Ittook several years to realize that even when I thought I was helpful or caringfor others, it was not true. I wanted to be a loving mother, a great wife, and excellentteacher. I was a terrific teacher with the subject matter, but my emotionallife was in shambles. My students learned the subjects well. However, I was notemotionally available. Gradually, I realized I was not present to my husband, childrenor class. I was sending out my defenses to keep myself safe. It was survival. Iwas emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. What I am is what I project to thosearound me. I had nothing to give.

Ilooked for my stability, love, and saving me outside myself. I thought thiswould provide my wellbeing. I thought they were to supply my needs. Ultimately,they failed to satisfy my needs and I did not know how to meet my needs either.Thinking others were accountable for my unhappiness by falling short of theirbeing able to be there for me was my focus. I blamed them for my problems. Icould not see the people I picked were not there for themselves. However, Ikept my unrealistic ideas that they were responsible for making me happy.

WhenI first heard Let It Begin with Me, Icould not believe that I should focus on myself and ask myself what I want. Thiswas a lifelong embedded trait I had to address. The saying altered my life in avery real way. For years, I thought if people liked my husband, they would likeme. This had to change. Living my identity through my husband, daughter or sonhad to stop. I had to put the spotlight on myself. I was taught this isselfish. I knew what my husband demanded, what my children needed, and how tomeet the routines for teaching. I had to know all this to be safe and out ofthe line of attack.

As mychildren and husband left, I was without an identity. In contemplation, I heardthat I had to develop a realistic self-esteem and complete myself. I could notblame others anymore for my unhappiness. They did not do it to me, I did it tomyself, I found out as I began taking an inventory of my life and applyingspiritual principles. This meant I had to get honest with myself. The moreself-honesty the better my results, I discovered. 

Takingsimple steps to find myself was the best path. I bought a new shower curtain toreplace the one I did not like, but was always too afraid to say anything inthe past. I picked out one to match my color scheme and I loved the design.This brought a sense of self-esteem for the first time.

 I was on track to fill myself with what Iwanted and who I am. That gave me courage to redecorate the whole house. Iloved picking out the white couches and light colored rugs to replace the darkdreary colors that had been the theme. In addition, I took a position teachingmetaphysics in a junior college when I retired from public school teaching.This fit me well as the new me was emerging. I was on track to fill myself withwhat I wanted and who I am

Aftera trip to Australia and snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef, I began paintingthe underwater coral and sea life. This took me to sign up for art lessons, andmy art career was ignited from my childhood dreams. I wrote a poem aboutSidney, Australia and other experiences in Australia. This propelled my poetry andart that was included in my first book.

During a poetry convention in New York, where I wentto receive a poetry award, I heard about a writing conference in Santa BarbaraCalifornia that I attended for 8 years. My writing beyond poetry flowered whileattending local writing classes. My first book, "Roses Have Thorns",was for sale at the conference in California. I have been writing books eversince and illustrating them, too.

I joined a spiritual study group called Search for God. I was asked to givespiritual programs for them, counseling, and do past life therapy to membersand others. With more courses, I went for more training as a spiritualcounselor, psychic/medium for giving readings, and talking to those passedover. Becoming an international board certified regressionist, IBRT, to do pastlife regressions and accepted as a certified hypnotherapist, ABH to reframe thepast harms of my clients gave me needed credentials. In addition, traveling aroundthe world to spiritual sites with the Edgar Cayce's A.R.E organization, I wastold in meditation, that I was revisiting many of my past life experiences.   

With my new growth in finding myself, I found mylifelong partner in my spiritual study group. My fellow and I attended classesfor healing through mediumship. He does Pranic Energy Healing while I channel mastersand angels for spiritual/emotional information to heal the situation orcondition of the client. For many years, we have been available for free weeklyhealings.  

Becomingthe person I wanted in a relationship was a scary step for me. Since he was nota hugger at the time, I had to set the example by hugging. Then, I begansharing my feelings when I realized it was safe to do this. One night, he ranup the stairs from his hot tub, eager to share with me his answer inmeditation. Since then, we have been able to share everything we need to aboutourselves and have great communication while trusting each other to be open andhonest. My being the example was coming back to me.

Theuniverse has spiritual laws. They are laws of transformation. The most simpleof the laws is "Love Transforms". It means that no matter what kindof a condition, situation, and relationship you are dealing with, when youbring love to that circumstance of life, it will change, it will be lifted, andit will be transformed.

 Universal Law rules everything in the earth.We are included in that "everything", for The Universal Laws operatein every experience of our lives, no matter who we are or where we are, or whatwe are doing. Their essence and purpose bring the continuation for manifestinginfinite love of the universe to you and to me. When I learned to live withloving direction, I changed and my life changed. My life today is nothing likeit was as I grew up. My book, "Paradigm Busters" has the details ofmy transformation. I created a new reality around me.

Today,I know who I am and I am proud of it. What I give away is what I have. Theyreturn wonderful outcomes. As I gain in self-esteem, self-respect, caring,thoughtfulness, kindness, compassion, and nurturing I project it out to others.It comes back in loving appropriate ways. Love never fails. I can trust myfeelings and trust trustworthy people. I am emotionally available. It is a lifeof harmony, joy, and having the sensations of being inwardly successful and fulfilled.

Check out my website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnesand Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424

 180 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

 Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./