Mortality Movies on Funeral Planning

Most people know they should make funeral plans someday.

The problem is that “someday” often becomes “not today.”

As a result, families frequently find themselves making important decisions during one of the most emotional and stressful times of their lives. Questions about burial or cremation, ceremonies, music, readings, and final wishes can quickly become sources of confusion—or even conflict—when no plans have been made in advance.

Episode Five of the Mortality Movies TV series explores how films and television portray funeral planning, family disagreements, and the consequences of leaving loved ones without clear instructions. Host Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, speaks with death doula Danielle Slupesky and death educator Jane Westbrook, examining stories that range from royal funerals to wildly unconventional memorials.

Together, these clips illustrate an important lesson: funeral planning isn’t really for the person who dies. It’s a gift for the people left behind.

Planning for a Public Goodbye

The first featured clip comes from The Queen (2006), starring Helen Mirren in her Academy Award-winning portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II.

The film examines the aftermath of Princess Diana’s death and the tensions between royal tradition and public expectations. In the featured scene, officials discuss funeral arrangements based on plans that had already been developed for the Queen Mother.

One of the most interesting aspects of the film is its reminder that large public funerals are rarely created from scratch. They are carefully planned well in advance.

While few people will have funeral arrangements on the scale of a royal ceremony, the principle remains the same. Advance planning allows families to make thoughtful decisions before emotions and time pressures take over.

The clip also highlights how funeral rituals serve the living as much as the dead. Public mourning ceremonies provide opportunities for communities to express grief, share memories, and find comfort together.

The Funeral as Personal Expression

Not every funeral follows tradition.

In the independent comedy The Living Wake (2007), self-proclaimed genius and artist K. Roth Binew learns he has only 24 hours left to live. Determined to leave a memorable legacy, he visits a funeral home to arrange a highly unconventional farewell.

His plans are eccentric, theatrical, and distinctly personal. The traditional funeral director is not amused.

While most people may not choose arrangements as unusual as Binew’s, the film raises an important question: If your funeral reflected your personality, what would it look like?

Modern funeral planning increasingly emphasizes personalization. Families may incorporate favorite music, hobbies, photographs, storytelling, video tributes, and unique locations to create meaningful experiences that celebrate an individual’s life.

The film reminds viewers that funerals do not have to follow a one-size-fits-all formula.

What Happens When No One Knows What You Wanted?

One of the most realistic examples in this episode comes from the acclaimed HBO series Six Feet Under. Unfortunately, clips from this series are blocked on YouTube.

In the “Eat a Peach” episode, family members find themselves arguing over funeral arrangements after an older brother dies without leaving clear instructions.

Each sibling believes they know what the deceased would have wanted. Unfortunately, their assumptions differ dramatically.

Anyone who has worked in funeral service, hospice care, or estate planning has likely seen similar situations in real life. Family disagreements are often not about the funeral itself. They are about love, guilt, old resentments, differing beliefs, and uncertainty.

Clear funeral plans can help prevent these conflicts.

When preferences are documented and communicated ahead of time, surviving family members are spared the burden of guessing. Instead of debating what should happen, they can focus on supporting one another and honoring the person’s wishes.

The Value of a Letter of Instruction

In The Kominsky Method, grief and humor collide when Hollywood agent Norman Newlander shares the contents of his late wife’s letter of instruction regarding her funeral arrangements.

The instructions are detailed, highly specific, and more than a little over the top.

The scene works because it exaggerates a truth many families discover after a death: even simple guidance can be incredibly helpful.

A letter of instruction can supplement legal documents by providing practical information about funeral preferences, obituary details, personal messages, and other wishes that may not appear in a will.

The more guidance people leave behind, the easier it becomes for loved ones to carry out those wishes with confidence.

When Plans Change Over Time

The bonus clip from The Six Wives of Henry Lefay offers another valuable lesson.

As you can guess from the title, Henry Lefay has been married a few times. Throughout his life, Henry repeatedly revised his funeral plans to accommodate changing relationships and circumstances. When multiple former spouses arrive at the funeral home, confusion and chaos follow.

The comedy highlights an often-overlooked aspect of funeral planning: plans should be reviewed periodically.

People change. Families evolve. Preferences shift. A funeral plan created decades ago may no longer reflect current wishes.

Just as individuals update insurance policies, wills, and healthcare directives, funeral plans should be revisited from time to time to ensure they remain accurate.

The Best Funeral Plan Is the One Your Family Knows About

The films and television programs featured in Episode Five of the Mortality Movies TV show share a common theme. Whether the plans involve royalty, eccentric artists, complicated families, or detailed letters of instruction, the outcome is always better when wishes are clearly communicated.

Funeral planning does not have to be complicated.

The most important step is starting the conversation.

Talk with loved ones about burial or cremation preferences, or other alternative disposition methods now available, like Natural Organic Reduction or alkaline hydrolysis. Discuss the type of service you would want. Write down your wishes. Make sure the people who will carry them out know where to find the information.

The goal is not to plan every detail perfectly. The goal is to leave behind guidance that helps family and friends navigate a difficult time with fewer questions and less stress.

As these films demonstrate, a little planning today can prevent a lot of confusion tomorrow.

What movie or television scene has best captured the realities of funeral planning or family disagreements after a death? Share your thoughts in the comments and help continue the conversation.

And if you’re thinking, “I really should get my information pulled together,” you can download a free 10-page planning form from my website, AGoodGoodbye.com.

Want to Watch Mortality Movies Without Jumping Between Screens?

Become a paid subscriber to Mortality Movies with The Doyenne of Death® on Substack and get access to the complete 30-minute episodes with the film clips included (including the Six Feet Under clips!)

Instead of pausing the show to search for clips on YouTube, paid subscribers can watch each episode seamlessly from start to finish. No searching. No switching tabs. No interruptions.

Just sit back, enjoy the movies, and discover what they can teach us about death, dying, grief, and living life fully.

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You can also discover a treasure trove of conversation-starting films and TV shows in Gail Rubin’s latest book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die.

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