Episode 038 – Caroline de Posada
[00:00:08] Welcome to Screw the Commute. The entrepreneurial podcast dedicated to getting you out of the car and into the money, with your host, lifelong entrepreneur and multimillionaire, Tom Antion.

[00:00:25] Hey Everybody it's Tom here with episode thirty eight. I've got Caroline De Posada here. I've known her since I don't know she was in diapers. I mean I might even changed one one time I don't know maybe she remembers. I love her. I love her dad. And you're going to hear about them shortly. I hope you didn't miss Episode 37 when I talked about recruiting geeks and having these young people around over many years has been a large part of my success. So I told you how and where to recruit them how to manage them how to pay them and don't miss that episode 37.

[00:01:08] All right. Today's sponsor is amazingpublicspeaking.com. This is a membership site with over 475 pro and public speaking training videos plus audios and articles. We also have a corresponding complimentary webinar that has 30 speaking tips in thirty seven point six two five minutes. It's actually a little bit longer. We have a link to that in the show notes at Screwthecommute.com.

[00:01:35] All right let's get to the main event. Caroline de Posada is an attorney speaker writer wife and mom to three boys Caroline practices law at the public defender's office. Until her first son was born. She's then created several businesses giving her flexibility to raise her children. Caroline inspires parents to be there even when they're not there. Caroline are you ready to screw. The commute. I don't want Mr. Rodriguez coming after me. You got three boys already. You should be done with that. So tell everybody about what you do.

[00:02:20] Before I tell you Tom I don't know if you can hear in the background but there is a major thunderstorm going on here in Miami and I have to tell you I speak on how to be there even when you're not and that includes talking about my dad who passed away a couple of years ago and I have this joke that I'm not a joke.

[00:02:37] Maybe he's sending us a message.

[00:02:39] Well that's what I'm going to tell you. I have his way of communicating to my children that he's with us because he died during a thunderstorm. And every time there's thunder I tell my children go say hi to papa. So I think now he's just making his presence and letting you know Tom that he's around.

[00:02:55] Yeah he's saying hi to me which I haven't talked to him for a long time. So yes that's great yeah. So so so forgive the noise but that's just my dad hanging out.

[00:03:05] All right. That's good. So tell us what you do.

[00:03:09] Ok so. Well right now I have dedicated my last couple of years to speaking and writing about how to be there even when you're not. And that's a topic on building relationships with your kids and it could apply to anyone. It could apply in business but really it's based from the relationship that I had with my father because he was traveling the world. He was a motivational speaker. He was writing books and he was divorced from my mom since the age of two. And he managed to stay extremely present in my life throughout my whole entire life. And I talk about how you can do that even though you are. Pursuing your passions and following your dreams and working.

[00:03:50] So he got married at two years old that's pretty good.

[00:03:54] He got divorced when I was two.

[00:03:58] So who are you living with.

[00:04:00] I was living with my mom.

[00:04:01] Living with your mom and your dad kept in touch with you.

[00:04:04] He did. He was all over the place. He was probably on a plane 80 percent of the time in a different country or state and I didn't get to see him face to face very often. But I spoke to him every day of my life until he died.

[00:04:20] Oh my goodness that is wonderful. And he was bilingual. Right. So he was in lots of Latin countries.

[00:04:30] Yeah he was. He was bilingual so he used to he used to give speeches and do consulting in Spanish and English as am I. And he was all over the place. You never knew you know one day he'd been Peru and the next day he'd be in Saudi Arabia.

[00:04:44] So tell us how what he did it shaped your life now.

[00:04:50] Oh jesus how much time do you have. Everything he stands for all the principles he taught all his principles of success. Everything he did in his work world. I always laugh because I say if people knew how much he walked his talk. They would really follow his principles because everything that he did he applied in his personal life as well. Specifically with me. He really taught me how to delay gratification how to be a leader how to follow my dreams. And I think that that has been an impetus for the kind of life and businesses that I've had since I've been in my adulthood.

[00:05:33] Now he Brought to Light and kind of made famous a principal. Tell us about that.

[00:05:37] He brought to light a study called the marshmallow study.

[00:05:45] A lot of people are yapping about this now. He's the one that brought it made it world famous.

