Few topics are more emotionally charged than money, mortality, and family. So it’s no surprise that adult children often struggle with one of the most essential conversations they’ll ever have: talking to their parents about estate planning. For many, just raising the topic feels like tiptoeing through a minefield of guilt, discomfort, and fear.

According to aBarron’s article on the subject, even financial advisors find these conversations tricky. Clients worry that discussing inheritance will make them seem greedy or insensitive—as if they’re “wishing their parents dead.” Parents, in turn, may avoid the topic altogether because they don’t want to confront aging, discuss money, or reveal financial truths they’ve long kept private.

But estate planning isn’t about death. It’s about life—and the quality of life you and your family can preserve through preparation, clarity, and compassion. Framing the conversation with empathy and intention can help everyone feel more secure and respected.

Here’s how to start.

1. Lead With Care, Not Concern About the Money

You don’t need to mention the word “inheritance” at all to begin the conversation. Instead, center the discussion around values like security, healthcare preferences, and peace of mind. The goal isn’t to find out what you’ll “get”—it’s to understand what they want.

Action Step: Open with a real-life example. “A friend of mine had to make big decisions for their parent in a crisis without knowing what they wanted. It made me realize I don’t know what you’d want either. Can we talk about it?”

Apps likeCake andEverplans provide templates and checklists to help frame these discussions around goals, not assets.

2. Focus on the Family’s Long-Term Well-Being

Estate planning isn’t just about distributing wealth—it’s about preventing confusion, conflict, and unnecessary expenses. Without a clear plan, families often end up in court, relationships are strained, and legacies are lost.

ACaring.com survey found that only 34% of Americans have a will—yet 60% agree that having one is important. The gap is in the action, not the awareness.

Action Step: Offer to help organize documents or research options. Use tools likeTrust & Will to start simple, legal estate plans online—making it feel less overwhelming and more collaborative.

3. Reframe It as a Gift to the Next Generation

It’s often easier for parents to talk about legacy when it’s framed as a gift to their children or grandchildren. Estate planning is about making sure their wishes are honored, not about handing over control.

Quote: “The goal is to compound what you’ve learned and the contacts you have to get closer and closer to the most interesting issues and relationships that fill you with passion and purpose.” That includes navigating hard topics that preserve your family’s integrity and connection for generations.

Action Step: Ask, “What kind of legacy do you want to leave?” This opens the door to values-based planning, and platforms likeWealth.com help capture stories, preferences, and legal directives in one place.

4. Use Advisors as Neutral Ground

If emotions run high, bringing in a third-party professional—such as a financial advisor, estate attorney, or eldercare specialist—can ease the tension. Many advisors, according to theBarron’s article, are trained to guide these family meetings and help mediate the conversation in a respectful, structured way.

Action Step: Ask your parents if they’d be open to a family meeting with an advisor—not to talk about money directly, but to discuss how decisions would be made in the event of a health crisis or emergency. Websites likeNAPFA andXY Planning Network can help you find fee-only advisors who specialize in intergenerational planning.

5. Choose the Right Setting and Timing

Bringing up estate planning during the holidays or amid a medical crisis almost always backfires. Instead, plan a calm, private time for the conversation—ideally in person or over video, with enough time to process emotions and revisit later.

Action Step: Send an email or letter in advance to let your parent know you’d like to talk about their wishes and future planning. A thoughtful approach reduces surprise and gives them time to reflect.

6. Normalize the Conversation for the Next Generation Too

Estate planning doesn’t end with your parents—it’s part of a life-long conversation. When you normalize it now, you set a precedent for your own children, siblings, or relatives to continue planning with intention and transparency.

Action Step: Start your own estate planning process and invite your parents to do it with you. Tools likeFreeWill offer easy ways to create a basic will, which can make it feel less like “their problem” and more like a shared responsibility.

It’s Not About the Money. It’s About the Meaning

Talking about estate planning doesn’t mean talking about death. It means talking about how your parents want to live, how they want to be remembered, and how their values can be passed on—not just their assets.

You’re not being selfish by raising the topic. You’re being brave. And you may be giving your parents an incredible gift: peace of mind, clarity, and the comfort of knowing their legacy is safe in the hands of those who love them most.

What’s one small step you can take this week to open the conversation—or prepare for it yourself? Join the Age Brilliantly community and share your experience, fears, and ideas in the forum: https://agebrilliantly.org/forum/