My life has become an adventure instead of an escape fromtrauma, abuse, and difficulties. Withouta helpful basis and guidance for healthy experiences, I was left to my owndevises from the beginning. My beginnings were abusive, cruel, and violent. Ihad not one to turn to for help. My parents were mentally ill and in domesticviolence. They were emotionally not available, with no communication or trust.I grew up without feelings or answers.
I wanted to feel good and have friends. I became an avidreader looking for answers. My only source of connection was to my cat. Thatchanged when my mother remarried and my step-dad refused me finding a neighborto feed my cat while we were on a trip. It was a big loss. My life actuallybecame worse when my mother remarried. My dream of a happy family did nothappen. I was the walking dead throughout my life.
Even thought I had many successes I did not acknowledge themnor did my parents. I was never validated for all the chores at home or achievementsin school as Valedictorian in high school, and playing a solo with theBellingham Symphony before I graduated from college. My mother wanted me to bea teacher that I dutifully complied but there was never a comment about my teachingfor many years.
I even thought being married with children would bring ahappy life that I was missing. However,my marriage was a replica of my older half sister and my mother's two marriages.I was again in domestic violence, abuse, and mental illness. At the age of three,I had emotionally shut down from witnessing my father beat my mother, and I wasreplaying this unknowingly.
Finally, I had to go for help. The minister thought I shouldnot get a divorce and the psychiatrist's prescriptions addicted me to the medications. I ended up in treatment for addiction. Thisbecame the blessing I needed to find real answers to my problems.
The program in treatment was a spiritual path to replace theprescriptions, alcohol, and co-dependency. They were addictions I found out. Ihad a chronic, progressive disease that leads to death of insanity without intervention. The doctor at the treatment center declared Iwas dying and to use a toxic substance was to die. He said one pill and onedrink is six times the effect.
In 40- years of recovery without a drink or pill again, mymind and heart began to function and I could find reality. Gradually, my emotionsbegan to function and I learned I was trying to protect myself from more harmthat led to me to being a control freak. Trying to protect myself was actuallyworking against me. This felt like an attack to the other person and they attackedback.
Needing to forgive them and release them so I could live inthe NOW was a new idea. I had been reacting to my past and not living in themoment, which is the present and reality. No longer needing to drink to feel good and new ideas, I continued tolearn information to move me into healthy thinking and behaviors.
I released my fears, resentments, guilt, shame, and judgmentto move out of my past demoralizing history. I replaced the space with love andgrace as I released each one that I identified. I daily pray and meditate for the love of theuniverse to direct my daily activities each morning. I was no longer in controlfrom fear, but going about my activities from love. I moved from being a fear-basedperson into a love-based person. I watched funny old TV sitcoms to practiceexpressing feelings. Little by little, my life did improve and I began to feelhappy and could finally laugh out loud.
This growing beyond acting from being an emotional threeyear old into adulthood has taken many changes in my thinking and behavior. Nolonger do I see myself as a frightened child afraid to speak up and expressmyself. Today I have value and am worthy. The biggest astonishment is learningto trust the universe for all my needs. I am no longer needy. Instead of being perfect, I can be myself.
At the age of 86 years old, I have become a human being anda mature person. I come from my heart and not my head for resolution to thelife lessons facing me. Listening to my inner voice, intuition, gives me the guidanceI was missing in my growing up. Thinking for myself instead of recreating myparents history passed on to me, has given me a completely new life. What goesaround comes around, and love is coming around daily, today.
. I have the choice to say, "NO" and leave when necessary.Success is all about choice and safety to be myself in my life. Today I do notput myself in harmful places or make decisions that are not in my best interest.I can choose to live in the love that created me in its image. Compassion forthose who are still wounded in their life path brings good feelings. That I fashioneda caring life with loving people around me, I am now truly safe. It is mychoice to project my newfound love to others, as it comes back in wonderfulways.
My eleven books at Amazon are all about how I found the pathout of my miserable past into feeling as if I am in heaven on earth. "ParadigmBusters" has the process to open my heart to live in the love that wasalways there for me.
Websites: https://www.angelicasgifts.com /
https://marilynlredmond.com/
https://booksbymarilyn.com/
Books: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Marilyn+Redmond&i=stripbooks&crid=3FIJCEQNAJMI6&sprefix=marilyn+redmond+%2Cstripbooks%2C185&ref=nb_sb_noss
You Tube: www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372
Blog : http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./