[00:05:50] Oh yeah you did. It's a study by Walter Mischel. It was done in Stanford University they grab some foreign 5 year olds and they basically said Johnny I'm going to sit you here by yourself and I'm going to give you a marshmallow in 15 minutes I'm going to come back if you've eaten the marshmallow nothing will happen. You go home. But if you have not eaten the marshmallow I'm going to give you two.

[00:06:17] That is basically the study. They left the room. Two out of three immediately ate the marshmallow. Some kids waited one minute some waited five minutes some waited 14 and a half minutes. But two out of three ate the marshmallow. Fifteen years later they did a follow up study. One hundred percent of the kids that did not eat the marshmallow were successful. They were doing well in school. They had good relationships. They were financially stable. They were just doing well. Almost all of the kids that ate the marshmallow were in trouble. Drugs addiction drop out of school low paying jobs things like that. What they discovered was that. Delayed gratification is one of the highest indicators of success even above your S.A.T. score or your IQ score.

[00:07:14] Amazing. That's very amazing. Your Dad's the one that took that and ran with it all over the world.

[00:07:21] So my father was on a plane going from San Juan Puerto Rico to New York City and he was reading a book by Daniel Goldman called emotional intelligence. And buried in that book in one page they alluded to the marshmallow study. And when he got off the plane the first person he called was me and he said Caroline I've read this study. This is fascinating. I can't believe there's only one paragraph in this book about it. I better write a book about this and he said I want to call it don't eat the marshmallow yet. And I said well you'd better do it. And I started hounding him from that point forward and he ended up writing the book.

[00:08:15] I was probably about 15 or 16 years old. And I said you know that's when the process started and they said yes write a book about it. And he did. And now it has been published in 29 languages he spoke at TED. And it sold over 4 million copies. So that has been an incredible journey and it all started from one idea that he had on a plane ride where he had the idea and he executed on it.

[00:08:50] That's great. Now you have done the same thing and now you're doing great stuff but you had to delay the gratification of being your own boss to go be a lawyer and suffer through that.

[00:09:05] Well I'm going to I'm going to be completely honest with you. This has something to do with gender bias. When I was a little girl and I was growing up I looked at my father and I thought wow I would love to have his career but I can't do that because I want to have a family. And I thought you just cannot have both. You can't.

[00:09:26] He was telling you this. this was what the world was kind of pushing on you.

[00:09:31] Yeah. And my father was out all over the world. But guess who was home with me my mom. So I thought well I'm the mom. It's just a shame that I was born a female. But if I was you know I was a man I'd be a want to be this motivational speaker and do what my dad does. But I'm a girl and I want to have kids and I want to have a husband and a family.

[00:09:49] And you know my father was an excellent father but he wasn't the ideal for a family man. Wasn't married and didn't have that traditional role that I was looking for and I said you know I can't do this. So what did I do. I looked for a profession that would be high paying stable. And let me be home with my kids which I thought at the time was becoming a lawyer and that's what I did. I became a lawyer.

[00:10:17] Yep that's for sure. How long did you practice.

[00:10:21] Well I've been practicing now for about 15 years but Or maybe a little less. But anyway it's 10 to 15 years I can't remember now how how long ago. But I did I only I. As soon as I graduated from law school I went directly into the public defender's office. And I did that with a specific purpose. I wanted to try cases and I knew that the only place where they would allow me to try a case and give me that deference was in the public defender's office. So I took low pay for lots of experience and that's what I did. But then the craziest thing happened Tom. I had children.

[00:11:02] Oh my goodness how does that happen. it's just divine intervention.

[00:11:06] Yes. I was married. I was pregnant with my first child. And I was practicing at the public defender's office and it never dawned on me that I would do anything else people would ask me Well what are you going to do when the baby's born. And I said I'm going to go back to work. So it was I didn't think anything of it. And then the child was born and it was like a light switch went off in my head and I made a decision and that decision was I am not going to be away from my child under any circumstances. And what's interesting is that the profession that I went into so that I could be home with my children was exactly the profession that was keeping me from my children.

