Caregivers, how do you stop missing out on life’s opportunities when care responsibilities feel overwhelming and daily tasks consume your time? Many situations can lead to feeling like life is passing you by if you don’t own the day.
Let’s look at scenarios faced by caregivers and persons with health issues that contribute to stress levels and the inability to plan for the future. For caregivers with so much to do—including dealing with family members who don’t help or loved ones who need care and may not always be in the best mood—being responsible for daily activities and tasks while maintaining a positive outlook can feel like a struggle.
People with health issues may view mornings as their least favorite time of day if getting out of bed or ready for the day requires a lot of effort. If this is the case, you are a caregiver for yourself.
Caregiving is hard work and can feel like a heavy burden. People on the outside—who are not caregivers—tell you that caregiving is “your duty, your responsibility, it’s an honor, or that caring for a loved one is nothing you should complain about.”
These advice-givers lack an understanding of the day-to-day emotional and physical stress that caregivers or persons with health problems experience. As a caregiver missing out, you may feel you don’t have time or patience for people who don’t understand.
Every Caregiver Story Has Two Sides and Even More Complications
As always, every caregiver story has two sides, plus added complications that make every situation different. This is illustrated in the many comments and opinions expressed on Pamela’s YouTube Channel.
There are lovely family relationships where everyone contributes to caring for loved ones. In these situations, there may be more than enough money to pay for medical and other care. These families may worry less and have fewer disagreements.
In other families, where relationships are strained, there may be a lot of conflict or drama. In addition to difficult family relationships, financial worries associated with paying a monthly mortgage or rent, buying groceries, paying for prescriptions, or co-pays for medical care can also be present.
With the rising cost of healthcare, concerns exist about being able to pay a $25 or $50 co-pay to see a doctor. In many circumstances, caregivers do not seek medical care or delay it due to the cost or having to take time off work to see a doctor.
Paying for daily necessities like food, electricity, or transportation takes priority—even when someone may not feel their best. Family caregivers who neglect their health eventually have more health problems than the persons they care for. Unfortunately, caregivers missing out on medical care eventually pay with their health and well-being.
People struggling to meet basic needs who operate with high levels of daily stress may not even realize they are missing out because their sole focus is daily survival. Their daily routine is just what they must do.
Caregivers Do Their Best
There are also situations where siblings or adult children will not or cannot help. Single individuals with health problems may be their own caregivers with no one else they can rely on.
So, everyone does their best. The definition of doing one’s best can relate to past circumstances. For example, a caregiver quit a full-time job to work part-time and missed out on a promotion or a raise.
Instead the caregiver did their best at the time in making a decision to care for elderly parents or loved ones. Many decisions are made with the information available at the time that can change as time passes.
Even though changing this aspect of a job might have seemed the right thing to do at the time, this doesn’t mean there aren’t regrets about what a future job, career, or income might have become.
A spouse who retires early to care for a sick spouse can be focusing on the loss of work relationships, declining self-esteem, a limited income, rising medical expenses, and loss of a romantic spousal relationship.
Caregivers missing out often look back 5, 10, or 15 years and realize that the things they gave up are significant. Restarting a career may mean learning new skills and starting at the bottom in an entry-level position. For others, starting a family may be impossible due to the years that have passed.
There are opportunities that are difficult to regain when large amounts of time have passed.
Identifying Losses and Limitations
Persons trying to do their best can become self-critical and lose self-compassion, especially if they feel criticized or judged by others. Low self-esteem, low self-compassion, and the isolation and loneliness that result from being a caregiver or a person with health issues result in feelings of missing out.
So, how is it possible to stop missing out?
1 One of the first actions is acknowledging losses and limitations
A loss and a limitation might be a health problem that worsens, meaning that a person can no longer do activities they enjoy, like playing 18 holes of golf. A loss might be a caregiver who changes aspects of a job or a parent who can no longer coach their child’s football team because time caring for an aging parent now fills this time slot.
Limited time, limited physical or mental abilities, and health limitations can result in feelings of missing out.
2 Eliminate negative self-talk
A trap that caregivers and people with health problems can fall into is the belief that one loss leads to another. This means that thoughts or a mindset, focuses on avoiding more losses instead of focusing on options, opportunities, gains, or wins.
Caregivers who lack self-compassion may be harder on themselves than necessary by engaging in negative self-talk. Self-talk like, “I’m no good, I can’t do anything right,” can lead to more feelings of missing out, self-isolation, or depression.
Limiting contact with family members or friends for fear of criticism or disappointment can result in further isolation. In the bigger picture of life, everyone has limiting factors around things that might be changed.
