ElvisPresley, Jon Rahm, Emily Ratajkowsk, Ronald Reagan, Rihanna, Franklin D. Roosevelt, NicholasSarkozy, Adaam Scott, Will Smith, Annnika Sorenstam, Jason Statham, Jordan Spieth, Jackie Stewart, Sharon Stone, Kiri Te Kanawa,Charlize Theron, Justin Thomas, Lexi Thompson, Sofia Vergara, Lindsey Vonn,Mark Wahlberg, Tom Watson, Kanye West, Caroline Wozniacki, Reese Witherspoon, TigerWoods, Boris Yeltsin, Alexander Zverev .


Think of it!Buy a Rolex and you can take your place among these luminaries! If you happento meet up with one of them, you have an immediate conversational opener and shared interest to talk about. You are equals in something.

 

Maurice Chevalier on Rolex.

“Like a genial hotelier, Rolex has introduced me to someof the nicest people. I ask about their Rolex and they ask about mine. It's asmarvelous a conversation piece as it is a timepiece.

(With thanks to Bo Sacks for this mini-treasure)


In short you — the Rolex owner — are its USP! 

 

Below is anearly Rolex space ad. It emphatically ain’t about the watch. It’s all aboutyou — Rolex owner — imagining yourself mingling with world leaders.

 
 

I retyped the teensy, totally unreadable white type reversedout on a black background at bottom of this ad. Here 'tis:

When aSummit Conference is held at Geneva’s Palais des Nations, the best watch in theworld is there.

    You can recognize its classic shape, carved out of a solid block of gold fromthe other end of the conference table.

    Inside the solid, pressure-proof walls of its Oyster case is a self-winding,officially certified chronometer movement.

    In our own building in Geneva, there is a room lined with the portraits of mostof the world’s leaders.

    The Rolex they wear is the Datejust. In 18 ct. gold with matching Jubileebracelet.

 

Remember theseven key copy drivers — the emotional hot buttons that cause people to act asarticulated by Axel Andersson, Bob Hacker and yours truly:

fear - greed - guilt - anger - exclusivity - salvation -flattery 

In theimmortal words of Seattle Marketing guru Bob Hacker: "If your copy isn'tdripping with one or more of these, tear it up and start over."

This Rolexprint ad is dripping with Exclusivity and Flattery

 

Guaranteedto Excite and Delight You: A Gallery of YouTube Fun Plus Rolex Product Owners.

(You areinvited to STEAL SMART!)

 

1.         The Alcaraz "Tweener"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK_mKZb8dOY

 

2.    PhillipsAuction of Paul Newman’s Rolex Daytona
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0tjSUOvi5k&t=33s

 
NOTE: Including the buyer's premium of 12.5% (the Phillips Gallery commission) added to the last bid,the final price comes to $17,752,500.)

 

3.         Academy Awards 2023
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3TkPZPB5AE

 

4.     It Tells History
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=055u423Qc_o

 

5.  Federer, Le Mans, Equestrian, Immelmann
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN_v1IYzMSo

 

 Takeawaysto Consider

• If youwere to buy Paul Newman’s $17 million Daytona Rolex, this is a schematic/outlineof what you own. 

 • Many Rolex owners are collectors with up to a dozen or more watches — hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on acquiring Rolex bling they show off in special exhibit cases as a kind of mini-museum.

 


• Imaginethe grand works they could do — the human misery they could alleviate — with this money going to the betterment of the world.

• Their liveswould have real purpose. They would be universally beloved!

• IMO: Thisentire business of wristwatch collecting is nuts.


 ###

 Word count: 2048


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com14
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-79613790445615692832023-08-23T07:10:00.008-04:002024-06-05T15:36:41.366-04:00#194 Fryd DM Lesson

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/08/194-fryd-dm-lesson.html 

 

#194 Blog Post - Wednesday 22 August 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Greatest Direct Marketing Lesson
I Have Learned in the Last Sixty Yea
rs 

Quickie Preface: Mike and Susan Fryd are close friends andneighbors. A modest, shy, low-key guy, Mike quietly and offhandedly mentionedhis book was being published. I immediately bought it and read it. Whereupon Iwas gobsmacked. I guarantee you will be also. —DH

 

Below: My Review ofMike Fryd's Stunning
Reminiscence Just Published on Amazon


A Riveting and Often Hilarious Memoir of Nazism andMotherhood.

