Divorce and the Blended Family

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Today we explore the value of forgiving yourself and how you can benefit from the lessons that life gives us for personal growth.

Forgiveness starts by deciding to forgive. That decision frees you to let go of the old hurts. You give yourself permission to release the negative emotions associated with that other person and choose to not let their past actions hurt you anymore. The healing choice is yours to make. 

When you don’t choose to forgive others, your feelings of resentment, hurt and humiliation continue being an active part of your life. Unless you forgive yourself, your feelings of guilt and shame will continue to entrap you!

Start by forgiving yourself right now for any actions you may regret. We all would do better if we knew better. Now that you do know better, make a conscious choice to behave in more positive and productive ways. Your future actions will reflect on your new perspective about yourself, your family and those you interact with in today’s complex world!

Every experience in life – good or bad – can be a teaching experience. Consider your lesson in forgiveness as a vehicle for personal growth. This means getting in touch with what you learned so you never repeat the same mistakes again. With this understanding, all mistakes become stepping stones for enhancing your growth — rather than sources of pain and despair.

Steps to Reaping the Rewards of Forgiveness

To get the full benefit of insight, think about your lessons from all your past/present experiences.

1.   Write down what you have learned

2.   Acknowledge the benefits of having had those lessons (every experience can be a teachable and valuable moment if we look at it that way)

3.   Vow to not repeat the lesson again

4.   Appreciate the wisdom you have gained and acknowledge yourself as a wiser, more empowered, better person as a result. 

5.   Close your eyes and fully experience how that acknowledgment feels within you. Breathe in forgiveness. Release the pain!

Martin Luther King once said, “He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

Learning to forgive can be one of life’s greatest lessons. Be patient with yourself if it does not come easily. Ask yourself: Would you rather be right – or happy?

Surely life is too short to deprive ourselves of happiness for months, years or even decades. Remember … this choice is yours to make. So make it wisely!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce and Co-parenting Coach and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. Learn more about her coaching services, co-parenting programs and other valuable resources for divorcing and divorced parents at https://www.childcentereddivorce.com