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Dial Down Negativity to Get Most from All Relationships: Dr. Tammi’s Finds From Once Embattled Relationship Expert Couple
From:
Dr. Tammi B. Dr. Tammi B.
Los Angeles , CA
Thursday, May 05, 2016


Negativity Can Damage Relationships, Get Rid of It for Success in Love and Work
 
Video Clip: Click to Watch

When Journey to Center Radio Show host Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D. booked Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, both Ph.D. relationship experts and married for decades, she got an interview filled with wisdom, expected, and filled with solutions based on the troubles within in their own long-term relationship, not expected.  Dr. Tammi, Relationship Expert, Prosperity Coach and author of Manifesting Love From the Inside Out and Manifesting Prosperity From the Inside Out, is well known for bringing out the best in her guests because of her capacity to make them feel comfortable and motivated by her desire to help as many people as possible.  Her interview with Harville and Hunt has been edited into short podcasts and Dr. Tammi offers her own commentary on the subject matter of each podcast below.     

Dr. Hendrix and Hunt, whose latest book is Making Marriage Simple, are well known for a slate of innovative tools to help relationships of all kinds such as IMAGO Therapy or SAFE CONVERSATIONS, the latter which "facilitates connecting and the experience of joyful aliveness.  One of the big aspects of their interview was Negativity, which Dr. Tammi noted afterwards "can show up in many ways in our interactions with others: judgment, anger, frustration, criticism, condescension, passive-aggressiveness, control, manipulation, frowning, eye rolling and more. The key is to PAY ATTENTION. When you start to feel discomfort, or unpleasant emotion bubble up, pay close attention to yourself, then call yourself forward. Rather than relaying energy of unkindness, take a breath, center your awareness in your heart, set your intention to come from acceptance, patience and love."

Dr. Tammi's own knowledge and guidance has helped thousands toward better and more loving relationships, but it is never easy and she emphasizes that "choosing to respond in a kinder, more gentle way is about becoming a more conscious, cognizant, and responsible partner, and a more awake and aware human being. When you actively attempt to be more positive and love-based with your partner, more positivity in the relationship will inevitably follow."

Relationship Experts Had Own Troubles, How Dr. Hendrix & Dr. Hunt Worked It Out to Benefit Others

Remove Negativity from Relationships, A Toxic Element Dr. Hendrix & Dr. Hunt Tell Dr. Tammi B.

The toxic aspect of relationships can't be underestimated, whether it comes from past experiences that bubble-up in current situations, perceived real slights or insults that really aren't there, a desire to have the upper hand in all situations or as a mechanism to keep from having to confront one's own troubles, it can be trouble all the way around. 

In the podcast above, Dr. Hendrix and Dr. Hunt lay that out and Dr. Tammi notes that "the bottom line is we cannot cultivate connection and authentic intimacy, in an environment of judgment and negativity. You can make a vow with your partner to not exchange put downs.  And if one or the other says something that hurts, agree that you will say 'ouch.'  When this happens, rather than defend or explain, ask open ended questions.  An example might include: 'You said ouch, can you tell me why and what is going on for you?' This can create the environment for honest dialogue and heartfelt communication.

"As human beings we tend to feel loved when we are seen, acknowledged and listened to.  When we can learn to communicate in a more present, open, honest and curious and way, this reduces power plays, manipulation and control dramas. It also diminishes hurt, heals pain, dissolves resentment and strengthens connection.?"

Appreciation & Compassion Needed for Healthy Relationships, Dr. Hendrix & Dr. Hunt to Dr. Tammi. B.

Dr. Tammi knows all about Appreciation: "Just like a plant that thrives in the energy of appreciation and love, so do our relationships.  A recent study reveals that only 3 people out of 10 indicate they are in a happy marriage.  The prevalent qualities that are identified in a happy marriage are 1. Feeling safe. 2. Feeling connected. 3. Feeling joyful.                                         

"When we start to see the best in one another and share messages of appreciation, this Improves communication and increases a sense of safety. It also deepens our sense of support, joy and celebration.

