You don’t have to look far to notice how quickly conversations can turn sharp these days. From community meetings to workplace Slack channels to everyday interactions, the level of incivility has crept upward. People seem quicker to snap, less patient with differing viewpoints, and more inclined to assume the worst.

The result? A general moodiness and edge that can make even simple exchanges feel heavier than they should.

It’s easy to blame the usual suspects – stress, time pressure, polarization – but whatever the cause, the impact is real. Incivility doesn’t just make people angry or surly; it restricts our ability to communicate clearly. When we’re bracing for defensiveness or preparing to be misunderstood, we stop listening. We shift from curiosity to caution.

And that’s when communication breaks down.

The interesting thing is that most of us aren’t intentionally rude. More often, we’re distracted, tired, or rushing. Civility isn’t about being overly polite or pretending to agree; it’s simply about creating enough respect in the space between us that real dialogue can happen. It’s choosing tone as thoughtfully as we choose words. It’s remembering that every interaction has an emotional aftertaste – and we get to shape it.

Leaders, in particular, have an opportunity here. Not by lecturing or demanding “nice behavior,” but by modeling the kind of presence that lowers the temperature. Pausing before reacting. Asking questions instead of assuming motives. Acknowledging emotions without letting them run the show. These small moments set a standard that others naturally mirror.

Civility doesn’t solve every conflict, but it makes solutions possible. In a time when friction is easy and connection takes effort, choosing civility isn’t naive. It’s practical. It’s productive. And it might be the most underestimated communication skill we have.

“When once the forms of civility are violated, there remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.”
– Samuel Johnson

Header image by Mikhail Nilov/Pexels.