Englewood Cliffs, NJ

Monday, November 16, 2009

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ: The weather outside has been less-than-delightful for much of the US and the holidays are upon us, so how do we perk ourselves up.

Much of how we feel during the holidays is due to what we expect, so that means we have more power than we think. If you're suffering what we call 'The Holiday Blues,' what can you do? See it not as a given that you'll be stressed and running around, but that you can pick and choose how you feel and what you do. Remember this quote I recently heard from a well-known linguist, 'If you think something is impossible, it IS impossible.' So, to continue on with that line of thinking, look for the possible and make it happen.

Unhappy with how you're treated at work or in your home, take a few tips from my book and begin to turn things around. Learn to toss aside that awful word 'why' and emphasize the 'why not.' Gifts don't have to be enormous or leave you in debt after the holiday. Ever read the famous O'Henry short story called 'The Gift of the Magi?' It's about how love and sacrifice go together in very touching gestures. In a tough economy, now is the time to turn things around from extravagant gifts to those that show you care.

We're all stressed, but I think that the gift of time shared with someone you care for is a wonderful gift. Ever think of reading to someone, or making a pie the two of you can eat later or finding a hobby you can share with someone? These are activities that enrich your life and can, I believe, add years of happiness to it.

The holidays are a time to prepare for the New Year and to get a jump on how we can fashion the coming year to better meet our needs. New Year's resolutions usually don't hold up longer than a week or two because they have no plan behind them. It's fine to say you want to do this or that, but how will you do it? I can remember speaking to a preteen who said she wanted to be the next Hanna Montana and, when I asked how she would do that, she looked at me as though she couldn't believe her ears. She told me she'd 'just do it.' I don't think it happens that way, but I wished her well

Management schools teach people how to manage their businesses, but who teaches them how to manage their lives? The reason I wrote my book was because people need to learn how to cope with the stressors they can't control and to re-direct their energies into things that they can control. I heard a business consultant lamenting how poorly people strategize and how they fail to think of how to attain their objectives. If having a happier, healthier life is your objective for 2010, begin thinking about it now.

Formulating Your Plan

How do you formulate your 'More and More (Happiness) in 2010? Here are a few suggestions.

1. First, don't sit down and run off a list. Do what I tell my doctoral students to do; carry a small note book with you and when you have an idea, jot it down. At the end of the week, look over your list and see which ones you really want and can start working on either now or after January 1.

2. Can you do this alone or will you need the assistance of someone in some way?

3. What will it mean for you in the future? How much sacrifice or effort will it take and are you willing to stay the course?

4. Who will provide the encouragement and emotional support in addition to just you alone?

5. How much do you want this?

6. Do you have the resources now or can you get them?

There are other questions you must answer, so this isn't an exhaustive list, but it is a start. In effect, it opens the door to a new future and you have to decide how to get through it and how the journey beyond will go.

http://www.drfarrell.net

Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D., LLC

Englewood Cliffs, NJ

201-676-0478