Eldercare Mediation Offers Solutions for Families Who Disagree About Caregiving Issues
Eldercare mediation can resolve parent-sibling disagreements and preserve family relationships specific to the care of elderly parents. Learn why elder care mediation might be a solution for adult children and aging parents who don’t always see eye to eye.
Caregiving expert and eldercare mediator Pamela D. Wilson shares what mediation is and how the process works. Plus, how to educate and encourage family participation when siblings or parents might have misconceptions about family mediation.
Wilson offers support for caregivers through virtual caregiver consultations, care planning, discussions, and family mediation.
Complex Sibling and Parent Relationships Can Benefit from Eldercare Mediation
Sibling relationships can be complex, especially when the care of elderly parents is at the center of disagreements. In family situations, one sibling may exert control, making others feel like they are on uneven footing.
Some siblings mentally or physically check out because dealing with siblings they don’t like is too high a barrier, even if they would like to have a relationship with their elderly parents.
Decisions around managing dementia care, health conditions, hiring in-home non-medical caregivers, moving elderly parents to assisted living or memory care,
navigating hospital and nursing home care, palliative care, and hospice care can feel overwhelming.
Learning how
Medicare and Medicare Advantage plans work and figuring out the difference between Medicare and Medicaid can be time-consuming.
Dealing with aging parent health issues isn’t easy. Pamela D. Wilson is a versatile caregiving solutions expert who helps older adults and family caregivers navigate these issues by offering a range of geriatric care and senior care advice. She helps adult children and adults who want to remain in control of their own care situations.
So, if you are wondering if eldercare mediation can support conversations around aging loved ones, elder care planning, and challenging family dynamics, ask these questions:
- Are you and your siblings in a constant state of disagreement over the care of elderly parents?
- Is there a controlling or inflexible sibling who must always be right?
- Have siblings distanced themselves because they don’t want to deal with family conflict?
- Are conversations stuck in the past rather than focusing on the future?
- Is the child appointed as a power of attorney agent abusing their power?
- Is a sibling isolating or influencing a parent?
- Are your children in constant disagreement about your wishes?
- Are financially dependent children negatively impacting your retirement plans?
- Are you concerned that your children won’t follow your wishes but instead do what’s best for them when you need care?
- Is there a lack of trust in your family about what “doing the right thing” means?
- Do children seem more interested in their gifts and inheritances rather than making sure you’re taken care of?
If any of these examples describes your situation, Pamela D Wilson, an eldercare mediator, can help your family mend relationships and arrive at solutions that work for everyone.
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a process in which a third party helps participants who disagree solve the disagreement. Eldercare mediation focuses on identifying a problem(s), brainstorming options, and agreeing on solutions.
The best part is that mediation in the United States is NOT considered the practice of law
- Mediation does not require participants to be involved with the court system or have an attorney.
- Some of the best eldercare mediators are non-attorneys.
- While an attorney can act as a mediator, when they facilitate the mediation process, they are not acting as a lawyer or practicing law.
In the best cases, mediation helps families avoid involvement with the court, unnecessary lawsuits that can drag on for years and incur high litigation costs, and the permanent destruction of family relationships.
Unnecessary lawsuits make law firms wealthy, and family members hate each other.
Before families reach the point of no return, consider private family eldercare mediation to be a better option. It’s a cost-effective, less stressful, and more satisfying process to resolve family eldercare disagreements.
Mediation is a Practical Option to Solve Family Caregiving Disagreements
Mediation can be the answer to help family members stuck in ongoing disagreements about care or
decision-making for aging parents. This includes discussions between adult children and parents who may not think they need help, or who refuse care.
Common situations where siblings find eldercare mediation helpful:
- One sibling does all the work or contributes financially to a parent’s care, while other siblings are disinterested or uninvolved.
- Family members criticize the primary caregiver’s decisions but refuse to become involved.
- A sibling named as the power of attorney for medical or financial matters excludes other siblings who want to help and be involved in a parent’s care.
- Concern by adult children over a financially or emotionally dependent sibling and the negative effect on elderly parents.
- When sons or daughters can no longer meet their parents’ care expectations, they wish to discuss and negotiate other options.
- Concerns exist over a step-mother and step-children controlling the care and living arrangements of a biological parent.
Circumstances where aging parents prefer mediation:
- Parents wish to compensate a child for caregiving assistance. Concerns exist about how other children might react if they disagree.
- A decision is made that children won’t like, and parents wish to prevent future costly legal battles.
- When generational interest exists among children and grandchildren about annual gifts, inheritances, or money from a parent’s business interests, instead of concern for the care that elderly parents need and deserve.
- Parents create an estate plan and, instead of naming their children as agents, choose a professional to avoid family disagreements.
- A parent was unduly influenced by a child to do something they regret and want to walk back the agreement.
As you can imagine, the topics for eldercare mediation can be broad.
What is Elder Mediation? How to Resolve Family Caregiver Disagreements Without Ending Up in Court
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Pamela’s YouTube ChannelWhat Most People Know About Mediation
What most people know about mediation is that it occurs only after litigation or legal action has already occurred. The judge tells participants they shall participate in mediation before a hearing.
Mediation is most often ordered for divorces and cases of child custody. However, mediation isn’t limited to these two issues.
Mediation offers a resolution for many situations and does not have to be part of a legal or court action. It’s used:
- In the workplace, when managers, employees, or teams disagree. These disagreements negatively impact productivity and create missed deadlines.
- Business owners or executives with differing ideas about business goals or roles can be supported through the mediation process.