[00:11:47] At that moment because I had to go to work from 9 to 5 right. I had to be away. I was under somebody else's rules. So at that time I had my best friend from law school. He called me up one day and he had just opened up his own shop and he said listen Caroline you have to come help me I'm drowning over here. You know I'm not making any money I don't know what I'm doing. I just started this practice but I can assure you one thing you're going to make at least as much as you're making at the public defender's office if you come work with me and you're going to work half the hours and then that's what I did. I left the public defender's office and I said OK I'm going to jump ship and I'm going to go work with my with my friend and see what I can do.

[00:12:33] So you still hasn't decided to jump ship Totally and going to be a speaker yet.

[00:12:39] Oh I didn't decide that until two years ago.

[00:12:41] Wow. So you just started screw the commute.

[00:12:46] I screwed the commute 10 years ago and I'll tell you why Tom, because what ended up happening when I decided to leave the public defender's office was that I became a quote unquote stay at home mom that makes money.

[00:12:58] Oh OK good. That's perfect.

[00:13:01] Yeah. So I went into my friend's law firm and I looked around and he said I'm drowning I need help I need you to practice law here. And what I discovered was that the only reason he was drowning wasn't because he didn't have clients and it wasn't because he didn't have enough work it was because he wasn't billing them because he was so busy practicing law.

[00:13:20] So I said Matt you don't need a lawyer here what you need is a bookkeeper. You need somebody to send bills out and you know what there's this new system called QuickBooks Online. And I can bill people from home. So I turned in my lawyer hat and I started bookkeeping from my house. I have an accounting degree and I said I'm going to put that accounting degree to use. And I would be with my kid all day long.

[00:13:49] And when he'd go to sleep and the two hour naps that he take I would bill clients for my friend and my friend started making money and all of a sudden he said well this is fabulous and he started sending me money. And before I knew it he started recommending me to people and I developed this tiny niche of doing bookkeeping for solo practitioners. So people would say to me you know my cousins would call me and say well you know what are you doing and I said I'm at my Easter egg hunt with my kid. And they say well I want to be like you when you grow up and I said Well then stop being a lawyer and go be a bookkeeper. And that's what I did for a little bit of time.

[00:14:31] All right so then How did you get into speaking. What prompted that.

[00:14:36] The bookkeeping lasted a short while until I got a little anty and I actually wanted to practice law again and I wanted to make a little more money and I did very well for myself I match my salary at the Public Defender's Office just with a part time bookkeeping. But I wanted to move out to do more. My kids were little grown and I really wanted to practice law so I transitioned and I went back into practicing law. I establish a pretty successful condominium law practice that I ran for a few years. And what happened Tom was that my father became very ill in the last couple of years. Right. So in about in 2014 my father became so ill that I really had to make a decision whether I was going to grow my law practice or take care of him. And I chose to take care of him and kept my practice going. I had my employees and I had my partner was still working with me but I was really taking care of him at the time. And when he died it just dawned on me that I was that law was my career. But it wasn't my calling and I had this very very deep sense of necessity to follow my dad's footsteps to carry the legacy and to share with people how they can improve their relationships and that's really what prompted me to go into the speaking world.

[00:16:06] Kind of when we reconnected to about that time I remember you taking care of your dad. What a daughter. I mean just angel. So yeah I kind of remember going through that. Then I started helping you. When I started get back in touch with you. What would you say to anybody else that is out there thinking you know what I got bigger things in life I want to do rather than sit in a cubicle the rest of my life. What are some things advice you would give them.

[00:16:43] I would tell them to go for it. My husband was hated being a lawyer. He's also a lawyer and he hated being a lawyer and for years and years and years. And one day he came home and he was working for someone and he said you know what I want to start my own business. And he wants to start his own law firm. I want to go out on my own. And all this time we thought he hated being a lawyer and he didn't hate being a lawyer or what he hated was working for someone else. So now he runs his own law firm and works his own hours that does things on his own terms and he has quadrupled his income. I have done the same in a different line of work. I've actually changed careers and I've decided to do speaking and writing. But I've done so because I know that I have to follow my passion.