My Mother’s War isthe gripping account of growing up as the child of penniless Polish Jews whospent six years dodging capture and certain death by the Nazis. You will savorMichael Fryd’s paean to his indomitable entrepreneur mother who saved herfamily. Mike Fryd writes: 

“The entirebusiness establishment was in a state of chaos; there was no organized systemfor the transportation and distribution of goods. There were shortages ofcertain commodities in one part of the country, while mountains of the samerotted next to idle railroad tracks only fifty miles away.

   “This was a perfect climate for making money on the black market. Somehow, mymother found people and trucks who helped her move merchandise from areas ofsurplus where she could buy them at very low prices to areas of scarcity whereshe could sell them at a premium. Often, our one-room apartment served as atemporary warehouse for whatever was the transaction du jour: medicines, hams,tires, furs, condoms, yes condoms. Mom brought a truckload of them from Germanyand sold them at a very handsome profit to drugstores in Warsaw. Condomswere in short supply in Poland and were much needed to control venerealdiseases spread by both the German and Russian armies.

   “When my mom wasn’t smuggling watches, one could always find her on the Rue desRosiers where she indulged in her favorite profession, black marketing inforeign currency. When I wasn’t in school, I would often accompany her,reprising my old role of “Mule,” an unobvious carrier of sizable sums ofillegal currency… It was an exotic and exciting bazaar where millions ofdollars changed hands every minute, and a man’s word was his bond. My mom wasthe only woman trader, as far as I know, and I was the only child around. 

      “Many of the dealers went out of their way to teach me the tricks of the tradeor just to amuse me. I learned how to count money fast, just like a banker, andhow to spot a fake diamond; a drop of water beads up on a diamond, but spreadson glass or cubic zirconia.”

I Couldn’t Put the Book Down

I read it straightthrough the weekend. It is one of a kind —a masterpiece! As I reluctantly cameto the glorious ending of this extraordinary adventure four words keptrepeating themselves inside my head: Movie. Spielberg. Academy Awards. —DennyHatch

 

Michael Fryd

 

From Mike Fryd’sPreface

“While writing I realized the heart of the story was my larger-than-lifemother, Evelyn Fryd. We survived against all odds because the Nazis and Polishanti-Semites were no match for her. During those years she was a mythic figurewith boundless energy and cunning, determined to do whatever it took to saveher family from Hitler’s clutches.” 

 

In the Mayhem and Horror of World War II, in Poland,
Evelyn Fryd Morphed into World Class Direct Marketer

For starters, shewas constantly aware of — and practiced — the five-letter credo that describes exactlywhat we direct marketers do:

“Create wants and change behavior.”

 

To achieve thesegoals, direct marketers are perpetually challenged and are forced to learn lotsof new stuff every day. It's a fascinating career!

• Exactly who areour buyers or clients?

• How and where dowe find more of them?

• The challenge isto get inside their heads and walk in their shoes so we can think how theythink, feel what they feel, and know and become them. Talk to them. Make theirlives better. Like us lots. And want to hear from us often.

 

What Does the Mike Fryd’s Mother in World War II
Have to Do with Direct Marketing Today? Everything!

A serialentrepreneur, she was on a perpetual learning curve — continually studying aboutbusinesses, products and services and how to buy them, market them and makecustomers happy. She was also a world class student of people — always able tosee into their inner selves, their wants, their needs, their fears, greed,guilt, anger and desire for exclusivity. In all her transactions she providedsalvation and exuded flattery. Everybody loved her!

 

In short, Evelynwas a textbook direct marketer — getting inside the heads of the people shedealt with, seeing what they saw, feeling what they felt and, in effect,becoming the person and talking directly to them. 

Comparing Evelyn Fryd to Three of the Greatest
Direct Marketing Entrepreneurs of My Lifetime

 

David Ogilvy

"He walked into aLondon agency and asked to see the boss. He had bought a country house and wasabout to open it as a hotel. Could the agency help him to get customers? He had$500 to spend. Not surprisingly, the head of the agency turned him over to theoffice boy, who happened to be the author of this book. I invested his money inpenny postcards and mailed them to well-heeled people living in theneighborhood. Six weeks later the hotel opened to a full house. I had tastedblood.”
    Confessions of an Advertising Man

 

Maxwell Sackheim

In 1926 Max was an agency copywriter whogot inside the heads of book readers and came up with a unique scheme that soldtens of millions of books. Ninety-six years later it is still going strong. Themain elements of the business model that persuaded members to join the club:

Irresistible Introductory Offer (Signup and take your choice of one, two,or three books free), no risk to have a look.

