When you hear the words conflict management, your first thought is likely an intervention to resolve a disagreement. That’s a rather limited description because we all deal with conflict daily. Sometimes it is personal. Other times, it’s the pace of change or fear of technology taking our jobs.
Conflict management, when applied effectively, ironically offers a vast amount of opportunity that few of us capture. Kira uses a powerful and effective image to describe conflict: “Conflict can be like fertilizer. It stinks while you’re in it, but in the long run, it fosters growth.”
To understand how we can grow from conflict, first requires that we expand our perspective of this negative, argumentative-winner-loser image. Without a doubt, conflict between people is real and painful. We struggle with bosses, co-workers, parents, spouses, and children daily. We contend with neighbors, community leaders, and government officials regularly. And many of us are experiencing the pain caused by the accelerating pace of change, technological disruption, and threat of automation.
Our increasing struggles with conflict make sense when you consider that as humans, we are herd animals. Throughout our evolution, we have relied on others for survival. We have a basic need to understand and be understood – to connect with others in a deep and meaningful way.
For the anthropologist, Circles make sense. Whether at work or in our communities, we form small tribes when challenged or threatened. Circles bring us together in ways that validate everyone. They allow us to belong, to feel supported and protected.
Yet over the last century, many of us have lost our sense of herd and tribe. We have become human robots: we spend over ? of our lives at work, nearly 90,000 hours over our lifetime. We spend long hours commuting, working in cubicles, and staring at screens all day. With more than 80 percent of the U.S. population owning a smartphone and more than half owning a tablet, we now tend to communicate more with our devices than we do with other people. In our desperate need to connect, many people experience loneliness, anxiety and even depression, which is reaching epidemic proportions.