[00:17:36] So here's the thing when you're starting a new business you have to be cautious right because you don't want to. You don't want to jump and hope that the net catches you needed to be smart. So the things that I would say is you need to look at where you can get streams of income from you need to look at your at the surrounding factors. Are you married. Do you have support from your spouse from a financial aspect. What are the things that you could do so that you don't starve to death while you're trying to open up your business because it does take a little bit of time to launch and it does take some time and some effort. So you have to look at all the factors and you've got to prepare yourself to put yourself in the position that would allow you to do whatever it is that you want to do and start that business that you want to start. Maybe it means that for a year you have to save all your money. Maybe it means that you've got to move to a less expensive home. Maybe it means that you have to consolidate and with your partner and readjust your finances. There's many things you can do and you can look for different streams of income to support you. But there's only one thing you can do is just settle. You'll regret that forever.

[00:18:53] One of the things that I learned early on was keep my overhead low and my husband did it when he went out on his own and I've done it. We keep our overhead low. We try to spend as little money as possible so that in the beginning when we're struggling and trying to make it. We can bring in enough income to feed our family and the rest takes care of itself.

[00:19:15] Wow. Just think what you feel like now if you hadn't taken care of your dad when he really needed you.

[00:19:20] Oh I would have regretted that for the rest of my life. One of the most rewarding experiences that I have had is that I can honestly say I never left his side while he was sick.

[00:19:33] And you didn't have either of you were there. I remember. What was the schedule like for you at that time.

[00:19:44] Well at that time it was a very difficult time I had. I would spend all day at the hospital. Luckily we have this thing called the Internet. I could connect from the hospital Wi-Fi. I would bring my laptop and I would work all day from the hospital as a regular workday. Then I would go pick up my children. I would take them home. I would bathe them. I would read them bedtime stories I'd feed them I'd lay with them. And once they were asleep I would get back in my car and I'd go and I'd sleep at the hospital with my dad.

[00:20:18] What an angel. what a schedule.

[00:20:22] Well I think the angel here really is my husband who didn't divorce me.

[00:20:28] So anything funny or bizarre happened during this time or any time in business.

[00:20:36] So I have to tell you the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. It happened to me but it wasn't about me. So we were writing a book. This was before my dad got very ill. My father and I had decided to write a book together about our relationship. And I was still practicing law full time but this was something I was kind of doing on the side at nights and on weekends with my dad and we had an editor. So one day we schedule a Skype call and I'm in my house. My father is in his house and the editor is in his house and we scheduled his group Skype calls so that we can discuss the book. And we're talking over you know over the Skype and we're looking at each other and all of a sudden my dad says oh you know what I have. We start talking about some concept. I think it was his Franklin Covey planner. I'm not sure what it is and he says oh I've got my Franklin covey planners right here. Let me show you. And he stands up to turn around and grab the Franklin Covey planner. And he was in his tidy whiteys. And our editor was saying Oh Joachim, make it stop. Yeah and you know how you say oh you know screw the commute you could be working and making money in your underwear. But that literally happened to my father. He was working in his underwear and he forgot.

[00:22:27] I don't think we mentioned his name. Joachim de Posada.

[00:22:32] So you've ever been screwed over in business.

[00:22:38] Well screwed over is a harsh word. I've been very I've been very careful as to who I work with. So I was partners with this one person who I've been with forever and we've had real estate companies together we've built our law firm together. We've just exchanged hundreds of thousands of dollars in between each other and we have never once had a problem.

[00:23:15] But the one thing that the one problem I did encounter was when my father was sick I had a person I was working with and I had given him partnership status in the firm because I had already decided that I could not do the work I had to be home with my father so I had given him a lot of leeway and incentives in order for him to take over the firm And three weeks before my dad died. He quit he left and he left me by myself with all this work. All these clients and I was devastated and I didn't know what I was going to do. So it was at that time that this person that I told you that has been my partner forever and ever. I called him and I told him Listen I'm in trouble I've got you know my father sick I've got all this stuff and this guy has just quit on me from one day to the next.

[00:24:15] And that partner of mine every day for about two or three weeks would leave his office and come to the hospital and work with me at night so that my business wouldn't fall apart while my dad was in the hospital. So I was screwed over in the sense that an employee that I needed desperately. Left me high and dry. Even though I begged him to stay at that time. But it was compensated by the amazing relationships that I have. Which which is why I always promote the relationships come first because the relationships with the people you work with and the people that you have in your life is what carries you through when you're in trouble. As you know Tom.