• You can acquire best-selling titlesbefore they’re available in stores.

•  Dazzle your friends, neighbors andbusiness associates with how much you know about what's going on in theworlds news, literature and culture.

• Special book club editions are cheaperto manufacture.

• Ergo: discount prices, bigsavings.

• The “Negative Option” makes it easy-peasyto build a world class library. (“Unless you tell us not to send the MainSelection (or want one or more Alternate Selections), the book will be shippedautomatically.”

• If not 100% satisfied, full return privileges, no hassle, noquestions asked (even if you’vealready read it).

• Bonus books. (Buy 4 club selections at terrific discountprices and get one free reward book of your choice.).

• Sackheim’s name for the club: Book-of-the-Month.

 

Bill Bonner

In 1979 stony broke and up to his ears in debt Bill mailed adry test — an 8-page letter offering a trial subscription to INTERNATIONALLIVING (an imaginary magazine that existed only inside his head). Ifhe got enough orders, he would publish it.

The launch mailing package for INTERNATIONLIVING did 300% of breakeven and was hugely profitable from Day 1. Today AgoraPublishing is a mini conglomerate of 30 companies that bring in over $1 billiona year.

 Bill Bonner in front of the first of his two 18th century chateaux in France (just up the road from David Ogilvy's.)



A Totally Opposite Career from Direct Marketing Where a
Guy Did the Same Thing Over and Over and Over Again

Last week I turned88. What triggered this Blog Post was this New

York Times Obituary that ran on my birthday.

 

Philip L. Sherman,Who Circumcised Thousands of Babies,Dies at 67

Armedwith only a scalpel, a clamp and a metal probe, Philip L. Sherman would routinelycarry out his surgical mission in about 15 seconds, leave in as little as 10minutes and hotfoot it to his car, which was probably parked illegally butperhaps spared a ticket by the inspired placard on his windshield: “Mazel Tov!Bris in progress. Please don’t ticket.”

Hisrecord, he said, was 11 in a single day, including two pairs of twins — aconsiderable scheduling feat, considering that the ritual is to be performed onthe eighth day of the baby’s life and during daylight.

He diedon Aug. 9 at his home in Englewood, N.J. He was 67. His daughter, Nina ShermanGreen, said the cause was pancreatic cancer.

Mr.Sherman, whose website (as well as his vanity license plate) was emoil.com, claimed to have performed some 26,000 ritualcircumcisions, mostly in the New York metropolitan area, during his 45-yearcareer. He was trained in the Jewish religious practice of brit milah — aprofession generally spelled “mohel” in English and pronounced “moil.”

Hisservices did not come cheap. “You pay $800 for a steady hand and a goodreputation,” Scott Stringer, the former New York City comptroller, toldThe Times after his son, who was born in December 2011, was circumcised by Mr.Sherman. “It’s not the kind of thing where you’re looking to save money.”

But Mr. Shermansaid he did not turn away families who could not afford his fee.

He alsoserved as a cantor at several synagogues in New York, including the Spanish andPortuguese Synagogue in Manhattan from 1985 to 2019. He also occasionallyworked as an actor.

Yes, heacknowledged, of course the baby feels pain during it. But, he added, “whenit’s done properly, only for a moment.”

And, yes,he said, it was also true that sometimes even just by imagining the removal ofthe baby’s foreskin, one of the parents or a guest might pass out. But, hesuggested cheerfully, “usually at a bris, there’s no shortage of doctors orlawyers.”

Excerpted from Sam Roberts' splendid tongue-in-cheek obit, August 15, 2023
Photo credit: Fred R. Conrad, The New York Times

###

 Word Count: 1654

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com2
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-68051293314727813592023-08-02T07:03:00.013-04:002024-06-05T15:36:06.685-04:00#193 Fake Electors

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/08/193-fake-electors.html

 

#193 Blog Post - Wednesday, 2 August 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Sales Pitch That Conned 8 Nice
Folks into Becoming "Fake Electors"

 


INTHE NEWS:

Michigan AG Charges 16 People for Roles in 2020 Fake Elector Scheme
“They weren’t the duly elected and qualifiedelectors, and each of the defendants knew it.”

