For Immediate Release:

Friday, July 12, 2013

 
Understanding the reasons for divorce may help you ensure that it never happens to you. You can think about how to avoid the scenarios in your own marriage that commonly lead to divorce for others.
In a Huffington Post article published on March 3, 2013, Kim Olver shared five reasons she discovered while conducting research for a book:
1. Major changes in priorities. If the marriage lasts long enough, the things each partner cares most about often is different from when the marriage started. Sometimes these changes in focus are aligned, which isn't a problem, but if the priorities of each spouse diverge into different directions, this can lead to divorce. Suppose one spouse develops a new interest which becomes an obsession, and the other spouse feels left out and abandoned. Olver discovered that some common issues where changes in priorities lead to divorce are religious practices, extreme focus on children or career, or big changes in relationships with in-laws or friends.
2. Abuse. This one is not surprising. If one spouse starts abusing the other, and the couple is not able to find a way to put a stop to this unacceptable situation, divorce is the expected outcome.
3. Addictions. Many people are not able to tolerate an addiction in their spouse, especially if the addiction was not known of before the marriage. Some addictions that commonly lead to divorce are drug abuse or alcoholism, pornography, and gambling. An addicted spouse can't be counted on to be there for the other partner. One of the benefits of marriage is the feeling that someone ."has your back." but you lose this when your spouse suffers from addiction.
4. Dishonesty. For people who believe strongly that marriage must be built on trust, the discovery of dishonesty on the part of the other spouse can be a marriage deal-breaker, leading to divorce. It doesn't matter what the person's definition of dishonesty is. It can be anything from lying by omission, to outright deceit. For people who highly value trust, divorce is the inevitable outcome once trust is lost through dishonesty.
5. Cheating. Again, this is a not an absolute. Some couples are able to get past cheating, and for others, the loss of trust can never be regained. Even when the cheater is repentant, and the other spouse wants to keep the marriage going, they sometimes can't get over the hurt and humiliation, and end up punishing the offending partner to the point where the marriage can't be saved.
Utah State University did a study on reasons for divorce, and came up with some different results. They report on eight factors that increase the risk of divorce: young age, less education, less income, premarital cohabitation, premarital childbearing, lack of religious affiliation, parents' divorce, and insecurity. Of course, when asked why they got divorced, people don't give these kinds of reasons. Here are eight common reasons the USU study shows that interview subjects gave for getting divorced: lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse. 
Not all divorces occur because the partners no longer want to be married. In some cases, spouses feel pushed into divorce for practical or financial reasons. This can happen to elderly couples who receive financial benefits, whether for health insurance coverage or income status, by getting divorced. In China, the city of Nanjing recently imposed new rules regarding access to schools, and property ownership. This resulted in a huge increase in divorces by couples who wanted to get around rules limiting the number of properties they could own. Also, parents have been divorcing so their children could attend a better school by having one of the parents get a new address in a better school district.
If you are considering divorce, you might be interested to know that almost half of the subjects in the USU study told researchers they wished they had tried harder to overcome the problems that ended their marriage. If you think this could happen to you, maybe you will be motivated to work harder on your marriage before giving up.
But if despite your best efforts, divorce is inevitable, then your best option is to try for the easiest divorce possible. To learn more, visit Simple Divorce or for a California divorce, click Simple Divorce in California.