[00:24:58] That's for sure. So what do you like the best about working for yourself. What's the worst thing.

[00:25:05] The best thing about working for myself is the flexibility.

[00:25:09] Half the time I call you you're picking the kids up from school or you're doing this or that.

[00:25:15] That's right. I control my life. If I want to make more money and I want to travel more and I want to do more I have control over that. If I decide that I want to spend more time with my kids because it's summer and I know that I'm going to make a little less money this summer but I'm going to spend more time with my kids. I control that I make those decisions and it's not based on somebody else's terms. And I think that that for me has been the key in my work and I see it in my husband too. My husband works like crazy but he can pick up his kids at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and take them to play golf if he wants to. You know he can take vacations he has the flexibility to do things on his own terms and that has allowed us to have the kind of family that we want to have. And the only way that you can do that is by working for yourself it's just the way it is.

[00:26:04] What's the worst part.

[00:26:05] The worst part is that you have no one to quit to when you're when you're pissed off. You can't resign. You just can't turn and say look you know what I can't stand this work anymore. This sucks and I'm going to quit. No because you happened to be the boss in every business there's a shit sandwich. We all know it.

[00:26:28] Elizabeth Gilbert says that and I love her for that. She says it's not about whether you're going to eat a shit sandwich or not is which one are you willing to eat. Because you're always going to have things you don't like in business there's always going to be something about your business that you don't want to do. And it's not all glamorous. It's not all wonderful. You're not always on the big stage. You're not always selling books. Sometimes there a grind and it sucks and you've got to grind through it and. And when that's the problem you can't blame anyone else and you can't pass it on to any one else. It's on you babe.

[00:27:05] So tell people about your Web sites and blogs and how they would reach you.

[00:27:09] Ok so my Web site is CarolineDePosada.com. And I have a blog on there. I used to have a blog called pile on the Greens. But I now exclusively writing on CarolineDePosada.com because I am so committed to this concept of be there even when you're not. And even though pile on the Greens was a lifestyle blog and it was about eating healthy and relationships and parenting. I still write about all those things but I write about them on my own blog on CarolineDePosada.com and I inspire people to create build and maintain meaningful relationships with their kids.

[00:27:48] I also have a book coming out soon hopefully which I'm very excited about. I'm hoping to get it out by September and it is based on a story where my husband and I were traveling in Nashville we're driving up a mountain and our car slid and we almost fell off a cliff with our three little boys. My son had a broken leg and was in a boot and we had to climb, we had to abandon our vehicle and climb up up about three miles to get to safety. And it was an amazing journey. It ruined the day but it made the life.

[00:28:35] Are you still selling postcards and things like that. Your dad got to doing it right.

[00:28:44] Ok so the postcard promise is a tool that I talk about and when I told you that my father found a way to be there for me. Even though he was traveling all the time one of the ways that he did that was by sending me a postcard from everywhere he went in the world. In fact The first postcard that he ever sent me and I have it was on December 13th 1979 and I was born on December 8th 1979. So when I was five days old I received my first postcard from my father and he sent me postcards from all over the world.

[00:29:20] And this is really amazing. I have to stop here for a second because most people that are that far removed not even there for their child's birth or I don't know if it was or not. Would never be in touch this close or have this kind of relationship with their kids. I mean they could if they did would you tell them. But you don't see it very often.

[00:29:44] That's right. And a lot of times they don't do it because they feel guilty or ashamed that they're not there. So they rather run away from the problem than actually confront it. My father embraced that he couldn't be there in one way and he found a way to be there in a different way.

[00:29:59] So you have these postcards that people can buy.

[00:30:02] Right. So now in my speeches I offer postcards to the audience members so that they can start today writing postcards and I'll tell you the difference between sending a postcard and a text message in an e-mail or anything like that. Thirty five years of postcards I have a little box. And every time now that my father been has been gone for three years every time I want to read something or I need a message from him I open that box and I pull out a postcard and I promise you Tom that the answer that I'm looking for is in those postcards. Every problem that I have every disappointment every time I have a challenge if I need help or I need a solution my father's answers are there for me. And it's because it's tangible. It's been written on paper. It's something I've been able to keep and protect and I treasure it. And in terms of delayed gratification you invest that time now by sending the postcard and the rewards come way later when you can least expect it. And they could see that at CarolinedePosada.com.