Michigan Attorney General DanaNessel announced on Tuesday that charges havebeen filed against 16 residents of the state for their roles in a fake electorscheme following the 2020 election. All 16 have been charged with eight felonycounts, including forgery and election law forgery.
—NoahLanard, Reporter, Mother Jones, July 18, 2023

 

“The most essential gift for a good writer is abuilt-in, shockproof, shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it.” 

    —ErnestHemingway

 

 Way back in February 2022 the “False Electors”scheme was floated as a way to reverse the outcome of the 2020 election. Beinga political junky the red flag of my shit detector waved. It was a feeble littleflutter. I didn’t think much of the story and went on with my life.

 

Fastforward to this July when it was announced that 16 solid citizens of Michiganwho had registered with the federal government as fake electors (subsequently a.k.a.“alternative electors”) were being charged with:

 

1)   One count ofConspiracy to Commit Forgery,
    a 14-year felony
.

2)   Two countsof Forgery, a 14-year felony.

3)   One count ofConspiracy to Commit Uttering and Publishing, a 14-year felony.

4)   One count ofUttering and Publishing,
    a 14-year felony
.

5)   Two countsof Election Law Forgery,
    a 5-year felony.

 

Iwas instantly horrified that sixteen citizens of Michigan were facing 14 yearsin the pokey after falling for a classic marketing scam. They had been conned into signing their names to an official-looking form by a small coterie ofdesperate, duplicitous Republican Party operatives using fear and anger.

 

Forstarters, Their Lives Are
Already Turned Upside Down.

Idid a deep dive into Google over a three-day period and discovered the firstentries of their listings were reports of the felony indictments and potential14-year sentences. Whether guilty or innocent, these incriminating, negative storieswill follow them to their graves.

 

Theirplight is akin to that of fine actor Kevin Spacey. Despite his acquittal of allcharges of sexual misconduct, he is still having trouble getting work.

 

Who AreThese People Accused of Felony?

Ifound eight of these Michigan professionals to be controversial, having beeninvolved as election deniers or having ties to radical right wing organizationsthat invaded the U.S. Capitol on January 6.

 

Let’slook at this relatively innocuous other eight — unassuming folks quietly leadingproductive lives just like you, me, our families, friends and businessassociates. They are all facing 14 (or more) years in the hoosegow.

 

KathyBerden, 70, of Snover, Michigan

NationalCommitteewoman (Michigan) at Republican National Committee

“Myname is Kathy Berden, and it is my privilege to serve as the RepublicanNational Committeewoman for our great state of Michigan. My husband Dean and Ioperate a family farm in Sanilac County, and we have four children and tengrandchildren. Many years ago, I became involved in my local party because Ibelieved I had a responsibility to ensure that the people we elect to office atall levels share the conservative values of our party’s platform: limitedgovernment, balanced budgets, individual liberty, and a commitment tofamily.  “During my time as a grassroots activist,I have had the honor to serve as a Precinct Delegate, County ExecutiveCommittee Member, County Chair, State Committee Member, National Convention Delegate,and as of May of 2015, Republican National Committeewoman. I have greatlyenjoyed meeting so many committed Republicans and great candidates who are trulydedicated to building our party and winning elections.” — Google

 

WilliamHank) Choate, 72, of Cement City, Michigan

2016Dairy Farmer of the Year—MSU Dept. of Animal Science

“Whenthe milk truck turns off the driveway and passes the old bank barn, it’s easyto step back and let the haulers, processors and marketers complete the supplychain. But MMPA Member Hank Choate keeps his eye on the entire milk route,knowing consumer demand for dairy is what truly milks the cow. A dairy farmerwith 47 years of experience, Choate is a fervent promoter of dairy andagriculture.
     “In recognition of his passion for dairy,involvement in the industry and accomplishments on the farm, Choate wasrecently recognized by the Michigan State University (MSU) Department of AnimalScience with the 2016 Dairy Farmer of the Year award.”—Google

 

CliffordFrost, 75, of Warren, Michigan

Century21 AAA North

“Cliffmade me feel extremely comfortable during the entire process. He is extremely knowledgeableof the area. He kept in constant contact with me during the entire process.There aren't enough good things I can say about Cliff. If I ever need a realtoragain, I will definitely use Cliff. As for the above characteristics, excellentis the only way to describe Cliff. He was by my side during a very stressfulsale every step of the way. I knew I could call him anytime to discuss questionsor concerns. He is an extremely patient man who is willing to go above andbeyond for his client. The staff at Century 21 AAA North were veryaccommodating, from my initial introduction to the staff to the closing processI felt extremely comfortable and confident in their abilities.” —Helen.    

