Home > NewsRelease > Ye, His Name and His Pronoun
Ye, His Name and His Pronoun
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Thursday, August 26, 2021


    We are approaching the end of summer. Next weekend is Labor Day weekend, the perennial end of summer. After Labor Day, you can no longer wear white shoes or a white belt, or for that matter, wear your mask with the white side out. No more white. White privilege my buttocks…which are also white and will not be visible after Labor Day.

    This week the FDA warned the gullible and/or stupid against using Ivermectin to cure Covid-19. Ivermectin is used to de-worm horses and will not protect you from the virus. It will, however, get rid of your worms and you'll be able to count by stomping your foot on the ground.

    And speaking of people doing stupid things, Kanye West is seeking to change his legal name to "Ye." That's it, just Ye. He'll have just one name like Lassie or Flipper. Ye will be his name and his pronoun.    

    With that thought process in mind, please enjoy this week's FF.


    Sea snakes live in tropical coral reefs and can grow up to six feet long. They are also highly venomous and have been known to attack human divers with no provocation. The snakes usually don't bite and an article published in Scientific Reports states that the snakes aren't out to kill, they're out for some sweet lovin'.

    The attacks occur during mating season and are initiated by male sea snakes. They mistakenly view divers as female sea snakes and go for the gusto. The report suggests that divers who are put upon by big male sea snakes stay calm and let the snake "investigate" you "with its tongue." When they realize their mistake the snakes will go away. The poop coming out of your dive suit also tends to repel them.


    Adie Timmermans has been banned from visiting the chimpanzees at the Antwerp, Belgium zoo. Adie struck up a relationship with Chita, a 38 year old chimp at the zoo. She has visited Chita every week for the last four years and forged a strong friendship. The problem is that the other chimpanzees have ignored Chita and call him a human-o-file. 

    According to Adie, she loves Chita, and Chita loves her, and they belong together. To solve the problem, authorities put Adie into the chimpanzee exhibit. She didn't last long due to her inability to accurately fling her poo.


    Since Guinness started documenting world records, people have been trying to set them in a myriad of categories. This week David Rush from Idaho set the world record for walking with a baseball bat balanced on his chin for more than 2 miles. Why is mobile ball bat balancing a category?

    Meanwhile Maya Jonas-Silver is trying to set the world record for visiting every train station in Boston in under seven and a half hours. Seven and a half hours of her life she will never get back, but I ask again, why is this a category?

    I've decided to go the Guinness World record for napping. I'll compete in any napping category, length, frequency, positions my body is in while napping. Watch for me in the next edition of the Guinness World Records. Now, it's time for a nap

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
Jump To Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Jump To Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Contact Click to Contact