[00:31:10] That'll be in the show notes folks so we go take a brief pause for our sponsor which is usually me and here I am again. And then when we come back we'll have Caroline tell us what a typical day is like for her and how she stays motivated.

[00:31:26] Well let me ask folks have you ever thought about getting paid to speak and you're not sure if you're ready to invest lots of training and lots of money. I got the solution amazingpublicspeaking.com has over four hundred seventy five public and professional speaking techniques openings closings attention gaining devices humor the business of speaking. It's only 97 bucks for an entire year. Also check out the complimentary webinar. We have got called 30 speaking tips in Thirty point six seven five minutes. All this will be in the show notes at screwthecommute.com along with this is episode 38. By the way you'll see all of Caroline's stuff. So Caroline tell us what a typical day is like for you.

[00:32:16] There are no typical days in my life. It is a crap shoot. I do wake up and I also go to sleep every night. A typical day for me I start every morning with exercise. It is absolutely crucial for me to get my exercise before my kids wake up so that I can have the energy and I have that time to really put myself in physical shape.

[00:32:42] So every morning I wake up at about 5:00 in the morning I go for a run. And I come back I take a shower I have my coffee I plan my day and then when my kids wake up then all my plans go to hell in a handbasket. I take them to school usually I'm the one that does drop off unless I'm traveling for work. If I am home I do take them to school I pick them up at 3:00 and after 3:00 am pretty much done with work. After I drop them off and and before I pick them up that entire time is dedicated to my work and that include personal development that includes meetings that includes writing time that includes cold calls. That includes shipping out my post cards that I mean it includes everything that I have to do happens within that timeframe. Now when I have a speaking engagement I have to rearrange my schedule and I have to have somebody else come pick up the kids and then I'm out all day. And that's fine too. Or when I'm giving a workshop. Same thing. But if I don't have a speaking engagement and I'm just home then I put all my work in between that chunk and then after I pick up my kids at school from 3:00-3:30 I'm pretty much dedicated to them and then once I put them to bed I do more work in the evening.

[00:34:15] Now I'll tell you that. One of my saving graces has been that I've learned this concept of time chunking what I do is is that I have designated days for things so I still one day a week go to my office to do law firm things and managerial stuff because like I told you before I'm big in having different streams of income so I have several businesses that I run. It's not just the speaking and the writing. So on Tuesdays I dedicate my time to that on Wednesdays is my writing day on Thursdays is the day that I work on the book on Mondays is the day that I get all my miscellaneous work things done that you know all those to do's that grind that that everybody hates. But we all have to do so. I do a lot of time chunking and that's made me very successful and it's an obviously that I have to rearrange whenever I have a speaking event. But that's fine that's part of the process and that's what my typical life looks like.

[00:35:17] How do you stay motivated doing that.

[00:35:20] Well I invest a lot into personal development. So I'm always reading I'm always listening to podcasts. I keep you on speed dial. I do. I do. And it is people like you Tom that keep me motivated. It is knowing that I have a good support system. I invest in myself. I read. I listen. I do audible. I run. I invest in myself and that keeps me motivated always. So when I'm down I look to my resources.

[00:35:55] Well you certainly do. And I'm always thrilled to hear from you and see your Facebook lives from a big event that you just did. Everybody's going crazy. I'm just thrilled to have seen you in diapers and now see you with three kids and speaking on stage.

[00:36:14] You didn't really see me in diapers. You love to make that up. Yes I have been privileged to have known you since I was young.

[00:36:26] Well well folks you have gotten some great information and some great inspiration from a young woman who is doing it all. She's living the life she's fulfilling her dreams of having a family and still she's not held back by that gender bias anymore. She learned her lesson and hopefully I think people out there should have their daughters listen to this episode. Again this is episode 38 to let their female children know they can do anything they darn well please that's the way the world works now. So thank you so much Caroline. I appreciate it so much. Can't wait to hear about your next speaking engagement and your book. So check out everything at CarolinedePosada.com that's in the show notes. And this has been episode 38 next episode is 39 with the brilliant community building strategist Warren Carlisle. What a mind this guy has. I wish I could clone it. Okay everybody. Catch you next time.

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