—Google

 

Stanley Grot, 71, of Shelby Township

Clerk, Stanley Board of Trustees

“DearTownship Residents,

     “It is my great honor and privilege toserve you in the position of clerk. I am confident I can provide leadership andhelp to guide the township government through these difficult economic timeswhile properly addressing important issues affecting our daily lives.
 
     “I will use my vast knowledge andexperience to provide the best services for the taxpayers of Shelby Township. Iwill honorably serve their needs. I will lead by example.
“While serving the residents of ShelbyTownship, the old fashion values will be my guide: hard work, high ethicalstandards, honesty, integrity, and complete dedication to those I serve.”
Sincerely,
Stanley T. Grot
"
—Google

"Michigan clerk stripped of election duties after he was charged with acting as fake elector in 2020 election." —CBS News

 

JohnHaggard, 82, of Charlevoix, Michigan

Member: Charlevoix Area Chamber of Commerce & BNI Up North Network

“AtHaggard's [Plumbing & Heating], we have been providing quality service in the HVAC, plumbing, sheetmetal and service industry in Charlevoix and surrounding areas since 1968. Wespecialize in commercial work as well as residential service and installation.We also have a full service sheet metal fabrication shop for all yourcustomized needs.Ourmission is to provide quality and dependable service to our customers ataffordable prices. Our team of qualified employees take pride in their work toinsure you, our customer, get the quality you deserve."

 

MayraRodriguez, 64, of Grosse Pointe Farms, Michigan 

Memberat Law Offices of
Mayra A. Rodriguez
                       

“BostonCollege B.A. 1980; University of Michigan, J.D. 1982
Admission:1984, Michigan; 1984 New York; 1998, District of Columbia. Areas of Practice:Latin American Bar Activities, Probate & Estate, Probate & Estate Planning.”—Martindale.com
“Rodriguez, an attorney, has been active in the community. She’sa former president of the Junior League of Detroit and former at-large boardmember of the Eastside Republican Club. In 2020, Rodriguez was the 14thCongressional District chair in Michigan and a Republican National Convention delegate.”—Grosse Pointe Times

 

RoseRook, 81, of Paw Paw, Michigan

Memberof the Executive Committee of the Van Buren County Republicans.

“Current occupation is listedas Real Estate/Realtor. Rose will celebrate 81st birthday on November 28.”—ClustrMaps

“Servedon Boards of the Ethics committee and PRcommittees. She is presently serving on three boards. Charter member of Paw PawArea Rotary, Paw Paw Service League.”—CNN

 

KentVanderwood, 69, of Wyoming, Michigan

Current Mayor ofWyoming, Michigan

“Vanderwood,who served on the Wyoming City Council for 16 years, won a three-way primaryrace last August to replace retiring, longtime Wyoming Mayor Jack Poll. Vanderwoodis vice president of the Timothy Group  which serves faith-based nonprofits.” —mLive

 

 

HowDid They Get Liable to
Serve 14 Years in the Slammer?

Apparently, Republican party operatives conned them into believing the election was rigged.It was their sacred duty to make things right by being loyal to country andConstitution and immediately sign up as fake/alternate electors if they wereneeded.

From Jack Smith's Indictment, 1 August 2023

     (NOTE: "The Defendant" is  Donald J. Trump)


 Manner & Means

   10.      The Defendant's conspiracy to impair, obstruct, and defeat the  federal government function through dishonesty, fraud, and deceit included the following manner and means:

a.      'The Defendant and co-conspirators used knowingly false claims of election fraud to get state legislators and election officials to subvert the legitimate election results and change electoral votes for the Defendant's opponent, Joseph R. Biden, Jr., to electoral votes for the Defendant. That is, on the pretext of baseless fraud claims, the Defendant pushed officials in certain states to ignore the popular vote; disenfranchise millions of voters; dismiss legitimate electors; and ultimately, cause the ascertainment of and voting by illegitimate electors in favor of the Defendant.

b.      The Defendant and co-conspirators organized fraudulent slates of electors in seven targeted states (Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin), attempting to mimic the procedures that the legitimate electors were supposed to follow under the Constitution and other federal and state laws. This included causing the fraudulent electors to meet on the day appointed by federal law on which legitimate electors were to gather and cast their votes; cast fraudulent votes for the Defendant; and sign certificates falsely representing that they were legitimate electors. Some fraudulent electors were tricked into participating based on the understanding that their votes would be used only if the Defendant succeeded in outcome-determinative lawsuits within their state, which the Defendant never did. The Defendant and co-conspirators then caused these fraudulent electors to transmit their false certificates to the Vice President and other government officials to be counted at the certification proceeding on January 6.

