I suffered and endured myadversity of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual maltreatment until Icould leave for college. Unsuspectingly, I found a fellow at my first collegedance, who also was in my music classes. For the first time I found someone, Icould talk with and seemed to be a mutual companion. We married and raised afamily. Over the years, life became more of a problem and I found myselfplaying out my parents' marriage of domestic violence.

When my husband tried to kill methe last time, I had called out to my God, ""Please help me, I reallydo not want to die." Within days, I ended up in treatment hearinginformation about the disease of alcoholism. Growing up in the forties,alcoholism was not common knowledge like it is today. 

In rehab, I heard that I had adisease and I was not a bad person, but a sick person needing to get well. Throughrecovery, I found my husband and I had the same history of an abusivebackground, mental illness, and alcoholism. In treatment, I found my answers. Ineeded to persist into a sane and healthy life style. What did a toxicsubstance have to do with being beaten, strangled, or raped? How could I beinsane, I had 7 years of college and taught school for many years withexcellent reviews? Church never told to me to turn my life over to the care of aGod, of my understanding.

I never had any understandingabout why my life was the way it was. I was committed to get well. It madesense when I heard the universal law that "Like attracts like". I amalive today through applying the 12 step spiritual programs for healing mypast. With newfound solutions and support, I could get a divorce and walk awayfrom the insanity.

Then I needed a trusted person toshare my fears, resentments, and difficulties. Expressing my harms and abusewas not easy for me. This was the first time anyone even listened to me, or Ihad any permission to speak up or have feelings about my past troubles. I did nothave to block my emotions of the past. However, after finally telling my story,I started waking up into why my life was so complicated. 

Over time, I realized that I hadthe very faults I blamed in my husband and that I had attracted therelationship to me as if I were a magnet. He was my mirror to what I had tochange in me. In stopping the old cycle, I chose to live and not carry on in myold ways that perpetuated the problems. I wanted to release my side of thestreet. What goes around comes around. I could send out love and compassion tohim for his horrendous childhood, instead of trying to defend myself. Now, Icould send love and pray for him, which stopped the conflict.

I found out that defending myselffeels like an assault to someone else. Learning that safety is the completerelinquishment of attack, I found my new inner message was telling me that myHeavenly Father loved me unconditionally. This mended my abandonment issues.

Subsequently, I attended aweekend workshop for answers to help me find new answers about my predicament.I heard the facilitators read the information and I heard it from theirunderstanding instead of my reading it through my fearful ego/brain. All of asudden, the light came on and I understood my dilemma and the solution.

Others at the seminar decided to offerclasses to share this solution with others. I was asked to participate once amonth as a leader. From helping others for 27 years, I found the answers to myown quandaries. Discovering that my fears attract to me the very dread I held,was huge to me. I was full of fear and needed to release them. The answer wasto replace each fear into faith. I cannot have fear and faith at the same time.

In helping others resolve their resentments, Ifound that anger/resentments are from the past because life or people did notgo my way. The answer was to release the past, as it is history. Forgiveness"gives up" the past "for" a new day. Living in the "Now"releases my anger.

When letting go of the past guilt and shame,it is possible to replace that with being a child of God, created in His likenessof love. After identifying each fear, resentment, guilt, and shame and replacingthem with love and grace, brought a new perception. "Perfect love casts out fear." 1 John4 "God's grace is sufficient" 2Corinthians  12:9 Now, I can refill the spacefrom what I do not want for what I do want.

I found life is an adventureto move forward and out of past harms of abuse or future worries, trauma, andneediness. I can now live in the moment which is a gift and why it is calledThe Present. Love never fails. Today, I am happy, joyous, and free of my ego. Ihave a life today beyond my imagination feeling good. I finally had a designfor living. Becoming a whole personin joy, gratitude and the presence of love brings heaven to earth.

 Checkout my website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com/

Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnesand Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 176 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372