A personal journey through deaths, grief, love, hospice, and human vulnerability—

with a few laughs along the way.

When you make a career out of talking about deaths, people often assume you’re emotionally bulletproof. But I’m here to report: nope.

Over 24 months, I experienced eight deaths in my family. That includes my beloved husband, both my parents, my in-laws, my cat (yes, she counts), and two unexpected losses that hit hard and fast.

Now, I’ve turned that heartbreaking, soul-shaping experience into my most personal talk yet: Being, Doing, Feeling — and the video is now available to watch.

What’s The Talk About?

Being, Doing, Feeling traces my experience navigating grief while continuing to work as a professional death educator—emphasis on “educator,” not “emotionless automaton.”

In this talk, you’ll hear:

• The strange, sacred logistics of five hospice deaths in 18 months

• My mother’s life advice before she lost consciousness: “Don’t go to jail.”

• A peaceful passing with Medical Aid in Dying… followed by the best sorbet send-off ever

• Why grief snuck up on me wearing fuzzy slippers and a superhero cape

• And how my cat’s rainbow bridge moment broke me more than some humans did

You’ll laugh. You might cry. You’ll definitely rethink how you approach life, loss, and planning ahead.

Why Watch This?

Because you’ve probably lost someone, or will.
Because grief shows up in sneaky ways.
Because being a human means eventually feeling what we work so hard to avoid.

This talk is for:

• Caregivers carrying invisible loads

• Grievers who wonder, “Am I doing this right?”

• Professionals who want a more compassionate perspective

• Anyone afraid to talk about death (spoiler: talking about it won’t kill you)

Featuring Special Guest: The Super Lazy Coffee Guy

This thrift-store gem became my grief spirit animal. He wears fuzzy slippers, holds a mug labeled “JAVA,” and reminds me that being super lazy—aka feeling all the feelings—takes superhero strength.

He makes a cameo in the talk. So does Lola, my casket-dwelling skeleton who lives in the garage. (What can I say? This is how I roll.)

Key Themes in the Talk

• Hospice and home deaths

• Medical Aid in Dying

• Bereavement Overload

• The benefits of planning ahead

• Self-care when you’re busy “doing” to avoid “feeling”

• Humor as a survival skill

Watch Now: Being, Doing, Feeling

It’s raw. It’s real. It’s my heart on stage.

Please watch, share, and let me know what it stirs up for you. Grief is the price we pay for great love—and love is always worth the cost.

With coffee, skeletons, and compassion,
Gail Rubin
The Doyenne of Death®

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