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Revisiting Grief - Watching the Starling
Jeanette Chasworth -- The Color Whisperer Jeanette Chasworth -- The Color Whisperer
Los Angeles, CA
Monday, September 27, 2021


I watched "The Starling" yesterday.  It brought me back to the miscarriage that broke my heart.  I cried and cried.

You see, it's not just the miscarriage that hurts, it's all the stuff that happens afterward.

Everyone deals with grief differently.  I empathized with the husband who couldn't continue on, and the wife who struggled to keep going.  

When mom died, I remember looking out the window at the cars going by and thinking....How can they keep living their life as if nothing happened? Don't they know this amazing woman isn't here anymore?   

That moment was pivotal for me.  No, they didn't know her.  No, they didn't realize that my world had just come to a screeching halt.  

AND.....it reminded me that the world was still turning. It was still moving forward.  Even if I couldn't, it was a reminder that I must move forward.

The grief was different for the baby.  Different coping mechanisms, different circumstances.   Yes, there was that world-stopping moment.  I felt like I fell off the merry-go-round that was the world.  I felt like I was running to catch up to the get on again.  I couldn't run fast enough.  And yet, there was still so much I was doing.

Healing takes time.  Finding the love inside, finding the lesson. Each death has a lesson, it is the last gift of the person who died. 

Energy work assisted me to heal.  Assisted me to find the path to the me I was meant to become.

Changing my home also assisted me to work through the grief.  The home is a reflection of who you are.  I had to find the pieces of my mother I needed to remind me of her.  I needed to create myself as the matriarch of my family and what did that look like.   When it came to the baby, any hopes of a nursery were gone.  What else can that room be? What are the possibilities?  Who am I going to be the rest of my life? What roles do I play that isn't "mom".  

It's a lot to go over...it's a lot to recreate.  



healing grief

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