Confidence is a term that get thrown around a lot. Lack of confidence, over confidence, etc…it often is a criteria by which we judge ourselves and judge others.
Brittany Packet, in her TED talk last year, gave an amazing summary of what confidence is and why it is so important:
“A lack of confidence pulls us down from the bottom and weighs us down from the top, crushing us between a flurry of can’ts, won’ts and impossibles. Without confidence, we get stuck, and when we get stuck, we can’t even get started. Instead of getting mired in what can get in our way, confidence invites us to perform with certainty. We all operate a little differently when we’re sure we can win versus if we just hope we will. Now, this can be a helpful check. If you don’t have enough confidence, it could be because you need to readjust your goal. If you have too much confidence, it could be because you’re not rooted in something real. Not everyone lacks confidence. We make it easier in this society for some people to gain confidence because they fit our preferred archetype of leadership. We reward confidence in some people and we punish confidence in others, and all the while far too many people are walking around every single day without it. For some of us, confidence is a revolutionary choice, and it would be our greatest shame to see our best ideas go unrealized and our brightest dreams go unreached all because we lacked the engine of confidence. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.” (You can listen to her whole talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/brittany_packnett_how_to_build_your_confidence_and_spark_it_in_others)
I have so often seen this to be true. I have seen people be confident in what they want to achieve, but lacking the confidence to actually try and achieve it.
I believe that one of the biggest mistakes people are making is thinking that confidence has to first exist before taking action. It’s often taking action that leads to greater confidence.
I have been a rock climber for 23 years now, and no matter how strong I get or how much experience I have, there is always a climb or mountain out there that I know is most likely within my reach of climbing, yet the thought of trying to summit it makes me nervous…makes my palms sweat just thinking about it. One specific climb like this was a route called Bonnie’s Roof at the Gunks in New York. It was at the time at the top end of my abilities. I really wanted to climb it, so I studied the route, watched videos on YouTube, read reviews online, and more. I built up a lot of excitement…but also a lot of nervous tension. I began to doubt that I could do it because in my mind I kept picturing what could go wrong.
I realized that my negative mindset would cause me to fail…or worse, not try at all. I realized that I needed to look at myself and see that I had the ability and experience to do this, and that even if I fell I would be ok.
I decided to set out and do this climb. I was anxious but pushed through the beginning. When I got to the crux (the hard part of a climb), I placed protection in the rock and made the moves I needed to…and I fell. BUT…I was ok. Nothing bad happened. I actually learned what I did wrong, got back on the route and finished it successfully!
What happened after that? I gained an entirely new level of confidence because of the affect the experience had.
So how can you use experience to build confidence?
- Don’t be afraid to try something because you don’t have the confidence to do it. If you have a goal, just start working on it. The experience and the little victories will build your confidence.
- Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure actually teaches valuable lessons that you can then use to build your confidence in future decisions.
- Success will give you confidence that the situation you faced was within your grasp. It will allow you to have confidence to face harder tasks in the future.
Confidence is key. Taking action is key. Confidence will not come by forcing yourself to think you are confident. You need to take action while you are building your mental strength and ignore the negative self talk.
These lessons have been so important for me in my life both personally and professionally. In the last several months as we have all been experiencing a changing world due to the Coronavirus pandemic, I have experienced massive changes in my career. 1 month ago I had no idea that within 3 weeks I would have launched my own new business, and be working for myself. It had always been a dream of mine, but necessity pushed me to do this. The little victories are giving me confidence to push on. If I just waited for confidence to come, it never would have arrived. It was taking action that made the difference.
I have also surrounded myself with others to help me on this journey. It’s actually another key point of what Brittany Packet discusses…the importance of community to build confidence.
So take action today, whatever you may be facing. Don’t be afraid to set big goals. Surround yourself with others that will help you. You will become extremely confident.