As President Trump is finding out, trying to negotiate with Vladimir Putin is pretty much a waste of time. The Russian president has repeatedly said in recent weeks that the root causes of the war in Ukraine will have to be addressed before Russia would agree to the U.S. proposal for a ceasefire. Several pundits have observed that by “root causes,” Putin is referring to the NATO expansion that brought several Eastern European countries into the alliance in the last couple of decades.

NATO is a defensive alliance. Article 5 of the NATO Treaty says, in part: “The Parties agree that an armed attack against one or more of them in Europe or North America shall be considered an attack against them all and consequently they agree that, if such an armed attack occurs, each of them will assist the Party or Parties so attacked.” This security umbrella is what attracted all of those new member nations, which had been satellite states of the former Soviet Union, to the alliance. What they were running away from is Russia’s centuries-old habit of constantly attacking smaller nations in its proximate neighborhood and subjugating their peoples.

There are many people outside of Russia who parrot the NATO-expansion nonsense that Putin has been peddling. These know-it-alls are mostly found in the Global South, but there is a good number here in the West as well. They should be asked to explain why they think taking prudent measures to protect oneself from an abusive relationship is such a bad idea, as they make it sound.

In the civilized world, if a woman marries a man who later turns out to be a monster, most people would advise her to divorce him. A wife who ignores that counsel and stays in the abusive relationship usually attracts some kind of social condemnation. So why do so many people see folly, rather than wisdom, in the decisions to join NATO by countries like Bulgaria, The Czech Republic, Slovakia, Romania, Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania? Actually, those nations didn’t even enter into those “romantic” relationships with Russia voluntarily. It is the height of arrogance for people who are located thousands of miles away, far removed from the Russian menace, to think that they know what is best for those who live in that dangerous neighborhood.

This recent Washington Post article highlights the constant sense of trepidation that Russia’s neighbors live with. Poland is reportedly constructing a physical barrier along its borders with Russia and Belarus, Russia’s staunch ally. The barricade is described as “a steel wall secured by razor wire and backed by a deep anti-tank ditch, with 650 feet of anti-tank obstacles and minefields, followed by trenches from which Polish and NATO forces could engage an advancing enemy.” There is also “a man-made swamp and drainage ditch, in turn followed by military bunkers with gun turrets and underground shelters where civilians could seek safety in the event of hostilities.” The author goes on to describe several other aspects of the intricate design.

That is an awful lot of energy and resources that a country has to spend to protect itself from a belligerent neighbor. Poland is actually a NATO member, but it feels the need to add all those extra layers of protection just to ensure its existence. Shouldn’t those who blame Ukraine for provoking the war with Russia rather ask themselves what they would do today if they were Ukrainian nationals living in Kyiv, Kharkiv or elsewhere in the country? Why don’t they ever have anything to say about the character and violence of the abusive husband? Do they simply enjoy victim-blaming?

Indeed, there was a time when the law of the jungle determined the fate of much of humanity. But those days were supposed to be long gone. When the current rules-based world order was established 80 years ago, it became unacceptable for the mighty to prey upon the weak. Apparently, there are still some people, and their armies of enablers, who pine for the barbaric old days.

Putin apologists clutch at straws to justify their zany arguments. President Trump’s recent talk about annexing Canada and acquiring Greenland, by use of military force if necessary, must be a gift to them. What they need to know, however, is that unlike Russians, most Americans would not sit idly by and allow their president to order an unprovoked armed attack on a neighboring country. Even if he were to somehow manage to carry out that crazy idea, the Canadians and Greenlanders would have every right in the world to fight back, just as the Ukrainians are doing.

After reading about all those things that Poland is having to do just to preserve its sovereignty and get on with its life, I began to think about Mexico. Like Ukraine and all the other countries that are constantly nervous about their monstrous neighbor, Mexico shares a long border with a powerful, nuclear-armed nation. But Mexicans don’t have sleepless nights because of that. Instead, over the last several decades, they have had the peace of mind to concentrate their energies on building one of the most dynamic economies in the world today. Throughout that time, I haven’t heard a word from any Mexican about a need for their country to seek membership in NATO, or some other military alliance, in order not to live in perpetual fear.

Next time some journalist gets the opportunity, they should ask Putin to share his thoughts about why so many people in his neighborhood live in such fear of Russia. The people who mindlessly regurgitate his NATO-expansion nonsense should be asked to answer the same question.