Emotional Support for Caregivers
Find emotional support for caregivers with effective caregiver strategies and practical solutions. Learn how to manage the emotional impact of caregiving in unpredictable and uncertain situations. Empower yourself with knowledge that highlights the importance of caregiver well-being, as equally important as that of those cared for.
These four tips can help caregivers manage the emotional impacts, ups, and downs of caring for a spouse, elderly parents, grandparents, or other loved ones.
1 Reduce worst-case scenario thinking
When caregivers are stressed out, the mind gives life to worst-case disaster scenarios or does what is called catastrophizing. Catastrophizing to protect oneself is part of human survival and instinct that can be built upon an individual’s previous experiences.
Worst-case scenario thinking is associated with caregiving because there can be a lot of uncertainty about what will happen next when it comes to a health diagnosis, a medical emergency, or the time required to care for an elderly parent, spouse, or other family member.
It is all the uncertainty that is difficult. One thing can depend on the next, and the next. When will it happen, and what will the effects be?
Feeling trapped caring for a sick loved one can be associated with caregiver guilt and longing for a release from care responsibilities.
Find ways around worst-case scenario thinking by learning new ways to think. Create a new mental process to reduce worst-case scenario thinking by researching information and seeking out the facts so that you have a basis for positive action.
2 Stay in the moment
One of the first steps to reduce worst-case scenario thinking is to stay in the moment to deal with a stressful event. Emotional support tips for caregivers include asking:
- What needs to be done at this moment?
- Is it a decision required right now?
- Can I delay a response for 24 to 48 hours?
- What are the alternatives and options?
Take a moment to let the surprising or unexpected event settle in. Realize that the emotional impact of an event can last from minutes to hours.
When caregivers relive an unpleasant emotional event, repeated thoughts and feelings can make the event traumatic, translating to caregiver PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Reliving traumatic events can make it more difficult for caregivers to cope with and positively respond to day-to-day events that may be stressful.
Emotional support for caregivers can focus on breaking story patterns to avoid reliving events.
Caregivers can say, “No, I’m not going to relive that. A bad thing happened. I choose not to let the emotions around this event control my thinking or my life.”
When caregivers find it challenging to manage their emotions, an emotional breakdown can occur. There can be times when caregivers lose their patience and say what they think, even though they know they should not.
These instances can make it more difficult for others to want to interact with the caregiver who may lack emotional control. Repeated emotional outbursts by a caregiver can place an elderly parent in a position of being emotionally abused and, in some cases, threatened.
How to Manage the Emotional Impact of Being a Caregiver
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Pamela’s YouTube Channel3 Calm heightened emotions
A frantic, frazzled, spinning mind that cannot refocus cannot create a calm situation to support problem-solving. Stress may be self-imposed by worrisome thoughts or brought on by outside and unpredictable circumstances.
By creating a process to calm down in the midst of chaos or emotional upset, caregivers can focus on a best-case scenario to determine the next steps to take.
Calming down might look like:
- Taking a minute or several to find a quiet place to sit alone and lose your eyes
- Listening to favorite music to distract and slow down the mind
- Walking, running, or doing physical activity until the point of exhaustion or calm, such that the mind stops circling in emotional distress
Rank problems causing emotional distress
Once the pattern of frenetic thinking has calmed, write down on a piece of paper what is upsetting or worrying. Look at the list and rank the problems in order of most upsetting to least upsetting.
Ask yourself what you believe you can or cannot do to solve the problem. Do you have beliefs that prevent you from making progress?
These beliefs can include feeling that you cannot say no, that having your needs met is not important, and that no one else cares as much as you do.
Know that it is okay to realize you are drowning in “too much to do,” “no time for yourself,” “too many expectations and demands from a loved one,” and that you need help to change the situation that is causing ongoing emotional stress.
What has or hasn’t worked?
Consider what you have tried that has or has not worked. What new ideas do you have for a solution?
If you feel you are out of options, you might benefit from discussing the problem with someone else to see how they might handle it. Joining an on-the-ground or online caregiver support group is a great way to receive feedback from caregivers in similar situations about problems and solutions.
Check out the Facebook
online caregiver support group called The Caregiving Trap and request to join.
So, you’ve made a list and ranked the problems causing emotional havoc in your caregiving life. What next? Choose the most pressing problem and decide what you’re willing to do to resolve this problem.
Acting to identify solutions to a pressing problem can help balance emotions around situations caregivers view as threatening, worrisome, or frustrating.
Let’s examine a fairly common family caregiver situation to test out these suggestions.
Mom or Dad falls and breaks a hip
When Mom or Dad falls and breaks a hip, they may go to a nursing home for rehabilitation to return to walking independently, using a walker for balance or support, or using a wheelchair if the ability to walk safely cannot be regained.
The outcome of the rehab will impact where Mom or Dad can live.
For example, if Mom or Dad falls and breaks a hip and returns to being independent, then returning home is the most likely scenario. If Mom or Dad needs a walker and potentially other assistance, maybe the best setting is assisted living.
If Mom or Dad needs a wheelchair and substantial physical and hands-on assistance, then the best option may be to reside in a nursing home.
So, how do you work through the emotional uncertainty you might be feeling about the hip fracture and what happens next?
4 Release Habits and Beliefs That No Longer Serve
Through all of the ups and downs, unexpected, and unpredictable events, emotional support for caregivers tip four is to release what no longer serves you. This means releasing behavior patterns from the past and creating new positive behaviors.
Behavior patterns to release include:
- Lacking emotional control
- Jumping to conclusions without having all the facts
- Being the caregiver who must do everything
- Arguing with siblings over the care of elderly parents
- Disagreeing with parents who appear stubborn and refuse to listen
- Being an overcontrolling caregiver who drives off potentially helpful family members because they don’t want the conflict or drama involved in interacting with you
Related to the hip fracture scenario, If your emotions are all over the place, you might be catastrophizing and thinking that Mom or Dad won’t recover. They may not be able to live at home, and you might worry about who will take care of them and how they’ll pay for care.
Write down all your concerns to see if they are accurate. Then consider and investigate what steps you can take. For example,
- Meet with the rehab staff and your parent to ask what is required for physical therapy for your parent to recover and live independently. Is there a timeline you can set with the rehab nursing home to evaluate Mom or Dad’s progress so that you can confirm what the next step might be?
- Discuss scenarios and options with mom and dad, especially if they can’t return home, and involve them in exploring care options. The process of gathering information and facts can become a calming factor in an out-of-control situation.
Identifying options and writing down potential solutions can make a difference in regulating emotional responses to unpredictable situations.
Know that working harder, doing more, and ignoring the root problem specific to a loved one’s care can lead to caregiver avoidance, emotional overwhelm, and anxiety. Maybe instead, you need to do less and let others do more.
So if you’re feeling anxious and emotionally upset, consider these steps. Additionally, find a person, a confidant, someone who knows you and whom you trust. Someone who will encourage you when you need a boost or give you a hard dose of reality when you might be swimming in denial or procrastination.
Caregiving isn’t easy. Managing emotions associated with caregiving is critical if you want to maintain your health and your emotional well-being.
It’s okay to set boundaries. As the caregiver, don’t put yourself at the bottom of the list. It’s important not to overlook the reality that you, your health, and your needs matter as much as the person you care for.
Looking For Help Caring for Elderly Parents? Find the Information, Including Step-by-Step Processes, in Pamela’s Online Program.
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