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Olympic Events edition - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, July 30, 2021


    It's Olympics Week. The Olympics started last Friday with the opening ceremonies and has been continuing every day. There are new sports in this Olympics this year that make me wonder what is considered a sport nowadays. Both skateboarding and surfing are included this year and I'm not sure that's what the ancient Athenians had in mind when they started the Olympics 3,000 years ago. But if the Olympic committee is open to allowing new games, I'd like to make a few suggestions to include more people. I think the sport of Thumb Wrestling would be a good addition, as would Tag and an Olympic Staring contest.

    Meanwhile, here in Chicago, we are hosting over 100,000 young music fans to Lollapalooza, the annual four day festival. I'm not going this year because I never have before, and because even though I recognize some of the headliners, I have no idea who the other performers are. They have names like Arizona Zervas, which sounds like a skin condition, Princess Nokia, who sings and then takes your picture, and Emotional Oranges. This is not your grandfather's Woodstock.

    And now for even odder news in this week's Friday Funnies.


    The next time you open a bag of Doritos, eat slowly and examine every chip. Rylee Stuart is a 13-year-old girl  from Queensland, Australia, who was enjoying her Doritos snack when she pulled out a chip that was filled with air. Doritos, as you know, are flat by nature but this one was puffed up. She almost ate it but thought about selling it instead.

    She listed the chip on eBay and soon had bids of thousands of dollars. Her effort went viral and when Doritos found out, they rewarded her entrepreneurial effort with $20,000. Junk food, the new cyber currency.


    Police in Fishers, Indiana have finally nabbed the town's serial pooper. For weeks, a woman on her morning run, has been stopping to drop a deuce on neighborhood lawns. She carries TP with her but leaves it behind with her doody.

    One resident managed to catch her in the act on his doorbell cam, and that helped police track her down. They did not arrest the fecal offender but just told her to get her turds together before she goes out for another trot. 


    If you are planning on visiting Big Bend National Park in southwest Texas this summer, watch out for the vinegaroons. No, they're not a bitter tasting cookie, a vinegaroon is the proper name for the acid-shooting land lobster.

    These creatures are about three inches long with tails that can shoot a spray of acetic acid, the main component in vinegar, as a defense and to kill other bugs. The bugs are nocturnal and non-poisonous, but if you find one, you can squeeze it over your salad, add olive oil, and voila, you have a dressing to die for.

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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