"Put downs, criticism and negativity of any kind can fracture the foundation of a relationship. These behaviors create anxiety, dismantle a sense of safety and deplete energy. When unkindness occurs repeatedly, a couple who once shared a great attraction can become adversarial rather than allies; opponents rather than partners; and enemies rather than friends.

"A healthy, happy marriage is about being compassionate partners who are present for each other as they heal the wounds from their pasts. It is not attraction that sustains relationships, but rather the sense of safety, mutual respect, and positive regard. This is turn cultivates empowerment for both parties."

Marriage Empowering for Both Participants, Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt Believe

Dr. Tammi's take on Marriage Empowerment: "We find what we look for. Choosing to see and acknowledge the best in one another brings out the best in one another.  A 'spiraling down' occurs in a relationship with there is an environment of superiority, judgment and/or power plays. These are toxins to relationship. A 'spiraling up' occurs when appreciation is articulated, when patience is present, and when deep listening occurs. Choose to see the best in each other, acknowledge the good, and lift each other up!"

Relationship Appreciation Exercises Bring Mind, Body & Soul Benefits, Makes Both Partners Better

Dr. Tammi on Articulating appreciation can change the eco system of your relationship: "Sharing active appreciation can heal the past and sets the course for a positive, empowered, productive and passionate future.  When partners articulate appreciation, it changes the ecosystem of connection: it clears weeds and plants flowers. Appreciation gives positive energy and new life to a relationship.  When partners give each other energy, they have more energy to do what matters and they experience healthier and happier lives.

"A simple ritual of appreciation, can transform your relationship.  Start or end your day articulating 3 things you appreciate about each other. This can be fun, healing, revelatory, create connection and it contribute to a happy and sustained partnership."

One Partner Can Change Relationship, Final Tips from Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt

Wisdom from Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D. on the last radio show podcast. 

"Connection takes one decision: When we heal we do not heal alone.  Love changes the environment.  When one person sets the intention to be more loving, this creates the space for miracles and can start the process of healing and align body, mind, and soul. 

"The truest purpose for relationship: The truest purpose for relationship is to be present for each other as each heals their past. We all have wounding's and vulnerabilities from our childhood. In unhealthy relationship, the wounding's are reactivated. In a healthy relationship they are healed. What heals our childhood hurts is creating a safe and sacred environment, being present and compassionate for one another, as each person listens and appreciates the other.  This is when relationship can become a sacred experience.

"Research on appreciation indicates both the giver and receiver of reap powerful benefits: Both Appreciation and Negativity affect our physiology and our chemistry.  Negativity and put downs create anxiety. This in turn releases cortisol the 'fear chemical.' Appreciation increases endorphins, and sustained hugs, lasting longer than 60 seconds release oxytocin. Simple acts of appreciation can naturally contribute to longevity and health."  

About Dr. Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D.:

Dr. Tammi Baliszewski holds two Ph.D's.  Her background and degrees are in the fields of psychology, spiritual psychology, hypnotherapy, Holistic Life Counseling, and Metaphysical Science. Dr. Tammi is a bestselling author and has written two critically acclaimed books: Manifesting Love From the Inside Out and Manifesting Prosperity From the Inside Out.  She is also the radio host of "Journey to Center" on Empower Radio where she features authors, teachers, healers, experts, and up-lifters from all over the world. 

She has enjoyed conscious conversations with Dr. Bernie Siegel, Harville Hendricks, Dr. John Gray, Gary Zukav, Dr. Eben Alexander, Mark Nepo, Julie Cameron, Polly Campbell, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Sonia Choquette and hundreds of other "modern day luminaries." Her intention is to give people tips, tools, information, techniques, knowledge, and wisdom so they can manifest more inspired, empowered and fulfilling lives.

For more info go to http://www.tammibphd.com

 

 
Dr. Tammi B.
Los Angeles, CA
310-902-8935