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Dos and Don'ts For Dateable Divas
Barbara Morris - Pharmacist - Writer - Aging Issues Barbara Morris - Pharmacist - Writer - Aging Issues
Escondido, CA
Sunday, May 17, 2020

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Several years ago the Dr. Phil show aired a story about a 70-year old woman who had an online romance with a man she never met.  Over time she had given him more than $200,000 to facilitate a meeting which was never to happen. Here are links to snippets of the two-part show:  http://drphil.com/shows/show/2405/ and http://drphil.com/shows/show/2406/


I found the show profoundly disturbing. The woman, Kaye, behaved belligerently to put it mildly. After Dr. Phil exposed her "boyfriend"  as a scam, her negative reaction and rejection of Dr. Phil's exposure would have made it easy to say "She got what she deserved".


Not so fast. Beneath the nasty behavior was a woman dealing with deep emotional pain, gut-wrenching loneliness, and desperation. It was not easy to watch. She was so hungry for love that she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with her daughters (who knew she was being scammed) and throw away thousands of dollars just to be told: "I love you." That's sad. No, it's beyond sad. It's tragic. Unfortunately, more than a few older women eager for love fall prey to scammers as did Kaye.


I know how difficult it is for older women to meet suitable men their age. While working as a pharmacist, patients told me everything about their lives and I got an earful about senior widowhood and loneliness, competition for available men, lack of money, and generally, the trials and tribulations of senior dating. I was married at the time but it was an education that prepared me for my future.


The reality is that men just don't last as long as women, mentally or physically. It's not that they can't -- they don't last because not only do they not get adequate medical care,  (yes, they may need hormone replacement as women do that most medical doctors won't consider)  they are victims of our culture that encourages them to retire at a ridiculously young age and to prefer the prevailing leisure-oriented senior mindset and lifestyle.


The retired culture promotes and supports our human frailty that prefers leisure over effort. After all, that's what retirement is about -- shifting brain and body into low gear and kicking back and just enjoying life. Nothing wrong with that but it's an uninformed choice many retirees belatedly learn, especially those who left powerful executive type jobs.


Older women are smarter about how to keep their mental and physical competencies and many stay amazingly youthful regardless of how old they get. However, when a vital woman becomes a widow at an advanced age and is looking for someone to love, she is in for a surprise in more ways than she ever imagined.


More than a few same-age men, and even men many years younger than she,  are already "over the hill" in one way or another. Younger men who would match her mentally and physically are looking for a woman chronologically younger than themselves. "Age is everything" is their mantra. No, age is not everything. At an advanced age, a woman's age can be meaningless. The acid test is whether or not she still "got it goin' on".


A woman in her forties has a great opportunity to keep many of her most valuable youthful attributes. Diet, exercise, mindset, and lifestyle are fundamental to how she will look and feel later on. Because the body prefers ease over effort  It's not easy to accomplish but determined women do it.  If she is healthy and vital, she won't be in a state of desperation and eventually, she will meet a mature younger man who is a match for her.


Regardless of age, improvement in health and lifestyle is always possible. Youthful vitality doesn't come with old age. You have to work at keeping what you have, starting as early in life as possible. The payoff can be phenomenal. Later, while peers are "dragging their wagon" you will be enjoying the "good life".


You don't have to settle for less than what you want and deserve. It is essential to always think ahead and live in anticipation of life, not death.  Don't ever think about "how many years do I have left" or "I'm too old to do this or that".  You are not God so don't try to anticipate what He has in store for you. Believe you have a limitless opportunity to accomplish as much as you put your mind to, including finding the last and possibly, the best love of your life.


May 2020

© Barbara Morris


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