Every week comes with its own set of problems and this week's issue is gas. Not the kind of gas that comes from Uncle Fritz after his third bratwurst, it's the kind of gas that propels your non-Tesla automobile.

    A cyber attack on the country's longest pipeline, deprived much of the south of gasoline. Service stations are running out of petrol and this has led to something called Panic Pumping, a phrase which could have several different meanings. 

    In this case it means that buying as much gas as they can find and keeping it in containers not meant to hold gasoline. Photos have popped up of people actually putting gasoline into plastic bags. This is ridiculous and dangerous. Don't these people have any Tupperware they could use?    

    I'm not a gambling man but I would wager that the people putting gasoline in plastic bags are the same ones who don't want to get vaccinated because it isn't safe. That being said, the Friday Funnies are a very safe alternative to the week's news.

HOLY COW!

    India is in the midst of a COVID nightmare  and thousands of people are dying every day. This desperation has led to some unusual alleged cures. One technique requires that a person smear themselves with cow dung. This works to promote social distancing.

    Another alleged cure is to drink cow urine every day to build up their immune systems. I'm sorry but I don't think you can add enough vodka to get me to drink cow pee, even if were covered in dung. I hope these cures work for them but I'm going to continue my cow consumption the old fashioned way, via filet mignon.

WHAT CRAWLED UP YOUR BUTT?

    A report by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, was released this week, listing objects people have gotten stuck up their butt holes. The list contained the usual items like a pencil, a toothbrush, the proverbial stick, but also included items that should never be found in your bung, including, a baseball, a newspaper, a remote control, six Magic Markers, and Christmas lights. I bet none of those people have gotten vaccinated either.

    Then I read about a recently discovered sea creature called Ramisyllis multicaudata, a marine worm that had one mouth and a hundred anuses. That's right, the single worm has 100 anuses. I think they should name it something easier to remember, like The U.S. Senate.

INTO THE MOUTHS OF BABES

    Noah Bryant is four years old and learning remotely, but when his iPad broke, his mom let him use her laptop for lessons. After class, Noah discovered that Mom's laptop had access to Amazon Prime, and when he investigated, he discovered that Amazon was selling the two things he love most in a delightful combination, Spongebob Squarepants Popsicles. What could be better?

    Noah decided to try some of the treats and wound up ordering 51 cases, or 918 popsicles for $2,600. Remote learning. What could possibly go wrong?