10 Reasons Santa Claus Is a

Criminal Mastermind

By Michael J. Herman ©2022Michaeljherman

1.     For centuries Santa has overtly enslaved leprechaun-like rejects to make toys in his toy factory. From where does he get these so-called Elves? And is Santa harboring an army of undocumented illegal aliens

2.    The IRS has no record of any toy manufacturer or distributor known as Santa Claus, St. Nick, Father Christmas, or Jolly Fat guy, filing tax returns in the US, ever!

3.    There is no way that a fat old man sits at a mall for 10 hours per day with children on and off his lap, year after year, and isn’t a pervert.

4.    Santa breaks into people’s homes entering through the chimney (who does that?) each their food, drinks their wine, and leaves gifts. But what’s he doing while he’s there? This question is never asked. How does he enter every home without leaving a shred of DNA or a single   finger print?

5.    Santa is clearly the biggest and most successful Pimp in the entire world, and possibly in the history. This is shown by the number of ho’s he always has,

6.     His sleigh is not only environmentally unsafe, but not registered as a moving vehicle in any state or jurisdiction anywhere in the world. What’s the environmental impact of a clearly identified commercial vehicle on pristine environments?

7.     Does anyone know where this guy lives? His official address is the North Pole, but lots of people have explored the North Pole and no one has ever found his home. Taking into account the potential square footage required for factory of its estimated size, it can be assumed that such a structure could be seen from space.

8.    The City of New York and the US Postal Service as an agent of the US federal government has officially declared the New York City Courthouse as Santa’s legal mailing address. Yet, there is no listing for Chris Cringle in the New York phone directory.

9.    For an entire night Santa forces 8 very tiny reindeer to fly at light speed delivering toys to good little girls and boys. It has to be assumed that if they are traveling at light speed the animals have no time to rest each or refuel. This constitutes a clear violation of animal cruelty and is an abomination to all PETA members. With the Northern Reindeer being added to the endangered species list, forcing reindeer to submit to extended grueling work conditions could qualify for special circumstances with federal prosecutions.

10. It’s been rumored that Santa’s Elves are all considered independent contractors and as such not entitled to the same labor law protections than other toy makers like Mattel and Hasbro provide.

11. Clearly, Santa has established his own global distribution system. As a direct to consumer manufacturer he bypasses Wal-Mart target and Toys “R” Us. Whose palms as he greased to avoid pressure from the toy industry cartel?

A criminal mastermind has been running a clearly illegal and immoral global enterprise for centuries and the question is when will the madness stop? Responses can be submitted to questions@WhoIsThisSantaFellow.com.

Michael J. Herman is a Humorist and Writer who challenges reader to use their intellects, their imaginations, and their humor to cope with life life’s challenges and possibilities. His company The Motivational Minute Publishing Co is located in Granada Hills CA. (818) 894-4610