Home > NewsRelease > The World is Upside-down edition - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
The World is Upside-down edition - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, July 16, 2021


This week the world has once again been given a slap in the equator which made everything goofy. Billionaire Richard Branson flew into space for 15 minutes on his own spaceship. He said he did it to prove that space travel will soon be available for tourism. So if your vacation budget has an extra $250,000 in it, you can blow it all in a fifteen minute space ride. That is called time management.

    Political correctness has once again reared its ugly head and has taken racism to to extremes. A push is now on to rename the Asian Carp, an invasive species that came from Asia, because Asians are offended. The proposal is to re-name it the Invasive Carp.

    Hearing that, the Romani people  want to change the name of the Gypsy Moth because they consider "gypsy" to be an ethnic slur. No decision has been made for the new moth name but I'm pretty sure "Asian Moth" is open.

    Being half Scottish, I want to see Scotch Tape renamed. Scots are not known for their tape, they are known for their thriftiness, so if you use the term Scotch Tape, it had better be on sale. Now that my rant is done, here are the Friday Funnies.


    Scientists in S. Korea have developed a toilet that turns human poop into energy. The BeeVi toilet uses a vacuum to send the feces to an underground tank where it is processed into bio-gas and manure. The bio-gas is methane which becomes fuel for electrical usage. They claim that your daily constitutional can power a radio. I have a better idea.

    Since men my age already produce an overabundance of methane, you should develop a cushion we can sit on. When we pass gas, the methane goes into the pillow where it is stored. When it's full, you take the cushion down to Farts-R-Fuel and get a new one. See you on Shark Tank.


    A New York restaurant called Serendipity3 set a new Guinness World Record this week by unveiling the world's most expensive French Fries. The fries cost $200 and are made of designer spuds, champagne, cage-free goose fat, truffles, fancy cheese, and stuff I can't pronounce. The whole thing is then dusted with 23-karat edible gold dust. Mmm, pass the ketchup.

    The good news is that by eating gold dust, you will eventually have money coming out of your butt, without having to go to South Korea.


    When you receive a wedding invitation, there is often a card that asks which entree you would like for dinner at the reception. A couple in England has taken this concept to a new level. They sent out cards to their guests asking how much they were spending on a wedding gift. The bigger the gift, the better the meal. 

    For any gift up to $250, you get either chicken or fish. Up to $500 and you can add sliced steak or salmon. From $501 to $1,000 and you're treated to filet mignon and lobster tails. But if you get to the Platinum Level of gifts over $1,000, you get a 2 pound lobster and a souvenir champagne glass. I wonder if there will be a cash bar? 

    I salute this couple who have been called tacky by their friends. I don't think they're tacky and even though I didn't get an invitation, I sent them $5 and asked them to send my chicken.


As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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