3 Set personal boundaries
It’s also important to set limits, also called personal boundaries—so that caregivers feel comfortable saying no to increasing levels of responsibility or more requests for their time. It’s like saying, “I want less of this—so no thank you— because I want more of this.”
Along these lines is the idea of setting reverse boundaries. A reverse boundary relates to self-discipline to set and achieve goals. For example, I will exercise three times this week, maintain a positive mindset, do more of what I want, and be kind to everyone who crosses my path.
4 Know who you are and what you want
So, what opportunities exist for caregivers missing out on life? Start by defining who you are and what you want.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” because you feel like you have lost your identity as a husband or wife or given up a much-loved career role, change your story.
Start a daily journal about who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to live your life. Look for potential role models in people who are doing or have done what you want to do.
You can’t get there if you don’t know who you are or who you want to be. Create a dream and surround it with practical steps.
As Above So Below
The saying “as above, so below” from the
Emerald Tablet can be interpreted in many ways. For example, it can mean that thought, energy, and matter are connected. Thoughts create reality.
Are you opportunity open-door focused or avoidant and closed-door focused?
If you believe thoughts create reality, how might you change your thinking and actions to bring more hope into a life where feelings of missing out may be overwhelming?
Another way to avoid feeling like you’re missing out is to spend time with a good friend or join a group of people exploring similar goals and opportunities.
Finding commonality with others can inspire you to consider options and possibilities. There’s no reason to continue to stop missing out.
Make Time to Think
As above, so below thinking can lead to a bigger perspective. A necessity to embrace a bigger perspective is making time for thought.
As previously mentioned, when individuals are so focused on survival, they can have little or no mental energy left for anything else. Exhausted caregivers fall into bed at night. People with health issues may focus on the next doctor appointment or treatment.
The result is that instead of thinking about options and possibilities, the focus is on limiting losses, judging situations, or saying no to potentially amazing opportunities. Focusing on losses can eliminate hope and joy.
Strong Emotions Can Be Self-Limiting for Caregivers Missing Out
Being a caregiver or a person dealing with health problems who experiences stress or constantly recalls trauma can result in emotional distress. The ability to manage emotions can be self-limiting and create more feelings of missing out.
You can limit your ability to enjoy life if you are highly opinionated or have very strong emotional reactions to other people or information. Strong emotional reactions can result in an inability or interference in completing daily activities.
Up and down emotions can also result in mental distraction, inability to focus, and difficulty managing relationships with other people. Caregivers missing out may miss close relationships, yet their actions can have the opposite effect.
People with strong emotional reactions may drive people out of their lives instead of bringing people into their lives. Caregivers drive people away through controlling or reactive behaviors.
Reacting strongly to others can lead to feeling left out or that life is passing. Seeing life from a narrow viewpoint does not create room for creating relationships with others who think differently.
Any bias or judgment based on personal experience can have similar results.
Create a Path to Embrace Life
The perfect friend may be waiting for you but dresses differently than you, with an appearance or confidence level you may find intimidating. You are offered an amazing opportunity, but you pass it up because it seems like a lot of work or the time isn’t right.
Caregivers who are missing out must realize that taking action is up to them. Is there an interest in opening doors and walking through or slamming doors shut to isolate oneself from good things?
How do caregivers create a path to stop feelings of missing out on life?
As you spend time taking loved ones to doctor appointments, picking up medications, preparing meals, helping with bathing and other personal care tasks, cleaning the house, doing laundry, changing bedding, taking blood pressure, helping with blood sugar readings and insulin injections, begin thinking about yourself, who you are, and what you want for your life.
Own The Day
These thoughts are not selfish. These thoughts are necessary to begin owning your day.
Owning your day means doing something every day and scheduling time for yourself to avoid missing out on life by focusing on options, opportunities, and a bigger perspective. Replace thoughts of watching others live by planning and deciding how you will live your life.
While there may seem to be too many limitations, what excuses are you making for not finding solutions or agreeing to move ahead with your life? Are you afraid of failure or judgment from others?
Are you unsure of how to do what you want? Help exists for those who want to help themselves. Angels will appear at the right time in your life if you look and are open to meeting and talking with people with different experiences.
But first, you must believe you can start living life. You must create a plan with concrete steps A, B, and C.
Be curious enough to investigate options and opportunities with the help of people who might know more than you right now. With the help of people who have done what you want to do or who have experienced what you are experiencing.
The future awaits you if you are willing to take the next step and walk through the door.
Looking For Help Caring for Elderly Parents? Find the Information, Including Step-by-Step Processes, in Pamela’s Online Program.
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