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The Winter of Our Discontent
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, January 21, 2022


How do you like winter so far? We have snow in places that don't get snow, we have below zero temperatures, and of course, we still have Covid-19. If Shakespeare were alive today he would truly see "the winter of our discontent." On the positive side, I found ways to deal with winter and I want to pass them along to you. First, to deal with the cold, warm your socks and underwear in the microwave, but don't do it at the same time you're cooking breakfast or your eggs will taste like socks and underwear. To deal with the snow, just remember that it won't last forever. Eventually it will all melt. It make take a while, but by June, the snow will be gone and it will be sunny and hot, thanks to global warming. And concerning Covid-19 and the Ohmygod variant, If you stay indoors because it's too cold outside and too much snow, you will not catch the virus. It's the silver lining in this turbulent cloud. So stay inside and enjoy this week's Friday Funnies.


Science is responsible for a lot of great things, but occasionally scientists spend time and money to do goofy stuff just to prove they can do it. Case in point is Israeli scientists who taught a goldfish to drive. They rigged a fish tank to a motorized contraption, and by swimming in the tank, the fish can make the vehicle go. What I'd like to know is the practical use of this accomplishment. Will the fish be able to deliver your take-out meal? And what do you tip a fish, realizing that hey don't make much because they work just for the halibut, and are paid scale. (rim shot) The whole thing sounds like a new Dr. Seuss book, "The Carp In the Car"


There is a home for sale in Milwaukee for $450,000, and it has a unique bathroom. One bathroom has four commodes in a row…with no partitions between them. As a buyer, my first question would be "What did these people eat that caused so many of them to go to the toilet at the same time. I don't know how you feel about a community crapper but I don't want to be poopin' with my peeps. I want a bathroom of my own, with one toilet, one refrigerator, and a big screen TV because sometimes I'm there for a while.


Several weeks ago we reported on Dug, the world's largest potato. Dug is from New Zealand, weighs 7.9 kilograms, or over 17 pounds and he is asking to be in the Guinness Book of World Records, topping the present biggest potato which is only 4.99 kg. But before Dug is allowed in the book, the Guinness people want to do a DNA analysis to make sure he's a real potato and not Nancy Pelosi. For easier entry into the Guinness Book, I think Dug should be cut up and fried for the undisputed world record in "the most French fries made from one potato" category. Then, pass the fries out and claim another record for "the largest free French fry giveaway."

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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