When NASA astronauts Barry “Butch” Wilmore and Sunita Williams left Earth, they expected just over a week-long journey. Now, due to issues with their Boeing Starliner, they are expected to return in February 2025 aboard a SpaceX Dragon spacecraft. As long as everything goes according to plan, their trip will take eight months. Eight unexpected months. Eight months during which they will be absent from their marriages and their families.

Fortunately, along with advanced training, these skilled astronauts have also received communication training to make life in such a small space easier! While we don't know exactly what they are taught in this training, here are a few lessons that can help these two during their extended journey — and these same skills have saved countless marriages and relationships for the last 25 years.  

Three lessons couples on Earth need to learn from the stranded NASA astronauts who are not a couple.

1. Self-soothe and project calm to create peace

The old adage for partners, “never go to sleep mad” becomes far more poignant when you imagine an unexpected multi-month separation from your family in a high-risk endeavor like a space flight! 

Most couples who avoid fighting aren’t trained peace-makers. Instead, they swallow or ignore their anger and aren’t always loving even though they pretend to be. The longer the duration of a trip and the more challenging the circumstances, the bigger the cracks that can appear. So, while you need to self-soothe your anger or other negative emotions like fear and grief and project calm, you also need to calmly address any issues ASAP so small irritations do not grow into big roadblocks. 

Aside from their human experience, the aeronautical drama caused by Boeing’s helium leaks is another opportunity to self-soothe, be calm, and for many of us, pray. You may not have a helium leak, but you probably have your own stressors that are opportunities to practice finding your inner calm.

During this journey, Deanna, Butch’s wife, and Michael, Sunita's husband, must project complete confidence in everything, too; in the success of the mission, in the ease of being without their spouse for so long, in the shocking delay to their return home. This is how they can be supportive of their partners' goals. 

2. Use Brain-breathing© to keep yourself centered

Eliminating tension is key in every marriage or aeronautical relationship and Brain-breathing is the fastest and easiest way to become mindful of your emotional state. 

• Take a deep breath in with both nostrils.

• Count to 3 as you hold your breath

• Form your mouth into an “O”, and expel your breath in a whoosh.

You can do this anywhere, even in space. Many athletes practice these types of breathing techniques, like the Guatemalan skeet shooter who did this just before winning her gold medal in the 2024 Olympics.

Whether you’re Butch or Sunita (or any of us here on Earth) sometimes we need to show up on the video calls — or conversations with kids, partners or colleagues — as if you hadn’t a care in the world, including in deep space. Your ability to seem calm and happy affects everyone at home. 

Brain-breathing will change your life. When I work with clients who are enduring a divorce or custody issue or the loss of a partner or a health or career crisis they may ask me,

“When should I do Brain-breathing?”

“Now!” I reply

“How often should I do it?” they may ask me.

“You want to do Brain-breathing LONG enough each time to calm yourself and reoxygenate your brain. And you want to do it OFTEN enough to live a peaceful life with a peaceful brain so that you can always make the best decisions.

3. Don't struggle over the leadership position

If these astronauts struggle over who is the "best", neither wins. Butch was the Team captain of his football team at Tennessee Technological University and a letterman, so we can assume respect and authority are key for him. Sunita is the daughter of a renowned scientist from India, so we might assume that she would have become accustomed to treating her father with respect. Regardless of who is a natural peacemaker on this trip (I'm guessing Sunita, but I do not know!) that person will have their work cut out for them on this trip.

Similarly, in our relationships, the fight over who is best or who holds the top position is bound to cause unnecessary conflict.

A. You Both Decide Who Outranks Whom? At the beginning of any relationship, whether you are dating or planning a trip in a space capsule, the opportunity to arrange ranking expertise is a wonderful strategy to increase peace and safety.

While astronauts receive incredible training to qualify, they each arrive with their own unique skills and abilities and so do couples before their marriages. Instead of waiting until you hit a rocky patch or get stranded in space, it’s great to know each other’s full CV and talents.

B. The ego is even more dangerous in space than on the ground but it is hard to ignore without training. In a crisis, some people are better than ever while some are not. As an elite Life Coach, I share all my skills with my clients to help solve their issues and one of the most valuable is my ability to self-soothe and be fully present in a crisis. You can train for this and practice this just as the astronauts do!

Whole-brain thinking based on Herrmann Brain Dominance® is the key to making the best decisions and learning how to use the least-prominent abilities can save your life and your relationship.

All of Susan’s Heartspace® skills are the key to peaceful, loving, passionate, joyous relationships!

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