 

 

 

What Does ThisSad Saga Have 

To Do with Direct Marketing?

Iturn 88 in two weeks. I spent 60 years as a mail order book club manager,copywriter and designer in the business of professional persuasion—direct mail,off-the-page-advertising and, in recent years, eMarketing.

 

Plus,I’ve written seven (well-received) books on direct mail and direct marketing. Aswell as 20 years as founder and editor of the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter/archiveservice, five years as editor and publisher of “Target Marketing” magazine,and 193 posts of the cranky blog you are now reading.

 

Itwas the great guru, Dick. Benson, who proclaimed, “Direct Mail [directmarketing] should be scrupulously honest.”

 

Benson’sdictum is in my head and heart every time I sit down in front of a keyboard

 

Takeaways toConsider

“The most essential gift for a good writer is abuilt-in, shockproof, shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it.” —ErnestHemingway

 

• According to the most recent Monmouth Poll, 59% of Americansbelieve Joe Biden won the presidency fair and square.

 

• If you are part of the other 41% that believes it was“rigged” and “stolen”, stop reading right here.

 

= = = = = = = = = = = =

 

• I have been personally horrified — wounded to my deepheart’s core — by what has happened to the millions of Americans caught up inthis ghastly misunderstanding and brouhaha that has split the country 60/40.

 

For Example:

After more than two years since the Jan. 6riot at the Capitol, the sentences are piling up — and last week saw thelongest prison sentence yet. Morethan 1,033 of the rioters have beenarrested, with approximately 485 federal defendants receiving sentences. About277 defendants have been sentenced to time behind bars, and roughly 113defendants have been sentenced to a period of home detention… Stewart Rhodes, the leader of the far-right OathKeepers, last week — the longestsentence imposed on a Jan. 6 defendant to date.” [18 years plus 3 years of supervised release]—Kierra Frazier, Politico

 

For Example:
Carlos
De Oliveira, now out on $100,000 bailand property manager of the Mara-Lago country club, along with Waltine Nauta, DonaldTrump’s personal gofer — both low-level, hard-working loyal, anonymous employees— are suddenly in the ugly spotlight as part of a criminal ring under indictment withthe former president of the United States. Or dedicated, patriotic political operativesin seven states who, as party loyalists were suckered into signing on as “fakeelectors” in a scheme to reverse the results of a presidential election. Or thetwo beautiful, lovely, dedicated Georgia election workers, Ruby Freeman andShay Moss being reviled, belittled, insulted and libeled — by a formerpresident of the United States and the former mayor of New York City —resulting in death threats and being forced into hiding.

 

• This is a cautionary tale from a very oldwriter to always, always, always have verifiable facts at your fingertipsbefore making pronouncements.

 

For Example: At the end of the WHO’SMAILING WHAT! road is our archive of 1660 direct mail packages in 18 categoriesthat are guaranteed to contain winning copy, design, offers and pricing. Howcan they be guaranteed winners? Each was received in the mail fromcorrespondents across the country over a minimum of three consecutive years.This was not e-mail, which is basically free to send. These were actual mailingsthat cost big bucks to send out — list rental, paper, printing, addressing, inserting, andthe biggest expense) USPS postage. Some were sent over many many more than 3 consecutiveyears. Example: The Wall Street Journal “Two young men…” mailing written by freelancer Martin Conroy, firstmailed in 1974 and for 18 consecutive years and responsible for $2 billion dollarsin revenue for Dow Jones. It is the most successful advertisement in the history of the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ww8a-8hyio&t=476s

 

• “You cannot judge good advertising. It judgesyou.” —DH


• And always remember the 14 fake electors inMichigan have to hire lawyers and are facing up to 14 years jail. Their lives are ruined forever.

 

• Yuck. 

