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Gold Medal edition - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, August 6, 2021


    The Olympics are almost over and as far as I'm concerned, they saved the best for last. The track and field events are always fun to watch, especially the events that have no practical application. I saw the shot put finals featuring large men who never missed a meal, throwing a 16 pound ball as far as they can. It's fun to watch but what is this guy going to do after the Olympics. He could possibly work for Amazon and be able to deliver packages without leaving the truck.

    The same goes for the discus. It's throwing a lead Frisbee. If you want to make the game more interesting, employ a second athlete to catch it. And as far as the javelin throw is concerned, it should be combined with the pole vault and be judged for height and accuracy. 

    When sarcasm becomes an Olympic event, I'll be competing for gold. Until then, enjoy the Friday Funnies.


    In Punta Gorda, a city name that means "kick the pumpkin", a man returned home from a doctor's appointment and found a woman skinny-dipping in his pool. He noticed clothes scattered about and then he saw the naked woman. He didn't recognizer her at first so he kept staring at her. After a while he called the police who came and helped him stare. Eventually they ordered the woman out of the pool and she got dressed but when the police tried to restrain her, she went nuts and tried to run away.

    She was taken to the Charlotte County Jail where she was charged with trespassing, resisting an officer, and swimming naked without a license. Also, and I'm just guessing here, I bet she isn't vaccinated either.


    If you have extra money to spend, you may be interested in a slice of cake. This particular slice comes from the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana and it's 40 years old, so be warned in advance that it may be a little stale

    The cake is decorated with the Royal Coat of Arms, a silver horseshoe, and decorative borders. It has been sitting in a plastic wrapped cake tin and is now going up for sale through an English auction house. It is expected to sell for more than $400, and for that much money, it better include sprinkles.


    This week's DOTW winner is a 38-year-old man from Bangkok, Thailand. The unnamed dumbass was sitting at home due to the Covid-19 lockdown and got bored. He saw a padlock lying around and thought, "Gee, I could put this on my wiener" so he did. He clamped the padlock around his willy and soon discovered that he couldn't get it out. So he reached for the key to the lock but could not find it. He left the padlock on his dingus for a few days until his manhood started to swell, and not in a good way.

    Emergency services were called and after they quit laughing, they were able to free his willy. The man's mother said that her son "likes putting his 'thing' through small holes." There are so many punch lines to this set up that I am going to let you pick your own for our Dumbass Of The Week.

As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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