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What a Week! - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
From:
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, January 8, 2021

 

Here we are in the first full week of 2021 and it seems an awful lot like 2020 redux. This week we experienced an event of epic proportions that never should have happened. I am speaking of course, of the breakup of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. It looks like that huge ass…and his wife, are calling it quits, thus ending the American dream, or nightmare.

    We also had a dustup on Capitol Hill this week that momentarily turned us into one of those third world countries we have seen on the news. A mob stormed the Capitol to protest the fact that Trump lost the election, and it looked worse than when people gathered outside Wal-Mart on Black Friday.

    The only positive thing I can take away from this event is that Trump has been banned from Twitter. Had he been banned four years ago, he might still be president.

    So I wish the best to K & K as well as the incoming administration, and hopefully we will make it to 2022. In the meantime, let's take a look at some of the funnier stories in this week's news.

 

RONALD MCDONALD IS CRYING

    China, the country that gave us COVID-19, is at it again. McDonalds restaurants in China have come up with a product that hopefully never leaves their country. They are offering a new burger made of two slices of Spam topped with crushed Oreo cookies and mayonnaise. Let me just say WTF, What No Fries?

    This taste travesty is available for a limited time but people are eating it because they can't taste it due to effects from COVID-19. 

    They are also working on a new dessert made from beets, horseradish, and cod liver oil. It will be called the McVomit.

 

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK

    Long time contributor to the Funnies, Richard Rosso, found this week's DOTW in New York. Robert Galinsky filed a class action suit against the makers of King's Hawaiian sweet rolls because he found out they were not made in Hawaii. He learned this because the package reads "Made in Torrence, CA."

    While Mr. Galinsky follows up on his lawsuit, I would like to point out that Vienna Sausages are not made in Vienna; Canada Dry ginger ale is not made in Canada, and Brussels sprouts are not imported from Belgium. Wise up pal and use your money for something more positive, like finding out which part of the chicken is the McNugget.

 

NEED MONEY? HAVE BABIES

    A city in South Korea is paying its citizens to have babies. In trying to combat a declining population the city of Changwon is giving up to 100 million South Korean won ($100,000 US) to couples who have three babies. All couples residing in the city will receive loans for that amount and if they have a baby, the interest on the loan is forgiven. With two babies the loan is reduced by 30%, and when they crank out the third one, the loan is forgiven. What a deal.

    In China, couples are allowed to have a maximum of one child and they get no financial remuneration. Perhaps they should consider moving to South Korea.

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-8235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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