Thursday, February 8, 2007

Lovelorn columnists hear all the reasons couples break up.

Maybe the meeting with the parents didn't go as planned. Maybe one person has expectations the other just can't fill.

Or, perhaps one party is beginning to feel anxious about where the relationship is going ? or the other person expects it to go."More men commit suicide over a lost relationship than women do," Jean Cirillo, PhD, a psychotherapist and consultant to TV reality shows in Long Island, N.Y., tells WebMD. "It's harder for them, when they have formed an attachment, to leave on terms otherthan their own. Mutual agreement is best," she says. "Each person should feel he or she got something from the relationship." But, she adds, "The dumpee can usually negotiate more and get more from the breakup.""Just because two people can't get along, Cirillo says, "doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of them.". If you need to forgive yourself or the other person, take steps toward doing so. Remember that forgiveness is always a step toward your physical and emotional health and does not mean that you condone what you or the other person did in the past. When you begin to realize what you learned from that situation, you can begin to appreciate it and to forgive. The point is that when we are faced with events that shake our world, even in a minor way, we have two choices--we can either stuff our feelings down and maybe lash out at others, creating distance between us and the people in our lives, or we can choose to use this situation to heal and create closer relationships.  It isn't always easy to do--but one of the keys to healing any situation in your life when there is pain is to find ways to allow yourself to feel all of your feelings--whatever they are--and to acknowledge that the pain is there. Dr. Cirillo does not recommend jumping back into the pool until you have given yourself some time to mourn the loss. Interim recommendations include friends work hobbies and possible individual or group therapy dealing with loss issues. Seeing others in similar situations can be a powerful recovery tool. Use this single time period to better know the one person who will always be with you.You:  

Meet the "Cool Dr. Phil" -- New York City Psychologist

Appeals to younger audiences Dr. Jean Cirillo has been seen on hundreds of national talk shows as expert guest and staff psychologist. Presently consults with MTV, VHI and BET for reality shows: including "Made", "College Hill", "Model Apartments", "Kept", "Flavor of Love", and the "Ozzy Osbourne Ozzfest." Specialties include women's issue, teens, abuse, self-esteem and relationships

Contact information. 516-795-0631 or 516-532-3625