“What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s a question we ask kids almost as soon as they can talk. But maybe the better question is: Who do you want to be?

In a world that glorifies external achievement—perfect grades, trophies, social media likes—it’s easy for children to grow up equating their worth with their accomplishments. But helping them discover and nurture their sense of purpose can provide a far more fulfilling path.

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer

Research backs this up. According to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, adolescents who feel they have a purpose in life report higher levels of life satisfaction, better mental health, and more engagement at school (source).

Raising purpose-driven children doesn’t mean abandoning excellence—it means redefining it. It means showing kids that success isn’t just about what they achieve but about how they contribute.

Start with Curiosity, Not Pressure

Children are naturally curious. When we encourage exploration rather than performance, we give them space to find what sparks meaning in their lives. Instead of asking, “Did you win?” or “Did you get an A?” try:

• “What did you learn?”
  
• “How did that make you feel?”
  
• “What would you try differently next time?”

Action Step: At the end of each week, invite your child to share one thing they loved doing and one thing that felt important. Over time, these reflections become a compass for purpose.

Connect Values to Actions

Kids need help connecting their everyday choices to bigger ideas. If they value kindness, how can they express that in school? If they love nature, how can they support it?

The Search Institute identified 24 character strengths and found that when young people are aware of their values, they’re more likely to engage in purposeful behaviors (source). Teaching them to act on their values builds integrity—and builds purpose.

Action Step: Create a family values board. Let everyone choose 3–5 words that matter most to them (e.g., honesty, creativity, service). Then, brainstorm small weekly actions to live those values.

Encourage Service and Empathy

Purpose flourishes when kids feel they can make a difference. Volunteering, helping neighbors, or starting small projects teaches them that their actions have meaning beyond themselves.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Apps likeGoodwall andVolunteerMatch connect teens with service opportunities and changemaker challenges.

Action Step: Choose a “give-back” day each month where your child chooses one way to contribute—whether that’s donating toys, helping someone at school, or writing a thank-you letter.

Let Them Fail—and Learn from It

In a culture that idolizes perfection, failure can feel like a threat. But growth rarely happens without mistakes.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth, author of Grit, emphasizes the importance of perseverance and resilience over raw talent. “Our potential is one thing. What we do with it is quite another.”

Action Step: Celebrate effort over outcome. Instead of “You’re so smart,” try, “I admire how hard you worked.” Reframe setbacks as lessons rather than losses.

Use Tools That Spark Self-Discovery

There are powerful resources that help kids reflect and connect with their “why.” Try:

• Big Life Journal – Journals designed for kids and teens to build self-awareness and growth mindset
  
• Purpose Challenge Toolkit – A free set of exercises that helps high schoolers explore their sense of purpose
  
• MyIntent Project – Choose a word that represents their intention for the year and wear it as a bracelet or keychain

Action Step: Sit down together and use one of these tools as a conversation starter. Talk about what gives each of you meaning—and how that’s evolved.

Make Purpose a Part of the Family Culture

Purpose is easier to nurture when it’s woven into everyday life. Celebrate not just achievements, but acts of kindness, resilience, and passion. Share stories of people—famous and not—who lived with purpose.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman

Action Step: Create a family “purpose jar.” Every time someone does something aligned with their values, write it down and add it to the jar. Read them aloud at the end of each month.

Children don’t need to have their entire life mapped out by age 18—but they do deserve the tools to live intentionally. When we nurture curiosity, values, empathy, and self-reflection, we give them more than a roadmap to success. We give them the courage to live a life that matters—to them and to the world.

So how are you helping your children (or grandchildren) discover their purpose? What stories, tools, or lessons helped you begin to define your own?

Join the conversation in theforum and share how you’re raising (or mentoring) the next generation of purpose-driven humans. Let’s help them live brilliantly—at every age.