Author: KanchanBhaskar
Publisher: SheWrites Press
ISBN: 979-1-64742-475-6
Author,Kanchan Bhaskar is an emerging writer. She was born, raised, andeducated in New Delhi, India – M.S. Social Work, PhD. PersonnelManagement and Industrial Relations. (2023. P.251) She was previouslymarried and has three children from her marriage. Unfortunately, hermarriage was an abusive one that sucked a lot of life from her soulbut gave her the strength to move forward to fulfill her dreams.Eventually, she moved to NYC to work for a Fortune 500 Company anddivorced that abusive man. She was able to earn severalcertifications during her professional career that enabled her tobetter serve her organization and other outreach opportunitiesdealing with survivors of domestic violence. She gives back 100% andresounds good vibes. Currently, she lives in Chicago with her dog,Fifi.
Inthe Preface Bhaskar says that she was raised on the prospect thatmarriage and romance would bring her happiness and joy as it had forher parents. For her parents believed that “…a woman was an equalpartner in a marriage, one to be honored and valued. Marriage meantlove and companionship, and caring. – Violence of any kind inmarriage was unthinkable.” (2023, preface)
Arrangedmarriages are common in India even today. Kanchan’s marriage hadbeen prearranged. She met her future husband twice before and hisfamily ten short days before being wed. They had exchanged lettersfor about six months prior to being married but spent no real timetogether. That is not a long time to get to know one another. His name was Vijay. She was enthusiastic to be wed.
Almostfrom the moment they had said “I do” Vijay was condescending anddiscordant. His interactions with Kanchan were brisk andauthoritative. Their first outing with his office he was pottied.When they got home he hit her so hard she fell down and struck herface and called her a bitch. She had done nothing wrong and could notimagine what may come next. Vijay did apologize a few days later andask for forgiveness.
Thingssettled down and a few months later she was pregnant with their firstchild. Vijay’s beating’s continued well into her pregnancy. “Hegrabbed both my legs and dragged me onto the floor toward him. Oncehe’d dragged me opposite him, he kicked me in the belly, hard. Ilost my breath and voice and screamed in pain. “ Afterward, herpregnancy required medical intercession to allow the baby to beborn. While Kanchan tried her best to recover Vijay took alover into their home. When she was able to she went for a visit tohis family and then hers and Vijay made her swear not to tell anyoneabout his wrongdoings. (2023, p.34-7)
Kanchanmanaged to stay away from Vijay for a couple of months and herpregnancy stabilized under her parents’ care. He finally did cometo collect her and she was repelled. He again apologized profusely.She acquiesced but remained with her parents until the child wasborn. It was a girl.
Asyou might imagine the beatings continued and Vijay continued to bedrunk as often as time permitted. Finally, the neighbors had hadenough and called the police to investigate. Kanchan says, “Thepolice wanted to take my statement. I was afraid to say anythingagainst Vijay or my in-laws, afraid they might harm my brother, if Ilodged a complaint. And if Vijay was arrested and put in jail, hisbrothers were capable of hurting my family or me, even fatallythrough their contacts. The legal system was very much pro-men andrun by men, who would never come to the aid of a woman or even listento her.” (2023, p.79)
Kanchan’sfamily wanted her to have psychological intercession to help her workthrough these beatings. Deep down she knew she needed to save herselfand her daughter. She also thought that perhaps using her educationand getting out into the world might do her some good too.
Nobodywho has endured such trauma can ever forget the beater. Maybe in timeforgive but that is an individual choice and one not made with ease.That Kanchan was finally able to escape this unbearable andunfortunate relationship with her life and those of her children istestament to her own inner strength. While this book was difficultfor me to read because of the horrid beatings I was proud to see theperson who Kanchan was able to become and the selfless way shecontinued to give back to the communities who need her most. I hopeher words inspire other women in similar abusive relationships to getaway from their abusers and make a life of their own.