Singles searching for lasting love often find the holidays a lonely time of year. Although you may be surrounded by family and friends, there can still be a heaviness. In those moments of longing or grief, learning to slow down, notice what is good, and practice being grateful can make a real difference in staying positive during the holidays.

I remember what it was like being divorced and the only one in my family who wasn’t in a relationship. I was included and loved, yet I still felt like something important was missing.

And when you truly want to be in a relationship, that feeling can be heartbreaking. Then there are the well-meaning but unwanted comments about your dating life… it’s enough to drive you crazy! Suddenly, the holidays become more draining than joyful.

This is why gratitude matters so much. Being grateful does not mean ignoring your desire for love or pretending everything is perfect. What it does is allow you to focus on the good stuff in your life, on what’s present and valuable to you, so you can stay positive and enjoy the season instead of withering away.

If gratitude feels difficult right now, that is completely understandable. Still, there are small, meaningful ways to begin shifting your focus.

5 Simple Steps to Practice Gratitude and Stay Positive

1. Acknowledge What You Do Have

It’s easy to get so lost in what we are missing that we forget all the great things we have or have accomplished. Many of my clients are accomplished, capable people who contribute meaningfully to the world around them. Not everyone has the stability, skills, or opportunities you have been given, and recognizing this can gently shift your perspective during a challenging season.

What if you are struggling to find the good to be grateful for?  Maybe you don’t feel like you are very accomplished or make meaningful contributions to your community.  Consider how you can be a blessing to someone else. Even if all you have to give is an hour to a charity, or an encouraging note to a friend. You are enough, and you do have something valuable to offer the world. 

2. Appreciate the People in Your Life

Remind yourself of all the people in your life who have helped you achieve your goals and supported you in your journey. People who have loved you, influenced you, and encouraged you. Remembering how others have been there for you, in big and small ways, helps to quiet the whispers of discontent in our minds.

Take remembering a step further and practice gratitude by writing a simple thank-you letter. Share with them how their involvement, something they said or did, has had a positive impact on your life. You may even be reminded of people in your life who had a huge influence on you, but are no longer with you. It’s okay to write a letter to them as well- you might find it to be quite cathartic.

Expressing your appreciation is an important relationship skill, and practicing it now will make you a better partner down the road.  

3. Consider Those You Have Blessed 

Think about ways that you have given to or helped others in meaningful ways. If you’re like my clients, you probably have a very full life with caring families and friends. 

Remember how you have cared for or supported your children, relatives, friends, or even pets. These people need you and love you and are probably very grateful for your presence in their lives. Think about how fortunate you are to have such connections.

And don’t forget about others in your world who have been positively impacted by your relationship. Co-workers you have helped, friends you have encouraged, people who benefit from your community or volunteer work? Consider how you have given your time, resources, encouragement, or love? How have you made a difference in their lives? You can be grateful that you can do this for others.

4. Don’t Forget the Little Things!

Remember that old song “Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)” from the movie  White Christmas? 

“When I’m worried, and I can’t sleep,
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.
When my bankroll is getting small,
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

What a great reminder that the little things should not be forgotten. When you’re trying to stay positive during the holidays, remember the breath in your lungs, the food on your table, the things that bring you joy, or convenience, or stability. Remember the times when you felt loved, the joke that made you laugh so hard you cried, the song that makes you feel seen. Remember better days, and remember coming through hard times to a better place. Take nothing for granted, nothing. 

5. Keep a Gratitude Journal 

It may sound trite, but one of the best ways to really steep yourself in gratitude and stay positive is to keep a gratitude journal. It’s where the big things, the small things, the people, and the moments you might otherwise forget all come together in one place.

I recommend you write down one thing from each of the categories above each day. What matters most is not how profound your entries are, but that you try to do it consistently. It’s okay if some days you are grateful for the same thing as the day before. It’s the consistent practice of gratitude that helps you stay positive. 

Being grateful is so much more than saying thank you. 

It’s about appreciating all you have and all you have to give. Because you don’t live life in a vacuum. 

Even if you haven’t found true love yet, you can still love and be loved. And by focusing on the good you are, you have, and that you can do, you will find the holidays to be more rewarding than ever.

And if you continue the practice of gratefulness, you will find that you become much more attractive to potential partners. It isn’t acknowledged enough that we are as attracted to a person’s way of being as we are to what they look like or have to offer us. 

Often, and without meaning to, the focus on what you lack can make you more than just sad; it can create negativity, doubt, and bitterness. 

Worse than that, it’s hard to hide these emotions when dating, and they can quickly turn off potential partners. Even if you aren’t an overly negative person, sometimes there’s just a vibe that’s off.  But positive, grateful people tend to show up with more confidence and warmth. 

As the year comes to a close, I want you to know how grateful I am for you and for you being in the Motivated to Marry ® community. I love being able to help singles find lasting love! If you are still looking for your happily ever after and need a little help in the dating or relationship department, let’s talk nd see if my coaching program is a good fit for you. And if so, I look forward to supporting you in finding love this coming year! Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com to set up a time to connect!

Now is the time to make sure you are ready for the New Year’s Online Dating Blitz. For more great tips on how to get the most out of your online dating experience, grab my FREE “Online Dating Checklist” today!

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.