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Don’t Defeat Yourself!
Frank DiBartolomeo --  Presentation Coach For Technical Professionals Frank DiBartolomeo -- Presentation Coach For Technical Professionals
For Immediate Release:
Dateline: Centreville, VA
Sunday, June 12, 2022


“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

— Dale Carnegie

If you have read enough self-development books, you will know the vast number of limitations on your success come from within you.

Earl Nightingale once said, “We build the “prisons” that hold us from achieving success. But if we have built those prisons, we can also tear them down.”

I have written before about your self-talk. Your subconscious mind will believe anything you tell it. What you tell it will someday come to fruition in your conscious mind and your behavior. Your ability to think positive thoughts directly contributes to your success in life.

Below are three examples of self-talk that build prisons inside you, precluding you from succeeding in your speaking.

“I Have Nothing to Say”

There never was, is not, nor ever shall be a person with your unique experience in life. You have achieved your age by navigating the many challenges in your life. Along the way, you have devised methods to overcome these challenges from which others would benefit.

“I have nothing to say.” Poppycock! It simply is not true. You have a lot to say that can help others.

Start by taking an inventory of your life – the “good, the bad, and the ugly.”

What did you do to get through that divorce, job firing, or losing a child? Although no one has had all of your unique experiences with the challenges in your life, many people have to come to terms with the same challenges you have.

The key is to document what you did to overcome your challenges. Your “tribe” is out there seeking to hear, experience, and implement your response to challenges you have faced.

Although it is nice to be thinking like “Fields of Dreams – Build It, and They Will Come,” you need to take an active role in finding your “tribe” that needs your help. After you have located your “tribe,” the next step is finding the venue and your unique way of imparting your advice.

You have a lot to say. Your next hurdle is changing your mindset from “Why would anyone want to listen to me?” to “What I have to say can help others.”

“Why Would Anyone Want to Listen to Me?”

What would it be if you had to say one speaker trait audiences crave? If you said “authenticity,” you would be correct.

Some speakers mistakenly fill their presentations with the words of others – quotes from famous speakers. These speakers fail to realize the reason people come to hear you speak is to listen and absorb your thoughts, experiences, and advice. So don’t shortchange them. It is permissible to use the quotes of others, but never to the extent where your thoughts, experiences, and advice are hard for your audience to discern.

Relevant stories always resonate with your audience. Your personal, relevant stories are the best.

When you first start speaking, you will have to take a “leap of faith” your presentations will resonate with your audience because you have not “tested” your material and how you deliver it to know if it does or does not resonate with your audience.

If it does, perform a thorough analysis of why it does. Look at your audience’s demographics. Also, dissect their questions to determine what is most important to them. Finally, decide on what points you received the most positive reaction from your audience.

In essence, you are determining your ideal audience member (IAM). You must determine your IAM to know what speaking opportunities are “in your wheelhouse” and those which are not. Speak to audiences comprised of your IAM. Steer away from audiences who are not.

If your audience does not resonate with you and your message, perform a thorough analysis of why it does not. First, look at your audience’s demographics. Then dissect their questions to determine what you missed in your delivery. Finally, choose the points you received the most negative reaction from your audience.

Implementing Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s “Act as If” principle is an excellent action to take. Even though inside you may be thinking, why would anyone want to listen to me, forge ahead, and still speak. Act as if your audience is receptive to what you are delivering.

Although I cannot say with certainty when a baseball player swings at a pitch, they will get a hit, I can say with absolute certainty if the baseball player does not swing, there will be no chance for a hit.

There is magic in action. Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished without action.

Hopefully, you are convinced you have a lot to say and others want to listen to you by now. However, to speak to others, you still must stand in front of an audience and speak.

“I Could Never Speak in Front of People.”

As a long-time Toastmaster, the number one reason people join and regularly attend Toastmasters Club Meetings is to overcome their fear of public speaking.

You may have to speak in front of others as part of your job, or you might have volunteered to chair PTA meetings at your child’s school, or you just plain don’t want to be fearful anymore while speaking in front of others. There are many reasons. The important thing is to find ways to lessen your fear of public speaking.

Notice I said lessen your fear of public speaking. I did not say eliminate it. You do not want to eradicate your fear of public speaking completely. Why?

Fear of public speaking, of course, makes you nervous. But, would you believe me if I said being nervous is a requisite of being an outstanding speaker?

Think about a situation when you are utterly fearless about an activity. How do you act? Maybe you are nonchalant, calm, and not very interesting to others.

A little nervousness when you speak “keeps you on your toes.” It helps to put some “spark” in your presentation. It also expands audience engagement.

The words “I could never . . .” have been used since the dawn of humans to excuse not attempting something. So don’t let it hold your public speaking back.

You DO have a lot to say to others who desperately WANT TO LISTEN to you. You CAN speak in front of others. It just takes practice like learning to ride a bicycle, play the piano, or skydive.

In the words of that wise philosopher from the silver screen Yoda, “There is do or not do. There is no try.”

Be a public speaking doer and reap its advantages!

Call to Action

  • Say, “I have a lot to say to others.” ten times aloud each morning when you wake up, ten times at midday, and ten times before you go to sleep at night.

  • Say, “There are many people who want to listen to what I have to say.” ten times aloud each morning when you wake up, ten times at midday, and ten times before you go to sleep at night.

  • Say, “I prepared and well-practiced to speak in front of others.” ten times aloud each morning when you wake up, ten times at midday, and ten times before you go to sleep at night.

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”

— Henry Ford

Frank DiBartolomeo is a retired U.S. Air Force Lieutenant Colonel and award-winning speaker, presentation and interview skills coach, and Professional Member of the National Speakers Association. He was awarded Toastmasters International’s highest individual award, Distinguished Toastmaster because of his outstanding work in public speaking and leadership.

Frank formed DiBartolomeo Consulting International (DCI), LLC (www.speakleadandsucceed.com) in 2007. The mission of DCI is to help technical professionals to inspire, motivate, and influence their colleagues and other technical professionals through improving their presentation skills, communication, and personal presence. Reach Frank at frank@speakleadandsucceed.com and (703) 509-4424.


Don’t miss Frank DiBartolomeo’s latest book!

“Speak Well and Prosper: Tips, Tools, and Techniques for Better Presentations”

Available now at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Frank DiBartolomeo, Jr.
Title: President
Group: DiBartolomeo Consulting International, LLC
Dateline: Centreville, VA United States
Cell Phone: (703) 509-4424
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