- Disagreements about wills or inheritances.
- Disputes with neighbors
- Family eldercare disagreements
Private family eldercare mediation is a step that can be taken before making any decisions about hiring attorneys or initiating lawsuits.
When Mediation Works Best
When family members are considering mediation, it’s important to know how it works and doesn’t work. It’s best suited when individuals voluntarily want to preserve an ongoing relationship and are willing to negotiate and work together.
- Mediation doesn’t work or isn’t suitable for situations of suspected child or elder abuse or neglect, financial exploitation, or criminal activity.
- It also doesn’t work in situations where family members are controlling, hide information, or are inflexible.
- Eldercare mediation is forward-looking and focused on problem-solving. It’s not a forum for therapy or focusing on the past. So if one or more persons want apologies from family members they feel have wronged them, family elder mediation is not the solution.
While a mediator will acknowledge emotions, the focus is not on solving relationship or past issues. So, if the goal of the meeting request is to focus on
emotional issues, a mediator will decline and suggest that the family find a talk therapist to provide support.
What Family Caregivers Should Know About Mediation
Here is some basic information about private family eldercare mediation to share with family members.
1 Eldercare family mediation is voluntary. Siblings and parents may realize they are at a point where everyone may be on the brink of disliking each other forever.
A primary motivator is that Individuals participate because they want to preserve family relationships. Participants often sign a mediation agreement that includes an agreement to keep all information discussed confidential within the family.
2 Mediation can last from 2-6 hours or multiple days, depending on the number of problems to solve. The time to schedule depends on several factors, including the complexity of the problems to be solved, the number and availability of participants, and scheduling.
3 The final mediation agreement is written in simple terms that everyone can understand. No legal terms are used because mediation is not the practice of law.
Sometimes this document is called a memorandum of understanding. Once signed by all parties, the document becomes a contract and if desired, can be taken to an attorney to formalize.
4 An eldercare mediator supports safe discussions. Everyone’s opinions are heard. Participants, sometimes called disputants, define and agree upon problems and solutions.
5 Because mediation is often thought to be a legal process or the practice of law, people can jump to conclusions about what mediation is and isn’t. These family members may automatically refuse to participate if the mediation is suggested because of preconceived notions or assumptions.
Why is Mediation Successful?
1 Mediation is a process that ends with an agreement that all participants sign that becomes binding on the parties. Identified problems are resolved.
2 Mediation has a high success rate because family members are involved and have input. A judge, arbitrator, or jury is not the decision-maker. Family members have the option to use creative problem-solving.
3 Mediation has a much lower total cost and is faster than litigation, which can be very expensive and spread over months or years.
4 Having an attorney is not a requirement. Families can identify a mediator without having an attorney.
5 Elder mediation is private. Unless the participants violate the confidentiality agreement, everything discussed during mediation remains in the family.
6 Family members who participate voluntarily in mediation are more likely to hold to their agreements after mediation.
Private elder care mediation gives family members hope for the future.
What Elder Mediation Is Not
Elder mediation is not a solution for all families or situations.
- Elder mediation is not an option when verifiable abuse or neglect, elder abuse, spousal abuse, financial exploitation, or known criminal activity exists.
- It’s not for family members who want to focus on reliving past events or trauma. Elder mediation is not family counseling or talk therapy.
- While the mediator may acknowledge emotive statements, the focus remains on the future. So it’s not appropriate for family members who are unwilling to collaborate and work together for a better future.
Why Family Members Resist or Refuse Elder Mediation
As one might imagine, there are many reasons for aging parents or adult children to refuse to participate in family elder mediation.
1 Family members refuse to compromise or are being unreasonable.
Some siblings would rather win at all costs, regardless of the damage to sibling or parent relationships.
Unreasonableness can occur when individuals are not transparent, lack sufficient information about options, or are unaware of future consequences.
2 Parents, siblings, or others believe that involving a third party is a sign of weakness.
Participating in mediation is not a sign of weakness. All it means is your family is deadlocked.
When family members get together to talk, they can often find something they agree about. For example, we all care about Mom or Dad, so the next question is how do we make this work?
3 Emotions or personal perceptions can make it difficult to identify and solve problems.
There are times when people are so close to a problem that they can’t see their way ahead.
A third party can help families consider options they might not have otherwise thought of.
4 We’ve already tried to resolve this. Mediation will be a waste of time and money.
Experienced elder care mediators are agents of reality. While mediation is not a care-planning session, options identified by participants are tested for practicality and feasibility of implementation.
5 What good is a non-binding process when we need a resolution?
Mediation is a negotiation process. While negotiations are non-binding, once there is an offer of a solution and acceptance by all parties, most mediations result in binding agreements.
If parties wish, the family mediation agreement can be taken to an attorney to be translated into a formal legal agreement for signature by all parties.
6 Mediation sounds expensive.
The cost of mediation is shared between family members. It is less costly than every family member hiring an attorney to proceed with litigation.
7 It’s difficult to get everyone together.
With virtual meeting technology, it’s easier than ever to get everyone together, regardless of where they live for family mediation.
Next Steps
Mediators can reframe interests, concerns, and positions so that participants can agree on solutions.
So rather than having a family stuck in unproductive discussions that spiral into emotional issues, consider dealing with the conflict head-on.
- Educate yourself and your family members about the benefits of mediation.
- Identify a mediator everyone can agree upon
- Mediate
- Work collaboratively toward agreed-upon solutions and rebuild family relationships.
If you think elder mediation may be a solution for your family, contact Pamela D Wilson to learn more.
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