The Death Diaries Podcast explores a topic most people avoid discussing. For real people who need real stories about how to cope with death and its many complexities, the Death Diaries is the Podcast that delivers an exploration of life’s inevitable exit strategy, because deeper meaning and coping skills make it a lot less scary.

The latest episode features a 30-minute interview with Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, a pioneering death educator who was one of the first people to hold a Death Cafe in the United States. LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

Each person interviewed on The Death Diaries Podcast is asked to write and recite their reflections on some aspect of mortality. This is my entry, written and recorded in September, 2019.

Death Diary 9.16.19

Dear Diary,

I’m the Doyenne of Death. I believe in the power of humor toget people to discuss and plan for our 100% mortality rate. But you can onlylaugh about death when it seems like a distant possibility. When you have a lovedone who is gravely ill, that’s no time to make jokes about funeral planning.

My younger brother Lee just spent his 60^thbirthday in the hospital. He had quadruple bypass surgery and was assured he’dbe out of the hospital to recover at home in six days. It hasn’t worked outthat way.

The second night after surgery, he had “an event.” His bloodpressure and heart rate dropped dangerously low. He was placed on a ventilator,kept sedated and on pain medications. He developed sepsis, and the doctors puthim on antibiotics. As I write this, it has been a full week since the surgery,and he is nowhere near any condition to go home.

The first day after “the event,” I spoke to my niece, hisdaughter. “You know I’m the Doyenne of Death, so I have to ask you, do you knowwhat his wishes might be if he dies?” No one wants to think about such a direoutcome.

She said he told her a while ago that he’d like to becremated and have his ashes scattered in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast ofNew Smyrna Beach, Florida. He loved to swim in the ocean there. At least weknow that much.

I hope he will get better. He is walking a fine line rightnow. I just pray when others find themselves in similar circumstances, withfamily members who could die in the hospital, that they’ve had “The Talk.”Serious conversations about end-of-life issues, conducted BEFORE the trip tothe hospital, can provide light in a dark time.

I hope my work gives people permission to laugh, and learn,and be prepared.

Gail Rubin