 

###


Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com7
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-29771283819861074492023-07-25T08:27:00.008-04:002024-06-05T15:35:44.076-04:00#192 First 10 Words

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/07/192-first-10-words.html

#192 Blogpost – Tuesday, 25 July 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

 

“Your First Ten Words Are More

Important Than the Next 10,000.”

      —Elmer“Sizzle” Wheeler

 

 

Dear Friend,

 

     A lady should never get this dirty, she said.

 

     She stood there with a quiet, proud dignity.She was incomparably dirty — her face and hands smeared, her clothestorn and soiled. The lady was 11.

 

Of the literally thousands of direct marketing letters I havestudied over the 30 years of publishing, writing and sending out the monthly WHO’SMAILING WHAT! newsletter, the above lede was my favorite of all time. Astopper. You absolutely have to keep reading. Over its 27-year lifespan it was responsible for tens of millions of dollars in revenue.

 

A Brief History

The writer was Fr. Bruce Ritter, a Catholic priest who hadnever written anything his life beyond Sunday sermons. The proprietor of asmall Parish in Manhattan’s grungy, dirt-poor lower east side, he saw hisbiggest challenge as saving the hundreds of abused, homeless and endangeredteen-age kids roaming the streets in his down-at-heels neighborhood. Every dayof the week at all hours they rang his bell seeking something to eat and aplace to spend the night.

 

Ritter’s idea was to create a rescue center/safe house for thesedisadvantaged kids. His name for the refuge: Covenant House. In 1972 some unrememberedhero put Ritter in touch with Epsilon Data’s gregarious and funny John Groman, avisionary who put a deal together. He encouraged Ritter to write the letter. Fiftyyears later in 34 cities across five countries, “More than 2,000 youngpeople sleep in a Covenant House bed each night. No one is ever turned awaywithout support of some kind. And all services and programs are available at nocost.” In 2022, Covenant House revenues were $3.5 million. And it all startedwith Fr. Ritter’s “Dirty Lady” letter that had brought in millions of dollars overthe 27 years it was mailed.

         While Groman started out with this act of pure charity, it paid off big time. Overthe years Covenant House has morphed into a cash cow for Epsilon in terms of listsrentals.

 

WhatTriggered This Blog Post:

The Tedium of The New Yorker

 

In late July, Peggy and I tookour first vacation in four years (Covid had kept us home)—a splendid Viking cruisethough the five Great Lakes from Toronto to Duluth. On the way home a backup oflittle twin-engine United jet airliners stranded us for four unplanned hours inthe modest Duluth Airport.

 

At some point I wandered overto the newsstand looking for something to read. Amidst the five shelves of pop culturemagazines — front and center — was the July double-sized Fiction Issue of TheNew Yorker.

 

Over the years I have been anon-and-off subscriber to this legendary publication. As kid I loved the cartoons— particularly the ghoulish thigh slappers by Chas. Addams and the bawdy,brilliant hilarious world of Peter Arno. My very favorite:

 

Never in my life have I renewedmy subscription to The New Yorker. I always found it wordy and filled with what DavidOgilvy called “gray walls of type.” The contents were dense, and the stories (to me) seemed interminably long. I came to believe the writers were paid by the number of wordsand padded their copy to garner larger paychecks. Every 10 years I would try itagain — resubscribe and then not renew.

 

DirectMarketing Copy: The Grab-‘em by the Throat—

PolarOpposite of the Ever-so-literary New Yorker

Heaving a sigh, I mumbled “Whatthe hell, I’ll give it one more shot. There,in the Duluth Airport I ponied up the cover price of $9.99 for the 80-page issue.


Whereupon Peggy rushed up to tell me the plane was boarding, so I tucked the magazine into my carry-on and startedreading it when I got to my seat. I found the start of every article/story instantly boredme to stupefaction.

 

Remembering the Bruce Ritter’s powerhouse“Dirty Lady” 9-word lede, I decided I would compare ledes to see if anything grabbedme by the throat.

 

Here is the start of seven of thefirst eight stories:

 

THETALK OF THE TOWN

 

COMMENT

AFTER AFFIRMATIVE ACTION

Any proper obituaryfor affirmative action (1961) in higher education would be obliged to note thatit had been in decline for years before it met its ultimate demise last week. Thepolicy had weathered successive legal challenges dating back to the nineteen-seventies.It was often difficult to tell whether the effect of these suits was to inspire more nuanced and legally sustainable approaches forinsuring diversity or…

Jelani Cobb

 

HERE TO THERE DEPT.

