Downers Grove, IL

Thursday, October 01, 2009

It's October 2, 2009 and time for… Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies



In a matter of hours, the world will find out which city will host the 2016 Olympics and Chicago is one of the contenders. We are vying for the honor along with Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio. At this moment, the most powerful person in the free world is giving a sales pitch in Copenhagen, Denmark…and I wish Oprah all the best. If Chicago hosts the Olympics, I have t-shirts all ready to go. My favorite is "I got your high hurdles right here." But that's only if we win the bid, until then, I got your Friday Funnies right here.? A Real Eye Opener – Five female baristas at the Grab-N-Go Espresso shop in Everett, Washington were accused of prostitution for allegedly offering more than a caffeine "pick me up" to some of their customers. Local police received numerous complaints that the women would charge up to $80 to strip down while making lattes and mochas. They also posed naked for pictures and played a game of "basketball" with some of their customers who threw wadded up dollar bills at them which they caught in their underwear. When asked about the quality of the coffee at Grab-N-Go, one customer replied, "They serve coffee?"

? I Wonder Where They're Registered? – Crystal Newsome married Robert "Vick" Vickery at the site where they first kissed…Wal-Mart. The couple works at the Wal-Mart in York, Nebraska, and decided to get married at work on their day off. He manages the grocery department and she is the deli manager so the reception was just an aisle away. Between them they have 7 children and Crystal's six-year-old boy walked her up the aisle…dressed as a Wal-Mart greeter. The couple said they are very happy and looking forward to their honeymoon…at Sam's Club.

? Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned - In Pasadena, Texas a woman and her ex-husband got into an argument over who owned what, and to prove her point, she took seven pet goldfish from the man's home. The fish had been purchased when they were still married and they found out they couldn't have fish of their own. He had custody of the fish when she stole them, took them home, and ATE THEM! By the time police got to her home, she had already fried all 7 fish and had eaten three of them. She said they tasted just like koi.

? It's A Small World After All – The 120 residents of Kunming, China are all midgets. I don't know what the politically correct term for midgets would be in Chinese but it's probably something like "rittle people." The town is occupied, run, and governed by people under 4'3" tall and to attract tourists, they live in mushroom shaped houses and dress like fairy tale characters. The highlight of the year is Shortcake Days when the residents try to borrow money from each other with the same line, "Can you help me out? I'm a little short this month." Of course, they probably say it in Chinese, but its wacky small folk fun.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695