By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

When divorce enters a family, everyone is affected.  Sometimes the impact on grandparents is overlooked amidst the turmoil involving parents and children. Sadly, the effect can be devastating for grandparents who want to help and also stay in the lives of the children they love.

Grandparents often ask me, “How do I help and stay close to my grandkids when  we are geographically separated?”

You do that by maintaining and strengthening the relationship you already have.

Below are some ways you can stay in the lives of your grandchildren despite the distance between you. Keep in mind the technology gap may be real, but you don’t have to connect in the same way they play with their friends. Remind them you do things differently in some ways, and invite them to try things at your pace while you try to adapt to theirs.

·      Create a special Journal of activities that you can share with your grandchildren. This might be a travelogue of places you’ve explored, people you’ve visited, movies you saw and other activities you’ve participated in. You can send them souvenirs from each place as something to show and talk about on your next phone call or video visit. These may include photos and videos, restaurant menus, tee shirts, colorful brochures, post-cards, hats, pens, and other novelties.

·      Request the same from them. Let them send you a story about places they visited, parties they attended, school trips, weekend activities or other “adventures.”

·      Send an email or text message “of the week” to the kids with a theme: such as the Staying Warm Tip of the Week, Favorite Meal or Dessert of the Week, Pet Trick of the Week, quote from a Favorite Book you’re both reading that week, Joke of the Week, etc. – just to keep in touch.

·      Volunteer your time at a hospital, toy or food distribution drive or other evennt to help needy children in your community. That way you feel valued while interacting with and bringing joy to other children. Then tell the grandchildren about your activities.

·      Make plans to see the same movie as your grandkids on the same day and then schedule a call to discuss the movie together and share the experience in your own way.

·      Do the same with chapters of a book. Plan scheduled calls in advance to discuss the characters and share your opinions about their situations.

·      Make a weekly or monthly video catching up on your life to send to the grandkids. Nothing fancy required. Have things to show on the video such as playing with your dog, a new hat you’ve bought, a new recipe you’ve tried, a new flower you’ve planted in the garden, etc.

Consistency, flexibility and unconditional love go a long way toward strengthening your bond with your grandchildren. Be there for them. Be understanding when they don’t always respond in the ways you desire or expect. Be aware of the transitions children make as they age and enter different stages of growth and interests.

Take advantage of all the blessings today’s technology provides for maintaining communication. It will keep your relationship with your grandkids thriving throughout their lives!

Extra tip: Don’t bring up divorce unless your grandchild does first. Strive to develop a safe, trusting, no stress connection, especially early on. If they want to to discuss heavy feelings and ask questions, be there as a support system. Ask their parents for permission to talk further and listen to the child. This is a process that demands baby steps and mutual trust all around. If the parents don’t appreciate your involvement, share your love and nurturing skills and move on to to other topics.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of the acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — With Love! To get her advice, coaching services, expert interviews, programs, e-courses and other valuable resources on divorce and co-parenting, visit: https://www.childcentereddivorce.com