BIG-ASS CANOE

The speed limit on the ShinnecockCanal, in Hampton Bays, is five miles per hour, which a group of hardy paddlersin a thirty-one-foot canoe were improperly exceeding the other day, when “theshit went down,” as one of them, Ryan Ranco, recalled…

Ben McGrath

 

BARNYARD DEPT.

RENT-A-FOWL

“I could talk about chickens all daylong,” Ida DeFrancesco, a farmer and an affiliate of Rent the Chicken, anall-inclusive chicken-rental service, said not long ago…

Parker Henry

 

DEPT OF FUSION

MUDANG CHILE

Where in New York does one findshoes for a shaman? At Meermin, in SoHo, Hong OK, a singer in the Korean thefolk-pop band ADg7 confessed recently that she and her bandmates usually shopat Zara or H&M…

Julian Lucas

 

LIFE AND LETTERS

Killing Dickens

Why I wrote a historical Novel

BY ZADIE SMITH

For the first thirty years of mylife, I lived within a one-mile radius of Willesden Green Tube Station. It’s trueI went to college—I even moved to East London for a bit—but such interludeswere brief. I soon returned to my little corner of Northwest London

 

FICTION

THE KITCHEN GOD

BY HIROMI KAWAKAMI

I tried peeling the kitchen wall withmy fingernails, but that didn’t work, so I pressed hard with my fingers and a flakeof the “stucco,” which is what I call it, fell off. I don’t know if it’s really“stucco" or not, or even what stucco is, precisely, but I like the snappy sound of theword, and that's good enough for me...

 

COMING TOGETHER MARYGAITSKILL

Night of the Happy Bodies

I like parties where you sit aroundand talk to people. But I love parties where you dance and make noisewith people…

 

Takeaways toConsider

• If you ever find yourself waiting inthe Duluth airport for four hours, cheer up. Although there’s no restaurant or foodcounter, just behind the newsstand is a small, well-stocked bar.

 

• “Avoid gray walls of type.” —DavidOgilvy

 

• “The first ten words are moreimportant than the next ten thousand.” — Elmer “Sizzle” Wheeler 

 

• If direct marketing letters are written to generate instant interest, why shouldn't writers of fiction non-fiction use the same technique? And maybe corporate annual reports and academia?

 

• I remember a chum of many years ago at Columbia College, R. Bruce Moody, told me his favorite lede for a long forgotten short story was: "'Take your hand off my knee!' cried the duchess."

 

For the complete text of Fr.Ritter’s legendary “Dirty Lady” letter, check out my pitch for Method Marketingthat follows this blog post. Also included: you’ll savor the text of TomGaffney’s “Paint Can” letter for Covenant House which brought in tens ofmillions more dollars over the next 20 years; Mel Martin’s multi-million-dollarletter for Boardroom; and Bill Bonner’s masterpiece for a newsletter that did not exist—RetirementLiving. Bonner's newsletter idea was profitable from day one and spawned Agora Publishing, today abillion-dollar corporation. Also, the astounding Carol Farkas once-in-a-lifetimechain letter for Memorial Sloan-Kettering and magazine editor Bob Shnayerson’s upbeat launch letterthat brought in 600,000 paid subscribers to Quest/77, a magazine the existedonly in his head. Plus, a bunch more delicious Direct Marketing successstories, including the strange saga of the Western Monetary War College and what happened when the entire faculty flunked basic mail order math and the founder was sentenced to 16 years before parole in federal prison for securities fraud.

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 Word Count: 1337

Denny Hatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790655444232754655noreply@blogger.com0
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3872537973078213619.post-45723675713355761422023-06-28T08:34:00.009-04:002024-06-05T15:35:21.322-04:00#191 Andersen Windows

 

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/06/191-andersen-windows.html

Blog Post #191 - Wednesday, 28 June 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

 

“UGLY WORKS!” —Bob Hacker

(“Neatness Rejects Involvement.” —Lew Smith)

 

 



From Last Week’s Blog Post: Jayme on
"The Willing Suspension of Disbelief.”

“Two basic tenets of selling are that (1) people buyfrom other people more happily than from faceless corporations, and that (2) inthe marketplace as in theater, there is indeed a factor at work called ‘the willingsuspension of disbelief.’

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