Parents, children will adapt to any environment you create for them. Suri Cruise, for instance, has adapted to a 3 million dollar wardrobe! My children adapted to 300+ chanels on cable TV, their own cell phones and an open fridge policy, among many other privileges because that's what I thought would make them happy.

Can this kind of overcompensating and lavish expenditures create a problem in the child's future? The answer is an astounding "YES!" It's time for parents who spoil their children, foolishy, to become aware of what they are creating in the children they are raising. If your child or teenager is out of control, ignoring the issue, while you continue to spend money on them will not make it go away. Your child will not automatically reset at some point and magically learn how to create their own lavish environment.

Children and teenagers will not gain control unless and until you, the parent, are ready to make some significant changes! Most of the time when parents approach us about an issue they are having with their child or teenager, they will ask, "Can you fix my kid?" What if it is not the child or teenager who needs to be fixed, but the parent who needs to be fixed. I know, you don't want to hear that. But if you are really looking for parenting solutions for your out of control child or teenager, you must face the facts. You have created an environment which has produced an out of control child!

As a parent, it is not easy to admit that you need help nor that you realize you have made a mistake. I had a very hard time with this when I first met Thomas, but when I really saw the environment I had created for my children it all made so much sense. Now I know that once I create the correct environment my children always rise up. I encourage you to read on as Thomas shares 3 positive parenting solutions you can use today to begin creating a winning environment for your child or teenager and for yourself.

3 Positive Parenting Solutions for Out of Control Children and Teenagers

1. Build and set up a winning environment.

Create a game plan! Define what is important to you in terms of how your children behave, the condition of your home and other expectations you have of your family; put it all in writing. Find out exactly what is important to your child or children by asking him/her questions and listening to what they ask you for; put this all in writing. Decide that your parenting role is to create a game plan with your child and to teach your child life skills so they will have the best chance at success in their future relationships, careers and family. Stop doing things just to make them happy.

Explain to your child that your requirements as a parent is to provide food, shelter and clothes. Everything else they have in their lives is earned, and, from now on, will be earned by you together as a team. This means that if your child chooses to have friends over, watch the television, or have a cell phone, these will all be earned by them complying with what is important to you. Once you build and set the correct environment, your child or teenager will step up. Creating and sticking to this agreement is called guiding your child's behavior instead of taking things away from them, which is punishment. The difference is they have nothing unless it has been earned by them. No punishment, no yelling and no nagging!

2. Learn to communicate in a language that your child will understand.

Have you found yourself walking into a room and saying something like, "What the hell is going on in here?" Most parents I have talked with have experienced this at one time or another. Try using this. "Hey, you guys, what should you be doing right now?" Then, they can give you their correct answer. "We should be doing our chores." You can praise them with, "Look at you, you are so smart! That's what I love about you, you always know the correct answer." You will see immediate action, every time, from your child or teenager!

Dictating, whether it be nice or barking orders, is very destructive for a child. First of all, he/she cannot think abstractly yet, meaning that half of the time when you communicate they do not understand what you are saying or even why you are yelling. If they need a jacket instead of dictating, "Go get your jacket," ask them a question. "Timmy, it is supposed to get cold later. What is it a good idea to have if it gets cold outside?" Timmy will answer, "A jacket, Mom." "Perfect, you are so smart, little Timmy!"

I am sure at some point there has been a discussion, when you came home and saw that your child did not clean his/her room to your standards. You say, "Why didn't you clean your room?" And your child gets angry, "I did clean my room!" You look at the room again and say, "No, you didn't" and it becomes a huge power struggle. Next time ask, "Honey, what were you supposed to do when you got home from school?" "I was supposed to clean my room, Mom, and I did." "You did clean your room?" and then quantify it with, "Come, show me what you did, okay?" Your child will show you that they did do a couple things and, to them, that is huge and they need to be recognized for that.

Your child wishes to make you happy and make you proud of their accomplishments. They do not know how to ask for help and, nine times out of 10, the parent has assumed that the child knows what it means when they ask them to clean their room. Did you actually take the time to teach them how to do exactly what you expect of them?