by Kim AdesNovember 16, 2017

 
 
I recently had a group coaching call with 10 past clients. I asked each person to send me a journal to review before the call. After asking for permission to share this with you, here is an excerpt from one of their journals:

Throughout my life, more often than not, I have chosen to avoid conflict rather than to stand up to bullying. When certain people challenge my beliefs, morals or decisions, I can be very unassertive.

Some days, I feel like I can take on any challenge and move any mountain, then in the blink of an eye, I feel as though I’m not good enough, capable enough, strong enough or worthy enough.

What is it? Why am I so volatile? I can be on a major high, then a bully walks in and says a bunch of nonsensical garbage and I wholeheartedly crumble. Upset, sad, disappointed, hurt, rendered utterly incapable of moving forward for a moment. It’s like starting from ground zero again. Then, as I rebuild my self-esteem and I get ready to charge forward with zest and gusto, I allow myself to get chopped down to the ground in one swipe.

Right away, one sentence jumped out. Can you guess which one?

For me, it was this line:

I feel as though I’m not good enough, capable enough, strong enough or worthy enough.

When someone challenges you, your response is a reflection of your beliefs. In this case, when conflict arises, he feels as though his goodness, capabilities, strength and worth are being questioned and that he doesn’t measure up.

I decided to test my theory.

“You’re obviously a strong writer, but if I were to say to you, ‘You’re a crappy writer,’ what thoughts would go on in your brain?” I asked him.

“That you’re probably right. That I’m a crappy writer,” was his response.

So I dug a little deeper.

“What makes you worthy?

I would bet that you feel your worth comes from your accomplishments, and that if I were to ask what makes you unworthy, you’d list the situations in which you’ve failed.

We often link our worth to what we do, not to who we are. But that ideology takes us down a deep, dark rabbit hole that leads to nowhere good.

Take a newborn baby for example. Do they have worth? Of course they do! We value them highly, even though they don’t necessarily do anything. But for whatever reason, we struggle to see ourselves as inherently worthy, and continually relate our worth to what we do.

So what truly makes you worthy?

Existing! We’re all worthy of love and respect, regardless of what we’re able to accomplish. And the only one who has the power to deem us worthy is ourselves.

We must believe that we’re worthy, not because we stood up to a bully or because we do x, y and z, but because we simply are.”

How do you measure your self-worth? Do you believe that you are worthy of living a big, awesome, enjoyable life? If you struggle to live the life that you deserve, I invite you to take a moment to assess your frame of mind and connect with Hilary to review your responses and get a taste of FOM Coaching.