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Daylight Losing Time edition - Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies
Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker Dale Irvin -- Very Funny Speaker
Chicago, IL
Friday, November 5, 2021


Hopefully you made it through Halloween with no tricks and all treats. Halloween is over now so please take down your decorations. It's time for the Christmas lights. America loves the holidays and this month is filled with them. We're familiar with Veterans Day on the 11th, Thanksgiving on the 25th, and Black Friday on the 26th, but are you familiar with the other holidays in November? Nov. 14th is National Pickle Day, and the 15th is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day…to make room for all of the pickles you bought the day before.

    November 19th presents us with two holidays. It is the celebration of World Toilet Day although I have no idea how to celebrate it. The 19th is also designated as International Mens Day and when combined with Toilet Day it means that in the toilet, the lid will stay up all day. And I'm going to put cigarette butts in there for targets. I don't smoke but I saw a bunch outside the door at the local bar. So while I go put butts in a Baggie, enjoy the Friday Funnies.


    QAnon is the right wing extremest organization known for believing in really stupid crap. This week they outdid themselves on Tuesday when hundreds of QHeads showed up in Dallas expecting to see both John F. Kennedy and his son John Jr, both of whom are currently deceased. 

    They waited on Dealy Plaza but to their disappointment, neither of the men appeared. Then, a spokesman for Q said that the Kennedys would both be at the Rolling Stones concert that evening in Dallas. When Mick Jagger heard this news he said, "No bloody way. If anybody's coming back here, it's gonna be Charlie Watts.


    There was a march in Los Angeles last week to draw attention to men with teeny wienies. It was called the "Small Dong March" and hopes to end the so called "shame" associated with having a diminutive dingle. The men marched through the streets of L.A. holding signs reading "All Dongs Are Created Equal" and "All Dongs Go To Heaven." The best one read "My Dong Is Not A Choking Hazard."

    After the march, the men returned to their oversized monster trucks and went home. It wasn't really a big deal.


    Funnies fan Ed Garrison alerted me to this story which has several angles. First, it has a sports angle in that it involves former Alabama special teams coach Jeff Banks. Then it has the sex angle because Jeff is married to a stripper who goes by Pole Assassin and even appeared on the Jerry Springer Show. The story has the animal angle because Pole Assassin works with a monkey. And it has the crime angle because at a Halloween party the couple hosted, the monkey bit a child. It turns out that the monkey was vaccinated and the child is OK, but I think the key point in this story is that Pole Assassin is a great name for a stripper.


As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting - especially the virtual ones we all have now.

I listen to the entire meeting and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience on what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue.

What I did with this week's news I can do for your meeting.

News Media Interview Contact
Name: Dale Irvin
Title: Professional Summarizer
Dateline: Downers Grove, IL United States
Direct Phone: 630-235-2038
Cell Phone: 630-235-2038
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