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The News You Need To Succeed
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, December 10, 2021


    It's December in the midwest, and that means that sooner or later, it will snow. When it snows, we will watch it, then shovel it, then watch it snow harder, then shovel it again, then swear at it and go inside and drink. Snow, marvelous snow. 

    Snow is important in December for several reasons. It covers the ground with a layer of white powder, thus hiding all of the garbage, trash, and corpses in the street. Snow also provides Santa Claus with a safe landing spot for his sleigh, because due to supply line problems, Santa may be the only access for toys this year.

    Without snow, we would not have a white Christmas, although that phrase is currently being examined by the woke-a-dopes who suggest that White Christmas be changed to Christmas of Colors and that Snow White be changed to Snow Woke.

    We need snow for snowmen, snow women, and the snow genderless. We need it for sledding and skiing and riding the old luge. I am not giving you a snow job when I stand here in my snow shoes, and say that the snow is coming and you need to either embrace it or get your sissy-ass down to Florida. And now, the news.


    Tim Slagle, Funnies fan, and my partner on the podcast, "Another Day Above Ground", made me aware of this story. On a Delta flight from Syracuse to Atlanta, the passenger in 13A caused quite a ruckus but It wasn't over mask wearing.

    The woman in 13A had her pet hairless cat in a carrier, but when the cat got hungry she took it out of the carrier and began to breastfeed it! Yes, you read that correctly, she whipped out a titty and fed the kitty. 

    Needless to say, the passengers around her were rather distraught but when a flight attendant came by to serve beverages, the guy sitting next to the woman said, "I'll have what the cat's having."


    I have never considered camels to be the most attractive animals on earth. Compared to puppies or bunnies, camels are at the bottom of the cuteness scale…except in Saudi Arabia. The annual King Abdulaziz Camel Festival is held in Saudi Arabia and it is basically a beauty contest for camels with $66 million in prize money.  

    When that much money is involved, you are probably going to have corruption. At this year's festival 43 camels have been disqualified from the contest because they had Botox injections in their heads, making them more attractive. Conclusion: Botox on a camel = lipstick on a pig.


    Wednesday was National Brownie Day, and to celebrate, MariMed, a medical cannabis company in Norwood, Massachusetts baked the world's largest pot brownie. It weighs 400 pounds and is equivalent to 4,000 of the company's normal sized brownies. You are probably asking yourself, what do you have after a mega brownie? The answer is in Northern Ireland.

    Finnebrogue Artisal created the world's largest vegan burger. The Naked Evolution Burger weighs 358 pounds and comes with tomatoes, lettuce, vegan cheese, onions, pickles, and vegan bacon. Mmm, sounds disgusting, but after a 400 pound pot brownie, it will be quite tasty.

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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