Halloween is here! For many, it’s a fun holiday where you get to dress up in costume and be your entertaining self! At Halloween parties, people let their hair down and find it easy to engage in conversation with almost anyone and feel like a bit of a break from focusing on finding true love.
And when it comes to finding true love, you may notice that your gremlins are very present, even if they’re just in your head.
The gremlin of futility.
When this gremlin is present, your internal dialog will sound something like this, “It’s nearly impossible to meet someone I’m attracted to, so why bother?”If you’ve been dating for a while and despite all of your efforts, you’re still single, it’s natural to wonder whether it’s all worth it. And this is how the gremlin of futility gets a foothold and can keep you from finding true love.
So, watch out for this insidious gremlin because it can dash your hopes and dreams. You don’t want to let it in.
Instead, focus on what you do want and stay hopeful. Tell yourself things like, “This is the time for me to find love,” and “This time it’ll work out for me.” You’ll also want to find supportive people who can help you escape the clutches of this gremlin.
The gremlin of being unlovable.
“Who would want me?” is the tagline of this trickster.When this gremlin is present, your self-esteem is at or near its lowest point. And you think things like you don’t deserve love and no one will ever love you.
To counteract this gremlin, I first recommend you focus on why someone would love you. Think about what wonderful things your friends and family say about you and start focusing on those things.
Then, I recommend you have a daily affirmation – something like “I’m lovable and desirable.”
By using these two recommendations, you’ll be able to shoo away this nasty gremlin.
The gremlin of arrogance.
This gremlin is particularly insidious. It shows up out of frustration with dating the wrong people for you. You’ll know it’s present when you start thinking things like, “There aren’t any normal people left out there – only the crazy ones.”When you take a step back from that thought, it’s a lot easier to see it’s a bit arrogant.
Instead, purposefully look for the good in people. Give a nice person a chance. Don’t be too quick to judge. And when you do, you may be pleasantly surprised when you open your mind and heart to the possibilities.
The gremlin of cluelessness.
Some people get stuck in fear when it comes to dating and one of the ways it can show up is in not knowing where to start to meet people for dating.If you’re struggling with this gremlin, ask your coupled friends where they met their partners. Most likely, they’ll tell you they met online, through an introduction, or an activity they took part in.
There are dozens of ideas for where you can meet people in the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Program. (Visit https://motivatedtomarry.com/motivated-to-marry-dating-secrets/ to learn more about this program.)
You can also watch my video series to learn about the 3 top ways to meet someone for dating on your way to finding true love. (Go to https://motivatedtomarry.lpages.co/3-top-ways-to-meet-quality-person-video-series/ to watch this FREE video series.)
The gremlin of scarcity.
This gremlin is related to the gremlin of arrogance, but it’s much scarier. This gremlin believes there are no people to date, so you don’t see available, seriously searching singles out there. And when all your friends are married or happily single, this gremlin can dig its clutches into you even deeper.
If you don’t see available singles, then the problem is that you’re hanging out in the wrong places. You’re either too comfortable in your cocoon at home or with your close friends.
When you’re unhappy being the 3rd or 5th wheel, you’ll know you’re loosening the grip this gremlin has on you because you’ll feel the urge to venture out to meet new people.
Side-stepping this gremlin is much easier when you focus on an abundance mindset. That is, “There are plenty of available, quality singles to meet!”
The gremlin of too little time.
Believe it or not, many professionals, single parents, and retired people tell me their lives are busy – too busy to have a partner despite wanting one! They’re afraid a partner would want too much of their time and don’t see how they can accommodate another person in their busy schedule.
Combating this gremlin really comes down to a matter of priorities. If you don’t carve out time for another person, then you’ll find yourself still single a year, 3 years, or even 10 years from now. This is a very difficult gremlin to push aside.
To successfully move on from this gremlin, you’ll need some support. A life coach, like me, to help you with life-work-family balance can be extremely helpful here.
The gremlin of social awkwardness.
Not everyone is the life of the party. And many of my introverted clients feel self-conscious about the fact that they sometimes don’t know what to say. This is a gremlin you can push past if you’re willing to put some work and practice into building your confidence.
With the Motivated to Marry Dating Secret’s Conversation Starters List, you’ll never have a lack of topics to discuss. And you’ll probably be able to come up with a list of your own too!
And you’ll find that with the right person, the conversation will flow – all it takes is building up your self-confidence.
HINT: The more you do this, the easier it’ll get. And I have the very thing that will help you turn things around in the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Program. (Click this link https://motivatedtomarry.com/motivated-to-marry-dating-secrets/ to learn more.)
The gremlin of self-criticism.
Do you believe that you’re too old, young, tall, short, bald, hairy, poor, rich, dull, or smart? (This list could go on forever!)Which of us is perfect? Right, no one is. However, there is the perfect person for you. The right person will accept you – flaws and all.
And yet, almost everyone who’s searching for true love is burdened by some form of this gremlin. The thing to remember is that love comes in all shapes and sizes. (You’ve probably seen evidence of this among your friends and family.)
So, let go of the expectations that you must be perfect. Find someone who loves you for who you are! That’s the anti-gremlin for this gremlin. Believe in yourself and you’ll be able to find true love.
The gremlin of obliviousness.
Do you have plenty of first dates, but no second dates? If so, it’s easy for this gremlin to pop in and convince you that you must be messing up and doing something that turns potential partners off.However, it’s more likely that you’re not being selective enough or not qualifying the people you date. It’s not good enough to just go out with someone who’s single and in your age range when you want to find true love. You must also find someone who shares your goals and values – and whom you find attractive!
But, just in case, you can assess yourself with the Motivated to Marry Dating Secret’s Top Dating Turnoffs handout. Maybe you’ll discover something you’re doing that you didn’t realize. Or maybe you’ll find out you’re A-OK!
The gremlin of disbelief.
This is another one that’s difficult to shake loose. Someone gives you time and attention. Instead of enjoying it, you question their judgment. Thoughts of “They’re too easy,” “They’re not discerning,” or even “Why would they go out with me?” roll through your mind.When you don’t think highly of yourself, you question why anyone else would want you. This is your shadow gremlin. Until you find reasons why someone would love you and want to be with you, you’ll always be pushing away suitable partners.
So let me ask you, which gremlin or gremlins are you carrying around? Which ones do you want to scare off?
The next time you’re at a singles event or talking to someone online, notice which gremlins show up. If you’re prepared for them, then you’ll be able to swish them away. That way you can enjoy your dating endeavors and you’ll be on your way to finding true love before you know it.
And, if you’d like my help in shooing away the gremlins holding you back, then let’s talk! I help my clients move from hopeless to hopeful! And when you believe you can find love, then you will! Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ to schedule a time for us to talk.